I still think about that day a lot…
I remember falling to my knees and trying my hardest not to cry. Why would someone take Robin? Or should I say, why would someone kill Robin? We never found him again so everyone thinks he's dead. Maybe he is, there's a really good possibility. But why would someone kill him and then take the body? Or did they take him and then kill him? There are a lot of questions that never got answered.
Starfire took the whole thing very hard. At first she wouldn't listen to any of us, "Robin is not gone! That is not true!" She cried a lot too. If you asked the other titans they would say she cried the most out of all of us but I don't know if I agree. I cried a lot too…My room is in horrible shape. If only my emotions didn't trigger my powers like that…
Cyborg is the leader now. We thought about just getting someone new to lead the team; we even considered asking Speedy to run it. But Starfire and I were completely against this idea. It would be almost like replacing him and Robin was one of a kind. He might have been somewhat obsessed with Slade but we forgave him. We always did. It didn't even seem to matter that he was Red X and Slade's apprentice. It makes me wonder how much we would forgive him for. What if he killed someone? I can say that I would still forgive him. I can understand how your evil side can get the better of you. It wouldn't have been his fault.
Beast Boy and Cyborg fight a lot now. I miss having someone to brake up these fights. Starfire tries but we all know that she just isn't firm enough. "Please friends, no more mean talking," really doesn't send anyone into a she-means-business state. Usually it's over stupid things like it used to be but sometimes…Sometimes they act like one of them might actually leave and never come back. "Robin was lucky to get away," is a sentence that is used by Cyborg a lot and it always sends everyone into a depression for a few days. Cyborg seems to have become a lot angrier ever since Robin disappeared. I can't blame him, they were best friends.
Beast Boy makes even more jokes then he used, as if he's trying to cheer everybody up. It's good that he wants us to be happy again but he needs to learn that things are never going to get back to normal. I would never tell him this though, we need him to keep this dark time somewhat lighted. I have to admit that I'm not near as hard on him anymore. I have the feeling that he might like me, but then again, I doubt he could ever get over Terra. He still has that heart shaped box…
Everything fell apart for me when Robin disappeared…I can barely keep my emotions under control anymore. It's sad how the last thing that we did together was fight…Out of all the Titans, I could relate to him best. We both had a darker side to our minds that we really weren't too happy with and we both spent quite a bit of our time alone. He was in his room researching Slade and I was in mine meditating. The problem with our friendship was that he wanted to be much more than friends.
He tried several times to get me to smile, and when I was in my room he'd knock on my door and make sure I was okay. It always seemed like he wasn't too far behind me. One time we went on a walk together and that's when things really got bad. We sat down in the park and began to talk. I was getting cold and started to shiver. He put his arm around me and moved really close…I blushed and I heard something behind us explode. I guess he didn't notice though since he said nothing about it. He just sat there with a smile on his face, it didn't seem like he could be happier. Things were quiet for a long time, and then he leaned in and kissed my cheek. I pushed him away and flew off, leaving him there alone.
I knew that that really hurt him but he's not one to give up easy. He still kept making moves and I kept pushing him away.
Truth is, I wanted to be more then friends too. Robin was perfect and nothing would have made me happier then if we could have been together. But love is an emotion, a very strong emotion. I knew I'd end up loosing control…I wish I could have told him, and now I'll never get a chance…
Part of me thinks that he might still be alive though…I know that that's pretty much impossible but still…We never found a body so who knows. I just feel like this team is incomplete without him. We need to get him back…somehow. Otherwise we're all going to separate and die.
Raven closed her diary and let out a long sigh. It had been two years since that day and she still couldn't get over it. Their team was slowly falling apart and she just didn't know how much longer they were going to last. She had no one else to go to, the Titans were the only one's that had ever accepted her.
Beast Boy knocked on her door. "Raven," He said and she could hear the smile in his voice. "You hungry? Or maybe you'd like to go take a walk? You need to get out of your room sometime or another."
Raven didn't answer him, just stared at the carpet.
"Please Raven," He begged. "Cyborg won't talk to me and Starfire is trying to comfort Cyborg. Not that the asshole needs comfort…Anyway…Come on, we might have a good time."
Raven still kept quiet.
Beast Boy sat down and leaned his back against the door. "I'm not leaving until you come out of that room," He said sounding like he meant it.
Raven slowly got to her feet and walked to the door. She debated going with him for about two minutes and then opened the door.
Beast Boy's face lit up. "So you're going?"
Raven nodded.
He gave her a quick hug and then clapped his hands together. "Let's go." He grabbed her hand and they walked out of the tower.
"So," He said after they had been walking for awhile. "You want to go get something to eat or do you just want to go for a walk? It's whatever you want tonight. Even if I'm craving some soy cheese pizza…" Beast Boy gave a small laugh and looked to Raven to see if he had got her to smile.
There was no sign of any happiness on the goth's face. "I'm not really hungry…" She said while staring at the ground.
Beast Boy stopped walking and turned Raven so she was facing him. "What's wrong with you tonight?" He asked, obviously feeling concerned. "You seem even more out of it then you normally are. How long has it been since you had something to eat?"
"Beast Boy, it's nothing…" Said Raven still trying to avoid eye contact.
"It's not nothing," He said while putting a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You need to eat something. And getting out of your room once and awhile could help too. I'm worried about you, Raven."
Raven could tell Beast Boy wanted to say something about Robin but she knew he wouldn't. Beast Boy never brought up Robin. "Okay," She said, making an attempt to be somewhat happy. "We can go get something to eat."
Beast Boy put his arm around her and nothing blew up.
Tears came into Raven's eyes. He wasn't Robin and he never would be.
