A/N: Just wanted to answer a quick question!
Lunarmercury: I'm very glad you like the story, and think it's funny. Funny's what it's all about! And the guild is on if you're interested.
Okay, now. Onto the story!
Hiei's World, Chapter 2:
It's a Small World
Hiei stood in awe of the creature before him. It was small, red, furry, and, dare he think it, cute. Unable to simply shrug off the little monster and be on his way, Hiei answered its question, with some hesitance, "Hiei."
"Hello Hiei," it said happily, smiling, "Elmo's very happy to meet you."
Hiei's initial thought: what was an Elmo?
"Elmo?" Hiei asked, somewhat curious.
The monster nodded. "Elmo wanted to know if Hiei would play a game with him."
Hiei's second initial thought: was the red thing an Elmo?
"What kind of game?" Hiei replied, as he mulled over the possibility that this creature might be able to direct him home. This Sesame Street place was starting to get strange.
"A counting game," the little red one vaguely explained, looking cheerful as ever.
Hiei's second second initial thought: how many of these Elmos were around Sesame Street? And did he have to count them?
"What do I have to do?" Hiei questioned, deciding to go along with the game until the time was right to ask about where he actually was, and how he could get back home.
"Elmo will teach you!"
"No! Officer, stop it!"
"Be quiet there, Judy. This criminal needs to be taught a lesson or TWO. By me!"
"But you're gonna hurt him, Officer!"
"That's the point! Be quiet there, Judy."
"You're gonna hurt him!"
"Judy's right!"
"Shut up, you! I'll deal with you later."
"You're gonna hurt him bad! Think of his mother, Officer!"
"Criminals don't have mothers you twit!"
"But I have a mother; dat must mean I'm no criminal."
"Just shut up, all of you!"
"But you're gonna HURT HIM!"
"Officer, may I ask exactly why I've been arrested?"
"What? Oh, go ahead, boy."
"…Um. Why have I been arrested?"
"I'm Officer to you!"
"Why have I been arrested Officer?"
"Because we found some pretty incriminating evidentiary evidence in the pocket of some evidences. And you know what we think of incriminating evidence, boy?"
"You're gonna hurt him!"
"WE THINK IT'S INCRIMINATING. What, you eccentric young people with your long hair and fancy flashlights, you should all be locked up! Give the babies to congress and let them raise all them babies to be congressmen, have them keep the young people in jail, behind bars!"
"You're rambling again, Officer…"
"Shut up, Judy."
Kurama hung his head in exasperation. The day had not gone as planned at all. What started off as harmless searching for his friend turned to chaos in little under four minutes. He had been just casually walking through the park, looking up at the trees, looking down at the flowers, then out of nowhere, about a dozen policemen jumped out from behind bushes and attacked the poor redhead. That was how he ended up in West Crimnators Prison for Boys and Dogs.
"What did you find that was so incriminating?" Kurama asked desperately, struggling against the cuffs on his wrists.
"SHUT UP WHILE I'M TALKING, BOY," the Officer yelled as he gave Kurama a sharp jab in the back with his unusually pointy walking stick.
"You're hurting him!" Judy cried, grabbing onto the Officer's shoulder, trying to shake some sanity back into his long gone senile brain.
"It seems my boys found some trail mix on you. Is it true that you were carrying trail mix?"
"Well, yes," Kurama said, rather confused.
"And isn't it true as well that 'trail mix' is composed of absolutely no TRAIL at all?" the Officer said accusingly as he began to pace about the room, tapping random wall corners with his valued stick.
"Of course it's true. No one would eat it if—"
"Silence whippersnapper! Or I'll throw you in the dog pen!"
"But I was only answering your question," Kurama snapped back at the cop, irritated and frustrated.
"No you was-ain't, BOY. You kept going even after you answered."
Kurama sighed.
"Hey, when are you going to get to me? I've been sittin' here for over twenty minutes and dis pretty boy just got here!" yelled a man that had been in the station long before Kurama, waiting patiently for the Officer to talk to him.
"You're in enough trouble already, deary," Judy whispered to the man, trying to calm him before the Officer erupted.
"Please, Officer, I haven't done anything wrong. I did have trail mix, but that isn't at all illegal," Kurama argued.
"HEY!" the Officer yelled, spinning around to face the redhead. "I'm the one who makes up the laws here! So you just shut up while Judy gets the scissors and the sewing machine."
"What? What are we gonna do, Officer?" Judy asked.
"Well, Judy, you know my lovely… daughter Judy?"
"Yeah. She's your oldest; the one you named after my father and me."
"Ahem, yes, your father. Well, I have decided that… Judy… is getting along in years. Why, before you know it… she'll be an old… woman with unusual patterned balding that is sure to make… her, how do I put this, a little undesirable."
"No, no! I think she's very attractive."
"Of course you do! That's your nature, WOMAN. But that's not entirely the point. This man here," the Officer said, poking at Kurama's shoulder with his stick, "is going to marry my… daughter later tonight. Sure, he's a prick, but he's the only boy I've come across that will be suited for the job."
Kurama's eyes widen in shock. The man was crazy.
"Don't tell me you planted policemen to arrested people you want to have date your daughter!" Kurama scolded, glaring up at the Officer who gave a slight nod. "This is ridiculous! I will not marry her!"
"Oh, come now, boy, I think you'll like Judy. She seems just your type," the other Judy urged, smiling sweetly down at Kurama.
"Indeed," the Officer added. "Now I'll call my… nephew… and invite him to the wedding."
"Six, seven, eight…"
"Very good!"
"…nine, ten, eleven…"
"Keep going!"
"…twelve, thirteen, fourteen…"
"One more!"
"Fifteen. Fifteen birds eating seed off my shoulders." And Hiei had no idea why he agreed to it.
"Good job, Hiei! You're a good counter," Elmo said cheerfully, aiming a look of approval at the bird-covered demon beside him on the park bench.
"Yeah," Hiei grunted. This had all been much stupider than he conceived. Elmo seemed to hold no consideration at all. He was just there, and happy about it. It was sort of eerie to Hiei. Though he wasn't much thinking about Elmo's character. He just wanted to get out of wherever he was. He wanted to get back home to his not-wife and roast chestnuts on an open fire. He wanted to go home. "Hey, Elmo, how do I get out of this place?"
"Out?" Elmo asked, looking confused. "Why did you come if you wanted to leave?"
Hiei thought for a moment.
"It was an accident."
"Oh," Elmo said. "Well, Elmo doesn't know how to get out of Sesame Street."
"Perfect," Hiei sighed sarcastically.
