Luke had a dream. It was a terrible dream. It started out swell but ended up with him in a despicable position. He dreamed that Leia was jealous because a neato looking women with shocking red hair was paying attention to Luke. But then the neat girl had a lightsaber and started battling with him! The neato girl was winning the lightsaber match. Then Red-hair grabbed Luke's lightsaber and started heading towards Leia! Luke tried to save her but red-hair kicked him and he couldn't get up. What was Leia going to do? But before Neato Redhead could kill the helpless Leia, Han Solo jumped in and started punching the red-haired women's lightsabers without getting hurt! He then killed her and swept Leia off her feet into the Tatooine horizon. Before Luke could stop them, he got beaten up by Chewbacca again! This is when he woke up. Luke looked around but saw nothing but the dark sky. It was not yet the morning but Luke didn't think he could get back to sleep after that nerve-shattering nightmere. He shivered in the cold and looked at his friends, all warm in the nice cozy comforters that Leia had made them. Skywalker spat on the ground in an angry fit. Who was that red haired woman? It didn't matter, it was just a vision in his mind. But he could not jade his fears.
Eventually Han and Chewbacca rose, looking refreshed and relaxed.
"GOOOOOOOOOOD MORNIN'!" Luke yelled. He had a strange smile on his face. It was the smile of a man with dastardly deed in mind.
"Um...hi? You're not usually up at this time. 'Sup wit choo?"
"Nee hee hee. HEE TEE HEE TEE! E.T. THE ALIEN!"
"What...?"
"I don't know. It was some strange delusion."
"Dang, you Jedi are whack!"
Luke smiled again. His eyes were blood shot and had blue bags underneath them. His face was wrinkly yet tight. His thin lips were turning purple from smiling for so long. Something about that dream had put determination in his mind...a drive to win Leia...and a drive to kill any neato red haired women he saw.
Chewie barked a greeting yet it did not sound friendly. He was a hostile wookie!
"Luke?" Han asked tentivly. Luke was rocking back and forth on his ankles, chewing a rock. Surprisingly he was able to break parts off of the large stone and began crunching away as a early breakfast. "Are you okay?" To this Chewie roared something witty and rude but Han paid no mind to the howling alien. "I mean...you look a bit stressed."
"Stress? No, preciousss. We are not stressed...no, my dove. Noooo. We must go now. Must hurry and ready ourselves! Yes, precious, yes!" Luke jumped up and bending over and walking oddly, started gathering travel equipment.
"I agree with you, Luc. I think our little jont out here has lasted long enough. It appears to have stressed you out very much so! And besides I am quite ready to leave Tatooine." Han said with a slight lopsided smile. Luke heard this and howled miserably.
"NOOOO! WE CANNOT LEAVE TATOOINE! NO, PRECIOUS NO!" He glared at everyone. "My business is not yet done." His eyes turned a little redder and his glare a little meaner. And then he relaxed his face and his eyes turned back normally to only having a light veil of pink. "Han, my boy, what I simply mean is why not stay a little longer? We have not yet truly captured the beautifulness of this planet." What I really mean, thought Luke, is that YOUR NOT DEAD YET!
Shaking his head, Han said, "I dunno Luke. This planet is kinda dull. And I don't think it's doin' good things to yah mind! It's messin' things up inside! I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave this god-forsaken mound of dirt. I will send a holomessage to Leia now, to alert her about our return to Coruscant. She will be home from Hapes now." Han Solo walked off to the Millennium Falcon to contact Leia. Using the Force Luke concentrated on his best friend Leia, and could tell she was not at the rebel base but still at Hapes. That's odd, he thought to himself. But this just might work out for me.
"Han! Aw, there you are! I have decided that it is absolutely the best idea to leave! How could I ever question you? Oh, and by the way Han, how is Leia? Is she excited we are coming back?"
Han shook his head looking flustered and low. "She's still on Hapes. Apparently their political negotiations are going to take longer than planned," his voice cracked with a hint of distaste. "Now what am I going to do?"
"Well," the sneaky man said sneakily, "I don't suppose you would like to hang around here any longer?"
Han sighed again. "I guess it's better than spending the time at the rebel base! It's terribly dull there and they send me on dangerous missions! Like, why do I want to do that? Geez mahn!"
"How about we go on a lil' expedition only a hundred kilometers from here? I know a lovely spot to picnic! Scenic flora views!"
Han Solo gathered his stuff while Luke Skywalker packed a picnic. Whilst they were ready to leave, the duo and Chewie started out on their hundred kilometer journey to the wondrous picnic spot Luke raved about.
"It's so beautiful you'll just want to EAT IT UP..." Luke said and then quieted his tone until only the wind could hear his voice," if it doesn't eat you first...heh heh heh."
It was yet another long trudge to their destination. But at least this time Luke knew where he was going! Eventually they came across a cliff, but twas not the TATOOINE CLIFFS but of another sort.
"We're here," Luke exclaimed happily. Han and Chewie did not roar in excitement.
"GROOOOOAGK!"
"Where's the floral view, Luke? I WANNA SEE FLOWERS!"
"Tsk tsk my impatient friends. For your scenic sight of flora you must merely look into the cavern."
The wookie and Han looked down into the deep of the cliff. They screamed in surprise at what they saw. It was not delightful flowers that greeted their eyes but a sarlacc, a man-eating flower! Han and Chewie and Luke had encountered this sarlacc before when they were to be executed by Jabba the Hutt. It had almost claimed the life of Han's best bud Lando! Both of them were not to please to be seeing this hungry flower again. Luke simply smiled smugly.
"Are you not pleased?"
"LUKE! THIS IS NOT A FLORAL DELIGHT! I DO NOT SEE PRETTY FLOWERS CURESSING MY EYELIDS! THIS IS A SARLACC AND IF WE FALL INTO HIS DEATH TRAP WE WILL BE SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY DIGESTED OVER A THOUSAND YEARS! THIS IS NOT A PERFECT PICNIC SPOT!"
"Well, talk about picky. I'd thought you'd like it here but I guess you are just a scaredy cat . Yep, a little afraid of a flower. A flower! Hear that, Chewie? Han's afraid of a flower." Luke and Chewie laughed.
"Laugh it up, fuzzball. Fine! Fine! We'll eat lunch here. But then we leave, capice?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
The blanket was all set up and the three of them sat nicely on the blanket.
"Haven't you set our blanket a little close to the edge of the cliff?" asked Han warily.
"Of course not!" The blanket teetered on the edge. "I made everyone special sandwiches!" Luke screamed. Han beamed and Chewbacca roared in delight. "For me I have Calamarian meat on Bimm bread. For my good pal Chewie we have wookie meat on wookie bread." Luke handed the wookie the wookie sandwich. Chewbacca roared and thrust his fist and his stub hand into the air.
"Chewbacca hates wookie sandwiches!" Han yelled.
'I know," Luke said with a tiny laugh. "And for my bestest bud ever...I made your absolute favourite. YSALARMI MEAT ON BIMM BREAD!" Luke said pulling the sandwich out of the basket. Saliva dripped from Han's mouth. His eyes turned wild. His face became that of a dog. "Y-y-ys-s-salarmi spit meat on slobber b-bimm gurgle br-read? R-really?"
"Yes, really. I know you love it."
Luke had came prepared. Han Solo, tough as nails Hanna, had one weakness. Ysalarmi meat on Bimm bread. He loved it. He longed for it. He even KILLED for it. He would give up anyone's life for just a nibble of the sandwich. He didn't get a taste often though, because Ysalarmi are hard to come by. But when he did you couldn't see a happier man.
"G-give google it to me oogle now, L-Luke. Puh-lease, now Luke." Han looked wild.
"Of course, Hannie! Here ya g---WHOOPS!" When Luke was reaching to hand the sandwich to Han it "slipped" out of his fingers and into the treacherous cavern below! By accident of course.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Han broke into a fit of sobs and tears. Luke and Chewie held their aching ears. The sound of his cries shook the planet and boulders broke in half.
"Golly gee, I'm real sorry about that, Han. Hey look! Your sandwich landed on that little ledge down their! Maybe you could climb down and get it?"
Han gurgled a reply and then started climbing down the long canyon until he would reach the tiny cliff where his sandwich lay. One false move and he would fall to be eaten by the sarlacc's favourite meal; man flesh. This is what Luke counted on.
Chewie and Luke watched Han daintily climb down the canyon, foot hold by foot hold, hand hold for hand fold. It wasn't until Han reached his sandwich that Luke found out his plan was not working. How come Han hadn't fallen? How come the sarlacc hadn't grabbed him with it's tentacles? It's asleep, that's why, Luke though. He grabbed his calamarian sandwich and Chewie's untouched food and threw them down at the sarlacc. Han was fastly making his way up the canyon with sandwich in tow. Luke didn't know what to do! He saw many rocks and threw them at the dozing plant. Finally a sandy tentacle rouse up and made a snatch at Solo. He screamed and quickened his pace up the cavern wall.
Chewbacca barked happily as Han had managed to dodge the plant's wrath and was a few foot holds away from being up safely at the top of cliff. Luke was bursting inside! All of his plans had failed! He did not think he could take much more of it. He ran to the edge where Han was just pulling himself up. Luke grabbed Han's collar and screamed.
"Luke! Luke! It's okay, ya don't need to help me up...really! Luke, stop it! LUKE!" Han yelled as he was jostled up and down hanging precariously above the dangerous plant. Luke was so angry! Just as he was about to drop Han to his death, Han grabbed Luke and pulled himself onto the ledge but sent Luke flying! Luke fell down and down and was just about to fall into the jaws of the sarlacc when he grabbed a ledge of the cliff and began pulling himself up. He looked way, way up to see Chewbacca laughing at his fall and Han...well Han was pretty much tuned out in his own little sandwich world.
Luke struggled to pull himself up the cavern wall. He was not as strong or muscular as Han Solo and had trouble finding foot holds. Luke used his lightsaber to ward off the tentacles but he could not keep it up for long.
It took an hour until Luke was almost at the top. Just...one...more...reach...but oh! Luke's foot was taken a hold of by a large plant tentacle!
"Help me," he screamed but Chewbacca was laughing at Luke's struggles and Han was still tasting his lunch. Luke knew if he didn't act fast he would lose his life to this sarlacc. He grabbed his lightsaber and with a quick swish! and a death driven scream from himself, the tentacle and Luke's foot fell back towards the head of the sarlacc.
He climbed up just to see Han rise, a dreamy and aimless smile floating across his face.
"Hey, Luke," he said. "What happened to your foot?"
Luke had just finished bandaging his stub of his foot. He lay against a rock and looked at the Millennium Falcon. Could it have been a mistake to come here? No, he thought. No! I have not wasted a week beating myself up. The problem is I've used methods that are not fool-proof. No I must be more straight forward. I know what I can do to get the job done.
