An hour had gone by. Ryan and Marissa were working on their fourth beer each and sitting in the living room, laughing.
"And the time we were in LA! We told that bouncer you were a star on The Valley and got in through the VIP door in the back!" Marissa rolled back on the couch with laughter, while Ryan smiled and laughed, amused not only by the memories, but also by Marissa.
"That was a fun night."
"I don't care what anybody says…I should have been the brains."
Ryan smiled and shook his head. "Nope…still the beauty."
Laughter ceased immediately. Marissa gazed into Ryan's eyes and an awkward silence crept into the room. Ryan held her gaze for as long as he could, but then let his eyes drop to the floor, shifting uneasily in his seat. Ryan brought his beer bottle to his lips and took a long sip. He brought the bottle away from his lips and let it sit on his hip. Marissa stood up slowly, setting her beer bottle on the coffee table.
"I'll be right back." Marissa said while she took a few steps away from the couch. Ryan nodded, and she walked down the very small hallway and into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind her. Marissa put a hand on her stomach and let the breath she had been holding come out with one large whoosh. She looked into the mirror for a few moments, and stared blankly at her own reflection. She propped herself up against the sink, and hung her head, trying desperately to stop thinking about Ryan.
Back in the living room, Ryan stared blankly at the now empty couch. He brought his beer bottle to his lips, drinking down the remaining liquid. He swallowed hard, turned his head away from Marissa's empty seat, and stared at the dirty carpet for a few seconds. With a small sigh, he stood up and walked slowly into the kitchen. He worked yet another empty beer bottle into the still brimming trashcan, and closed the cabinet door. He reached up and pulled a clean glass off a shelf above him. He turned the tap on and let the clear water run into his glass. He gulped down the water quickly and returned it to the endless stream, letting it fill again. He walked back through the kitchen and lingered in the small space dividing the kitchen and the living room. The bathroom door slid open and Marissa emerged, immediately looking to Ryan, who remained standing, his beer bottle replaced by a water glass.
"Hey…" Her voice trailed as her steps brought her closer to him. Ryan portrayed his classic half smile, and Marissa's eyes dropped to the floor, staring at her feet.
"I was thinking, maybe…" Ryan shifted his weight and looked at Marissa out of the corners of his eyes. "Maybe I should go." Marissa's eyes darted up toward Ryan immediately, questions running across her eyes. Ryan looked into Marissa eyes and took a small step forward. "I just mean…Alex will probably be home soon, and I wouldn't want…" Ryan shook his head as it dropped toward the floor. "I don't know…I don't want to create a problem or –"
"You won't."
Ryan nodded hesitantly and looked up at Marissa. "You're sure."
Marissa's brow furrowed just slightly, and she nodded her head. "Think so." Ryan smiled once again and brought his glass of water to his lips. Suddenly, the front door knob jiggled and the door swung open, banging into the neighboring wall. An obviously tipsy Alex stumbled through the door, cringing at the loud noise. She stepped into the small apartment, closing the door behind her. Marissa and Ryan stood still, as if just caught by some parent. Alex hadn't even noticed the two of them yet, but as she spun on her heels to turn into the room again, her eyes were immediately brought to Ryan. She blinked a few times as the situation solidified into her brain and her gaze turned toward Marissa.
Marissa had been eyeing Alex since she entered the apartment, unsure as to what was coming next. Marissa's fingers crawled up to her face and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Her eyes darted towards the floor as Alex looked in her direction. Eventually Marissa took a step forward as Alex remained staring dumbly at both Ryan and Marissa.
"So…how was work?" Marissa tried to ask brightly. Alex looked at her out of the corners of her eyes. "What is he doing here?" She retorted quickly. Marissa looked over at Ryan who immediately looked down at the floor. "He um…he just needed a place to go. I thought…"
"You thought you'd bring him here." Alex stated, finishing Marissa's sentence.
Ryan took a step forward, deciding it was time to pipe in. "If it's a problem…I can go…"
"It's not a problem." Marissa stated firmly, looking at Alex the whole time. Ryan stood back as the two stared at each other for a few seconds. "No…it's no problem." Alex managed a smile and took a few steps towards her bedroom. "I'm just going to change. I'll be right back." Alex was in the bedroom, with the door shut behind her before Ryan or Marissa could respond. Ryan turned his head towards Marissa, who was looking toward the closed bedroom door.
"I can still leave, y'know."
Marissa turned back to Ryan, and shook her head slightly. "Ryan, it's okay. She's just a little…well, drunk."
"Yeah…well I'm certainly not drunk anymore."
"Kinda ruined our buzz, huh?"
Ryan smiled, "Yeah…kinda."
The two shared a brief smile before the bedroom door opened and a more comfortable looking Alex stepped out. She walked past Ryan and Marissa without a word, and made her way towards the fridge. Her head disappeared inside momentarily before emerging again, this time with a beer in her hand. She twisted the top off and crossed the kitchen to the sink. She propped the cabinet door open with her foot, and stopped, looking down at the brimming trashcan.
"I thought you were going to take the trash out." Alex snapped as she pulled the trash can out from under the sink, and unwrapped the bag from around the plastic can.
"Um…" Marissa shifted her weight and looked over at Alex. Ryan's gaze shifted between the two of them. He took a step forward, and extended his arm up. "Um…I can take it out." Alex eyed Ryan and then passed the bag off to him. Ryan turned quickly and made his way back through the living room. As he walked, he snatched the pack of cigarettes off the coffee table, and opened the front door, leaving it unlatched behind him.
As soon as Ryan stepped out of the apartment, Alex glared at Marissa. Marissa took a hesitant step towards Alex. "Look, I'm sorry…but he had nowhere to go. I really didn't think it would be a problem."
"I saw the two of you on the pier."
Marissa's brow furrowed and she took another step forward. "What?"
"I saw the two you of you. Standing outside in the rain. You had your arm around him."
"Alex, it's not what you think…"
"Oh, I don't think you know what I'm thinking."
"Look, if it's that big of a problem, he can leave. It would be fine."
"Yeah, it would be fine. I kick him out, you think I'm a complete bitch, and everything's perfect, right?" Alex snapped before taking another sip of her beer.
"I already told you I'm sorry. What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to tell me that there is nothing going on with you two."
"There is nothing going on with me and Ryan. His girlfriend just left him, he was standing alone in the pouring rain…"
"And you were quick to run to his aid."
"Look, Ryan and I…
Outside, Ryan leaned against the small railing outside Alex's apartment. He took another long drag off his cigarette and looked around at the water that still dripped off of everything. He was trying hard to not eavesdrop, but it wasn't working well.
"…We're friends now. It's taken a lot for us to actually even be friends…but that's it. I'm with you, remember." Marissa stated affirmatively.
With that, Alex softened a bit. She stared into Marissa's eyes and let out a sigh. Alex's head dropped to the ground as she spoke. "I'm sorry." "Me too." Marissa replied quickly, and moved closer. "I should have just talked to you when you walked in the door. Explained what had happened."
"No. Well…yeah, it would have been nice. But I jumped to conclusions…" Alex's voice trailed off.
"It's okay."
They each smiled at the other and Alex reached her arm over, grabbing hold of Marissa's hand. Marissa's thumb ran over the top of Alex's hand, comforting her. There was a small thud on the door as it was slowly pushed open. Ryan stepped into the room, and latched the door behind him. He turned to face Marissa and Alex, who both stood in the kitchen looking at him.
"Everything…okay?"
Marissa nodded her head. "Yeah."
"We're good, thanks for taking the trash out." Alex offered with a smile.
"No problem." Ryan stated.
"Is it still raining?" Marissa questioned trying to break the tension.
"Um…I think it stopped for a while, but it's beginning to pick up again."
Marissa nodded her head as Alex pulled a fresh trash bag out of the pantry, and placed it in the empty trashcan. Ryan returned to his chair, and took a seat. Marissa moved back into the living room taking her former seat on the couch, Alex was not far behind her, she glanced at Ryan briefly and took a seat next to Marissa.
---
A few hours later, and after both Marissa and Alex convinced Ryan to switch back to beer from water, the three of them sat in the living room, surprisingly enough, enjoying each others company. Ryan sat back in his chair and took a long swig of his beer. He looked across the room at Marissa and Alex who were talking quickly about something he knew nothing about. Either way, and especially in his drunken state, he found them amusing. After a few minutes, Marissa and Alex finished their conversation and silence filled the room, as it had a few times before over the last few hours. Ryan turned his wrist and looked down at his watch.
"Wow…it's late." Ryan slurred.
"Damn, I have to get to bed." Alex stated, immediately standing up. Marissa's head shot up and quickly glanced between Alex and Ryan. "Um…Ryan, you can crash on the couch. I'll grab you a blanket and pillow."
"Yeah, thanks Alex."
Alex walked into the bedroom leaving Ryan and Marissa alone. They stared at each other for a few seconds unsure of what to say. Marissa's eyes darted towards the floor, and Ryan's immediately followed. Marissa could hear Alex bustling around her bedroom through the thin wall, she turned back to Ryan, "Well, this wasn't so bad." Marissa stated softly trying to ease the tension.
Ryan smiled and looked at Marissa. "Yeah, I actually had a good time tonight."
Marissa smiled. "I'm glad."
"Yeah…" Ryan smiled once again and looked into Marissa's eyes. "…Thank you." Marissa opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. They both just simply looked at each other, as if mesmerized.
Alex walked back into the room, a blanket under one arm and a pillow under the other. Neither Ryan, nor Marissa noticed her entrance, each of them caught up in the other. Alex's eyes moved from one corner to the other while she observed the scene before her.
"Ahem…"
Both Ryan and Marissa snapped out of it, and jerked their heads towards Alex. She shifted her weight and dropped the blanket and pillow onto the couch.
"I'm going to bed." Alex stated.
"Yeah, I should get some sleep, too." Ryan said softly.
Marissa stood up, but obviously wasn't eager to speak up. Alex turned and walked into the bathroom, while Marissa moved away from the couch. Ryan stood up slowly and stripped off his barely dry t-shirt, leaving himself in his wife beater. Marissa stared at Ryan while his back was to her, but looked away quickly as he turned toward her.
"Well…goodnight." Marissa stated softly, momentarily getting lost in Ryan's deep blue eyes.
"Goodnight, Marissa."
They both managed a small smile and Marissa disappeared into the bedroom. Ryan settled into the quasi-comfortable couch and spread the blanket over the lower half of his body. He crossed his arms behind his head and stared wide-eyed up at the ceiling.
Marissa was sitting on the edge of Alex's bed, waiting for her to enter the room. A million things were running through her head, the biggest of which, being her ex-boyfriend, who was currently only a room away from her. The squeak of a door hinge snapped Marissa back to reality, and she looked towards Alex who stepped into the bedroom, her hair tied back loosely.
"You okay?" Marissa questioned cautiously.
"Yeah." Alex responded quickly.
Marissa stood up and walked over to Alex. "You're sure?" Alex smiled, and nodded her head. "Yeah, everything's fine." Marissa smiled as well and leaned in, giving Alex a quick kiss. "I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Alex nodded and Marissa pushed past her, exiting the room.
Ryan's head tilted up slightly when he heard the bedroom door open but returned to its former place as he heard the bathroom door close. He settled back into the couch and closed his eyes for the first time.
"Ryan…" Marissa's voice seamlessly floated in the air in the form of a whisper. Ryan's eyes immediately shot open, and he turned his body slightly. He peered over at Marissa who was peeping out from behind the threshold.
"I forgot to say that…" There was a long pause as Marissa and Ryan stared at each other through the dark room. "…You're welcome." Ryan smiled and Marissa could see it perfectly despite the pitch black in the room. "Goodnight, Ryan." Marissa smiled and disappeared into the bedroom before Ryan could respond. He shifted onto his back once again and let out a deep breath before closing his eyes for the second time.
---
Marissa walked quietly through the bedroom, and crawled into her side of Alex's bed. Alex was already in bed, laying on her side, with her back to Marissa. "Goodnight." Marissa stated softly, as she pulled the covers up to her shoulders. Alex rolled over in the bed slowly so she was facing Marissa. Marissa looked over at Alex, who was staring at her intently.
"How serious were you and Ryan?" Alex asked bluntly, breaking the silence.
Marissa was taken off guard, and stumbled over her words. "Um…me and Ryan? Well…we were…um…"
"I'll take that as pretty serious."
Marissa opened her mouth to speak, but immediately thought twice, unsure how to answer the question. Eventually, she mustered the nerve. "Ryan and I have been broken up for a while…"
"Okay, but we've never talked about him."
"I thought you wanted to go to sleep." Marissa stated almost pleading.
"Changed my mind." Alex retorted quickly.
"Okay…well um…why?"
"We talked about me and Jody…and me and Seth. And now that I think about it, almost all of my previous relationships. Why can't we talk about you and Ryan?"
"We can."
"Okay."
"Well…what do you want to know?"
"Did you love him?"
Marissa looked away from Alex quickly. "Straight to the point…" Marissa murmured quietly as her voice trailed and she closed her eyes briefly. "Yes."
There was an awkward silence in the room as Marissa stared up at the ceiling and Alex continued to stare at Marissa. Eventually, Alex spoke up, breaking the silence. "How did you meet?"
"Um…I was standing at the edge of my driveway waiting for my ride. It was before my parents got divorced, we used to live in the house next door to the Cohen's."
"You and Seth were neighbors?" Alex asked slightly amused. Marissa smiled and turned her head towards Alex. "Yeah…" She stopped, and looked up to the ceiling again, part of her hoping that somehow Alex would forget about the real question. "And…" Alex pressed. Marissa glanced back to Alex, and continued. "I was standing out there and then all of a sudden, there he was." Marissa looked past Alex, obviously lost in thought. "It was his first night in Newport…he was waiting outside, having a smoke, while Sandy convinced Kirsten to let him stay the weekend…" Marissa's voice trailed off and she looked up at the ceiling again. "We just…connected. He was like nobody I'd ever met before."
Alex continued to stare at Marissa, reading the mix of emotions that were running across Marissa's face. "So did you two start dating immediately?"
Marissa laughed, almost amused by the thought. "No. I was dating Luke at the time."
"Luke, the guy that slept with your mom?"
"Yeah, that's him. It took a while before Ryan and I actually started dating. It was never easy with us."
"What happened?" Alex continued to pry.
"That's a really long story." Marissa stated, suddenly no longer wanting to talk about Ryan. Alex slid her body towards Marissa in bed. "I've got some time…" She retorted softly.
Marissa sighed, and turned her head towards Alex. "Things were…" Her eyes darted around the room uncomfortably. "…Complicated. People came between us, things happened…every time we thought we were figuring it out, something else would happen. Then, at the beginning of last summer, he moved back to Chino and that was…it."
"But you loved him…"
"The good out weighed the bad with Ryan. We had these…moments…when things were good with us, it was like time stopped…like nothing else mattered…" Marissa's voice trailed off once again, and Alex watched as Marissa's eyes welled and then settled.
"You still love him, don't you?" Alex said quickly.
Marissa looked taken aback, she looked guilty, but nodded her head slowly nonetheless. "I think I'll always love Ryan…it doesn't just go away because you want it to."
Alex shifted onto her back and stared up at the ceiling for the first time since their conversation started.
"Ryan is…Ryan is in the past…"
"Apparently not…" Alex said without looking at Marissa.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Marissa questioned, suddenly defensive.
"I just mean…you still love him."
"Alex, you wanted to know about us. I told you the truth…what do you want me to say?"
"I don't know, Marissa." Alex finally turned her head and looked over at Marissa. "Seems as though the past is in my living room."
Marissa opened her mouth, but as usual, nothing came out. Alex nodded her head slightly and looked back towards the ceiling. "I have to get to sleep…" She turned onto her side and put her back towards Marissa once again. Marissa stared at her back for a few seconds and then settled herself in and closed her eyes.
---
