Chapter 6: Forgetfulness
Rosie Apparated back to the house and banged open the door. She was furious, she could understand that Severus might not like being touched but to shout at her in the middle of the street about it, publicly humiliating her, was going a bit far. And then there was the comment that he had made: "It's what you were implying beneath it!"
What did he mean by that? There was nothing beneath it! She just wanted to see if Severus liked her, she just wanted to see how comfy he was when she touched him. Why was he being so ludicrous, he'd taken the whole thing out of context, exaggerated it and implied that she had taken advantage of him!
She stomped up the stairs into her room. She got dressed and washed and slumped into bed. It took an hour of tossing and turning before she was finally asleep.
If she had looked to her left when she had come into the house, she would have seen Severus Snape sitting on the sofa staring into space, thinking deeply about what had just happened.
He felt stupid and ashamed of the way he had shouted at her. But at the same time he felt angry towards Rosie. The problem for him was that he was in love with Rosie and he had never been truly in love before. He'd never really had a girlfriend – not really. Not someone that he took to the cinema and kissed on the back row. Not a woman that he could walk hand in hand with in Hyde Park.
He was just inexperienced and didn't know how to read Rosie. She was a lovely person, a friendly, funny, lovely person. She had plenty of friends, and that was where Severus' problem started – he didn't. Severus felt unable to read Rosie's true feelings.
She probably touches people all the time, he though savagely to himself. She's just friendly.
Severus really felt hurt by Rosie linking arms with him, not because he was offended by holding hands, or that he thought the gesture was outrageous but because he knew that she did not feel the same way he did. She probably held hands with many male friends, he was no exception. It wasn't like she was trying to be malicious but Severus only touched people when it meant something, when they meant something to him. If he allowed himself to accept Rosie's forwardness then he would be exposing himself. Every time he lent his heart to people it was always broken. Rosie could break his heart by simply not loving him back – he would not allow himself to be hurt again.
And still, he had Rosie as a friend. If he confessed his love and she rejected it he might lose her friendship and she was his only close ally – bar Minerva. She may even move away from him and then he would never be able to see her again. That would be worse than anything. Severus resolved then and there not to tell her how he felt.
Severus felt exhausted and made his way up to bed. He lay in the middle of his bed and stared at the ceiling. How cruel life was, he thought and closed his eyes and thought no more.
When Rosie got up the next morning she realised that Severus must already be awake for she could hear the sounds of pots and pans clanging together and could smell the smell of toast and coffee.
Rosie got out of bed and draped a dressing gown over her night-clothes.
Right, she thought. Here goes nothing.
She moved downstairs and walked into the kitchen. Severus was sitting at the table, sipping at his cup of coffee and staring determinedly at the newspaper lying flat in front of him.
Rosie made herself some cereal and poured herself a juice and sat down opposite him. She knew that this would make him uncomfy, but she didn't care.
"Severus this is stupid. I am really sorry about what happened. I now know that you don't want to share any contact and I'm sorry if it seemed like I was – taking advantage. I promise that that was not my intention. But I also think that you went a bit over the top," Severus glared at her, "don't look at me like that, you were. I'm sorry but it was just a bit of contact – you have to accept that I'm a tactile person and that you are a great friend of mine," and I wish more, thought Severus and Rosie simultaneously, "don't read more into it than there is. There's nothing between the lines – they're all squashed up!"
Severus smiled and nodded. "I'm – I'm," he paused. "I'm just not used to being touched that's all. I apologise for overreacting."
"That's okay, I'm just a touchy feely kind of person – if you don't want me to make any contact with you then just say."
"It's not that," said Severus, his brow slightly creased. "It's just that it takes me longer to get to know and trust someone. I don't mind you hugging me, I just consider holding hands to be a slightly more," a flush was creeping up his neck – god, he really was this uncomfortable with himself, "romantic gesture."
"Ah, I see," said Rosie, trying not to look as though the comment meant nothing. "Well I'm glad we sorted that out. I couldn't stand not talking to you. I missed having a decent conversation."
"You seemed to be doing fine with Lupin," he said sardonically.
"Yeah, he's really nice," Severus raised an eyebrow.
"He's a werewolf you know," Severus said.
Rosie gasped. "Really? I had no idea. The poor man-"
"The poor man?" said Severus incredulously. "He bites!"
"Don't be mean. But I do feel sorry for him."
"What? You'll never be able to go on moonlit strolls with him?"
"That's unkind Sev. And anyway, I don't want to go on moonlit strolls with him."
"He liked you, you liked him – need I say more."
"Yeah, I liked him. I don't love him. Besides, I've got my eye on another handsome devil."
Severus spluttered – he'd just swallowed a rather large volume of water. "You – who?"
"That would be telling! I'm going to have a bath, see you later!"
Rosie left the room leaving Severus to stew. It serves him right, thought Rosie. But it also seems like he's jealous! Yes!
The week proceeded in a normal fashion. Severus and Rosie got on like nothing had come between them, they watched TV together, Severus cooked, washed and got annoyed when Rosie left dirty plates around the house. However it was the last week before term started and teachers had to go back a day before students to get everything organised and ready.
So that meant that Saturday would be Severus' last day at home for a while. Rosie still didn't know whether he came home for the winter – she hoped that he did. She would miss him.
On Saturday morning Rosie got up and dressed. It was seven o'clock and Rosie was up, she thought, before Severus. She tiptoed out into the bathroom and had a quick shower and wash before drying her hair and putting on her clothes. She had promised Remus Lupin that she would go with him to see the Tower of London – he'd never been and was very curious to know what Muggles did with criminals in the fourteenth century.
Unfortunately Rosie had forgotten that she had also promised Severus that they would go to the Gothic Exhibition. She had already arranged times with Lupin and had completely forgotten about Severus, though she would have rather have gone with him.
She ate a quick breakfast of toast and then walked out to the hallway and grabbed a jacket. It was now quarter past eight; she was meeting Remus at nine at Kings Cross. She was just moving towards the door when she heard a voice.
"Rosie? Where are going?" It was Severus. Rosie turned around to find him standing on the bottom step of the stairs looking at her with a frown on his face. Rosie's heartbeat quickened; he was wearing a long, grey nightshirt – oh how gorgeous his legs looked in that!
"I'm off to London – with Remus."
Severus' frown turned to a scowl and she saw something like fright flash through his eyes, but it was quickly gone.
"London? With Remus? How about London with Severus?"
"What?"
"The Gothic Exhibition at the V and A? You promised that we'd go today! In fact you suggested it!"
Rosie suddenly remembered – how could she have been so stupid? "Oh God, I'm so sorry – but I can't now – I'm on my way to meet Re-"
"Oh, so your promise with me means nothing? I was right not to trust you!"
"No, Sev – I didn't mean it like that – I just totally forgot! I could come with you if you wanted or you-"
"If I wanted – if I wanted!" Rosie opened her mouth to apologise but Severus cut her off. "Don't even start. I don't want to hear whatever shit you're going to spout! Go off and have fun with Remus. Don't think about me!"
"Severus, please – I really am sorry!"
"Get out! Go on! Remus will be waiting!" and with that he flew upstairs, she heard his door slam as she quietly shut the front one. Good God, now she felt terrible.
Rosie had no choice but to go and meet Remus. She felt awful. Given a choice she would have rather have gone to the V and A museum with Severus but it had honestly just slipped her mind – he could have reminded her about it! If he had done then she would have cancelled Remus. But no, she couldn't blame Severus for this; this was her fault and her fault alone.
It would've been better if I'd made this mistake when we hadn't just got over one hurdle, Rosie thought miserably.
Rosie set off down the road with her head bowed. She would have to try and be cheerful around Remus, it wasn't his fault that all of this had happened and it wasn't fair to ruin his day.
She and Remus had a good day out, as far as Rosie could tell though she wasn't really in the mood. Her and Remus were now sitting in a café in Soho, looking out into the street. Rosie hadn't said anything in over ten minutes, she hadn't even noticed – but Remus had.
"Rosie? Rosie? Hello?" he asked waving a hand in front of her face.
"What? Were you saying something?" he nodded, smiling. "Sorry, I was miles away."
"I know and you've been like it all day – is there anything wrong?"
"No, nothing," Rosie looked back out the window and then burst out. "I'm sorry, you must hate me – I've ruined your day!" And with that Rosie buried her face in her hands, trying to hide her tears.
"What?" said Remus aghast. "Don't be stupid – hey, Rosie – you're crying. What's wrong? And don't say 'nothing' I know that's not true!"
"It's – oh, it's so stupid," she said, wiping her eyes on a napkin. Remus reached out grabbed her hand, rubbing it with his thumb.
"Ssh, it's all right. Just tell me what happened."
She sniffed and laughed weakly. "Thanks. It's Severus. We were supposed to be coming into London today, to go to the Gothic Exhibition but I totally forgot and I arranged to come out with you."
She dried her eyes again and looked up at Remus. He was looking at her, concern etched in every premature line of his face.
"Anyway, he saw me going out this morning and asked me where I was going. So I told him and then I remembered and felt awful. I tried to apologise but he didn't listen – not that I can blame him. Oh, Remus – he looked so upset, I feel dreadful!"
She began sobbing again and Remus moved round the table to sit next to her. He put his arms round her shoulders and held her to himself. She snivelled into his jacket and Remus didn't know what to do other than to hold her. It seemed to help though, after a few minutes she looked up at him, her eyes dry and puffy. But she smiled nevertheless and said,
"Thanks."
"It's been a good day Rosie, thank you. I'm just sorry that you feel so rotten. It was an honest mistake, he'll forgive you, if he doesn't he's a fool."
"He looked so angry."
"He will be for a while. He holds grudges but he will let it go eventually – you mean too much to him."
"What?" Rosie said, looking shocked.
"He loves you Rose, I can see it in his face. For him to be chatty to a woman that he's only known two months is quite something. He was surrounded by a school full of people for seven years and he never made any friends."
For some reason the statement made Rosie want to cry even more. She suddenly felt very downcast. Remus said that he had to go and that he would send her a letter soon. He gave her a hug and a kiss, paid the bill and left.
Rosie left too, walking solitarily down the back streets of London. She didn't want to go home yet – not just yet anyway. She had a feeling that Severus would still be livid, and she couldn't blame him, she had let him down.
And then there was Remus' parting comment – he had said that Severus loved her. Well, he probably wouldn't feel that attached to her any more. Still, she loved him. Rosie decided that whatever he was like when she got back, Rosie would tell him how she felt the day he went back to Hogwarts.
Christ, that's tomorrow!
A/N: You may be wondering why the updates are coming thick and fast...well, it's because I've already posted it on another site. I'm trying to catch it up on this website, so then probably the posts will slow down a little bit. I'm not possessed or on drugs – I really can't type that fast! Lol.
Thanks to those who have reviewed already, it means a lot. So, if you read, please review!
