I am tempted to make a list of reasons of why I shouldn't have kissed Tony, just to remind myself why I should stay far, far away from him.
But right now, I'm way too preoccupied with trying to forget how good it felt, how everything had suddenly seemed so right, just by having his arms wrapped around me.
I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be thoroughly disgusted with him, as well as with myself, for engaging in such behavior. I should be brushing my teeth furiously and rinsing out my mouth, just for having his lips touch mine. I should be cleaning my tongue since – oh God – we, um, did a rather thorough investigation of each other's mouths.
Oh my God, I totally made out with Tony DiNozzo! In public! In the elevator! On the floor!
I am so going to hell.
Still…those kisses. They were good. Really, really good. Mind-blowing, really…
Focus, Kate. Remember why Tony DiNozzo is totally off-limits!
First of all, he goes through women like Kleenex. This wouldn't be a relationship – it would be more like a friendship, with benefits. He has no heart at all – he'll use you, and once he's found someone new, he'll drop you faster than you can berate yourself for getting involved with him in the first place.
Second, once Gibbs finds out – and oh God, he will so find out…he probably already knows – once he finds out, all hell will break loose. I'll lose my job. He'll smack Tony on the head and then fire him, too. I'm positive neither one of us wants to feel the wrath of Jethro Gibbs.
Third, he could not possibly fall in love with me. I could not fall in love with him. Everyone knows that two headstrong, stubborn people in a relationship together would never work. We'd kill each other in two days, tops. We're already at each other's throats – and we're just friends. …Okay, that's a very optimistic thing to call our current relationship, but whatever. The chances of us continuing our – er, whatever you call what we had, pre- make-out session – after (God forbid) getting together are like nil. And things right now are just fine. We don't need to complicate things further.
Fourth… Okay, I've run out of reasons, but those three reasons were more than enough.
I am not going to pursue a relationship with Tony DiNozzo. And that's final.
I mean, I don't even know why I'm obsessing over this. It was a complete no-brainer. Tony DiNozzo and Kate Todd, together? That's like the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard…
…Although Caitlin DiNozzo has a nice ring to it. And so does Kate DiNozzo.
Oh my GOD! What is wrong with me? I am fantasizing taking Tony's last name. Eww, gross!
I desperately need to scrub at my brain. God knows what kind of junk is in there, causing all these horrible thoughts.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I freaked out when I saw Tony's face staring back at me from my sketchpad.
I should have known better than to doodle while thinking about him.
Almost unconsciously I had drawn his face from memory. First the outline of his face, and then I had added in more of his features. His hair, slightly mussed, the way he always wears it. Those perfect, soft lips, and then his nose. His mouth was parted into his famous, charming grin, the one that showed off all of his pearly-whites. Lastly, I had drawn his eyes. Usually, I have a problem with drawing the eyes of people – they're so intimate and reveal so much of a person that it's difficult to portray that on paper –, but his were easy. They were clearly Tony's eyes – full of life and with a hint of mischievousness.
Oh God.
I remember what were in those eyes earlier. There was lust, yes, but it wasn't what was the most prominent.
Love was.
And not to far from that – care and concern.
Oh, my God.
I'm a freaking profiler. I'm pretty sure I read it right. And I'm pretty sure he wasn't acting.
He was for real.
