Disclaimer: Nothing "Lost" is mine.
Prisons
Every night before I go to sleep, I pretend I'm somewhere else.
It doesn't matter where. Anywhere without sand.
By now, it feels like everything is sand. It is everywhere. In my eyes, in my mouth, in my uniform. I know the sky is burning above me, know the awful, empty water is stretching endlessly mocking as always, but somehow all that matters is the sand.
I tried to join the expedition group to the caves, to get away from it. But I couldn't go into the jungle. I wanted to, I needed to, but something kept pushing me away. Something like wind, or invisible hands running over and through me and turning me back. The leader was not happy with me. I'm used to it.
But all that day, I felt like there was something just behind me, or sitting on my shoulder. Something soft and cold that made me sick and ecstatic at the same time.
So I can't go back to the caves.
I don't dream anymore on the Island.
Before we came here, I dreamt all the time. I didn't even have to be asleep, I just had wonderful imaginary adventures in my head. I could escape whenever I wanted to.
But now, I can hardly remember what dreaming is like, how something can be so detached and unreal. Certainly not during the day, and even when I sleep, I feel half awake. Everything is so... blank.
I guess it's from sleeping on so much sand.
Everyone left for the caves today.
We've been fighting for days about it, and finally someone suggested we take a vote. I didn't want to vote. I will stay on the sand until I die, if I have to. I tried to explain that I wasn't allowed to go with them, it wasn't my fault. I don't think they should have gone either, but I can't tell them what to do. I was not appointed the head of this party, even if I should have been.
They made me vote, though. They said it wouldn't be democratic otherwise.
What did they think would happen?
I'm still not sure why they didn't carry me in with them like they threatened. M. Robert is certainly strong enough.
I know they think I am crazy. I am used to that, too.
I have some more in mind for this. Please let me know what you think. Without you, my muses just laugh and say "Yeah, right. Like that's gonna happen."
