Raventhedarkgoddess: Rae/Cy, written at two in the morning. If it's as bad as I think, flame.
Her Eyes
Cyborg
Her eyes. From the time I first saw her, they bothered me. In fact, they haunted me. What was a girl like her, such a pretty girl, doing with such sad eyes, old eyes? Why did she look so familer, so distant? What was her trama, her past? And who, why, did I get such feelings staring into them? Who are you? I wanted to ask that so badly, just to see what she would say, but I was tounge-tied, fearful of what she might say. I was scared of the way she might reject me. I saw how cold she was, but something in me liked that coldness, wanted to try anyway, wanted to try to be someone she could care about. I wanted to give her something to live for.
All that time, I think I wanted something to live for myself. I mean, life goes by fast, fragile, and when no one cares, no one cares, and it's dark, very dark, every night. I went back to my empty bed, all alone. It's quiet late at night, when I lay there and stare out the window blankly, human eye teared up, the robotic one unblinking. I like that about my robotic eye. It doesn't give away what I'm feeling. Not like her eyes do. Human eyes, full of hate.
Sure, she tries to hide it. She tries very hard, with her ugly scowl, her hair thrown off the way it is, but all the same, I can see through her. I know how she is. I wanted to know her, who she was, but I just couldn't. I don't understand why I can't make myself do these things. What is it with me? She's the one hiding her emotions, so I should be able to show her how to feel them. At least I thought I could.
I just didn't understand her then. That is, until Beast Boy popped zits in that mirror and I ended up in her mind. Although Beast Boy showed it more than I did, I was eager to find out the secrets about her. I thought maybe I could see a little ray of her liking me. Nothing is ever like you hope, though, when she showed up and that thing that I'm guessing was her day came upon her. Helping her defeat it was good. It felt nice, right in the heart I didn't think I could use. Being a robot is being a robot, no matter if you're half or whole, and sometimes it's easier to give into the infulence of your system then to try to fight. She couldn't show them, but now that I understood her a little more, I was more curious then ever.
I'd notice her open up once in a while, with a blush or a smile. It felt right. I love the way she smiled, if she smiled. The perfection of her smile was warm, rarely seen, often felt, though. The first time she ever flashed a smile, a faint one that barely played with her lips, in my direction, I fell in love with it. I kept it fixed into my memory, where it's going to have to stay from now on.
Then there was the whole thing with my baby, the T-car. I didn't think anyone understood how much I loved it, and especilly not Raven, with her cold scowl and the words, "It's just a car." She came around, though, as if awakening or something. She understood. Understanding isn't something I was used to. It's not something I'll ever get used to.
I saw her face twist in fury when we were chasing them down, her hands controling the wheel without touching it. She seemed to finally be feeling something: And it was toward me. The chip in her hand, floating toward me, almost touching... I felt as if she could touch my heart with that hand of hers. I rememeber the hours we spent afterward, down in the basment of the house, building the car back up, building it up from that one chip. And at the end, just as we finally made it work, she flashed me the cheesiest grin: That grease streak across her face was perfect. It's fixed in my head: I'm picturing it now, picturing her now.
The pain is too deep for me to put into reasonable thoughts. How could it have happened so easily, so quickly, without anything to it? Where does a depressed angel go? I understand she wasn't even human, that she was even part devil, but did a girl like her deserve to die? She was meant to live for something. And without her...
I'll never forget that battle. We were all just fighting Slade, living to grind against Slade, and she died? How is that right? How can anything like that be right? Why does she deserve to die? Who said she deserved it? I couldn't protect her. I couldn't have even reached her in time. I just watched her fall to the ground, covered in her own blood, the blood that proved she was only human, only a human girl. Raven... I could have sacrificed myself for her. Anyone could have. Now I hate myself. I hate Starfire, I hate Robin, I hate Beast Boy... I hate everyone and everything, because they're alive. Raven is gone.
Raven was buried shortly after that. Putting her body in the ground under her favorite tree, the one where she used to sit and meditate, the tree where she and I shared our first and only kiss, was one of the worst things I've ever had to do. I ran away, tears pouring from my eye, the red optical unblinking, always unblinking. I never looked back, never wanted to see Robin say his final words as we left. I stared, my red eye always staring back at me while I cried, in the mirror for hours. I couldn't take it. I'm sitting with the shattered glass around my feet.
It's over. Everything is over. She's really gone, really really gone. And I can't keep up with it. I won't take this. I cannot take it. My power cell's running out. It's the last one. The charger's out, shattered around with my mirror. Everything is gone. And while I don't understand the past she held, I know this: My life was changed by that strange girl. I've been ruined by those eyes. And those eyes are going to be in the grave, in my memory and in my heart. I only hope the others with bury me with her. My premature death is a cause of life's end: I died because I wasn't afraid to give my heart away.
Cyborg's body was found in his room, with the shattered chargers, batteries, and mirror laying around his feet. The note in his hand was simple: Bury him with the reason he was dying. Bury him along with Raven, where he wanted to be buried anyway. Robin looked at the grave one last time, blinking back the tears as he looked at their headstones:
Raven Roth: 'Free Flying'
Cyborg: 'Along for the Flight'
