Fall To Peices

The one is for you, Vandagirl519.
Why?
For loving Rae/Cy, for reading and
reveiwing my stuff, and, most of all,
for telling me you love the crap I try to
pass as work even if you don't.
Thank you.
This one's for you. Enjoy, everyone.


I looked away.
Then I looked back at you.
You tried to say things that you can't undo.
If I had my way, I'd never get over you.
Today's the day I pray that we make it through.
Making it through the fall.
Making it through it all...

Raven

I looked away from Cyborg. What could I have told him to make a difference anyway? Nothing was the same between us anymore, and I was so close to tears that day that seeing his eyes would have shattered the thin sheild I had errected between me, my emotions, and the world. His soft voice was speaking, telling me something I didn't really want to hear, but, in all truth, I really wasn't listening. I was busy being headstrong, pretending not to hear, pretending I didn't need him. How much more of it could I endure, though, before I was completely broken?

Suddenly, my head snapped up and my ears began to take a special intrest in what he was trying to say to me, even though I wanted no real part of it. His robotic breath was shuddering, cold, if only for a moment, and then he decided to MAKE me look into his eyes, tilting so that his head was at such an angle with my eyes that I HAD to look. It took years of learning to hold my emotions in to prepare me for the painful surge of life and death I felt, the bond, and it was all I could do not to cry, scream at him, and use my powers to hurt everyone and everything that had ever hurt me.

"Raven..." He started, then stopped, his eyes still unnaturally calm, considering all that was going on, but I could see the tears falling from his human eye, and even the robotic one seemed duller than usual. I wanted to drop everything, to hug him, but his comments still rang in my ears, and they kept the love at bay with their blind hate.

Emotionless goth! Do you ever smile? Do you really care about me? Do you care about anything? Do you even think? Why are you so ignorent, so blind to my love? Raven Roth, have you ever really been loved? Do you even really love me? The words rang, over and over, and I reconized some of them from another time, another place: I reconized some of them as my father's words, his unearthly voice blending with the angry voice of my angel, my Cyborg.

"Don't 'Raven' me!" I could feel the temper within me rising, the father I was thinking about fighting with me, fighting to surface. The blood was in both temples, everything was set up so perfectly for my fury to just let go. I could show him that I have emotions... Anger being the strongest, combating my love due to his own foolish words...

"Raven, I'm sorry!" He was pleading with me. He loves you. So why do you keep fighting him? The answers weren't in my head, though. Maybe they were never there at all. Either way, I turned from him, feeling him grab onto my cloak, wanting to turn back, but also not wanting him to see who I really was, not wanting to let go of my anger.

"There's nothing that can undo the words you just said to me," I told him, dead-quiet. I knew he couldn't have looked into my eyes now, for something worse then sorrow would have come pouring out, the way blood pours from old wounds long after they 'heal'. His hand tried to grasp me, to touch me, to bring his love back to life: I could not allow for that to happen, so I stepped further away, further toward the stairs up to my room. "And if I have my way, I'll never get over this. I'll never get over you." The tears were so, so close, and I was ready to let them come. The curse of being myself, though, was that I could not allow that.

Cyborg

She walked away. Just walked away from me. Her eyes were so red one minute, violet and tear-filled the next. She had changed her mood so fast... I wanted to change what I'd said, take it back. I had just been so furious with her that day... I mean, she said it, but did she show it? No. She just stood there, bairly hugging me back. So I lost my temper and yelled at her. I understand that everything is hard for her... But she could smile once in a while! I know she can, I've seen her.

And if I have my way, I'll never get over this. I'll never get over you. That keeps ringing in my head. I mean, I LOVED her. And she just walked upstairs. On the way up to my room, I could hear her crying. I wanted to go in and ask her what was wrong, but then I remembered: It was all my fault.

I remember sitting on my bed this morning, praying that whatever life handed us, we'd be able to take it. And the first oportunity to mess us up, and WHAT do I do? I make her cry and leave her alone. She's probably so totally broken... But why am I thinking about her? This was just a setback, a fall... We'll make it through, I know we will. Just me and Raven. She loves me... I know she loves me. The other alternitive... I can't think about that right now.

And I don't want to fall to peices.
I just want to sit and stare at you.
And I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want a conversation.
I just want to cry in front of you.
I don't want to talk about it.
I'm in love with you.

Raven

Why? Why did I say that? We weren't through. I still love him... I'll always love him. And now I've probably driven him so far away from me... It's all my fault. It'll always be my fault. I wish I wasn't so broken. I wish I had the courage, the strenght, to go knock on his door.

I'll never forget the look in his eyes. I'll never forget staring into his face. I used to stare at him for hours. We never needed words. Words only cut, only sting, only killed us both. In many respects, I'm not dead, but I've died even in my own heart. I'll admit, I was never really the most lively thing in my heart, but at least I used to have a purpose. That purpose was Cyborg. Without him, who am I? I can't talk about this right now. I don't want to talk about it to anyone. Not to myself, not to Cyborg. Not to anyone. I can't talk about it. I don't WANT to talk about it, now or ever.

I'll never be able to talk about it. What is there to say? I loved him, I still do, and my heart is shattered. I'll go about as normal, though. No one needs to know. No one needs to know unless I tell them. And who could I tell? All of them would go running back to Cyborg... They wouldn't understand that I just can't risk having Cyborg around right now. I wouldn't try to heal this wound with words anyway. I can't use words when words did this to us.

I want to cry in front of him. I want to cry long and hard, just to prove I can. I want to see the guilt on his face, want to see him move forward. I want his arms around me, making me love him more than I did before the fight, making me forget all that has happened between us. I want it all taken back... I just want Cyborg back. I want my life back... But most of all, I want the feelings I used to get, the love. Even though I couldn't show it, I could always feel it. Now I need it. Oh, how I need love right now.

Outveiw

The days flew between the two silent teens. Both could feel it: The interfaced need for love. It was too great, though, and neither of them would bother to touch upon it. Everyone looked at them sitting on oppisite ends of the couch, keeping their converstaions to a minium. Everyone saw their unwillingness to look at one another. Even Starfire began to get the feeling that something was wrong between her two friends. One night, during combat, everything became just as clear to them.

Cyborg was rushing in, next to Plasmus, ready to attack him. "Raven, go help Cyborg!" Robin yelled in her direction.

Raven stood up, rushing in, more than ready to take Plasmus down, until she noticed Cyborg being attacked. Her own hard words rang around in her head. And if I have my way, I'll never get over this. I'll never get over you. She was stopped in midair. She thought about helping Cyborg, but was stopped by her thoughts. No, she told herself. He'll be fine. You can't let him know how much you love him, because then you'll get back together and something worse will happen. Even though she knew this was thinking deluded by her fear of being hurt, she refused to do anything, remaining suspended in midair.

"Raven, help Cyborg!" Robin said in desperation, as he and Starfire prepared to finish the monster off. Beast Boy was trying unsuccessfully to free Cyborg. Raven moved in and freed him, using her mind and trying to avoid the outburst of power that came from touching him in any way. Everyone was astounded when the two of them, both free and standing next to each other, said nothing, and Raven climbed into the back of the car rather than her normal shotgun position.

Cyborg

You're the only one
I'd be with till the end.
When I come undone
You bring me back again.
Back under the stars.
Back into your arms.

I really miss her. This is the end of it if I don't get her back. Her laugh, when she actually laughed, was worth more than my life is right now. Her smile was everything. I remember going out, going for walks with her, silent one minute, laughing at some stupid thing I said the next. It's been a few weeks. How long can it take to heal, to move on? Sure wish I could move on.

But I can't. She was the only one who would have me while I'm Cyborg. When I was Victor, the girls were all over me. But then I didn't understand. I didn't know what love was. I don't think I would have known real love if it kicked me in my ass. When I became THIS, all the girls wanted nothing to do with me. When I heard a new girl was coming to the team, I though nothing of it, of her. But then we locked eyes, and slowly we began to lock hands. More and more I could feel her opening up, opening up to loving me. And the day she accepted my question, the croaked question of weather or not she would be with me, I knew something was going on between us.

I remember all those days I'd get mad. I'd put my foot through something. I'd almost murder Beast Boy. The night of, usually, Raven would abandon her room and her meditation to walk with me, outside, her perfect pale hand clinging to mine. We'd talk it over, she'd teach me how to let go of some of my rage, and I'd feel pretty good about myself. We'd hug, she'd give me a kiss... She was beautiful, her azure eyes so close to mine, then closing, one strand of hair across her closed eyes, just missing our touching lips. I doubt she knew I studied her during those kisses. I doubt she knew I saw the most beautiful woman in the world when she clung to me and kept herself to my side. But I did, and she was. And I want those times back.

Outveiw

Cyborg passed Raven in the hall, so absorbed in thoughts of what he was about to do that he barely saw her. What he did see was a scowl, both hands on her hips, and a generally ugly look of a person who had just been run into by someone who they thought had no right to run into them. Had she not been so busy scowling, she might have seen the bottle of pills in his hands instead of his closing door.

Raven

Cyborg just nearly ran me down in the hall. I think he forgets he's made of metal sometimes... That really hurt... I don't even want to know what he was doing out at midnight... I don't think I want to think.

Cyborg

That's it. Easy does it... Just enough pills to make me sick. Or at least the human part of me sick. If I'm sick, Raven will have to worry enough to come to my side. She'll just have to. And then I can apologize. It's up to her to forgive me, but I hope she'll understand: I'm crazy. My love for her is making me crazy.

Is everything suppossed to go black, or is something horribly wr-...

Outveiw

Raven was outside Cyborg's door. Breathe, Raven, she told herself, then knocked again, her knuckles hurting worse than ever from the rough metal. When Cyborg continued to be non-responsive, she shoved the door open, unlocking it with her mind. "Cyborg?" Her voice came out timid, although still not out of it's monotonus way of speaking. And then the bare bulb above her blew up, and Raven Roth screamed louder than she'd screamed in years, perhaps in her whole life.

Raven

Want to know who you are.
Want to know where to start.
I want to know what this means.
Want to know how you feel.
Want to know what is real.
I want to know everything.
Everything...

I can't belive it. His grave. It's in front of me. It's been three days since I found him, face-down, in the pillow. I can't belive it. A drug overdose that killed him almost instantly is what the doctors said happened. I didn't think he was that hung up. If only I could have done something. If only I could have let him know I care. If only. If only. I hate those words. I resent every single time I say them, every time I hear Robin say them, every time I even begin to think them.

I always loved him, but did I really know anything? Did I understand his personality, his feelings? Did I understand him? Damn it, why wasn't I more careful? I didn't used to think there would be any end... Now that there is, I don't know where to start. And I can't start from someone's end. I can't even start from my own begining. Was anything ever between us anyway?

This can't be real. I'm too numb to feel, but I know it will come, the emotions and the tears. I don't want to be here when that happens... I don't want to be here at all. I want to go home, and lay down on his bed, and cry. I want to cry forever. This is all my fault...

Raven fell down onto the grave, her face down in the mud. I just can't take this anymore... Everything around her began to blow up, and she knew that, somehow, she was too far gone to help herself up, or to care.

Outveiw

I don't want to fall to peices.
I just want to sit and stare at you.
And I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want a conversation.
I just want to cry in front of you.
And I don't want to talk about it.
I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you.
Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you.

Starfire stood, clinging to Robin. The year had passed slowly. Robin, Beast Boy, and Starfire stood in the doorway of Jump City's Mental Ward. Raven lay on her bed, the white cloak around her, Cyborg's picture next to her bed. She did not apper to reconize them. "It shall... Always be like this?" Starfire whispered.

Robin could not bring himself to look at Raven, and instead turned to the doctor. She hadn't spoken in the past year, and everyone was worried. Robin could only sigh.

As they left after their hour alloted session, a voice hoarse and devoid of use came up over the silent group. "I love you, and goodbye." It was none other than Raven, whispering to the picture. Beast Boy's tears fell, for it was hopeless. Love had brought them both to an end.