pt. 30

(CIA Meeting room)

Weiss: (looks at Sydney) Sydney, what happened to your neck?

Sydney: (brushes her hair back-reveals two bite holes)

Sloane: Did Jason Cahill do that to you? I knew I should have gotten Buffy. Or even those Charmed girls.

Sydney: No Vaughn did this to me. He thought it would be sexy.

Vaughn: Hey, it was sexy. Until all your blood got into my mouth.

Jack: (starts laughing)

Sydney: What?

Jack: You sure do know how to pick em.

Sydney: Excuse me. Ok, Mr. I married a double agent and was then attracted to Francie who ended up evil as well.

Jack: Hey! Francie was cute, and I liked her before she got all evil.

Sloane: (shakes his head) That P.M.S., really is an awful thing, isn't it? Can make even the most alluring woman turn into Satan's side kick. I really need to stop watching Dr. Phil.

Weiss: (whispering to Vaughn) Do you think Nadia would like a little love bite like that?

(Sydney's apartment)

Sydney: (taking her temperature while looking at the bite marks in the side of her neck)

Vaughn: Hey, how come you never wear sexy lingerie for me like you wear for those foreign guys all the time? (walks in) What are you doing? (sees Sydney holding the thermometer) Oh no! Is that a pregnancy test? You have been looking kind of chubby lately.

Sydney: I'm taking my temperature.

Vaughn: That's not how you use a pregnancy test. Your suppose to pee on it. Like this! (takes thermometer and pees on it and hands it back to Syd)

Sydney: Gross, and I'm not pregnant!

Vaughn: (gasps) The baby's not mine! (grabs his things) I'm keeping the drawer! (stomps off-turns back around) And the whipped cream! (grabs it and leaves)

(Sloane's House-Nadia's birthday-their all eating dinner)

Sloane: And happy birthday Nadia. I can't believe that my little girl is now..uh..twenty..five…twenty six. Oh, who knows. (having a hard time picking up mac and cheese) You know, someone should invent a multi-task utensil.

Weiss: Like what?

Sloane: I don't know, like a knife and fork, a knife and spoon or a fork and spoon. A spork! It could be called a spork! That's sounds cool. Doesn't it?

Jack: That'll never work.

Nadia: Thank you Dad, for the new clothes.

Sloane: Well, I know how you lesbians like your flannel.

Jack: Hold on. I almost forgot about my present. (leaves the room)

Sloane: Weiss, what are your intentions with my daughter?

Weiss: What do you mean?

Sloane: Well what do you plan on doing with her?

Weiss: (whispering) I have condoms, if that's what you mean.

Sloane: No, I mean do you plan on marrying her?

Nadia: Dad, I'm a lesbian.

Sloane: No your not. Its just a little phase your going through. Anyways, Weiss, are you gonna marry her?

Weiss: Well, I don't know.

Sloane: Please say you will. I have a ring all picked out. Please. You don't know what its like to have someone constantly mooch of you. I was able to push her off on to Sydney but I just can't do that to Sydney any longer. I'm not that cruel.

Sydney: Thank you Sloane. Come on Weiss. Marry the wannabe carpet muncher!

Nadia: I'm not a wannabe!

Sydney: What about that toy I found in your nightstand?

Nadia: That you have yet to give back to me!

Sydney: (slouches down)

(the lights dim-the chef wheels out a giant birthday cake-Jack jumps out wearing nothing but a speedo)

Jack: Happy Birthday Nadia. Would you like some dessert?

Weiss: Hey! (stands up) That was totally my idea! You stole it!

Jack: Was not!

Weiss: Was too. And that's my speedo!

Jack: No its not!

Weiss: Yes it is. There the ones I stole from Vaughn!

Jack: Well that would explain the 'Sark, exit only' on the butt.

Weiss: Give it back!

Jack: Ok. (starts to take them off)

Sloane: Oh Jack. Stop that. Even I'm not drunk enough to see that. (dinner timer goes off) Ok, everyone out of the house. Out of the house. Desperate Housewives is on. Get going. Out, out!