Awakening: Third Stage
Chapter Seventeen
"Machinations"
New Year's Day
Tish sat alone at a table in the mall of the Bahia Bay Mall food court, nursing a half-melted Chug-A-Freez. This was New Year's Day, better known as the last day of Winter break. Tomorrow, school would resume, bringing with it a new air on uncertainty. Tish absently removed the black headband from her hair, twirling it with her left index finger before allowing it to clatter onto the table in front of her. Last night had felt rather disconcerting. It hadn't been easy to confront the fact that Tino still wanted her as his significant other. Not to mention suppressing her own emotions. Despite her adamant belief that breaking up with Tino was the right move rationally, if not emotionally, she held a quiet discomfort as she gripped the cup in her hands, the sugary drink doing little to ease her pain. Even after a month had passed, she was daunted by the effects on her heart. "I didn't expect it to hurt so much." She spoke quietly, not sure if she wanted anyone to hear her but too frustrated to keep everything to herself. A large man behind the counter sighed, filling another cup from his tap and bring it out to Tish before her request even came.
"Boy trouble?" The "barkeep" asked, somewhat against his will. Listening to the turmoil of adolescents was a part of the job he didn't get paid for.
"I wish it were only that simple." Tish pouted.
"Life problems, then?"
"That would be a more accurate assessment, yes. Everything used to make sense, and now I'm second and third guessing myself on what I should have for a snack, let alone what to do with friends and lovers."
"You shouldn't overthink things so much at your age. Friends, jobs, boys. . .your life will be full of lots of them. You're a lucky girl."
"Why do you say that?" Tish asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Because you're only fifteen. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Plenty of time for correcting any mistakes you make along the way."
"Great. Now I just need to figure out what mistakes are."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry. They tend to out themselves with quite a bit of fanfare, in my experience. And if you have good friends, you'll find that you can weather most storms with little trouble."
"I've got the best friends I could ever ask for." Tish beamed, taking a large slurp of her refill.
"So where are they now?"
"Well. . .things haven't been the best between us recently. I guess you could say that I'm partly to blame. I messed thing up with my boyfriend. . .ex-boyfriend. He was my best friend, and. . .sometimes I watch him when he isn't looking and. . .I worry that I may have broken his heart."
"What about your heart?"
"Me?"
"I don't see anyone else here, kiddo."
"I. . .I'm not sure. I've never really been in love. I've read about it, studied it, waited for that feeling to come. I've always known that it would be just perfect. . ."
"Mmm-hmm. So, what you're saying is, you don't know what it feels like, but you will when it happens. Has anyone ever loved you?"
Tish frowned, suddenly feeling small. "He told me he loved me. But I just can't accept that. He hasn't ever been with anyone else. Neither have I. It's just too much to believe. I know what love is supposed to be like!"
"Do you? Who told you?"
"I. . .I. . .it's supposed to be pure and natural!"
"And it wasn't like that when he expressed his feelings?"
"Actually, he did that pretty well. I think. . .I've been pretty foolish, haven't I?"
"Well, I prefer to let people arrive at those kinds of realizations themselves, kid. But the important thing is, now you know. And I think you should have a talk with that friend of yours before it's too late."
Tish chugged the rest of her beverage, wiping her mouth with a napkin and standing up. "I think you're right. But I have to talk with some other people first. I'm going to fix everything with Tino tomorrow."
"You're gonna wait?"
"Only for dramatic effect." Tish smiled. "I dumped him in front of the entire school, it's only fair if I admit I was wrong in the same manner."
"Heh. Spoken like a true actress, little lady."
"I do my best. Can you do me a favor?" Tish asked.
"What's that?"
"Point me towards the nearest restroom!"
Tino sat on the edge of his bed, thumbing neutrally through a scrapbook of photos. It was his Tino and Tish scrapbook, a veritable stroll through all their memories as a couple. Tino possessed a plethora of similar books, each one corresponding to Carver, Lor, and Tish (as his friend), and several volumes of the four of them together. He wasn't certain when he had become so sentimental. Looking through these photos of Tish and himself, he found that the pain and anger had largely subsided. Now, he was merely sad. He wanted her back in his life the way she had been before, but Tish was terribly stubborn sometimes. He had to start facing up to the reality that she might be lost to him as a woman. Sighing, he flipped a page as Lor opened the door to his bedroom, announcing herself.
"Hey. Your mom said you were up here moping." Lor said, crossing the distance to Tino's bed. The sun beaming in through the window bathed it with a warm, inviting glow, and Lor found that for someone who was looking so somber, the setting was cozy.
"Oh great. Now my pity party has guests." Tino rolled his eyes. "What are you guys doing here?"
"Actually, I, um, came alone. I didn't sleep much last night. My conscience was bothering me. Funny, I thought I had gotten rid of that stupid thing." Lor grumbled.
"Many have tried, few have succeeded. Except for politicians. And lawyers. And those freaky sociopathic cannibal serial killers. Aaah!" Tino curled up and rolled back onto the safety of his bed, curled into the fetal position. Lor laughed, pulling him back upright.
"Dude, I never get tired of watching you do that!"
"Glad I can amuse you." Tino smiled slightly. "Now, why are you feeling guilty.?"
"Because I was such a bitch last night."
"Well, I don't know if I would go that far."
"I would. I'm just. . .I'm angry with Tish for throwing away her relationship with you. I lost the guy I was after because I waited too long, and then she just walks away from a perfect romance! It's just wrong!"
"It's okay Lor, I'm over it."
"Liar."
"Hey, don't get me wrong, I think about her all the time. It's just that I'm adapting. I haven't stopped loving her. But I can't force her to take me back either. Tino motioned for Lor to sit down. She complied, and he spread the open scrapbook over both of their legs. Reaching into his shirt, he pulled out a special object that had been given to him over two years earlier. A thin piece of circular metal glinted in the sun, painted a clear mix of purple and pink, the sun making it shine.
"Dude, what is that?" Lor asked, becoming mesmerized by the object.
"Something Tish gave me for our first anniversary as a couple. Whenever I wear this, I feel closer to her. I know that we aren't together now, but like I said, I still love her. I'm not going to stop until I'm ready. But when I look at this, I feel stronger. If she doesn't want to get back together, then maybe it will give me the strength to let her go. I need to love her enough to let her go."
Lor looked away from her friend, not sure how to deal with Tino's emotional reaction. She bored her eyes into some of the photos in the album, one from their Middle School graduation dance drawing in her attention. Lor envied how beautiful Tish looked in formal wear, herself, she always felt awkward and out of place while wearing it. She couldn't even put on a pair of high heels without tripping all over herself. Lor absent mindedly cupped a hand to her face, wishing she looked as pretty as her friend in these pictures. Tish always had been good at all the girl stuff. "You guys always did look together." Lor's smile was soft, her lips parted in a curious manner.
Tino nodded, tracing Tish's hair in a photograph through the plastic protective sheet. "I'll never forget the feeling of holding her in my arms, even if I never hold her again. I don't know if you understand what that's like. I'm sorry if you don't, but I hope it's something you come to know with the right person.
Again, Lor couldn't think of anything to say, so she instead began flipping pages, stopping when she came to a list of names. "What's this? Are these like pet names you guys used to have for each other?"
Tino blushed. "No, it's, um, uh. . .a list of, y'know. . .baby names that Tish and I were kicking around for fun."
Lor's eyes went wide. Babies! "I can't compete with that." She muttered.
"I'm sorry?" Tino asked?
"Lor clamped a hand over her mouth, then released it, feeling very hot. "I mean, you know, I'm not really the type to look that far ahead. Not that I've never thought about kids and stuff but, uh" Man, what is wrong with me? Competing with Tish? Since when am I competing with her?
"That's too bad. I bet you'd make a pretty good mom, Lor."
Now it was Lor's turn to blush. "Thanks. I just hope I'm as good at coming up with names as you guys." Lor grimaced when she saw the name "Thaddeus" in with the rest. "On second though, maybe I don't want to be that good."
"It's okay." Tino's smile looked very sad to Lor. She thought that he noticed her gaze, because he shifted his eyes down to the album in his lap. "None of this is going to happen now." Tino closed the book of photos, placing it on a shelf above his head, not far from a dried out wreath that Lor had learned was the boy's first romantic gift from Tish. The phrase "gone but not forgotten" echoed in Lor's mind. She was a little surprised when Tino reached for another album.
"Dude, how many photos do you have?" Lor asked.
"Well, I took that photography class in eighth grade. I guess it stuck with me. Anyway, this set is different. Behold, the life and times of Lor MacQuarrie!" Tino smiled as he opened the blue book, indeed full of pictures of her visage. "I hope that I got your good side."
Lor stared wide eyed at the collection of pictures, chronicling her many athletic triumphs, several shots of herself leaning against the Wall of Fame at Funville, and what she considered to be one of her more embarrassing moments from last year, a secret none but her friends knew. At the Freshman dance, she had sung a slow song at the insistence of the music teacher. Afraid of her image being ruined, she had performed over the PA system in the office, Carver guarding the door in case anyone wandered by. The picture was rather flattering, the red sequin gown looking much better on her than she had thought while wearing it. Maybe red was her color after all.
"I didn't know you paid so much attention." Lor spoke hesitantly, looking at a page full of trophies she had accumulated.
"You're my friend." Tino assured her, grinning. "What, you think that just because I was seeing Tish that I had no time for you guys?" You're not going to make me get out the Carver album, are you?"
"No, no, I get the point. I'm just not really used to people giving me that kind of attention. I have a lot of brothers. . ."
"Hey, you know we'll never forget about you, Lor."
Lor blinked, feeling small. "Can I tell you something Tino?" She asked very carefully, grabbing handfuls of mattress nervously.
"Anything." Tino brought himself down backwards onto his bed, his head resting centered on the surface and his legs reaching over the pillow, feet planted on the wall in a manner his mother would not doubt disapprove of.
"I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't even know who I am. Well, not that I have amnesia or anything, but. . .I only feel comfortable around you now. Like no one else even gets me anymore, not even me!"
"Lor, I-"
"Do you know how pathetic it feels that you're the one who's protecting me? Lor covered her mouth again in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."
"Eh, I'm not offended. I've never claimed to be much of a courage guy." Tino smirked.
"But something inside me is looking for you to save me or something. I'm broken, Tino. Do you know what that's like? Of course you do, who am I kidding? I just. . ." Lor stopped talking, fearful she was going to cry and lose all control. Her fears were well deserved, as silent tears did wet her cheeks when she leaned over and kissed her friend. Her kiss was soft, warm but not passionate. There was an apprehensive feel to it, as though she knew she was doing something wrong but still couldn't help herself. Lor pulled away after only moments, mewing uncomfortably and feeling like she wanted to strangle herself. "Tino, I-I'm sorry! I don't know what. . .um, I really gotta go!" Tino stared wide-eyed, unable to even think, visions of Tasha and Tish and Lor dancing in his overloaded brain. "Um, I'm just going to go ahead and go now. . ." Lor waved her arms frantically in front of her, slowly stepping backwards towards the door. ". . .Er, yeah, so, I'm going, because going is what I have to do if I want to be on time for my copulation. I mean my humiliation! I mean, um, bye!" Lor turned on her heel and darted out the door and down the stairs, not even acknowledging the wave from Tino's mother in her desperation to escape the mortification she had just visited upon herself.
"A fine farewell to you too." Miss Tonitini cocked an eyebrow as Lor shot out her front door at Mach 1. She sighed as the screen door slammed shut.
Up in his room, Tino stared unbelievingly at the ceiling in his room, not entirely certain what had just happened to him. As a cosmic reminder, an old memento literally fell into his lap. A smattering of dialogue from Hamlet greeted his eyes. Tino shuddered inwardly, feeling the cosmic accusation. "Tish?" Tino asked the emptiness of his room. "What am I supposed to do here? I. . .I don't want to lose you. I know that we broke up. But I also know that, in my heart. . .I. . .I just don't know anymore. I love you more than anything, but we just can't seem to get it together. Are we really gone? Have I only been fooling myself that we'll get back together? What's happening to my life?" A thick silence was the only comfort he was given.
"Omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd!" Lor exclaimed with every footfall as she raced down the sidewalk, shaking her head in disbelief at her own stupidity. "This can't be happening! I just totally humiliated myself! I can't like Tino, I just can't! I won't!" She groaned as she turned into her driveway, wallowing in her own embarrassment. She immediately headed for the garage, digging out her favorite basketball to turn her frustrations towards an outlet she was more skilled at. The ball felt so comfortable in her hands, the weight just right, the freckles of its regulation surface feeling more natural and intimate than her bra, but then, she had always been the true blue tomboy of the family, next to Granny MacQuarrie. Lor bent her knees and hurled the ball at the nearest basket, it bounced off the backboard and arced wildly to the side, and she had to chase after the rebound. Her game was totally off, too many distractions assaulting her mind. Lor recovered her ball and sat down on the warm asphalt, contemplating how her life was rapidly spiraling out of control. The situation would rapidly careen into full scale pandemonium if Tish ever found out what she had done. "Not that it's any of her business." Lor vocalized. After all, Tish hadn't even seen fit to share her relationship with Tino to the rest of them for an entire year, so it wasn't as though she wasn't owed a little privacy of her own. "Yep, you can justify anything if you put your mind to it." Lor allowed herself a smile, tracing a finger over her lips. "That was actually kind of nice, considering how it went down." Lor leaned backwards, and her head bumped against the driveway. "But why do I get the feeling that this whole thing is gonna blow up in my face like bubblegum?"
Tish stepped into the bookstore after making two side trips to the bathroom, cursing her choice of a liquid lunch. The store was quiet with few customers roaming the aisles, much like the mall itself. Most people were still recovering from celebrating the New Year the night before. Tish sauntered over to the front counter, smiling at an arguably cute and familiar clerk who nodded in her direction, recognizing her as a regular.
"Hi there, Tish, what can I do for you today?"
"Hello, Terry, nice to see you." Tish greeted him. "I'm looking for something special."
"Anything in particular?"
"No, I'm just looking for something new and different."
"That's funny. Rumor has it you've been thinking of someone old and familiar."
"What, are you and the Chug-A-Freez guy in cahoots or something?" Tish asked, slightly bewildered. "Perfect, the whole world is keeping track of my sordid love life."
"Not the whole world, Tish. Just us friendly citizens of the Bahia Bay Mall. And you know there's nothing sordid about it." Terry winked. "Although if you want the grudging opinion of one book clerk, he was worth holding onto."
"Yes, well, I seem to be the only one who thinks that I made the right decision on that one. So stop the presses, I'm about to admit that I've been wrong about something."
"Now there's an event that doesn't happen every day!"
"I wouldn't get used to it." Tish replied. "But it's about time I admit it. I miss him so much. You know, not even my parents supported me on this one. It's like everybody knows something that I don't. So I give. I'm going to stop being afraid and tell Tino what he deserves to hear. And I'm going to do it in front of the whole school tomorrow, just like when we broke up in the first place."
"But first, you're here for another book, right?"
"Aren't I always?" Tish batted her eyes, removing her glasses to clean them with her shirt. "Tino might be one of the best things to ever happen to me, but books will always be my first love."
"Sure I can't convince you to squeeze me in there somewhere?" Terry smiled.
"You're trying to ask me out after I've decided to get back together with Tino? You either have a lot of imagination or a lot of self-confidence."
"Or impeccably bad timing."
"Hey, I do like you Terry. You could even be my type. But it's just that, well, my heart, I think it belongs to. . ."
"Hey, it's okay. Anyway, you came here for an escape, not another soap opera. I think I might have just the thing. It's serial fiction, really popular on college campuses and private high schools. It's called Jennifer's Ghost."
"Jennifer's Ghost? Never heard of it." Tish clicked her tongue.
"It's kind of an underground thing, but word on the street is that it's on the verge of crossing over into mainstream. I convinced the boss to take a chance and put in a small order for a few copies. I've been reading it every day. I really think it's going to take off!" Terry emphasized.
"Ah!" Tish exclaimed. "Ever the optimist, I see. That's the Terry I know. So what's it about?"
"A ghost, haunting the places she knew in life. The ending is something that's a real twist, I think you'll be impressed." Terry handed her a copy of the book, which was much larger in form than the average book, looking more like a trade paperback. The paper felt rough against her slender, feminine fingers. She flipped the book over in her hands, reaffixing her glasses in place in order to read the back cover text. Her eyebrows arched twice, and she gawked when her eyes caught a glimpse of the price."
"13.95!" You've got to be kidding me! I won't be a working girl until next year, you know! What, does this publisher think us poor high school kids and college students are made of money!"
"Tapped yourself out on all those Chug-A-Freezes, huh?" Terry smiled. Tish fidgeted with her handbag in a bit of embarrassment. "Well, I suppose it can't be helped." He took the book from her and rang it out at the register, pushing several keys after scanning the barcode. "How does 8.49 grab you?"
"Whoa! What's with"
"Employee discount. You will put in an application after you turn sixteen, won't you?"
"To be honest, I haven't really given it a lot of thought." Tish pursed her lips. "But I guess it would be kind of fun."
"You say that now, wait until you work your first Black Friday."
"Aren't you supposed to talk me into this?"
"What, my winning smile and good looks aren't enough to convince you?"
"You are incorrigible!" Tish grinned, playfully whapping the clerk with her handbag.
"Guilty as charged."
Tish rolled her eyes as she opened her small purse to come up with the balance. "I can't say that it doesn't suit you." She chided as she accepted her change and carefully wrapped the book up inside of its sturdy plastic bag.
"Be sure to tell Tino what a lucky guy he is."
"I will. But I'm the lucky one."
"With hair like yours? That boy is a charmed one, I tell you!" Terry insisted.
Tish giggled happily and flipped her hair for show. "I'm glad you approve. I'm sorry to rush out, but I have a prior engagement with an older man." She replied in her most sophisticated voice.
Terry's eyebrows rose considerably at the remark, but he refrained from commenting. "I hate to see you leave, Tish." He winked. "But I love to watch you go."
Tish smiled brightly and turned on her heel, doing her best to hide a blush. "I'll be back in a few days. I'll let you know how I do with the book." She waved coyly, wriggling her fingers in a farewell manner. As she stepped out into the main hallway of the mall, Tish Katsufrakis was filled with an equal amount of self-confidence and self-consciousness. Fortunately, she happened to have someone she could talk with about these kinds of things. Tish hurried home to slip into something more comfortable before making a phone call to a certain someone. Terry wasn't certain, but he thought she had been swaying her hips as she left.
Tino heard Carver's voice coming through on his old headset, and he responded on the third request. "Tino here, over." He sighed after adjusting the volume level.
"Yo T. Just checking on how things are going for you after last night, buddy. Over." Carver responded.
"Carv? I know this isn't usually like me, but do you think you can drop by? Over."
"I don't know man. I'm kind of in the middle of organizing for the new year. See, I need to make sure I'm wearing the perfect pair of shoes tomorrow so I can start off the fashion year just right. This is a pretty hard decision, so I really can't just drop what I'm doing. The fate of my coolness factor is totally at stake here! Over."
"I kissed Lor." Tino heard a loud thump and a hiss of static, followed by what appeared to be a scraping sound. After nearly a minute, he hears his friend's voice again.
"Say what?"
"I kissed Lor. I kissed Lor, dammit! I need some backup over here!"
"I'll be right there. If it's not too late, don't let your mom know about this!"
"Ten bucks says it's way too late for that, but I won't tell her if you won't." Tino explained.
"Good. Now whatever you do, don't do anything! Just wait for me to get there. Make sure you don't call her. Oh, and you definitely can't let Tish find out. She must never know!
"But Tish and I have never kept stuff from each other before."
"News flash, she's not your girlfriend anymore. You're not obligated to tell her squat! And if you want to increase your chances of ever getting back together with her, and I know you do, then you'd better listen to me carefully or you could do irreparable damage. Now, here's what I want you to do. . ."
Well, here we are again friends. Eleven hours out, but I finally managed to work up a new chapter of Awakening. It took longer than I expected, although a lot of that was just me taking a vacation from writing. After I had written "Say You Will" in its entirety in approximately 36 hours, I simply lacked the strength to write anything else for about three weeks following that story's release. After that, it was just touch and go with inspiration. However, I finally came into something with both Tish and Lor that gave me some fire. Carver is someone I'm still working on, which is why you usually see him a lot less. From a behind-the scenes point of view, there have been a lot of changes to Third Stage, mostly focusing on getting it to run in the time I have allotted for it. Smaller things have been dropped from the story in order that I might focus on the main message. There are still many creative decisions that I'll need to make, I'd love to get into them, but I feel that they're best saved for a time when I'm not having so much difficulty keeping my eyes open.
Over the next week, I'm going to change my biography page here on FFN into something more of a news page for my works. I will update the profile frequently with information of where I am in the development of projects and chapters for stories, and try to have release dates available. Spread the good word.
At this moment in time, I'm not certain which pairing is more favored or supported, Tino/Lor or Tino/Tish. When I go back through my reviews, it seems that many readers definitely have a preference for Tish, I often wondered if they started out with that or not. I'd like to think that I made a difference to some people over a time. Whenever I see a fic like Love, Fate, & Everything In Between pop up, I can take a breath. Knowing that I'm not alone in the "fight" really makes a difference. Then of course, there's the more curious fics like Oblivion and Baskets For Bucks Redux. I'm always impressed when I don't know where a story is going, and these two definitely have something exciting and original going on. So if you've yet to check out any of these other Weekenders fics, I encourage you to do so when you're done here. Of course, if you feel the need to read some of the other stories I've written, I won't stop you!
I'm sorry, I intended for these notes to be a lot longer, but I'm falling down tired at the moment and I can't concentrate for another second. I hope you enjoyed the update and I'll be back in a few weeks with another installment. Until next time, send your questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death throats, marriage proposals, and ransom demands to:
Lord Malachite
03/28/05
3:17AM, EST
E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com
AIM: Asukaphile26
