Raventhedarkgoddess: I don't own Teen Titans. ((Terra/Beast Boy)) The poem between the parts is mine.

Fighting Home

Beast Boy sighed heavily, his green-haired head upward to the sky. Terra. The word repeated itself, chantlike, over and over in his head, refusing to leave him alone. The one word had stopped any other thoughts, including the pain attached to the word Terra, or any further memory of who she was and why he remembered her name so well. He couldn't bring himself around enough to feel anything at all, as he had been unable to for several hours.

The large crowd around Beast Boy began moving, and Beast Boy himself stood up off the splintering wooden park bench. He didn't really feel like he should be going anywhere, but his feet took the weight of the rest of his body and he began his slow shuffle forward, moving among the bodies as they surged toward the exit of the city park.

Just fighting through,
struggling just to roam.
My feet fight forward, dragging on.
To the place I thought was home.

Both feet were caught behind him in a rather slow shuffle, and Beast Boy landed, almost neatly, head over feet. A blonde girl laughed, her laugh warm and friendly, as Beast Boy struggled back to his feet. The numb feeling left him as he looked at her, and the walls around the name Terra came crashing in. Terra, he thought, feeling as if he had just awakened from a deep sleep.. Terra had blonde hair, and blue eyes, and...

Mentally, he was able to see her. Her clothing, her hair falling into one side of her face, her smile...The way she had leaned in close to him for a final kiss... The way they had been unable to have the last kiss...He was flooded with memories of her, the hate in her eyes as she backed away from him, the love in her eyes only five minutes before, and the desperation he had seen in her face when she tried to ask him if they were still friends. Everything about her came back to him in a haunting, sudden rush.

She's not worth thinking about, he tried to tell himself, but was hardly surprised when the thought gave him no comfort at all. The crowd swept around him in a torrental wave, and he slowly followed it. Finding he had been swept out onto Main Street, he headed in the direction of Titans Tower. Some fangirls began chanting his name over and over, but with his thoughts on Terra and his head turned to the ground he managed to avoid hearing them somehow. Instead he noticed other people, heads down and eyes bent on the ground, fighting their way toward their houses and workplaces. He felt a special kindship with the ones that seemed unaware of anything except the thoughts they were trapped in, as he was feeling now. Heads down, they flowed around Beast Boy like he was just a rock in the river of their lives, there for a moment and then swept over by them, the water.

Watching other people,
people just like me.
Ignoring losses that they mourn.
Just fighting on to see.

Fighting out each moment.
Trying to get anywhere.
Forcing myself not to know.
Although I know you won't be there.

I hope Terra's at home today, he thought to himself. I mean, it's been a week, maybe she finally got away from Slade. His brain immidatly kicked into gear, telling him that it was impossable, that Terra was never coming back, but he ignored what he already knew. His mind, at least, knew the truth, but his heart was holding back. Refusal is so much easier than acceptance, said a little voice in the back of his mind. Shut up, he told it firmly.

I'm crawling in the dark.
Navigating with my heart so broken.
My mind knows but cannot tell me.
On everything I'm nearly choking.

How much further can I go?
Where before you're there?
How long must I live on what I'm handed?
Hanging by a single hair.

Beast Boy sighed again, trying to ignore the internal struggle going on between the two halfs of him that were most important: Mind and heart. Damn, he thought, this is pointless and I know it. He was too absorbed in himself to even notice the lack of noise as the fangirls shuffled away and the heavy silence of after-dark falling all around him. How could I have let it get this bad? He rounded on himself. Why couldn't I have used my eyes before my heart for once? She deserved my trust! I told her I would be her friend? How could I have been such a total goober? I was in the dark with her and it's really dark now that she's gone, he thought to himself, tiredly and quietly. "My life is over," he said out loud, his voice broken and hollow.

More lights are shining.
Distantly, on what I thought was home.
I'll go in hopes of finding you.
Somehow, I'm all alone.

The lights blazed out over the lake as the shadowy, hunched form of the green teenager as he made his way toward the luminated giant T-shaped house. It's not a home anymore, he thought. It can never feel like a home. I've suffered too much there now. I...I never shed a tear, but it's been enough for me... Making his way up the hill, he could feel both palms sweating, his hair matted to his head, and he could already hear Raven's voice telling him that Terra wasn't here. His heart kept him pushing onward, toward the warm glow from the single light in the kitchen. Everyone was leaning, head first, over toward Robin. Plans were apparently continuing, plans to battle with the woman Beast Boy loved so much. "She ain't here, man," Cyborg said softly, then turned back. "...Can't go easy on Terra at all, then." Robin conculeded.

"She's not our friend anymore. She's a liar and a tradtor," Cyborg said, and Raven nodded sadly, her purple hair falling lightly into her violet eyes. She brushed it back, away from her face, and sighed again. She looked over at Beast Boy, who's face had turned red. Both eyes were shining, and Raven raised one hand as if to prevent him from speaking.

"Dude, Terra was our friend! How can you say that stuff? None of it was her fault, not one word of it was her fault, and what's furthermore, this is stupid! You're ploting against her like she's the ENEMY! Terra's going to come around! She'd never fight us! NEVER! I thought you guys understood, or at least cared! Tradiors, you're all a bunch of lying, sneaking TRAITORS!"

Leaving the others looking shocked, he ran up the stairs and away. Raven whispered something to them all about this being natural for him to be feeling and they let him go. "Terra! TERRA! Please be here! Tell the others you left him! At least come back to me! I need you." The realization that she wasn't coming back, mixed with the feelings of needing someone more than life itself, was too much for Beast Boy. Trying his hardest to avoid the tears that were coming on fast, he grabbed his present to Terra, the shining heart shaped box and flung himself aross her bed, once more in the form of a box, whimpering loudly for the rest of the night to avoid his human half's near acceptance.