Mask
4/12/05
Yeah, this contains mild, almost shonen-ai.You can think of it as friends or as sided Zelloyd. Take yer pick.
I disclaim. I do not own ToS.
"Lloyd, come here, look at the story I wrote. Now, I want you to be honest with what you think of it, because I put a lot of work into this. So here it is:"This mask, how I hate it. It's a cruel, cruel, torturous mask. It is beautiful, though. Happy, carefree, handsome. It's always smiling and laughing, never giving way to the pain underneath. But that, of course, is because it is a mask.
Below that mask lies something deep and evil. A tortured soul, an animal, filled to the brim with hate and depression. Behind that mask, my very heart slowly bleeds to death. Unloved, incapable of love. Rejected for what it really is. Oh, the carnage it wishes to reek. But, sowing death and despair it what it cannot do, for that would destroy the mask, and the mask is what it needs most.
The beautiful mask is what I always wear. Smiling at the ladies, flirting with whoever catches my eye. It takes a sadistic pleasure from seeing me act this way. Giving my body to those who ask, acting as though nothing is sacred. This mask will give away anything worth of real value, my body, my mind, my soul. Nothing matters to this mask except showing that I am happy.
Of course, sometimes, at night, when I'm all alone, on that very rare occasion, the mask comes off. I fling the perfect beast into a corner, letting the smiling face look up at me, silently mocking me. And, just to spite it, I indulge in self-destructive activities. I cut myself, burn myself, cry until my very eyes burn with a seering pain. I scream and kick and tear my clothes and break things. And then I laugh. I laugh until my throat hurts, until I can no longer make sound. I laugh because I have broken my mask, broken free of the chains that bind me, even if it's only temporarily.
But then, once I wake up in the morning, the mask comes back on. It smiles again, part for the horrid world that awaits us, another part mocking me, laughing at my very existence. It says to me, still smiling ever so viciously:
"You can't win. You may scream and cry and break things and do whatever you want, but in the morning, I will always be there. Even after your death, your lifeless corpse will stare wear me."
And it is right. No matter how I die, or when I die, this mask will always come back to haunt me. Even in my grave, I shall still have this fake smile plastered upon my face. So, I shall be forever cursed with this false perception of reality, this bitterness.
"Did you like my story, Lloyd? Why are you giving me that look? Are you crying? Where are you going? Don't leave me, Lloyd; don't run away like everyone else. I took off my mask just for you. I'll put it back on, if you want. Just don't leave me…"
Gods, I'm such a sadist. I wrote this quite sometime ago. Meant to revise it, but I never did. Well, I did, slightly, but not as much as I wanted to. Tell me if I should continue this. Well, review minions, er, readers. Also, I hate rulers. Can never win with 'em.