Chapter 10: Finally

The evening came and Severus left the castle wearing his Muggle finest – black shirt, trousers and shoes. He had also procured a long black coat from the back of the wardrobe, he had bought it a year or two ago but there had never really been any need for it – cloaks were warm enough. The reason he had bought it was that he liked long black coats, there was something smart about them. They certainly suited his persona.

He got onto the train bound for London and waited impatiently for it to depart. The train journey was slow and cumbersome, the carriage bounced along the track with a loud noise. Severus found it hard to relax, he reasoned that he would have found it hard anyway but that the uncomfortable journey was helping none whatsoever.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, the most logical solution to his problem popped into his head; Apparate. What a complete imbecile he thought to himself, why didn't I think of that earlier. He stood at the end of the carriage and thought hard of home and Rosie, then with a pop he vanished.

Severus seconds later he arrived outside their house in London. Their house, not just Severus' anymore.

He made his way up the garden path which had been smartened since his departure in September. Rosie had always complained that it was too untidy. He reached the door and took out his wand, he wanted it to be a surprise, getting out keys would make a noise, besides this way was easier.

The door clicked open and Severus walked into the hall. He closed the door quietly; he could hear the TV blazing in the sitting room. He deposited his bag on the hall floor and hung his coat on the rack. The house was lovely and warm and Severus could smell Rosie's sent, that indescribable something that made her so special.

He edged towards the door and saw that she was sitting in his favourite seat, opposite the fire. The remote control was on the arm of the sofa and Severus bent forward and grabbed it – thankfully, Rosie did not see him. He then straightened up and wondered what was about to happen.

He turned the television off. Rosie jumped and looked surprised.

"What the-" she said, she lent for the remote but found that it wasn't there. She looked round and saw Severus standing in the doorway staring down at her.

"Sev," she said quietly standing up. He put the remote back in its place and walked slowly further into the room until he was standing directly in front of her.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"Oh," was the only sound Rosie came out with. She flung her arms round Severus, hugging him to her. She felt his arms encircle round her, making her feel safe and protected. She knew that he was all right with her contact, the stress and joy and sadness of everything that had happened bubbled to the surface and she cried into his shirt.

She could smell his aftershave and knew that this time he was here to stay. He felt warm – he was a real person and he was here! Not just an idle dream – he was here.

"Rosie," he said, breaking away from her so that he could look down, "what's wrong?"

She sat down and laughed, pulling him on the seat next to her. "Nothing Sev, I'm just emotional."

He nodded and looked away from her. "So," she said. "You got my note?"

Severus grinned and turned to her again. "Yes, finally. I'm an idiot Rosie. I'm so sorry about what happened that day. I should have told you how I felt but I was too scared."

Rosie looked at him, wondering if she should ask what she dearly wanted to know. "And how do you feel?"

Severus tensed suddenly and looked at her. "I – I," he faltered and swallowed, Rosie knew that he found it hard to express his true emotions – God she knew that! "I care for you a great deal Rosie."

Rosie's felt her stomach lurch, that was such a profound statement for him to make. That was as good as anything she could have wished for. She knew, this time, that he loved her – she knew this time that there was nothing standing in her way.

Slowly Rosie leant forward and brushed her lips against his. Severus went rigid, she looked up into his face and saw that his eyes were closed and a small crease had formed between his eyes. She put her lips to his, very slowly – she could sense that this was a very important moment for both of them.

She heard his breath catch and then he readjusted his lips over hers. It was a slow calm kiss, but one full of meaning. Time passed and Rosie made herself feel more comfy, she put her hands and arms around his neck, pulling him towards her. At first he resisted, pulling slightly away from her while not breaking the kiss but then he melted into her and she felt his slim hand on her hips.

She opened her mouth and to her surprise Severus' tongue entered her mouth and hers his. She could taste him, it was wonderful, perfect...so simple.

Rosie brought her hands down to his shirt buttons and began to release them from the buttonholes; at this point Severus jumped, breaking contact.

He looked ... scared. Almost unsure of what he was doing. Rosie knew that he wasn't comfortable with his appearance, knew that he wasn't confident about himself full stop. She knew that he didn't have many friends and didn't let people into his life easily but Rosie also knew how she felt about this man. She needed him, she wanted to show him how much he meant to her.

"Rosie, I – I'm not sure that I-" he began.

"Sssh, don't worry, I'm here for you." Rosie said softly. For some reason he tensed more and Rosie knew she was losing him.

"This – I can't-"

"Sev?" Rosie looked up at him, tightening her hold on him.

"Please, just let go of me!" he looked panicked.

"Severus, don't do this again!" Rosie pleaded. "Sev, I need you!"

He stopped and looked down at her. He suddenly seemed comforted, he relaxed and Rosie pushed him back onto the sofa, leaning over him, kissing his neck.

"You're the first person who's ever told me that," he said quietly, Rosie stopped unbuttoning his shirt and looked up at him with a warm smile on her features.

"Really? What – don't do this again?"

"No!" he said indignantly. "'I need you!'"

"I do," she said leaning over him again and capturing his lips with hers. "I love you."

Rosie woke up early next morning in a very comfortable, warm bed next to an even warmer breathing somebody.

Rosie smiled, Severus. Finally, after all those months of waiting they were – together? Were they? Or was it just a one-night thing? Rosie began to feel panicked and lifted her head to look over at Severus.

He was sleeping soundly and deeply, his breathing was slow and heavy and his face was relaxed. Rosie couldn't help notice how gorgeous he looked when he was asleep. There was no severe frown on his face, only a rather cute (in Rosie's opinion) groove between his eyebrows where the frown line would form.

He looked so peaceful and at ease that this eased Rosie's own concerns and she began to think sensibly. It had taken him months to tell her how he felt, and even then he had backed away. Even when they had began to kiss the last time – Rosie shivered, remembering how gentle he had been. He was so slow and careful, letting his eyes wash over her – she had almost felt embarrassed at the intensity of his gaze and she realised with a pang how deep his love must have been. He was perfect.

Rosie didn't want to wake him so she carefully got out of bed and made her way downstairs. Curiously she was wearing nightwear, she couldn't remember putting any clothes on. Severus must have done it as she fell asleep – it was after all winter and a bloody freezing one at that.

Aw, you're so sweet! Rosie thought suddenly, trying to suppress giggles. Half of her wanted to dance around about what they had just done but the other half wanted to savour the moment – she had never woken up before Severus.

Rosie had had an idea, and hopefully it was a good one. Even though she couldn't cook, she reckoned that she could be trusted with making toast and cereal. At least I don't have to grow the cereal! Rosie thought and grinned – oh God, the beginnings of a bizarre, hysterical mood. She began to make breakfast, for the two of them. It was her plan to give him breakfast in bed as a surprise. Little did she know that Severus was just waking upstairs and was beginning his own post-sex panic.

Severus opened his eyes blearily and blinked. He felt happy, contented, he hadn't felt like that in – he couldn't actually remember ever feeling like that! He though of Rosie and smiled, he felt the corners of his eyes crease up. He brought up a hand to feel them and found that there were actually small lines at the corners of his eyes – from where he had been smiling! Those had definitely never been there before, he'd never smiled enough – that was all Rosie's doing and he was eternally grateful.

He shifted in under the covers and stretched himself out, feeling the muscles on his legs and shoulders tighten and relax – very satisfying. Muscles? Thought Severus. When have I ever had muscles? I'm bloody scrawny.

He pulled up the covers and looked down at his legs; they were pale and scrawny and thin. Severus hastily pulled the covers back up again; he hated his appearance. There was nothing nice about the way he looked. He was thin and wiry. Whilst some men just looked cool in jeans and T-shirts Severus always felt a complete prat. He didn't look nice in anything; his wrists were too thin and made him look, in his opinion, like a pansy. His legs were – he didn't even need to begin. Ever since that episode in his fifth year with 'The Marauders' he had been particularly appalled by his appearance. Since then everyone in the whole school knew what a bag of bones he was, he couldn't even lie to himself any more.

But somehow Rosie had seen past his appearance. Severus stopped in his tracks – there was nothing beyond his appearance, just a nasty personality. Then he reasoned with himself, maybe she actually likes the way I look; maybe she actually likes me! Severus smiled again. Twice in one day? This is getting serious.

But what on Earth could she like? Severus thought again. He was ugly (maybe she had odd taste) he was sarcastic (maybe she likes sarcasm) he was moody (maybe she was patient) he had been a Death Eater. His stomach dropped – maybe she didn't know.

She didn't know. He hadn't told her; he was going to, last night before she had kissed him and told him she loved him but then he couldn't. He loved her too, though he hadn't told her. He needed and wanted her so much that he wasn't going to deny himself that one moment of happiness. But that had to change, no doubt Rosie wouldn't stay with him once she knew what he had been, but he couldn't keep her in the dark, it wasn't fair.

Severus turned over ready to wake Rosie up; she always slept later than he did. But when he rolled over on his other side he found an empty space next to him. The sheets were creased as though someone had been there but that wasn't enough – there was no Rosie. Severus became panicked; suddenly thoughts were rushing through his head.

This is just like the others – never there when I woke up. I told her I warned her, how could she-where is she? Oh God – Severus' stomach had just lurched uncomfortably again, he had just thought of his past. He had been a Death Eater – and what did all Death Eaters' have? Severus looked down at his left forearm and gulped. The Mark, it was there a vivid, sharp black, so clear against the pale skin of his body. He had been naked – of course he'd been naked! He'd slept with Rosie, and it wasn't half bad either – no, shit don't think about that now! She's seen it, I was unclothed she must have seen it and realised – I wasn't thinking, I didn't have a chance to hide it, now she's gone –

Just at that moment Severus smelt something from downstairs, something burning – toast? The door opened and Rosie walked in carrying a toppling tray of toast and cereal and juice – and of course an apple.

She sat down on the side of the bed and put the tray down. Severus sighed in relief – she wasn't gone. She was still here, with him. He didn't care about being a Death Eater at this moment; he loved her too much. He suddenly realised that he was shaking with relief. She brushed her hair behind her ear and Severus lent up and kissed her softly on the neck.

"Good morning," he said, his voice lower because of sleep.

"Good morning," she said and smiled softly. "You looked worried when I came in. Anything wrong?"

Severus considered telling her everything, but then found his mouth would not open to omit those facts. He decided on telling her the half-truth. "You weren't next to me when I woke up," he muttered. "I thought you'd gone."

"Severus I live here! I'm hardly likely to just up and leave – not unless I was superwoman."

Severus had a nice image of her in Lycra and he grinned mischievously.

"Why were you worried?" Rosie persisted, looking concerned.

"I told you," he muttered picking up a piece of toast a munching on it before grimacing and putting the remaining slice back on the plate. "Rosie – I think that you may have overdone the toast – just slightly."

"I try," she said sighing and smiling at him gently. "So – are you going to tell me?" she asked stroking his face.

"There's nothing to tell you – nothing that I haven't already," he informed her tensely.

"Why don't I believe you?" she asked pleasantly but Severus knew that she wanted the truth from him. He leant back onto the pillows and closed his eyes, thinking. What would Rosie think if he told her about – the Mark? She'd run a mile. As would anyone else. But then – he didn't have to tell her. Not just yet, anyway. Life was too good. He couldn't go and spoil it again.

"I – need to use the bathroom," he said tersely, getting up and walking rigidly into the en suite. When he was in the room he closed the door firmly and leant his forehead up against the wood of the door. He sighed frustratedly and then thought to himself, why all this effort? Why not just tell her? His hand went to the handle of the door but he found that it would only rest on the cold metal. His fingers seemed to have lost their dexterity and would not grip the handle in order to open the door. He couldn't do it – he wouldn't. Taking a step back, Severus sank onto the rim of the bath and held his head in his hands. Why was this so hard?

Because you love her, said an annoyingly accurate voice in his head. Because you know that she'll go and you don't want her to. You want her here forever – with you.

"Shut up," he hissed to himself.

It wouldn't have mattered if it was one of the others would it? The voice persisted. You wouldn't care – they'd know anyway!

Severus gazed at his left forearm and swallowed. Then suddenly, realisation hit him. He stood bolt upright and conjured a leather cuff out of thin air. He wrapped it around his forearm tightly and stared down at it. It shone almost as brightly as the Mark. Severus shook his head, Rosie wasn't a dunce. She would realise that he was hiding something. Why else would he be wearing such a thick band of leather halfway up his arm?

But then he reasoned to himself – there was nothing better that he could do. He supposed that he could put a plaster on it ... yes, that would be a good excuse to cover the Mark. He waved his wand and substituted his cuff for a larger plaster that he carefully placed over the tattoo. He could claim that he had burnt himself on one of the cauldrons at school – well, it was a logical defence.

Severus walked to the door and opened it carefully, looking down briefly to check that the plaster had not slipped somehow. Rosie frowned at him.

"You were in there a long time," she said with a sort of half-smile on her face. "What on Earth were you doing in there?"

"I didn't know you were so concerned," he replied shooting her a look. He sat down next to her on the bed and noticed that their breakfast had been eaten. "You were hungry I take it?"

"Well since you weren't coming out of that damn room for hours I thought I'd occupy myself," he looked at her. "What? What else could I have done?" she laughed. "I thought you were trying to drown yourself."

"You said that with something like relish," he said quietly, kissing her behind the ear.

"You never know," she said and his mouth made its way down her neck. He leant over her so that he had easier access to her flesh and sighed gently, "I could be a mass murderer," she continued brightly.

Severus stopped, his lip curling. He straightened up. "What?" questioned Rosie. "What have I done now?"

"It's nothing that you've done," he said.

"Oh for God's sake," she huffed taking his hand in hers. "This has got to stop – what is troubling you? I asked you whether you were all right and you've cocooned yourself ever since!"

"I haven't cocooned myself," he retorted but then stopped mid-flow at the look on her face. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and grimaced. "Fine – I – when you asked whether I was all right this morning I was just worried that you weren't beside when I woke up," he lied – well, omitted certain truths – he had been worried when Rosie wasn't there in the morning but that wasn't what was bothering him now.

"You told me that already," she said. "And I told you that I wasn't going anywhere."

"I know, but," he looked at the floor. "You see, it's just that every woman that I've ever slept with hasn't been there the next day."

Rosie looked stunned and slightly hurt, "Slept with, eh? Just slept with?"

"Well what else did you think that any other woman wanted?" he cried. "It wasn't as if I loved them! I'm not attractive! I never have been – I didn't want to die a virgin!"

Rosie felt for him but asked tentatively, "So – am I-"

"You're very different. No other woman has ever wanted to know me – full stop. When you weren't here – I put myself on the line – coming back, I mean. This whole thing has been so complicated and when I awoke to find that you'd disappeared I felt like you'd shunned me."

"I would never shun you," she said calmly, kissing him on the nose. "So ... these other women – where did you meet them?"

"Da-" he had been about to say 'Dark Revels' – but wouldn't that just be spelling out to Rosie that he had been a Death Eater? "My Slytherin – my fellow Slytherin's. They all went into Dark things and I was invited along to the after party."

"They just invited you to..." she left the sentence hanging.

"Orgies. Indeed," he said tersely. How vile did this make him seem? "I sound awful, don't I?" Rosie smiled lamely. "I was young – stupid. These women were just there in front of us. They weren't there unwillingly – in fact quite the reverse. Half of them were from the years above me anyway!" he half-laughed. "They were after one thing and – and a no-hoper like me? I never thought that I'd meet anyone, as I said. They weren't," he swallowed, "demanding. A quick fuck and they'd be off."

Rosie frowned. "They?" she said. "So, more than one?"

Severus snorted, "More than one," he nodded solemnly. He stopped speaking, there didn't seem to be anything else that he could say. "Appalled by me?"

"No," she said. "Surprised, I suppose."

"You didn't think that I'd loved anyone did you?"

Rosie, though she didn't mention anything, felt stung about the words he had just uttered. Did that mean that he didn't love her? "I hadn't really considered it, Sev," she replied heavily.

"I didn't mean-" he began but Rosie stopped him.

"Look, it doesn't matter. What does it matter to me if you slept with a load of whores?" It was Severus who cut Rosie off this time.

"But – that's what I'm trying to say!" he began, agitated. "You matter to me! They – I don't know what I thought, I knew that I wasn't going to be trotting up the isle with any of them but I still felt resentful that they were never there in the morning! I became bitter that all any of them ever saw me as was a naïve, ugly boy. I was – I never wanted to present myself in that way to you because it tells you that I'm not serious," he paused, "when in fact I am."

Rosie smiled and kissed him. "Thank you," she said.

He nodded back to her, unable to speak. Rosie understood. "I still don't know what you see in me," he said sadly after a while.

"Oh, I don't know. You're sort of sweet."

"Sweet?" he repeated, indignant. "I hardly think that surmises my personality!"

Rosie laughed, "I love you," she said. Severus froze, unsure of how to reply. He opened his mouth to speak but Rosie placed a finger to his lips, "Ssh, it doesn't matter." He relaxed slightly. "I think that we need a bath," said Rosie decisively, getting up and sauntering into the en suite. Severus gazed after her. At the door she turned back.

"That's unless you've had enough of this room for one day?" she questioned.

Severus smiled and got up heavily and followed her into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. How could he refuse a bath when it was put so nicely?

A/N: If you read, please review and make your opinions known!