"You're going back down to the pile tonight, Bos?" Faith asked Bosco.

"Yeah," he said, the exhaustion showing on his face and in his words.

"Bos. You need to give somewhere. You've got a new baby that needs you. I'm really worried about you. So is Kim," Faith said to him as she watched him lace up his black work boots that were covered with white dust. Her gaze moved to the floor, which seemed to be full of white dusty footprints every day now. There was no keeping up with it.

"You talked to Kim?" Bosco asked her, putting his foot down and looking up at his partner, slightly agitated.

"Yeah, Bos. She's worried about you. She's barely seen you the last couple of weeks. You took off from the hospital the day the baby was born. We've been working twelve-hour shifts. She's scared," Faith said to him, walking over and sitting down next to him.

He rubbed his eyes, but that only made them water more, "She said she was okay. I talk to her on the phone every day and she says she's okay, Faith. Her and the kids are asleep when I come in. Her Mom and my Mom are there to help her and it's not like I don't come home," he said, trying to wrap his mind around what Faith was saying.

"I know, Bos. But, it's not like you're there when you're there. You know what I mean. I'm the same way when I'm home, but our families need us. We can't save anyone else down there now. The only thing we can do is dig," she said.

"And bring our guys and the firefighters and the victims home to their families," Bosco reminded her.

"I know, Bos, but we have to go home to our families too. The ones WE left behind. The ones that were scared to death WE weren't coming home. Bos, Kim needs you. Joey and John Robert need you. Don't you think Kim feels terrible about not being able to go down there too? She has guilt about not being there too," Faith said. Finally, Faith stood up and said, "Look, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. I'm just asking you to think about Kim and Joey and John Robert. Your family needs you to be whole again, Bos," she finished, picking up her bag and walking out.

Just before she let the door close behind her, she heard Bosco say, "Are any of us really ever going to be whole again?" She left without saying anything, not knowing the answer to that herself.

Ty Davis had been on the other side of the lockers changing into his street clothes. He waited until Bosco left before he walked out, not wanting Bosco to know anyone knew he wasn't as tough as he made himself out to be.

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^^

Kim looked at the clock as she sat in the living room feeding John Robert Boscorelli. He was the spitting image of his father with the attitude to match. If she didn't get the bottle in his mouth when he wanted it, he let the world know how unhappy he was. She'd been breastfeeding until about a week ago. She'd had to wean him off because she was scheduled to return to work tomorrow.

She worried about leaving him so soon, but they were short on personnel since 9/11. The Captain had called to see how she was doing and to see if she thought she might be able to come back. He said she didn't have to, would understand if she couldn't. She talked to Catherine and to Rose. They told her it was up to how she felt. Did she feel strong enough to go back? It had only been a couple of weeks. She thought about it and decided that this was something she needed to do. She knew her son was in good hands and she wouldn't be working full shifts right away - the Captain had promised her that when she called him back. He also told her that once the ranks were full again, she could finish her maternity leave - he'd work it out. And so, she was going back to work tomorrow. Bosco still didn't know she was returning to work.

She was watching her son sleepily drink his bottle. His smooth hand had a grip on her finger while she held the bottle. He'd found the smoothness of her fingernail and it had become a habit for him to rub his finger over her nail while he took his bottle. She'd have to remember to write that down for Catherine and Rose. They'd be taking care of the boys while she was working. God knew she had no idea when she'd see Bosco. The only way she knew that he still lived here was when she woke up in the morning with the baby and saw him sleeping next to her. He slept so soundly from the mental and physical exhaustion that sometimes she had to check to see if he was still breathing. She worried about him as she watched John Robert and recognized the sound of the key turning in the lock.

She looked up at the clock on the wall. 4:30 a.m. She watched her weary husband walk in and close the door quietly behind him. She watched him take off his jacket and hang it on the hook. Without even looking because he knew everyone was asleep, he brought his bag full of dust-filled clothes into the laundry room off the kitchen and started the washer. He didn't want Kim, any of the kids, or Rose and Catherine touching the debris. He didn't know what was in it. Hell, he didn't want to know.

Kim lay the baby in the bassinet she kept in the living room and walked into the laundry room behind him. She saw him leaning against the washer, his back to her. She put a hand on his back and he jumped. He turned to her and she saw the terrible look in his eyes.

"How many tonight?" she asked him quietly.

"Three," he whispered. "Two firefighters and one cop," he said, his voice cracking. She moved in and wrapped her arms around him, the tears falling from her eyes. She just couldn't stand to see the pain in his eyes.

"Please, Maurice. Stay here with us tomorrow. Please don't go back there tomorrow," she pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Baby. I will. I'll stay home tomorrow. I need a break," he said, starting to lose control of his emotions. She held him tighter and he regained his control. Then, taking him by the hand, Kim guided him into the living room. She sat him on the couch and he laid his head back on the couch, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

The smell hit him first. That baby powder, baby lotion smell of babies that weakened anyone. She lay the infant on his chest and he embraced his child for the first time. Kim watched as father and son bonded with John Robert squirming around and finally fitting his head under his father's chin, cuddling close. Kim watched as two and a half weeks of fatigue, exhaustion, fear and pain was let go. She put a blanket over them and sat in the chair across from them for the next three hours and just watched them sleep.

John Robert began to stir again for his next round of changing and feeding and Kim gently took the baby from his father as he continued to sleep. She tucked the blanket around Bosco again and went to change the baby, finally letting out the breath she'd felt like she was holding for the past two and a half weeks.