Title- The Broad Path
Author- garrettelliot
Disclaimer- Altogether now, we don't own them.
Summary- How do you get to Death Row?
Author's Note- For my beta, Faith and for jaimiexh who wondered how it all happened.

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As the cell door swung shut, Elliot lay down on the bunk. He closed his eyes and fell asleep, remembering…

A Dark Place-

When had the thought first crossed his mind? He remembered early in his career thinking that they needed to die. Then he joined SVU and somewhere in the first case he knew the death penalty should be applied to the bastards. Just about the time he was partnered with Liv, he started to picture himself killing them. Not that he would, but sometimes the fantasy of killing them and getting away with it was all that kept him from exploding.

The anger at the sick bastards was bad enough when he could watch them led away to serve their sentence. But when the system failed, when the sickos got a walk, he could barely hold it in. Only one person could truly understand what was going on inside him; his partner, his best friend, Olivia. He could always turn to Liv with all the darkness inside. She never turned away. Liv loved him, darkness and all, and he loved her.

Not as a lover, although plenty of people had made that assumption. He'd never done more than kiss her cheek. He loved Kathy more than anything except his kids. But Kathy had left; even though he'd offered to transfer, or quit outright, she'd gone. He remembered the coldness in her eyes as she'd turned at the door.

"Do you really think this is just about the job? This is about us. I don't love you anymore, and I'm tired of pretending. I loved you when Maureen was born, but after that I stuck it out for Kathleen, then the twins. I don't want to stick it out anymore. I don't want to hurt you but I can't pretend anymore, I don't have the energy. I'll be at my mother's. You can see the children anytime; I won't keep them from you." The sound of the closing door thundered in his heart for weeks.

He hadn't said anything at work. He couldn't face having everyone know that his marriage was falling apart. Elliot hoped he could reach Kathy, convince her that they had a chance. By the time she had filed for divorce, everyone already knew. Scarry had seen to that, telling Liv and Cragen that Kathy had filed for separation.

Even then he hadn't completely lost it. Liv held him back, once he had let her in that was. She was the hand to hold in the dark places. The darkest of all was packing the house after it was sold. He felt like he was dying, packing the home where his babies were raised. When he'd finished with what had been his and Kathy's room, he had sat on the stairs and cried. Liv had found him there and held him till his tears stopped. Then she'd kissed his cheek and never spoke of it again.

Olivia had held him together through the divorce and helped him rebuild his life. He'd always been the one to protect her. Now she protected him, made sure he ate, didn't let him crawl into a bottle, and covered for him when he slipped up at work. Slowly, he'd crawled his way back to a normal life. He tried to date but gave up when he realized every woman resembled Kathy.

The only truly happy times were with his kids. Then Maureen transferred to UCLA, and Kathleen followed a year later. A few months after that, Kathy remarried and moved the twins to Colorado. Elliot saw them only three or four times a year. But Olivia held him together. He would feel himself on the edge, and she would be at his door. He never had to call; she just knew when he needed her.

He had asked Liv to marry him once, and she had smiled and kissed him gently. Then she had told him that he was the best friend she'd ever had, but she couldn't be Kathy. She said he shouldn't settle for less than what he felt for his ex-wife. She was right, and she deserved a man who would love only her.

Then suddenly, Liv was gone. A stupid accident left him alone in the dark. A bus struck the cab she was riding in. She had hung on for two days while he held her hand and begged her to stay, but she slipped away. He died that day and no one knew. They buried her beside her mother and life went on around him.

Cragen assigned him a new partner, but they never had got close. How could they? She walked beside him, always. He worked, spending more and more time at the station. He went to his apartment only to change. He never seemed to sleep anymore, only pass out for an hour or two in the crib. He tried to hold back the dark places for Liv's sake; she wouldn't have wanted him to let go. But everyday the darkness grew and there was no hand to hold.