Author: magical m
Rating: T
Summary: Set after Season 6 'Fair Haven' episodes.
Credits: Thanks to Jade and Spiletta for the beta
Disclaimer: Paramount owns rights to the characters, and 3/4's of the Galaxy. I'm just playing with them.
Dressed in the robe of a Vulcan master, Tuvok arranged the dishes for the second course. Captain Janeway, the only guest to dinner in his quarters, sat directly across the table. With her uniform jacket draped over the back of the chair, she comfortably sipped her soup.
Observing the Vulcan's care, Janeway commented, "The soup is amazing. Its taste isn't particularly strong but it feels as if my taste buds have had a massage."
"Indeed, that is the function of Mulak. Vulcan cooks are exacting in their recipes. The soup will cleanse your palate of Mr. Neelix's recent abuses, so that you may appreciate the precise blend of the meal."
Janeway leaned back and smiled slightly, observing her sober and methodical friend. "This elaborate meal is a first. We've had dinners together in the mess, shared tea in my ready room, but I can't help but wonder what your motivation is, beyond sharing fine Vulcan culinary arts."
"Your assumption is correct. I do have something of importance to discuss. However, in deciding how to broach this discussion, I chose to bring it up after the presentation of this meal. Please, Captain, enjoy your dinner. The seasonings and vegetables are specifically chosen for their calming and meditative qualities."
The captain teased, "I need assistance in being calmed and meditative before hearing your concerns? I can't wait."
One of his eyebrows twitched but Tuvok nodded serenely. "Please Captain, your plate is at its optimal temperature."
Janeway looked down at the square brown dish filled with steaming vegetables. It had a sage-like aroma. She tried a bite.
They ate dinner in silence, Janeway's playful mood soon subsided as she considered the care Tuvok put into the dinner. Quieted by patient curiosity and the sedate environment, her mind turned to various informalities and inefficiencies aboard Voyager, wondering which had become a burr in the Vulcan's logic.
Finally, Tuvok moved their plates to one side and poured the tea. Engaging in a human custom, he lifted his cup in a toast. He spoke with deep gravity, "To a friendship long forged in deep mutual respect."
Captain Janeway was caught off-guard. The delicate subject was of a more personal nature than anything she imagined. No longer did she feel like the captain of a starship enjoying a dinner prepared for her by one of her subordinates. She saw her friend and security officer in a new light. Everything she knew about Tuvok, that which familiarity often takes for granted, suddenly became refocused. She met his serious gaze.
She was the guest of Tuvok, Vulcan master, husband, father, respected teacher, tactical expert, and a man a lifetime older than she. Sitting in his quarters amidst the subtle evidence of family and previous careers, Kathryn inhaled and prepared herself for what he was to say. Her higher rank gave her the feeling of at least being a peer. On second thought, was it Tuvok's gentle respect for her that would never allow her to feel any less than a peer?
Breaking the intense stare, she tasted her tea and was surprised by the subtle sweetness. Looking into the cup she saw the rose water color of the tea and its subtle opaque appearance. The sweetness was not added. No doubt it was a naturally occurring herb of some kind.
Seeing her curiosity and her discomfort, Tuvok said, "Red yuli blossoms. The yuli tree is indigenous to arid regions of Vulcan."
"I have seen them before. I had no idea they had such a wonderful flavor. Now do tell me, my friend, what is troubling you?"
"Captain, the subject I wish discuss is of a highly personal nature, and I do not wish to proceed without your permission."
Kathryn felt more comfortable. "Tuvok, I am honored that you trust me with such a personal matter."
"No, Captain, the matter I wish to discuss is not of my private affairs but yours."
Kathryn swallowed hard. "I see."
"Captain, in our first year in the delta quadrant you called me your conscience. You told me that you needed me as an anchor, incase your own ethics and judgments were tried or impaired. I deeply appreciate your trust in me in professional matters, but now I am specifically asking that you consider extending that trust. I am asking permission to address your private affairs."
The emotionless captain's mask in place, Janeway spoke with a bite. "What private affairs? I have none, except for brief escapes to the holodeck."
"Precisely."
"Excuse me?"
"Captain, the majority of the crew is human. Many like you, find the Fair Haven holo-program captivating. It is as an earth culture running day and night and we are far from anything like it. But, I fear that many crew members, including yourself, are losing perspective."
"Oh?"
"Yes, by treating holograms as though they were sentient beings and developing emotional attachments to them."
"You are referring to my relationship with Michael O'Sullivan," She gave Tuvok a dismissive wave of the hand, "The Doctor's advised me to engage in more recreational time with Michael."
"Captain, as a hologram, there must be limitations to the usefulness of the doctor's advice. I am not convinced his authority should extend into the realm of personal relationships. It is illogical to form romantic attachments with a computer subroutine. In particular, one that is the product of Ensign Paris's imagination. Why would the doctor recommend such a course of action?" Kathryn looked down into her cup.
"Vulcans are also uncomfortable discussing their need for intimacy and sexuality." Her head shot up and locked on Tuvok's eyes. She wanted to stare him down, but instead she found herself trapped by his understanding gaze and the truth of his words.
"The doctor was concerned about the stress and loneliness I have endured in the Delta Quadrant. With everyone on this ship being my subordinate, the doctor reasoned that Michael O'Sulivan being outside the command structure could provide…um…things that are lacking in my situation."
"The doctor's logic is flawed."
"Enlighten me."
"First, it is an error to say Michael O'Sullivan is outside Voyager's command structure, he is a product of this ship. Voyager, crew and primary and secondary ship systems, are all subordinate to you. Fair Haven may not feel like part of Voyager to those who go there for escape, but it and every personality created within it, are completely at you mercy and under your command.
"Second, I am concerned thatif I remain silent, our unique situation in the Delta quadrant and the use of the holodeck to cope, will result in a complicated form of holo-addiction among the crew.
"In telling a humanoid to engage in relations with a hologram, the doctor has failed to realize that is not equivalent to telling one to simulate a geographic location to relieve stress. One is not afraid of losing a simulated geographic location. However, if you, or other members of the crew, are with a hologram that meets intimate needs, time will be lost in the decision to deactivate it. Not withstanding the complicated emotions of guilt, confusion, or remorse at destroying that which is most satisfying to you. The first stage in addiction is developing a dependency and that is precisely what the doctor has recommended. His recommendations are clearly illogical."
"Your objections are noted." Janeway responded firmly. "However, Fair Haven has taken a couple serious blows. We have salvaged it,but we have not put it before the needs of Voyager. I am aware it is subordinate to me. I gave the order to terminate it,knowing that it may not be recovered. Perhaps, you underestimate my - and other humans - abilities to practice emotional detachment."
"Captain, is it your professional opinion that the current usage of the holodeck to satisfy the intimate needs of this crew is not problematic?"
"Yes, that is my opinion. Voyager's crew is coping remarkably well under difficult circumstances."
"Then as your tactical officer, I must inform you that I would feel more comfortable if you chose to develop a romantic attachment to one of the primary systems: - the shields perhaps."
Fierce anger flashed in the captain's eyes, but Tuvok was safely shielded behind logic and emotional control. He continued, "May I present further information for your consideration."
"By all means," she snapped and put a hand to her temple.
"There are large segments of the crew who do not enjoy the holodeck in this way. You have pointed out in times past that you are not just captain of a ship, but leader of a community. I feel it is my duty to warn you when as a leader of a community, that portions of your community are viewing your conduct with disdain."
"Excuse me?"
"Forgive me, Captain, but you are a woman of strong opinions, and sometimes it takes strong arguments in order to for you to see things differently. For you, Michael O'Sullivan is a companion, but for many of us, he is a product of the holoprogram. In your opinion, would a crewman using the mess hall replicator to replicate a device designed to bring erogenous stimulation be conducting herself appropriately?"
Janeway's eyes narrowed to slits. She sucked in one of her cheeks, and suddenly looked like she was going to be nauseous. She looked at the floor and then up at Tuvok again. "Is this how you think my conduct on the holodeck is being perceived?"
"Yes, by some. Definitely. Replicators produce matter and holodecks produce interactive photons. Both are subsystems of Voyager, and neither one, however enjoyable, can consistently produce sentient life or viable mates. Torres' open contempt for your refusal to shut down Fair Haven was indicative of how some question your judgment. Most of the others would not express their views to you as vocally."
Janeway couldn't recall feeling this embarrassed since Tuvok dressed her down in front of three Starfleet admirals. At that time she thought he was wrong, but she learned to value his diligence both in the past, and in the Delta quadrant. It keeps Voyager at its peak tactically.
But she felt more than embarrassment; she felt shame, a horrible gnawing shame. If Tuvok was right, then this was more than a difference of professional opinion. He was suggesting that her conduct, her sexual conduct, was unbecoming for a leader of their community, and she was exposing herself to impertinent remarks and scorn. Where were those temporal anomalies or spatial rifts when you needed one?
Tuvok spoke carefully, "My purpose here is not to embarrass you, Captain."
Taking a deep breath, she accepted that no random spatial anomalies were coming to spare her this moment. Kathryn sighed and quietly answered, "I know."
"And, Captain I am sure I can speak for more than myself when I say that regardless of our opinions about this present matter, you are held in the highest regard. Your dignity, perseverance, and sacrifice in leading and guiding this crew has strengthened us all."
"Thank you, Tuvok." Managing to regain control and wanting understanding for her conduct she added, "You have family in the Alpha Quadrant and I want to see you with them again. I had dreams of a family when we began this mission at DS9. I was seriously considering putting my Starfleet career on hold so that I could pursue other desires. Those decisions further compounded my loneliness when we got stuck here. I accepted that those longings might not be fulfilled, but on the holodeck, I thought I found a way to have fragments of that dream. I did not consider all the implications you have presented."
"Captain, I understand that this conduct arose from needs that are not being met. I am not questioning the Doctor's prognosis, only his treatment. There is another alternative that I would like to suggest."
"An alternative?"
"Yes, since Voyager's crew and computer sub-routines are subject to you, the more logical solution is to consider taking a mate from among the crew."
Janeway laughed cynically and asked, "Anyone in mind?" before she took another drink of her tea.
"Commander Chakotay," Tuvok began when he was sprayed by a mouthful of the captain's tea.
"You are joking?" she asked incredulously.
Tuvok blinked and stoically wiped the abundant fluid from his brow and robe, he flatly replied, "I do not joke."
"Of course not, Tuvok. I'm sorry." Kathryn was perplexed. "But, you lost me somewhere."
"For Vulcans the need to take a mate is a serious matter. The unsuccessful resolution of pon farr can result in death. You do not experience a crisis moment like pon farr, but you are saying that daily you experience the unsuccessful resolution of the same needs. The logical conclusion would be to take a mate. There are no rules directing the personal affairs of Starfleet officers and the tradition of some captains remaining single is not practical in this situation. The doctor believes your current isolation is having a negative impact on your psychological health."
Janeway sat across from him, stunned, and said,"I see." But she didn't look like she fully comprehended the conversation. With a furrowed brow she considered the logic. "And Commander Chakotay?... No wait. Don't go there. Tuvok! You are the last person I would expect this from. Surely you would expect me to be more self-controlled. Are you well? Are you sure this is logical?"
"Perfectly, Captain, on both counts. I cannot expect from another more control than I was able to practice myself. I remained single until my first pon farr cycle, but the need to take a mate could not be reconciled with my life choices. I had to make changes to accommodate T'Pel. If a Vulcan were captain of this ship and needed to take a mate, no apologies would be made for breaking protocol to satisfy the demands of pon farr. And curiously, even you would agree that Starfleet Command would understand. Why should we be less understanding of your own needs?"
Pushing away from the table, she said, "Thank you Tuvok. The meal, the logic, the food for thought… It is so much more than I expected tonight. I need time to process everything."
"Of course, Captain. Let me know if you wish a further discourse on the subject, and thank you for hearing my concerns." Kathryn leaned over and touching his hand, she said, "No, thank you, my friend. Thank you."
