Author's Note: Written in 10 minutes, posted because I was bored, will never be touched again. Review, flame, do what ever you want – it will not matter.

AllieTG

"Over the Mountains and Through the Rocks to Moria We Go"

Chapter One
On the Way to Moria

"Are we there yet?" Pippin voiced. He was having a very bad day. First, he had woken up at the crack of dawn to Boromir singing 80's music and belching the ABC'S. Then he got stuck walking behind Gimli. Pippin was now strongly of the opinion that Dwarves had A.) No knowledge of soap whatsoever and
B.) Couldn't smell his own fart (Pippin had almost passed out) And, worst of all, they had skipped Elevensies. I mean, how do people expect Hobbits to survive without Elevensies!

"No, you ignorant Took!" Gandalf exclaimed. Honestly, how had he ever landed himself with this job? He was stuck with whining Hobbits, smelly Dwarves, kings going incognito, prissy Elves, and a slightly insane man for companions in the middle of no-where! And, if that wasn't enough, they were going Moria! Sheesh, didn't people realize that even Wizards have High-School enemies? I mean, would you go and practically knock and the door of the thing who had stolen all your gym clothes and told the whole school you bought under wear from Victoria's Secret? Geeze, Gandalf really didn't want to see the Balrog again. How embarrassing it would be to see the Balrog again. Major catfight, dude.

"Thar she be!" Gimli bellowed.

"Girl, this isn't Moby Dick. Get you books straight girlfriend," said Legolas, preening.

"Yeah, whatever," said Gimli, robbed of his noble moment. You could always rely on the Elves to contradict you. "But, really, this IS the entrance, dudes. I just can tell from this really super-duper felling in my fat. You know, when ever I do something/find something important, my fat always jiggles. It's like it's alive dudes!" Starts stripping and lap dancing. Produces a bead skirt and bra from somewhere. The Fellowship screams and runs for the door and cover.

"Whatever girlfriend, but that is like SO not cool. You way need to go on a diet." Says Legolas, stopping to fix his hair and rub specks of dirt of his immaculate skin/nails/clothes.