Chapter 13: Alina
There was a knock on Severus' door early in the afternoon five days after Rosie had left. Severus wondered who it could be; he never usually had anyone to visit him. The only person who came and went was Rosie.
Rosie.
Could it be? Was she back? Severus sprinted to the door and wrenched it open, his heart lighter than it had been in a few days.
His heart sank. A small Chinese lady with long dark hair was looking up at him.
"Yes?" Severus asked curtly.
"You're Severus, right?" the woman asked.
"I am. Who are you?"
"I'm Alina Porter, Rosie's friend." That caught Severus' attention. A friend of Rosie's, even if she wasn't here in person it had to mean something, maybe Alina was here to smack him round the mouth, maybe she was here to tell Severus that Rosie still loved him enough to be with him.
However, his heart sank when she said, "She doesn't know that I'm here." So she didn't know, Rosie obviously didn't want to know him then. Any trace of an upturned corner of a mouth faded and he ushered her into the house shutting the door behind her.
"Can I take your coat?" he asked quietly but still gruffly. He didn't know why but seeing her friend, even a trace of Rosie had brought a lump to his throat. He swallowed and thought desperately about how he was going to get her out of the house as soon as possible.
Alina meanwhile had managed to deposit her coat over his arm and walked into the kitchen. After pinning her coat on the rack her followed her in and made her a hot chocolate (apparently she detested tea). Severus sat down next to her and passed her the hot chocolate. He had positioned himself so that he did not have to look into her eyes. She was most likely to hate him at this point – this was Rosie's friend after all, she was bound to have similar beliefs as Rosie on being an ex-murderer. By sitting next to her, what was her name – Alina, Severus knew he would be able to talk (or shout) and yet not feel a pang of sorrow by insulting her. These things hadn't mattered to him before but when the subject was Rosie he did not want to upset anyone remotely close to her.
"So," said Severus after a pause. "Why are you here?"
"Isn't it obvious – because of you and because of Rosie."
"What about Rosie and I? I wasn't aware that it was your concern." That's it Severus, back into defensive mode.
"What about you?" she asked incredulously. "You were a couple and now your not, Rosie told me what hap-"
"Relationships break up all the time, Miss Porter. I'm still confused as to why you're here."
"There's no need to be so bloody rude. Rosie told me everything, about you being a Death Eater and all, and you know what – she still loves you. In fact I'm surprised she loved you in the first place if you're this polite to her."
"You are not Rosie."
"I know. But I also know that you're a fool."
"You think I hadn't realised that?" Severus hissed venomously. "What the hell do you think you're doing just coming in here and preaching to me? You think I haven't thought all this before? I know Rosie's gone, there's no need to rub it in my face."
"I'm not rubbing it in you're face!" Alina shouted indignantly. "I'm trying to tell you that she loves you very much!"
"Thank you for that but she already left me a bloody letter telling me that and no offence but her loves not much good if she's not here!"
"She just needs time."
"Why are you here? I knew all this before – why do you feel the need to inform me again?"
"I wanted to know what you were like," Alina replied simply. "Rosie's confused and angry, I daresay, with you. She loves you, very much. I've never actually seen her mope before but you've really driven her to it. I suppose I wanted to see who she cared about so much."
"What do you think of me now?" he asked derisively.
"Well, I'm always surprised by Rosie's boyfriends," said Alina. "They're normally all oddballs. I can see why she likes you though, underneath the shock," she smiled. "Your bark's worse than your bite."
"I do tear chunks out of people's legs occasionally, but I'm not rabid, I assure you," he said flatly.
Alina laughed. "There you go! I can see why Rosie loves you! Right there!"
"Thank you very much," Severus muttered into his mug.
"Look, she cares for you, it doesn't really matter if I'm head over heels or not. You seem like a decent bloke – well, what you did in the past wasn't decent but you can't change that. It was brave to tell her so early on. Most people would never have told anyone not least the person they love."
"How do you know?" he asked waspishly.
"I don't, but as a child it was always hard to tell my parents when I'd done something wrong." Severus snorted. "Don't knock the reference to childhood!" Alina said, smiling. "I just mean that it must have been hard to admit what you had done – and what you did was pretty bad."
"Bad?" Severus smirked. "I think the word lacks the ringing truth of the atrocities that I've committed."
Alina smiled and Severus continued, "Most people wouldn't give me a second thought, let alone a second chance. I'm really not expecting Rosie to come back."
"Are you speaking from experience?"
"No, I haven't had that much experience in anything concerned with emotion. Besides, I've never told anyone who cares." Strange, he felt remarkably calm.
"What about family?"
"They all knew…or died. Either way I don't really see much of them any more." Oh no, the charm's wearing thin – now if you could just get out of my house…
"Why-" began Alina; Rosie's boyfriend was certainly tall(ish), dark and mysterious, not to mention secretive.
Severus cut her off. "I don't wish to talk about it. Rosie would have realised that," he muttered the last bit more to himself that to Alina.
"I'm not Rosie though, I don't really want to be, no offence."
Severus smiled, well, the corners of his mouth moved at least.
"I think that Rosie mentioned you once – she said that you were her guru."
Alina laughed. "She said that? Well, she did tell me a lot about you!"
"Oh?" said Severus, raising an eyebrow. "Is that good or bad?"
"I don't know, it was sweet. She told me about how much she liked you and how depressing it was when you didn't appear to like her – at all. Then she told me about how you were frightened of admitting your true feelings to her-"
"I'm sorry?" he hissed, interrupting Alina.
"She told me how you backed off the first time and how you were worried when she wasn't there the first day after you, well, you know."
"She told you this? She told you everything?" Severus asked enraged. How much had she told Alina? Severus knew that women chatted about personal things more than men did but he would have thought that Rosie of all people would have known when to keep her mouth shut.
"Yeah. She told me this when she arrived – yesterday evening in fact. I think she was trying to defend you more than anything, she loves you a lot Severus."
Severus felt soothed; she had been defending his personality – that was certainly something that had never happened before. Suddenly a wave of sadness swept over him, he felt his eyes prickle – he missed Rosie. But he would not cry, not in front of this stranger. In front of Rosie, maybe, she knew him inside out, but this woman, nice as she was, was not Rosie.
"Do you think that she will return?" asked Severus solemnly not looking at Alina.
"Do you want her to?"
"More than anything. But I'm not going to make her. If she does I want it to be because my wonderful personality and charm overruled all the bad points of my past life." He sighed suddenly and without warning, his breath slightly shuddery and he knew that he was about to bawl. He had to get rid of this woman before she noticed anything.
"I'm sorry to be an appalling host but do you think that you would mind leaving? I just need some time alone." There. Polite and truthful – didn't people like that?
"Are you all right? Are you sure you wouldn't like me to stay?" No, damn you! I just want to be alone – stop asking questions!
"No, it's fine thank you."
"I'll try and get Rosie to come back as soon as I can, but I think she'll come back to you anyway."
"Right," he said gruffly.
He ushered Alina to the door and gave her her coat. He smiled at him one last time, thanked him for the hot chocolate and left. Severus shut the door and walked into the front room. He sat down on the sofa, waiting for the tears to come but they didn't. He just sat there alone, wishing for company – no, wishing for Rosie.
But then he felt scared. If she came back she'd want to know all the gory details of his life up to and including being a Death Eater. He didn't know if he could bear to relive it, once was bad enough. What about how his life as a Death Eater ended? He gaped in horror; she'd want to know why he had left. How could he tell her? She'd be out the door as quickly as she came.
"Shit," Severus muttered.
A/N: Alina is my creation, and mine alone! This may well be the last post before Christmas, unless it appears to me that people do want a quick update. Let me know what you think. It is, after all, the season of good will. In addition, a big thanks to Mrs N Snape, who, although not reviewing recently, has made plenty of valuable comments over the previous chapters and I am very grateful.
Snip-snippet: Yes, I think I know what you mean, lol. Thanks for your review; it really made me smile! ;)
Tab-sempai: Thanks for your review, and excuse my ignorance, but, what does everyone know or not know? I'm probably being incredibly dense. (It's always best to enlighten me when these situations arise.)
CicadaInvasion: Well, that certainly rings true. Rosie is more idealistic, but, as you will see, she can be very shrewd and careful when she wants to. She doesn't always want to see what really is, but that's, within Rosie's context, not necessarily to do with being a romantic.