Lights…Camera…CUT!
by MeowthMix

A/N: You know the drill.

LIGHTS CAMERA CUT: Part 2

"This is the worst script yet! What were you thinking?" Brock exclaimed.

"If I remember correctly I was thinking 'Is there anyone as talented as me? No. There isn't'" the director sighed dreamily, having fantasies of himself. His vision was cut short as it was made clear he and Brock where the only ones in the room, "Wait, where'd everyone go?"

Brock shrugged, "the bathroom?"

"At the same time?"

"Well, we've been here nearly five hours."

"Why aren't you going?"

"I left during your big speech on yourself." The director was preparing a suitable reaction to what Brock just said when Misty walked back in with a can of Caterpie Cola.

"Where's everyone else?" asked the director.

Misty shrugged, "the bathroom?"

"Nevermind, we'll just wait. If they don't come back in fifteen minutes we'll go out and look," the director ordered. About ten minutes after he said it Jessie and James strolled into the room.

"Where have you been?" the director demanded.

"We got lost in the janitor's closet," James said casually. Jessie nodded in agreement.

"I'm not even going to say anything," the director shook his head sadly, wishing he had chosen different actors for the entire series. Meowth came in moments later.

"Do I even want to know where you've been?"

"I got lost in the janitor's closet," he explained and took a seat between Jessie and James.

The director looked at his watch, "If Ash and Pikachu aren't back in exactly four minutes and fifty three seconds they're going to be in big trouble!"

Exactly four minutes and fifty-three seconds later Ash and Pikachu entered the room.

"You've got some explaining to do!"

"We both agreed that the script sucks so we went bowling," Ash told them, "Guess what, Misty! I beat my old record by five pins!"

Misty looked surprised, "You knocked down six whole pins...and without out the bumpers?"

"Lets not go THAT far!" Ash said.

"I'll forget this whole thing ever happened if you just finish reading the scripts now!" the director half demanded, half begged.

"...OK..." everyone sighed.

-

ASH: So now all we do is follow this bike trail to Diamond City and ask the Honcho of Ez how to get back to Pallet Town? It can't be THAT hard!

PIKACHU: Pika pi!

ASH and PIKACHU skip down the bike trail for a short distance until they reached a cornfield where the trail went two separate directions

ASH: Oh, I knew this couldn't be as easy as it sounded!

VOICE: Maybe you should go left.

ASH: Pikachu! You can talk!

VOICE: Or maybe you should go right.

ASH: Wow! When you talk it sounds just like it's coming from that purple-haired scarecrow! Say something interesting!

VOICE: I AM the scarecrow, dummy!

ASH: That wasn't very interesting.

PIKACHU points to JAMES, the scarecrow

ASH: Oh, I get it! You don't want to talk around that scarecrow!

JAMES: ...and they call me the idiot...

ASH: Pikachu, you lied to me! You're not talking at all! It's really the scarecrow.

JAMES: Um...excuse me? Could you get me down from this pole? I can't do my musical number from up here!

ASH: I'll let you down on one condition: you DON'T do the musical number.

JAMES: Oh, come on! It's got dancing and everything!

ASH: No.

JAMES: Fine, fine. Just get me down.

ASH yanks JAMES down from the pole

JAMES begins to sing

ASH: That's it! I'm dropping my house on you!

JAMES: What?

ASH: Oh...you weren't there...That's right...

JAMES: Why are you traveling on this bike path, anyway?

ASH: We're going to Diamond City to ask the Honcho of Ez to send us home!

JAMES: Really? Would you mind if I came along? You see, I want to ask the Honcho for a brain.

-

"Hey! That's not very nice!" James said angrily but was ignored by everyone else.

-

ASH: Well...if you don't start singing again...

JAMES: Yay!

ASH, JAMES, and PIKACHU continue down the trail

JAMES: I'm hungry! What about you? We've been traveling for nearly two hours!

ASH Actually, I stole some corn from that field you were in. It's pretty good!

JAMES: That corn's infested by bugs!

ASH: I know.

PIKACHU: Pika pi!

PIKACHU points to several apple trees

JAMES: Oh! Yummy! I love apples!

JAMES reaches up and picks an apple off the tree. In return, the tree hits him over the head

JAMES: Ow! You mean old tree!

ASH: Hey, if you don't let us eat those apples I'm going to drop a house on you!

TREE laughs

TREE: A house? That's the lamest excuse for a threat I've heard yet!

ASH: Oh yeah? Well...Yo mamma!

TREE: What?

ASH: How do ya like dem apples?

TREE: Huh?

ASH: I know you are but what am I?

TREE: Oh, for crying out loud! Just take the apples and get lost!

ASH makes an 'L' with his fingers over his forehead

ASH: Loser!

TREE becomes far too annoyed and begins throwing apples at ASH. JAMES takes this opportunity to collect the apples. While collecting the apples he finds BROCK, the tin man, who is too rusted to move

BROCK: muffled speech

JAMES: Ooh! A robot!

BROCK: muffled speech

JAMES: What?

BROCK: muffled speech

JAMES: Come again?

BROCK: muffled speech!

JAMES: Oh! You want me to oil you! I though you said 'boil' and that just wouldn't make sense, now would it?

BROCK: muffled speech

JAMES: That wasn't very nice!

ASH, after being thoroughly beaten by trees, drags himself over to JAMES and BROCK, followed by PIKACHU

JAMES: The metal man wants me to oil him!

ASH: I already have to travel around with a talking scarecrow and a pikachu! I don't want some statue following us around!

BROCK: muffled speech

ASH: Well, when you put it that way how could I NOT want you to come?

ASH, JAMES, and PIKACHU oil BROCK with the oil can placed on a nearby homunculus who happened to be TODD

BROCK: Thanks! I've been in that same pose for 5,000 years!

ASH: Wow! That's a really long time!

BROCK: Did I say 5,000 years? I meant 5 hours.

ASH: That's a long time, too! How did you get that way?

BROCK: Has your mom ever told you not to make a face or it'll stay that way? It's true!

JAMES: I knew it!

BROCK: So where are you going, anyway?

ASH: We're going to Diamond City. I'm going to ask the Honcho of Ez to send me home.

JAMES: And I'm going to ask for a brain!

BROCK: That's perfect! I need to ask the Honcho for a heart...ya know, it's really hard to get a pretty girl without one!

ASH: To the Honcho!

BROCK: The Honcho!

JAMES: singing We're off to see the Honcho...

ASH: No singing!

JAMES pouts

The foursome hadn't traveled far before stopping in a clearing for a break. JAMES ate the apples he'd acquired from the talking trees, BROCK proceeded to oil his joints, ASH ate more bug-infested corn, and PIKACHU wandered aimlessly about the trees

JAMES: So a tornado picked your house up?

ASH: Yeah.

BROCK: And it brought you here?

ASH: Yeah.

JAMES: Dropping the house on the wicked gym leader of the east?

ASH: Yeah.

BROCK: So now you have to ask the Honcho of Ez to send you back home?

ASH: Yeah.

JAMES: I think that'd make a cool movie!

BROCK: Who'd wanna see something like that?

JAMES: shrugs Kids?

PIKACHU runs past the three, terrified

ASH: Hey, what got Pikachu so scared?

BROCK: Th-th-there aren't any persians here, are there?

JAMES: What about rhydons?

ASH: There could be...muk!

BROCK: Persians, and rhydons, and muk!

JAMES: Oh my!

ALL: Persians, and rhydons, and muk! Oh my! Persians and rhydons, and muk! Oh my! Persians, and rhydons, and muk! Oh my!

Suddenly, and 'ferocious' meowth leaps out of the foliage

ALL: AHHHHHH! It's a meowth!

ASH, BROCK, and JAMES scatter

MEOWTH: Roar! Dat's right humans...and scarecrows...and tinmen...! Fear me! Roar!

MEOWTH finds PIKACHU in thick bushes

MEOWTH: T'ink you can hide from me, do ya? Cowering in some bushes, are ya? Well, I'll teach you ta...uh...I'll teach you!

PIKACHU electrocutes MEOWTH

MEOWTH begins sobbing

MEOWTH: What'd ya do dat for? I wasn't really gonna hurt ya! I was only playing! You're so mean!

ASH: Wow! You're really sensitive!

MEOWTH pretends the be ferocious again

MEOWTH: I'm just...um...sick! Dat's right...sick! Cough! Cough! See? I've gotta rare tropical disease! If I only hadn't traveled to dat uncharted island off da coast of...some uncharted country! You'd be sorry, den! I'd have...done something...something you wouldn't like!

JAMES whimpers

ASH: He doesn't seem that scary to me!

BROCK: Come on. We gotta hurry if we want to see the Honcho before dusk!

MEOWTH: Yer goin' ta see da Honcho of Ez? Um...mind if I come?

ASH: Make up your mind! First you try to scare us away then you wanna come with us!

MEOWTH: Big choices frighten me...

BROCK: Let me guess, you want to ask the Honcho for courage.

MEOWTH: Actually, I was goin' ta ask fer striking good looks but dat'll woik.

The four nod at each other and begin to skip down the trail

JAMES: singing Ohhh, we're off to see the Honcho! The wonderful Honcho of Ez!

MEOWTH: singing We hear he is a hon of a hon if ev'a a hon dere was!

ASH, BROCK, and JAMES look at MEOWTH, confused

MEOWTH ignores them

MEOWTH: singing Oh ev'a, oh ev'a a hon dere was. Da Honcho of Ez is one because, because, because, because, becaaaaaause...

BROCK: singing ...Because of the wonderful things he does!

ASH: All right, that's enough singing! We've gone through this before!

JAMES: You're just jealous.

ASH: Why would I be jealous?

JAMES: Because that's the kind of person you are!

ASH: At least I AM a person!

JAMES: ...I may not have a brain, but THAT was an insult!

ASH: What are you going to do about it, Mr. Not-so-scary Scarecrow?

MEOWTH: I t'ink he's plenty scary.

ASH: You don't count.

JAMES: Why don't you drop a house on him?

ASH: Shut up!

JAMES: Or maybe you could get the wicked gym leader of the west to help you! Oh wait, I forgot! You just killed her sister!

ASH: sarcastically I'm so scared! That horrible gym leader is after me! What ever shall I do? Just because an ugly old reptile is after me I think I'll tremble in fear!

JESSIE: What did you call me?

The four turn to see JESSIE standing behind them

MEOWTH faints in fear

ASH: Heh...heh...fancy meeting you here...Um...nice weather, eh?...Do you think it'll rain today?...That wouldn't be good...We'd get so wet and-

JESSIE: Silence! I came for the pikachu!

BROCK: What happened to revenge?

JESSIE: Uh...that, too...Wait a minute! Where IS the pikachu?

ASH: Meowth scared him away.

JESSIE looks at an unconscious MEOWTH and rolls her eyes

JESSIE: I don't have time for this! I have a facial in fifteen minutes! Well if you could all just, you know, fear my wrath or something it'd really mean a lot to me. I'll be back later to steal the pikachu. Tah-tah!

JESSIE flies away on a broom

JAMES: Bye!

After reviving MEOWTH and finding PIKACHU, they again continue on their way

BROCK: Hey, look! Up ahead!

ASH: It's Diamond City!

JAMES: My whole life I dreamed this day would come and now that it's here I...I...Look! Flowers!

JAMES jumps into a field of flowers

BROCK: There's no time to play in flowers! We're so close to Diamond City!

JAMES doesn't respond

ASH: Oh no! He's dead!

MEOWTH: Not dat! He's gonna come back as a zombie ta drain da life out of us so we'll be part of da ever-growin' army of da un-dead! Den somebody's gonna shoot us so we all die even d'ough we was already dead and den somebody else will resurrect everyone but me and I'll be stuck in da oblivion fer all eternity!

BROCK: I think he's just sleeping.

MEOWTH: Oh...well, dat has scary possibilities, too.

ASH: Just to be safe lets check for a pulse!

ASH checks for a pulse

ASH: See? No pulse!

BROCK: Well, first, you check for a pulse at either the neck or wrist, not the ankle. Second, that's MY ankle!

ASH: I see.

MEOWTH: So if he's sleepin' den just wake 'im up!

BROCK: I'm too tired! You wake him up, Ash!

ASH: yawns James, wake him up!

ASH, BROCK, and PIKACHU fall asleep

MEOWTH: Dis is just poifect. Wit'out a nose, I miss out on all da cool evil spells!

VOICE: You're the only one left! You must save you're friends! They need you!

MEOWTH faints

MISTY appears

MISTY: Somehow, I knew the evil voice thing wouldn't work!

MISTY sends out Poliwag, who uses water gun attack on ASH, BROCK, JAMES, PIKACHU, and MEOWTH. All five wake up, just in time to not see MISTY

JAMES: That was fun, lets go!

ASH: To the Honcho!

BROCK: The Honcho!

JAMES: The-

ASH: No singing!

JAMES: ...

They reach Diamond City with no further interruptions

As they approach, a giant door leading into the city becomes visible

ASH pushes the doorbell

A man appears at the door

MAN: What do you want?

ASH: We've come to see the Honcho!

MAN: No.

MAN goes back inside

JAMES pushes the doorbell

A man appears at the door

MAN: What do you want?

JAMES: We've come to see the Honcho!

MAN: Come right in!

They enter the city

MAN stops ASH

MAN: I'm sorry, but if you ain't selling cookies then go away!

ASH: But you let them in!

MAN: Yeah, well, I like them.

ASH: I'll give you some corn...

MAN: Right this way, sir!

ASH hurries after the others

JAMES: Ooh! Do we get to sing a song now?

ASH: No!

JAMES: You're no fun!

BROCK: Just think, after I get a heart the girls will be all over me!

JAMES: And I can finally go to college!

MEOWTH: I'm goin' sky diving after dis!

ASH: When I get home I'm going to drop my house on Uncle Oak!

PIKACHU: Pika pi!

Suddenly, JESSIE flies across the sky on her broom, writing with self-made smoke as she goes

The words say 'Dear Ash, I regret to inform you that I STILL intend to steal that pikachu and get my revenge! Nobody drops a house on Cassidy unless I pay them to! Oh, and since you asked, it won't rain today but I think it will tomorrow. -Love, the wicked gym leader of the west, Jessie'

ASH: You're wrong, Jessie! VERY wrong! It WILL rain today! You'll see!

MEOWTH: I wish I could write so legibly in da sky!

The people of Diamond City begin to panic

WOMAN: What'll we do?

MAN: To the Honcho!

BROCK: The Honcho!

JAMES: singing We're off to see the Honcho!

ASH: Stop doing that!

Everyone rushes to a big gate that leads to the Honcho but are all turned away by the doorkeeper

ASH: But you have to let us in!

DOORKEEPER: I don't think so.

ASH: Please?

DOORKEEPER: No.

ASH: I can give you money...

DOORKEEPER: Go away.

JAMES: He's with me.

DOORKEEPER: Why didn't you say so? Come right in!

ASH: How do you do that?

JAMES: Well, I'm a scarecrow.

BROCK: Yeah, you see, in Ez humans just aren't as popular as scarecrows, tin men, pokémon, the homunculus, and the trees.

ASH: I rank below the trees?

BROCK: Of course!

ASH: I'm really beginning to hate this place...and it's STILL too colorful! There are some MAJOR Technicolor problems here!

They reach the Honcho...who is actually Giovanni!

GIOVANNI: What do you fools want?

MEOWTH faints

BROCK: I wish he'd stop doing that!

ASH: Please, Mr. Honcho, send me back home to Pallet Town!

JAMES: I need a brain!

BROCK: I need a beautiful girl!

ASH elbows BROCK

BROCK: ...I mean, a heart.

GIOVANNI: Only if you drop a house on the wicked gym leader of the east!

ASH: Not again! I already did that!

GIOVANNI: Er...I mean...Bring me the compact mirror of the wicked gym leader of the west!

BROCK: But that would mean we'd have to...we'd have to...

ASH: Go through her feminine products!

A/B/J: NOOOOOO!

MEOWTH wakes up

MEOWTH: What's goin' on?

JAMES: This is the scary part!

MEOWTH: Oh, sorry!

MEOWTH faints

GIOVANNI: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I will only fulfill your wishes once you bring me that mirror!

ASH: You're mean! I'm going to drop a house on you!

BROCK: Stop threatening the Honcho!

ASH: You're next!

ASH, BROCK, and JAMES drag MEOWTH away...not noticing that they'd left PIKACHU behind

Scene moves to JESSIE's castle

JESSIE is watching ASH, BROCK, JAMES, MEOWTH, and PIKACHU on her crystal ball

JESSIE: Those idiots are going to come here! This is perfect...if only I didn't have previous arrangements to go to a movie with the gym leader of the southwest tonight...Well, I'll just send them to me!

JESSIE turns to one of her flying mankeys

JESSIE: Bring me the boy and his pikachu...and make it snappy!

Hundreds of mankeys fly away

JESSIE turns back to the crystal balls and flips through the channels

JESSIE: Curse this satellite! I need cable!

Scene moves back to ASH, BROCK, JAMES, MEOWTH, and PIKACHU

BROCK: We can't do this! It's too dangerous!

JAMES: I'll say! That castle is so dirty!

MEOWTH: Unsanitary conditions could cause some terrible disease! I'm not goin'!

ASH: But we gotta go! I don't want to be in this place another minute! I mean, those flying mankeys don't look too friendly!

JAMES: Don't be silly! What's the worst they could do?

Some of the mankeys swoop down and fly away with ASH and PIKACHU

BROCK: That's really not the worst they can do...

TOGEPI: Toge toge briiii!

-

"Wait! Togepi's not even in this movie!" Misty exclaimed.

"That's what the viewers are supposed to think!" The director told her, "It's a great end twist."

Brock argued, "It's not even the end."

"Or so you'd think."

-

JAMES: Come on...I guess we have to go save Ash and Pikachu while we steal that compact.

MEOWTH: How much money you wanna bet dat dis'll be harder den it sounds?

JAMES: No way! The last time I made a bet somebody conned me out of 100, five of my cool scarecrow hats, the cornfield, and my first-born!

BROCK: I don't even want to know what you bet on!

JAMES: Neither do I!

BROCK: All we have to do is defeat the evilest, sneakiest, most powerful gym leader in all of Ez.

JAMES: All right...but if we all die you owe me a coke!

The three set off to JESSIE's castle

Scene moves to castle

ASH: You're not gonna get away with this!

JESSIE: Oh, but I already have, you see!

ASH: I will destroy you!

JESSIE: I'm going to be the supreme conqueror here, not you!

ASH: No! I'm going to defeat you!

JESSIE: I will!

ASH: No, I will!

JESSIE: Me!

ASH: Me!

JESSIE: Me!

ASH: Me!

JESSIE: Listen, I've won every game of rock, paper, scissors I've played!

ASH: I still don't think this is a good way to debate who gets Pikachu!

JESSIE: Do you have a better idea?

ASH: Well, you could just kill me and take it.

JESSIE: Good idea! I'm going to kill you right now!

JESSIE looks at her watch

JESSIE: Right after Days of our Lives is over! You have one hour to live!

JESSIE hurries away

ASH: I have GOT to stop suggesting people kill me!

Scene moves to JAMES, BROCK, and MEOWTH, who are watching JESSIE's guards from a rock

GUARDS: Oh we oh! We ohhhh oh! Oh we oh! We ohhhh oh!

MEOWTH: Just listen ta 'em! D'ose is da scariest soundin' guards I've ev'a hoid!

JAMES: Perhaps if we steal their clothes...

BROCK: That's brilliant! We can look like guards and get in!

JAMES: That wasn't what I was thinking but that's a good idea, too!

JAMES, BROCK, and MEOWTH sneak up to the guards very carefully, so they won't get caught

JAMES: Excuse me? Yeah, you! The one with the really big gun! Can we borrow your clothes?

GUARD: Sure! turns to the other guards These guys want our clothes!

Scene moves to ASH

ASH: Great. I'm locked in some cold castle tower prepared to die! Where's Prince Charming when you need him?

Someone knocks on the door

ASH: Prince Charming?

BROCK: from the other side of the door Of course, it's me!

JAMES: from the other side of the door Oh, shut up and chop down the door!

BROCK chops down the door with the ax the writers failed to mention before

ASH: You know, the door was unlocked.

JAMES: So?

ASH: Nevermind. Lets just get that compact mirror and head back to the Honcho.

JESSIE: So that's your plan, is it?

JESSIE holds up her make-up bag

JESSIE: You'll have to get through me first!

MEOWTH faints

JESSIE: AHAHAHAHAHA! I'm indestructible!

ASH grabs the make-up bag

JESSIE: You've won this round! But...wait! My face cleaners are in there! AHHHHH! My pores are clogging! Clogging! Clogging up! Oh, what a world! What a world!

JESSIE runs off to buy Noxzema

ASH: That was much easier than I though it would be!

MEOWTH: I don't know what yer talkin' about...dat was da scariest experience in my whole life!

BROCK: Come on, we've gotta get that mirror back to the Honcho!

They go through a series of unimportant adventures until they finally reach the Honcho once again

GIOVANNI: So you stole her face wash? Excellent strategy...but I'm still not going to help you.

MEOWTH faints

ASH: Why not?

GIOVANNI: I don't have magic powers, you fools! I'm just a honcho! What'd you expect?

MEOWTH gets up

MEOWTH: Den why am I so scared about?

GIOVANNI: Now, get lost! I've got some redecorating to do!

The group sadly leaves the room

MISTY appears in front of them

MISTY: I'm here to help you!

ASH: About time! You could have helped by telling us NOT to go to the Honcho!

MISTY: I thought it was pretty funny!

JAMES: Hey, it IS funny! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

MISTY: James, you were forever cursed to be an idiot.

JAMES: Oh fiddlesticks...

MISTY: Meowth, I know you're just pretending.

MEOWTH: How did you know?

MISTY: Brock, even with a heart the girls will ignore you.

BROCK: Somehow...I knew that was coming...

MISTY: And Ash, You're house is right down the street.

ASH: Really?

ASH looks at a sign

ASH: Oh! This is 14th Ave.! I thought it was 13th Ave.! How silly of me!

MISTY: Now that I've made your lives worth living my work here is done!

MISTY floats away in a bubble

ASH: I don't know about you but I feel worse than when I started.

MEOWTH: I'll nev'a be a cowardly actor!

BROCK: Now I'll never get married!

JAMES: I wish I had never been sewn together.

PIKACHU: Pika pi...

ASH: Lets all go into a deep depression and block off all communication with our family and friends until they send us to therapy which makes everything worse until we go on a killing spree and save the last bullets for ourselves, ruining the lives of all who care about us.

M/B/J: Yeah...

-

"So..." said the director, "what'd you think?" He looked hopefully at the actors who where staring at theirs scripts, mortified by the ending. The director sighed, "Let's move on to the next script..."

END!

There's part two of MeowthMix's "Lights…Camera…CUT!". Review! Now!