"Jed," I call softly as I reach out for him and find his side of the bed cold and empty. The light in the bathroom is off but there a little light coming from the sitting room. I contemplate just going back to sleep for about 3 seconds. I figure if his side of the bed is cold, he's been up for a while. Just want to make sure he's ok, that he's not sick or brooding with a glass of scotch. "Jed, honey," I call a little louder as I throw on my robe and head for the other room. He's sitting with his back to me and he gives a little wave over his shoulder but doesn't turn around. I walk around to stand in front of him. He's sitting on the overstuffed chair wearing his robe. One of the extra blankets is thrown over his legs and his slippered feet are on the ottoman. A cup of tea sits on the table next to him; I think he's been awake for a while as the tea is barely warm when I take a sip. "Are you ok?" I ask as I climb onto his lap.

"I don't know. I woke up to use the bathroom and couldn't go back to sleep," he explains as he puts his arms around me and shifts my weight a little, trying to get comfortable. "That's better," he sighs.

"You could have woken me up."

"You were sound asleep, you didn't even wake up when I tripped over the desk chair," Jed laughs as he slips his hand inside my bathrobe, pushing up my pajama top to rest his hand against my ribcage. I snuggle closer, pulling the blanket up a little higher.

"So what's really wrong?" I feel him shrug his shoulders and take a deep breath. His normal move when he's stalling for time, trying to get his thoughts in order. "Do you feel ok?" I ask as I reach to feel his forehead. He's nice and cool.

"Yeah. Just feeling a little...I don't know..."

"Tired, old, sad?" I guess as I reach inside his robe and rest my hand on his hip.

"Yeah, something like that. Just seems like it's all downhill from here," he says with a sad laugh.

"Well, Jed to be honest, I wasn't sure you'd make it this far," I admit quietly.

"I know, me either," he whispers.

I run my hand up his side, stopping when my fingers reach the scar right under his ribcage. I think about how when he was shot, I felt like we were given a second chance, that someone up there wanted us to have more time together.

"When did you start thinking that maybe I'd have to give it all up?" Jed asks curiously a few minutes later.

"On the plane, coming home from China," I reply, shuddering at the memory of Jed passed out cold in the wheelchair. That was a moment I hope to never live through again.

"Yeah. I had visions of you ordering the plane to land in Manchester and just drop us off at the farm," he laughs, a deep, hearty laugh that reverberates through both of us as we're curled up in the chair. He hasn't laughed enough lately, I miss that sound.

"It had crossed my mind. But I knew there was no reason for us to think that you wouldn't recover."

"I didn't recover completely," he says as he points to the cane that is hooked over the arm of the chair. "Do you think I'll ever get rid of it?"

"Honestly?" He nods a little. "Probably not." Jed sighs but I don't think he's surprised at my answer. He has used the cane before after an "episode" but he could usually get rid of it after a week or two. This time it's been months and while he's come a long way, I don't think he'll come back fully. And I think that's the way it's going to be from now on. I expect that with each future episode he'll take longer to recover and not quite come all the way back. But he doesn't ask me for any more predictions so I don't give them. One day he'll ask and I'll be honest. But until then, my predictions will remain my own.

"We live on borrowed time," he whispers out of the blue as he kisses the top of my head.

"Can't smile without you," I mutter back.

"Huh?" Jed asks as he gives me a strange look.

"I'm sorry, I thought we were listing Barry Manilow songs," I tease, trying to lighten the mood a little

"Cute," he says with a grin before returning to his vague brooding state.

So much for lightening the mood.

"We do, live on borrowed time, I mean. And each day is a gift."

"And we don't know how many gifts we have left," Jed whispers. I hold him tight, resting my head on his chest. I can both feel and hear his breath catch as his emotions finally get the best of him. He rests his chin on the top of my head for a minute, trying to keep from completely falling apart. I reach to wipe the tears from his face and his silent tears dissolve into hiccupping sobs. I scoot up a little to sit on the arm of the chair, putting my bare feet on the opposite arm. Jed leans his head back; curling up in the corner of the chair. I run my fingers through his hair. I can't help but notice how gray it's gotten lately.

Somehow I manage to hold my own emotions in check as Jed cries like he hasn't cried in years. I'm not sure what exactly brought all this on, but at this point, that's not really all that important. Making him feel safe and loved is what matters.

When his tears slow I pull a tissue out of the pocket of my robe. "Is it clean?" he asks with a little laugh as stares at the crumpled blue tissue.

"More or less," I answer with a smirk. He wipes his face and blows his nose. "Feel better now?" I ask as I carefully take the tissue from him and toss it on the coffee table.

"Yeah. I'm surprised I held everything in that long," he muses as he pulls me back down onto his lap. "I have no idea where that came from," he mutters against my neck.

"It's been a long few days, you're exhausted, jet-lagged..."

"And let's not forget, old and soon to be unemployed," he adds with a laugh.

"I prefer the term "retired"," I tease as I slide off his lap and stand up. "Come back to bed." Jed lets me pull him to his feet and he reluctantly takes the cane I hold out for him.

We curl up under the covers, facing each other in the dark and quiet of the room. Jed tucks on hand under his head and reaches out for me with the other. I kiss his fingertips and tuck his hand against my cheek. It's only a few minutes before I hear his breathing even out and he falls back to sleep. I roll over a little and in his sleep Jed moves closer to me. He puts his head on my shoulder and I hold him tight.

The tears I held in earlier flow silently so I don't wake him up again. I know I put on a brave front most of the time, but there are days, days like this, that I'm plain terrified about what the future holds. All I know is, we'll face things together, just as we have for 40 years.

I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my pajamas and snuggle deeper under the blankets. I plant a kiss on Jed's forehead and close my eyes, hoping to fall asleep as quickly as he did.

But as I could have predicted, that doesn't happen.

Phrases from the song run through my head, words I don't think I've heard for years, but somehow can recall with ease.

We live on borrowed time,

The future's in God's hands,

Yesterday is past, tomorrow seems a million miles away,

Now we may have a year, or we may have a lifetime,

Let's celebrate and sing as we walk bravely into the unknown,

We'll face it all together and we'll never be alone.

For over ten years I've had the feeling that we've been living on borrowed time, we've been fighting back against MS, against time, against fate and against the unknown. But faith in each other and faith in God has helped to grow stronger in the face of uncertainty.

And that faith will continue, after we've gone back to Washington, after the election and after we leave the White House on January 20th. That day will be the end of a very long chapter, but not the end of our lives.

We still have a lot more living to do and every day is precious...especially since we've living on borrowed time.

THE END