Chapter 2

"TROWA!" Quatre cried his beloved's name even as he doubled over in his own cockpit. Searing pain rippled through his entire body, bringing tears to his already blurry vision as he saw Heavyarms topple to the ground. Enemy suits were closing in from all sides. "I have to . . . protect him . . ." the Arab gasped, desperately sucking air into his burning lungs. "Allah . . . please . . . help me."

He tried again to contact Trowa, but the connection showed only static. All the possible strategies and scenarios played themselves out in his mind, leaving only one option. In his head he quickly tallied the possible risks and necessary sacrifices. It was his only choice, he had to do it . . . but he was terrified.

Another cry was forced from his bleeding lips as a doll blasted Sandrock from behind. 'This is madness! I'm not even hurt, but I can't control myself enough to protect him. I cannot be this weak!' He reached a hand to the keyboard and quickly typed out an all too familiar sequence. 'Allah, please give me strength.'

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"What happened?" Heero's stare was like ice, but somehow knowing that his anger stemmed from concern for his fellow pilots' well-being took an edge off the chill. Quatre smiled weakly up at him, clutching the blanket tighter about his thin shoulders.

"The ZERO system," he replied, his voice just above a whisper.

To say that Heero was disturbed was an understatement. When Sandrock had returned carrying a severely crisped Heavyarms, he, Duo, and Wufei had pulled their unconscious green-eyed companion from his cockpit and immediately carried him inside to tend his wounds. The boy was in pretty bad shape, and it was nearly fifteen minutes before Duo noticed the rather conspicuous absence of Trowa's lover. Heero had retraced their steps to the hanger, leaving Duo and Wufei in the bedroom with the injured pilot.

He reached the hanger to find Sandrock's hatch open, but his pilot still inside. The Japanese boy leapt silently to the platform, finding Quatre still strapped to his seat, curled into a ball, shivering violently. He moved closer, carefully removing the straps from the shuddering body while at the same time checking for injuries, but jerked his hand back as it lightly brushed a bit of the Arab's exposed skin. Quatre was freezing! His skin felt like ice!

Heero quickly pulled the small pilot from his machine, carried him back to the house, and deposited him on the couch. Finding several thick blankets in the hall closet, he returned and wrapped them all around his friend, doing his best to still the fierce tremors.

After several minutes Quatre's shivering became less violent, and he was able to look up at Heero with liquid eyes. Heero had frowned when he saw the twin pools filled with fear and shame, neither an emotion he would have associated with the sunny pilot.

Heero had remained consciously silent, not that he found it difficult as Duo would have, waiting for the blond to explain himself, but as the silence stretched on it became apparent he was not intending to do so.

"and . . ." Heero prompted gently.

Quatre took a deep shuddering breath, attempting to calm the turmoil raging within his soul. Heero was about to repeat himself when the blond finally spoke. "It was j-just--" He stopped, struggling to produce some semblance of composure. With another, slightly calmer breath he began again. "It was just like always. Trowa is always the worst . . . I can't ignore him . . . and we were fighting so close that I felt everything. When he fell . . . I-I couldn't move . . . it hurt so badly . . . but I had to . . . protect him . . ." He broke off, dejectedly, and Heero moved to sit beside him on the couch. "I . . . I was too weak . . . I couldn't protect him . . . it was the only . . . the only way." The light voice had dropped to a bare whisper, and Heero strained to make out the final words.

"The ZERO?" Heero knew his curiosity was running away with him again, but instinct told him he should know as much about this shy boy as possible, and that this may be his last chance for a while.

Though they had spent several weeks in each other's company during their stay in the Sank Kingdom, Heero had since realized that Quatre had shared very little of his feelings about anything other than battle. He had always been more than willing to hear out Heero's feelings and supply a truly understanding ear - something not many could supply to the five child warriors - yet he had never asked for the favor to be returned. This had not bothered or even occurred to Heero at the time, but now he was beginning to wonder.

"Yes." Quatre shuddered beneath his blankets. "It's the only way I've found to block out the pain. It numbs everything." The blond shivered harder, wrapping the blankets closer about himself for protection. "It's frightening . . . but it keeps everything out."

Heero finally understood. "The first time in the ZERO . . . that's what happened."

"Yes." He choked on a sob, but continued. "When I built it my heart was too deeply wounded to respond to anything . . . besides my own pain, and once I was inside it . . . the ZERO blocked all my sensitivity. I couldn't feel the suffering I was causing others, so didn't really realize what I was doing. It's not an excuse, but it's what happened. I couldn't even feel it when you and Trowa . . ." He faltered, squeezing his eyes shut, lost again in the near tragedy, until he regained his shaking voice. ". . . but you saved me, Heero. You and Trowa broke down the wall of ice the ZERO system had built around my heart." He was shuddering again, and Heero wrapped one arm around the trembling shoulders.

"But you've used the ZERO since then, in Sandrock."

"Yes." He frowned. "I've conquered it's control, now, and can safely use it in battle." Heero raised an eyebrow. "The first time was my lapse, not the system's. It merely numbed me to the consequences of my own actions." Heero did not miss the pain or remorse flowing thick behind those words. A long stretch of silence followed, each boy remembering his own experiences with the ZERO.

Finally, Quatre stood up, dropping all the blankets but one. "I should go see Trowa, now."

Heero nodded, and Quatre walked quietly from the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

This mission scared him. His instinct told him how close they had come to losing two of their number, and that was not an event he was willing to accept. They had been through too much together to be lost now.

Failure could not be accepted. He would fight to protect his friends at all costs.

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