pt.23
(CIA Prison-Vaughn is entering Sark's cell)
Vaughn: (looking around) Cool fort you have. Where do you go to the bathroom at? I don't like peeing in public.
Sark: What do you want?
Vaughn: (still looking around) Oh, yeah. Jack wanted me to tell u that your da bomb.
Sark: Well, I've never been that fond of Jack but tell him thank you.
Vaughn: (still looking around) Do they let you have nightlights in here, I don't like the dark.
Sark: No.
Vaughn: (turns to leave) Oh yeah, now I remember. Do you have a gun I could borrow?
Sark: What?
Vaughn: (looking down at the ground) Well….I kind of took Sydney's to play with since the CIA won't let me have a real gun and I kind of lost it.
Sark: How did you lose a gun?
Vaughn: It kind of got lost in the playpen at Chucky Cheese.
Sark: Why on earth would you go to Chucky Cheese?
Vaughn: Because McDonald's won't let me in their playpen.
Sark: I miss Lauren.
Vaughn: Who's Lauren? Oh, is that your btch? Or wait, are you somebody's btch? I've heard how rough prison can be.
Sark: I have a burning in my soul for her.
Vaughn: Um..dude. You might wanna get that checked out.
Sark: What?
Vaughn: I once had a rash and believe me you don't want it to spread. The doctor might have to cut off your thingy.
Sark: Please, Please get me out of here. I can't take it anymore.
Vaughn: Ok, come on. Let's go. You can stay with me. I've always wanted a roommate. But don't sit on the toilet seat, I don't wanna catch your burning.
Sark: (as there leaving) How do you feel about dress up?
(Sydney's Apartment)
Sydney: (looking around) Have you seen my gun anywhere?
Nadia: No.
Sydney: Mmm…cause I went to get it and all I found was a piece of paper with a gun drawn on it.
Nadia: (shrugs her shoulders) Did I ever tell you that I was part of an SD-6 type alliance in Argentina?
Sydney:
What did I tell you about talking?
Nadia: Oh right. I think I'm
gonna take a few days off to find our mother's killer.
Sydney: Your talking again. (hears a cough from the closet-goes and opens the closet door-Weiss is standing in it) What the hell are you doing Weiss?
Weiss: Is this not the arcade? Ok, you busted me. I just came here to see Nadia.
Sydney: Your pathetic.
Weiss: At least I'm not into bondage. I saw those marks on Vaughn's back.
Sydney: (give's him a dirty look)
Weiss: Or so I've heard. I'll be going now. (stops and turns around) Would you mind walking me to my car.
Sydney: Why?
Weiss: Because I'm afraid Jack will be out there, he's been following me lately.
(CIA Undergound-Meeting Room)
Sloane: Ok, lets get started. (looks around) Anyone have anything new?
Marshall: Actually, I found came across some classified intel on server 6 and…
Sloane: That's nice. How's your baby doing.? Why don't you ever let me babysit? I'm really good with kids. I've always wanted to have a baby and then put it into show business. Those Olsen twins were just the cutest on Full House.
Vaughn: (enters-wearing a blonde wig, makeup, and a dress) Sorry I'm late.
Jack: Nobody told me is was drag queen day?
Weiss: We can't get casual Friday passed but we get drag queen day passed.
Jack: I have one of Irena's old dresses that would look fabulous on me as it accentuates my manhood.
Sloane: Do you have anything that would make my calves look slimmer?
Vaughn: Do you like my new look? Sark said it made me look pretty. But then he got mad when I couldn't talk in a British accent.
Sydney: So you saw Sark yesterday. Need he have any information?
Vaughn: I don't know. Ask him yourself. You should ask him to make you a double chocolate milkshake, those are really good. He made me one just before I got here, except then I fell asleep on the couch so be careful. I think it was all the chocolate.
Sloane: Why don't you have a seat so we can end this meeting as soon as possible.
Vaughn: No thank you. It hurts my butt when I sit down. I just woke up and it was really sore. Kind of like the time I left my G.I. Joe figures on the couch and accidently sat on them. Oh wait, I'm thinking of that time Sydney, remember, when you had the whip and you made me bend……
Sloane: Jack, did you bring the tape of Hissan's old mission for us to look over.
Jack: Yep. (plugs tape in-is a sex tape of him and Irena)
Sydney: Gross dad.
Jack: Oh, yeah. I forgot I recorded over this. (starts watching the tape) A little to the left, A little to the right. That a boy Jacky.
Vaughn: (his phone rings) Hello. Dad? Its you? I thought you were dead! Can I call you back, I'm in a meeting right now. Ok. Bye daddy. (hangs up) Shooty, I didn't get his number.
Sloane: Hold on. (leaves and then comes back in with a tape) Mine is better (is a tape of him and Irena) This might be when you were conceived Nadia.
Jack: I like that position your leg is in. How do you do that. (Him and Sloane start putting their leg up on the table so Sloane can teach him)
Weiss: So Nadia, what are you doing tonight?
Nadia: For heaven's sake Weiss. I'm a lesbian. Leave me alone.
Weiss: No way. Really? Oh my God.
Sloane: Weiss, you please come to the front to share your report.
Weiss: (looks down at his pants) Mmm..I can't right now sir. (turns to Nadia) You know, Vaughn has this Sims 2 game that we could make happen in real life.
