And then they were in the infirmary, dodging an astonishing array of furniture, feet, and equipment. Sam unerringly headed for a bed, the headlights coming on with a flick of a switch, illuminating the way. Not until they had slipped in under the bed did Sam slow their headlong flight. Unfortunately, she was just a hair too slow, because the wall ahead of them was approaching with alarming speed.

Chapter 13: Janet's Ire

Skidding, and no doubt leaving marks on Janet's pristine floors, Sam desperately tried to slow the vehicle's momentum. Despite her best efforts, the front bumper impacted forcefully with the wall, the Hummer bouncing back a bit before coming to a complete stop. Somehow, the permanently mounted plastic restraints held, though they had all been thrown forward and back into their seats.

Erie shadows and dust motes danced in the glow from the little vehicle's headlights, as the team sat in shocked silence. In the distance, Janet's unmistakably raised voice could be heard as she took the group of Marines down a peg. Looked like the chase was over. Finally, Jack took a deep breath, and spoke. "Carter?"

"Sir?"

"Where the hell did you learn to drive like that?"

A soft snicker, that turned into a cough was all the reply he got. Jack quickly flexed his arms and legs, and deciding nothing was broken, he did a quick damage assessment. "Danny, Teal'c, you guys ok back there?"

"I am well O'Neill." Teal'c replied, followed by Daniel's "I'm fine Jack."

Satisfied, he turned his attention to the driver. "Carter?"

She hesitated, before replying with a vague "Fine sir."

Not believing her, he repeated his query. "Carter?"

A soft sigh, before she finally admitted, "I bumped my head on the steering wheel, and my nose is bleeding again. But I'm fine, really sir."

"Well, we'll check it out in a minute, but seriously Carter, how'd you learn to drive this thing? You seemed to know just how much it could take. And I know you never played with one before." A sudden suspicion caused the Colonel to look at the woman next to him critically. "Or have you?"

The sudden sharp intake of breath next to him told him he'd just hit the proverbial nail on the head. An evil glint appeared in his eye, and he just couldn't resist ribbing her a little bit. "Carter, you wouldn't have been playing with toys now?" Jack dearly wished the dim light under the bed would let him see her face, because he knew she had to be blushing.

"It was a gift," she blurted, confirming her guilt. "For my nephew," she added quickly.

"Ah. Your nephew." said Daniel innocently from the backseat, unable to resist a bit of teasing himself, the banter settling his shaken nerves after their wild ride.

"After I saw the Colonel's, I thought it looked like something he'd get a kick out of, so I got him one for his birthday." Carter spoke defensively.

"Oh. I see," drawled the Colonel, the evil glint still in his eye. Jack wasn't quite ready to let the subject drop. "And I suppose you never, oh, I don't know, felt the need to test drive it?"

Her uncomfortable shifting confirmed his suspicions before she even spoke. "Well, Mark and I thought we should make sure it worked. It was pretty expensive, would have been a shame if I'd given it to him and it didn't run."

"Oh, of course, a real shame." Finally, Jack took pity on her squirming, and let her off the hook. "Nice flying Carter."

A brief flash of white let him know he'd just earned a grin. "Thank you sir."

"Ok kids, we better check this bucket of bolts out, make sure those Jarheads didn't knock anything loose." He had just prepared to open the door when the Hummer started to slide slowly and inexorably backwards. "Uh, Carter?"

Holding her hands up to show she wasn't touching anything, she shook her head frantically, "Wasn't me sir!"

"Then what the…" "O'Neill!" Jack turned to look out the back window where Teal'c was motioning.

"Oh god, it's Janet!" Daniel was looking out the back window too.

"Colonel O'Neill!" Janet still sounded pissed, as she dragged the vehicle backwards. "What have I told you about bringing this thing into my infirmary?"

"Jack, don't tell me you've been bothering Janet with this thing too?" Daniel's voice held a pleading note, suddenly doubting the wisdom of actually traveling inside something that Jack had been gleefully terrorizing the base with.

Jack was given no chanceto defend himself, as the Doctor suddenly lifted the car by its back bumper and stood, letting the vehicle dangle, oblivious as the tiny people inside were thrown forward with bruising force, held in place only by their plastic restraints. Jack winced as he heard Carter whack her head against the steering wheel again with a grunt, barely saving his own face from a similar impact with the dashboard. He felt Teal'c's hands against the back of his seat, and hoped Daniel was faring ok since he couldn't see the other man either.

Unaware of the struggles inside the toy, Janet gave the object in question a little shake. "Colonel, I want you out here right now, or this thing is going into my office, and you just might never see it again. Don't you realize the entire base is looking for you, and here you are playing with toys, wreaking havoc in my infirmary." As if to emphasize her point, Janet lifted the Hummer out in front of her and gave it another shake.

Jack's mouth opened and closed as he struggled to stay in his seat with all the shaking. There was no way he could respond to the Doctor when she couldn't even hear his defense. Besides, she wasn't being fair, he'd only sent the car in the infirmary once, and he hadn't meant to trip that nurse, who'd been carrying a tray full of supplies…

Daniel knew they had to do something fast, and without thinking he pushed his door open, sticking out an arm and waving frantically. "Janet!" he shouted ineffectually.

At that moment, Janet had just raised the car, preparing for another shake, when the back passenger door opened. Suddenly wary that the Colonel had planted some sort of surprise, like a squirt of slime or exploding snake, Janet had just thrust the car out an arms length, when something moving inside caught her attention. Her curiosity getting the better of her caution, she leaned in to take a closer look, nearly dropping the car in shock.

Fortunately for SG-1, Janet's usual calm under pressure overruled her shock and she quickly righted the vehicle, peering into the windows, discovering not one, but four small figures dressed in OD green. "SG-1?" she asked hazarding a guess, and was rewarded by the car sounding it's horn. Carefully, she set the vehicle down on the bed, suddenly worried that she may have injured one of them with the shaking. A moment later, and four tiny figures no more than an inch tall climbed out. They all seemed to be standing, though the small blonde figure that came out of the driver's door seemed a little unsteady, the figure from the backseat moving to stand next to her while the other two walked around from the other side to join the first two. Wondering how she'd treat the tiny members of SG-1 if they did have any injuries, Janet called to a passing nurse.

"Nurse, call General Hammond, tell him I need him down here right away." The nurse left to do as ordered, and Janet crouched down so that the tiny figures were at eye level. The blond haired one was now sitting on the bed, and Janet recognized her as Sam. She had both hands over her nose, while a sandy haired figure knelt next to her, the tiny glasses marking him unmistakably as Daniel. The dark one was easy to recognize as Teal'c, though she buried the thought that the man seemed less than impressive at the moment. That made the last one Colonel O'Neill, who was pacing back and forth in front of the car.

"SG-1, what have you gotten yourselves into this time?"