(A/N: Some people are confused by my writing system, so I've created this little guide to help you. sound effects :: whispering :: "Talking":: -Thinking- :: "YELLING!!" :: ) This Chapter only: Ninja-Stars (), Hearts ( 3)
The Creeper is as tall as a school bus, and much more deadly. Covered in a steel mixture harder than any ordinary metal, the 5½ foot sphere gives a dull shine in the streetlight. Spider-clichéd legs protrude from it, going up a short distance and then arcing down, like the bangs of an Ancient. Lithe, oiled, and connected by many joints, the six Creeper legs made it surprisingly agile. The foremost of the triplet set of legs are often probing things, and carried in the manner of a Tyrannosaurus-Rex's front paws, but shaped like that of a praying mantis. The sphere contains many grooves, grooves that form shapes and can produce weapons of the Creeper and a sensor indicating movement, sound, and smell that the highly advanced hard drive can interpret.
The Creeper moves forward a few paces in every direction, then moves outside of the revealing light – for Creeper's have better stealth than ninja-thief, and are more intelligent than a mage.
"CHIIIIIIKIIIIIIN!" Barret shouts, raising his hand, as if to answer a question. Tifa covers his mouth abruptly, and fumbles for the near-by duct tape in the dark. Silently taping his mouth shut, Tifa looks nervously over the edge of the trash-bag barricade for signs of the Creeper, right as a figure hops on the coffin.
Red XIII looks startled at the shadowy figure, and Cloud is about to attack it, when Tifa sees that it's only Yuffie. They all sigh in relief, as Yuffie positions herself better on the coffin. By chance, Cloud looks up, to see the Creeper forty feet above him, trying to surprise them.
"RUN!" Cloud starts dragging the coffin away, and Tifa, Barret, Red XIII, and Yuffie scramble over to help. The Creeper lands in the alley with only the slightest thump, as the 5 stumble backwards in the dark. The Creeper pauses a moment, then raises its scythes, signaling death to all.
"Ah!" Tifa trips over a rock, and falls down. Yuffie quickly pulls her up, and they race after the men.
"To the left! A possible escape route!" Red XIII points with his muzzle, as they take that route. Going down the broad alley, they meet a dead end.
Cloud drops the coffin, and they all stand in front of it, protectively, as the Creeper advances. "Guys, tell me this." Metal claws come out of Tifa's gloves, as she speaks (similar to 'Wolverine' from 'X-Men'). "Tell me – WHY the HELL do you guys care about a DAMN COFFIN?!"
The Creeper calmly comes forward. No one had ever defeated a Creeper; its memory card said so, so it has no fear of the pathetically-armed life forms.
There is a slight thud that doesn't come from the five life-forms, rather, behind them somewhere. An object flies overhead, eclipsing the moon for a brief moment. The Creeper looks up, un-phased but curious. But it is too late. The figure lands on him, and thrusts an arm into the red glass, instantly shattering it. The Creeper mills about – it cannot see, hear or smell with it's sensors broken, and the figure rides it like a cowboy would, minus the undignified whoops and arm-waving.
"Hurry out! I'll distract him!" The strange voice orders the five. And they listen to the stranger, running underneath the Creeper and onto the street. But they've left the coffin behind…
Seeing that everyone made it out the alley safe, the tall figure smashes his left arm into the center of the Creeper's steel sphere, crushing the data chips into thousands of irrecoverable fragments. The red glow behind the Creeper's broken glass shuts off with a dewwww… and a beeping countdown starts.
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
Beebeebeebeebeebeebeebeeeee-
At the exact moment that the figure leaps off of the Creeper, the Creeper explodes, and golden heat waves illuminate the figure. Arms wide out, and left leg pulled up towards his chest, he is definitely a fearsome sight. Landing on the ground with a thud, debris falls around him. He straightens himself, and walks pass the flaming parts of the Creeper towards everyone.
Long black hair falls down from his read headband, and stirs with the slight breeze that whips up. His red cloak billows about him, held together by a pair of black clasps at his collar. His black gun is holstered and blends with his noire shirt and midnight black pants as his pointy steel boots crunches the dirt underfoot. ('noire' is black in French) His arms, the left one metal, swing in pace with his footsteps. A few more pieces of debris fall with a thunk. The tall figure's hair parts enough for everyone to make out red eyes above the collar, eyes shining with infused Mako energy, making them bright as flames and deep as blood.
Enter Vincent Valentine, angsty Bishounen!
"'AY! NOW WE'S GOWT A VAMPYRE IN DA GANG! MOBSTAH GHETTO GAAAAAAAANG! LETS GO AN MOB SUM OL' LAYDY AN' BEAT 'ER UP AN' TAKE 'ER MUNEY!" Barret wriggles around eagerly.
"Vinnie the Vamp?! Here?! Haha!" Yuffie stands on one foot and chucks three Ninja-Stars at Vincent.
Vincent dodges the Ninja-stars by ducking. "What the hell are you doing?!"
But Yuffie doesn't hear, because Tifa hugs Vincent. "You're back! You're back!"
"Euh…" Vincent turns red and peels Tifa off of him. "Why did you… hug me? And I'm not a vampire…"
Cloud comes up and pats Vincent's shoulder. Denial he whispers to the others, shaking his head in pity.
"I heard that, you know. I'm not a vampire." Vincent takes Cloud's arm off of his shoulder.
Cloud ignores him and re-arms his shoulder. "Tut, tut… you are simply too creepy to NOT be a vampire, so you ARE a vampire. Understand? There's also that whole coffin thing… you musta been BORN to be a vampire…"
"Only because of Hojo was I in a coffin, and just because I'm creepy doesn't mean-" Vincent never finishes the sentence. Poor Vincent.
"Shss, shss. We've already permanently labeled you as a vampire, Vincent. It's just the way things have to be. You will be a vampire, forever…" Cloud's voice dropped to a whisper. "ANY ways, back to TIFA… Tifa Lockhart and Vincent Valentine. Your names are both romantic, so you probably go together. Anyways, there are a bunch of fan-girls that pretend that you guys get in bed together!" He smiles blankly, oblivious to Vincent's visible wince at the mere mention of sex with Tifa.
"AY!" Barret nuggies Cloud's hair, or tries to, anyways. Cloud's hair is unscathed, but Barret's hand is bleeding and has scratch marks all over it. "A'ENT FAN-GURLS PEOPLE DAT EAT YUU?! TEHDI BEAHS OR SUMTHING?! DOHNUTS?! AH THEY BIG OL' DOHNUTS DAT EAT YUU AAAL OP IN A BIG BYTE?! AH THEY?! AH THEY?! AH THEY???!!!"
"No Barret" Red XIII walks up. "Fan-girls are… crazy about us. No idea why, though. I've even heard rumor that they make 'webs' about us, and drawings of us doing really scary things… But they are not donuts, and they are not teddy bears, Barret. Fan-girls are, however surprising this is, humans. Girls, of course, but humans."
"Hey! Maybe, if they like us so much, they'll give us Materia!" Yuffie chucks more Ninja-Stars, at everyone.
After they dodge all the Ninja-Stars, Tifa comes up to Vincent. "Well, with Vincent here, we'll get lots of materia... 3." Tifa embraces Vincent, her face against his chest.
Vincent peels Tifa off once more. "I'm sorry Tifa – but this has to stop. I can not love you."
"What? I… don't get it…" Tifa looks at him, confused, and comes closer.
Vincent puts his arms out, stopping Tifa from coming closer. "You think… that we are in love. But that is only your imagination that says that."
"I… I still don't get what you are saying…" Tifa looks right into Vincent's eyes this time.
Vincent sighs. "Basically… I'm… taken." He hates saying it, because it's only his imagination.
Tifa blinks, tears forming, and runs away, crying.
"Thank goodness THAT awkward situation is over. Tifa's crazy about Cloud, so she must have met up with one of those demented fan-girls." Red XIII gets up (I know he always does that xD). "We have been side-tracked immensely – we must go and rescue Aeris now."
"Aeris? Sephiroth killed her…" Vincent looks at Red XIII.
"SHE'S A ZOWMBY! AYRIS IZ A ZOWMBY! AN' UNDEAD ZOWMBY!" Barret fires his gun randomly, Vincent and Red XIII dodging the bullets.
After Barret calms down, Red XIII speaks up. "Aeris is NOT a zombie, Barret." He then turns to Vincent. "Hojo brought Aeris back to life. We are going to rescue her from him."
"Hojo…" Vincent says the word like a curse that has ruined his entire life. "Yes – we must hurry to Aeris – who knows what kind of experiments Hojo would want to perform on a Cetra…?"
Red XIII's ears perk. "Can you hear that? Sounds like 3 people – one with a drunken voice, another with a squeaky voice, and the last with a low grumble-like tone…"
"DA TURKS AH CUMIN'! DA TURKS AH CUMIN'! 'ELP! 'ELP! 'EEEELP! DA TURKS AH CUUUUMIIIIIIN'!!!" Barret panics, running around in a circle with his arms up in the air.
"Guys, the Turks are dead." Yuffie puts her hands on her hips, and Barret freezes himself in place, and slowly turns his head so he sees Yuffie. "I killed them all by myself. I even saw them explode into tiny bits. Do you think I would lie about that?!"
"Quite frankly, yes." Vincent looks directly at Yuffie.
"Here they come…" Red XIII warns, prepared to attack. Two drunken friends appear, singing a song (A/N: to the tune of Spongebob Squarepants)
"Whoooo lives in an apple
Way up in the skyyyy?
Beeeeeeerman!
(He can fly!)
Drunken and hung-over
And smokin' a pack –
Beeeeeeerman!
(I'm surprised he's intact!)
And what does this high-flying
Superhero wish?
Beer! Beer! And more than a swish!
BeeeeEEEEeeeerman! bleep
BeeeeEEEEeeeerman! bleep
BeeeeEEEEeeeerman! bleep
We aaaaal looooooove
BeeeeEEEEeeeeEEEEeeeerman!
BEERMAN BLEEP YEAH!"
One of the drunken pals stumbles onto Vincent. He has ruffled blonde hair, aeronaut-goggles, and alcoholic breathe. He has a blue shirt and dark-green cargo pants. He laughs and stumbles, off-balance a bit.
Enter Cid Highwind, Aeronaut of a Thousand Bleeps!
The other drunken pal is a Mog. Rather, a cat on a robotic Mog. The cat has black fur with a white belly and paws. The cat has a small red cloth tied at it's neck, and a fake gold crown ready to fall. The cat sits atop the big-footed white Mog, and moans. "Euh… my HEAD…"
Enter Cait Sith, group Backstabber!
"Allo, Vinnie." Cid walks into him. "I'm zing drunk…"
"You're taking care of Cid! " Yuffie points at Vincent.
"Why me?" Vincent sighs, already getting ready for Cid.
"CUZ YOU IS OUAH (our) SLAYVE!" Barret screams.
Everyone shifts their eyes. Red XIII coughs. "What Barret MEANT to say, was that vampires make good… caregivers."
"I'm not a-" Vincent gets interrupted by Cloud, who has just run into the scene. Panting, one arm on his knee, the other raised slightly to indicate he wants to talk. "Tifa's pant missing…."
Everyone stares at Cloud, mouth open, except Vincent. A squirrel spies on them with binoculars from atop a far away shop.
(A/N sorry this took so long! But it's up! I would, of course, like to thank Lonewolffell (tired 'bout this by now, eh?) for helping me with his.
Hehehe… euh, you might have been confused by the "Sounds like 3 people – one with a drunken voice, another with a squeaky voice, and the last with a low grumble-like tone…" Well, we all know that the drunken voice is Cid. The squeaky and low-grumble-like voices are Cait Sith. Me 'n' Fell like to read the dialogue bubble aloud (NOSTALGIA! YEAH!) and we have Cait Sith have the squeaky, and Mog the grumbly. Together, added with our talented voice-acting, it blends for a horrid voice that could kill a bird.
Also, there are a few running bits, if you haven't yet noticed, which are donuts and squirrels ( 3). Don't ask about the donuts, it was random. For the squirrels… I love 'em. 3 3 !
AND, in this fanfict, I will make charrie-couplings BLATANTLY obvious. This isn't a Ticent fanfict, (Tifa Vincent) but a parody of it.)
"NAWT A VAMPYRE, FOO'! VINCEN'TS NAOWT A VAMPYRE!!!" Barret runs in, arms up, screaming This is ALSO a parody – Parody of Vincent being a vampire. Also, nobody knows that Vincent has feeling for Lucrecia. (They don't really know anyways, but oh well!) R&R, YO!)
