Shock
By: stu14688
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. That is J. K. Rowlings' department. Please don't sue.
Shock. Yes, that was what you could call it. Shock was etched onto nearly every face in the room. No one could believe that he was the only one that stood between Voldemort and world domination. How could he be it? Why was he it? Questions raced through minds like the Golden Snitch through a Quidditch pitch. Amazing really how just a few lines, a few words could change everything – put everything into different perspectives.
The whole group looked at the skinny kid standing at the head of the table. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ron, Hermione, the twins, Ginny, McGonagall, Remus, and Dumbledore – that is all that was in attendance, but that's all that needed to be. It was important that these key people know, so that they could decide what to do for their own safety. None of them had ever thought that when Harry told them he needed to speak to them, that he would say something that important.
Harry had started by pacing and running a shaky hand through his hair. He was not scared of dying, but he in no way wanted to hurt the people before him. He had first told them that he going to tell them something so that they would understand the danger they put themselves in by simply being near him, and if they wished to turn away from him for their own safety, then they would have that choice. They had tried to protest his thinking, but he cut them off saying that they should hear what he had to say before they made promises that they would not be able to keep. The group had not liked it, but they kept silent.
Getting more nervous by the minute, Harry had to take several deep, calming breaths before he was able to recite the words that haunted his every living hour. Even in sleep, he was not able to rid himself from the knowledge of the prophecy. It kept him up late into the night, only to seep into his nightmares after he finally drifted off. He woke every night drenched in sweat, sometimes crying, always shaken by the images his brain had siphoned off into his dream world. It was becoming more than he could bear. That was why he had this group assembled. He needed them to know what they were getting into. Now he could only wait for their reactions.
It was silent for several entire minutes. They all sat there contemplating the bomb he had just dropped. Only Dumbledore was looking at him. He gave Harry a look that said Harry had done the right thing, but that was all it said. The first to recover was Hermione. She stood up and made her way to Harry. They looked at one another for a moment, and then, she pulled him into a fierce hug telling him that she was not going to leave his side. Harry visibly relaxed and hugged back with an even greater force than Hermione's. After a few moments, the two broke apart, and others made their way to tell him that he would not be alone in this.
However, one person did not come and give Harry the assurance of his presence. Ron. Cautiously, Harry walked to where his best friend stood. Ron looked up and Harry knew that Ron would not be able to promise to be there. Ron only shook his head and said. "I don't think I can. I'm sorry – it's too much."
Harry sighed and dropped his head. "I understand, mate. All I ask is that you never betray me or the light side. I had mercy on a traitor once, and I won't do it again." Harry turned and without another word to anyone else, he walked out of the room. All eyes turned to Ron where he stood unable to return their gaze. He had hurt Harry deeply, that he knew. He just could not bring himself to willingly place himself in so much danger.
Suddenly, a hand struck his face hard. He turned to see a fuming, crying Hermione standing in front of him.
"How could you?" Her voice was hard and dark. "How could you abandon him after all he's done for you? If that's how you treat your friends, then you're no longer a friend of mine." Hermione's teeth were clenched and her face was red from fury. Ron had never seen her look scarier. He knew that if it were not for the Law of Underage Magic holding her back, then he would have already found himself on the receiving end of a nasty hex. He had never been so thankful for a rule in all his life.
"Answer me, Weasley! Why did you just pull a Pettigrew? Why did you just kill our best friend?"
Ron looked at his feet as he spoke. "You heard him, Hermione. We'll only be in more danger by being near him. It's what he wants anyway. He wants us to pull away from him, be safe."
"THAT'S ALL THE MORE REASON TO PUSH, RON! He needs us more now than ever before, and you, in a moment of selfishness such as I've never seen before, deny him his needs. You're not the same person I met on the train on that first day of our first year. That kid would never betray Harry. Never."
She turned, facing her back to him. He looked up at the others and saw that Fred, George, and Ginny had turned away from him too. That nearly killed him, but it was nothing compared to the looks on his parents' faces. They were appalled, and his mother was looking at him as if she had never seen him in her life. However, his father wore the same look that he had worn during the huge row that he had had with Percy a year ago. Ron could remember thinking at the time that he would never be able to handle his father looking at him like that, and now that was exactly what was happening. After some time, Arthur and Molly looked away; they did not turn, but they refused to meet his eyes.
Ron turned around to the two teachers. Dumbledore looked old – very old. His eyes held no twinkle, and Ron was sure that he had never seen the headmaster look so sad and forlorn. McGonagall, on the other hand, gave him an angry stare. Ron felt his knees shake under it. Ron could see a nerve twitch in her hand as she spoke in a clear and disgusted voice. "Gryffindors are brave, Weasley, and they never betray their friends. I have only been this disappointed in one of my students before, and that was when the Potters were betrayed by one of their best friends."
It was an insult, and it cut Ron deep. There was one person left in the room that Ron had not looked at yet – Remus Lupin. He cast his gaze on the werewolf, and nearly collapsed upon meeting his eyes. Remus was genuinely shocked, but unfathomably angry. As much as he wanted to, Ron did not look away. Remus took one step towards Ron. "In your third year, I heard you tell Sirius Black – a man you thought to be an escaped murderer – that he would have to kill you before he was to ever get to Harry. You stood on a broken leg and vowed to give your life for your friend. What happened, Ron? Where is your loyalty now? Harry does not have a choice in this matter. He could die trying to make sure that your and your descendents do not have to worry about Voldemort. He is forfeiting his chance at happiness for an entire world full of people that he does not even know, and at times does not understand. It is a world that has shown him nothing but hatred, pity, and superficial care. A world that has caused him more heartache and trouble in a single year than you have seen in your entire life. Even in the muggle world, Ron, he is hated and looked down upon, but he is willing to risk it all for this world.
"Hermione was right in saying that you killed him. He only wanted the assurance of your and Hermione's loyalty. You have stolen that from him, and whatever amount of hope that he had left, is now gone. Thanks, Ron."
Ron stumbled back into the chair behind him, his legs unable to hold him up any longer. He knew that the people around him would be unhappy with his decision, but never did it occur to him that they would be so infuriated that they would compare him to Peter Pettigrew. He tried to think of something to say, but could not find anything suitable. He had lost his best friends and was being practically disowned by his family. A pain like nothing he had ever felt before gripped his heart. He felt alone, unloved. It was a feeling that was killing him even if he had only been feeling it for half an hour.
"It hurts, doesn't it?" Ron looked up to see that Hermione had turned back to face him. Tears still streamed down her cheeks, and her hair was wild from her running her hands through it. He knew she knew what he was feeling, but he decided to act ignorant.
"What hurts, Hermione?" His voice had squeaked under the strain of him keeping it emotion free.
Hermione saw right through his act. "You know what I'm talking about, Ron. I'm talking about that unloved feeling that you are experiencing right now. That feeling that says no one cares about you; they would rather if you disappeared. It hurts, doesn't it?"
Ron swallowed hard. "How do you always know what I'm feeling? Furthermore, you can't say whether it hurts or not to feel unloved. How can you stand there and act like you do?"
Hermione was shaking from suppressed rage. "I'm just as good with my fist, Ronald, as I am with my wand. I never said I know what it feels like to be unloved, although I do. Does the word 'mudblood' ring any bells? Or how about 'know-it-all,' 'bossy,' or any of those other things that people love to call me? However, I'm not the subject here. I was thinking more along the lines of Harry. You've always been jealous of him – his fame, his fortune, his ability to get away with things. What your feeling right now, is the price he paid to have all those 'wonderful' things he's got right now: cold money, harsh fame, and a guilty conscience. Think it's a good trade-off?"
Ron was shell-shocked. Hermione was, of course, right. This must have been how Harry had felt all his life: unloved and alone. It was a cold feeling, a feeling that Ron could feel in the depths of his soul. He could not understand how anyone could live with that kind of hollowness inside themselves, yet Harry had everyday of his life since his parents were killed.
Ron groaned in agony of what he had just done to his best friend. "I confirmed it." His words were merely a whisper, but every occupant of the room heard him.
"Yes, Ron, you did. In Harry's mind, you confirmed that he is indeed unloved and alone." Professor Dumbledore had spoken, and it was this fact that made it all too real for Ron.
Ron turned to look at the headmaster and was about to speak when the door flew open and Harry came rushing into the room.
"Why, Ron? Why? I wasn't going to ask you, but I can't stand it anymore. I have to know, and then I promise I'll leave you alone. Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Is it because of my fame or my money? What is it, Ron? I know that more often than not you feel like the side-kick. The guy who's only in the picture to crack a joke every now and then, but Ron, I never meant for our friendship to be this way."
Harry voice was cracking and he had tears falling down his face unheeded. It was painfully obvious to Ron that Harry was breaking, and not in a good way. He wanted to go to Harry and apologize, but could only sit there and look at his friend collapsing onto the floor. Harry's voice broke through Ron's thoughts.
"I'm sorry for all times that you've nearly lost your life due to me. I know I'm a danger to everyone around me, not just because of…of him, but also because of my own recklessness. People think I'm brave, Ron, but I'm not. I'm just stupid and rash, and then I have to quickly remedy the problem I've gotten myself into. Daggumit, Ron, I can't do this without you. I know that's asking a lot, but honestly I can't. I can't do it…I can't do it."
Harry dissolved into sobs on the floor. It was heart wrenching. Ron himself was fighting tears, and he could see that everyone else in the room was crying or fighting it too. He wanted to move to his friend, but could not get his limbs to cooperate.
It was Hermione and Remus who got to Harry first. Hermione gathered him up in her arms and rocked him as Harry cried from his soul onto her shoulder. She looked up and met Ron's eyes. She had a look of pure disgust on her face. He recognized the look; it was the one she reserved specially for Malfoy.
It was a good fifteen minutes, before Harry's sobs quieted and he pulled away from Hermione with his head bent in shame. Ron knew that Harry was about to berate himself for crying in everyone's presence, but Ron could not let him. "Harry." The word was croaked.
Harry did not look up as he stood before Ron. "I'm sorry, Ron. I don't deserve an explanation for your decision. I told you the prophecy so that you could do as you pleased, and I have no right to beg you to reconsider. I'm truly sorry for my behavior. I shouldn't have lost my head…"
He had turned to leave, but Ron caught him on the arm. Ron swallowed past the lump in his throat. "You have nothing to apologize for, Harry. I do, though. You've been a better friend to me than I have been to you. When the going gets tough, you keep pushing, but me, I just walk away. I was being selfish earlier when I said that I couldn't be your friend. I was only thinking about what I wanted, but Remus and Hermione reminded me that you have dreams and aspirations too. I'm so sorry, Harry, for the imbecile I've been. Life hasn't been easy on you, and I only made things worse by confirming your relatives' words to you. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and I can only think of myself. I want you to know that if there's anything I can help you do to make that weight lighter, then let me know. You aren't going through this alone, mate. If it's the last thing I do, Harry, I'm going to make sure that you live past the demise of Vol-Voldemort. You deserve it…Can we still be friends?"
"You said his name," Harry whispered. Ron had known that his saying Voldemort's name would do more to assure Harry of his resolve than anything else.
Harry stood still for a moment. "If you honestly want to remain friends, Ron, then yes I'd be honored to have you as my friend. Only do it if you truly want it, though. I don't want you to feel guilt-tripped into anything."
"I only feel guilty about being selfish. I really don't think I could make it without you being there to talk to."
Harry finally looked up, smiling. It was a small smile, but it was a real one. Ron relaxed. Harry was going to be alright, and they were still friends. Ron looked around the room to find that everyone had turned back and was looking at him, only this time it was with peace and acceptance. He was forgiven, and man did it feel good. There was still some stuff to sort through, but what he had at that moment was enough. He had his family, his friends, and he was loved. Those elements, he decided, made all the difference.
A/N: I'm not sure what compelled me to write this, but it has been weighing heavily on mind for days now. I feel better now that it's out, on paper. Thanks for reading, and I hope that you liked it. Please review. Have a great one! ; )
