Raventhedarkgoddess: Fluffy tradady one-shot. ((Rae/Rob)) I don't own Switchfoot's song 'Meant To Live.'
Meant To Live
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bound for more than arguements
And failed attempts to fly, fly.
Raven Roth stood alone in the kitchen. Always alone, she thought. That's me. The moon shone down through the large window from the living room, the only light in the otherwise dark tower. The tea cup in her hand felt warm, although the warmth did not feel comforting in any way, shape, or form. Confort is a thing of the past, she reminded herself. You live only to save the others, the other people who deserve so much more of a life than the one they lead. I was always alone. I cannot leave anyone else that way.Being broken is not a possible option.
Robin sat at his desk. He was beyond sleep, although his eyes were barely open. It's always like this, he thought. Why can't I sleep? Why can't I ever sleep? He thought about something he thought would calm him down: Starfire. But as her naive, sweet face floated into his mind, he couldn't even begin to feel calm: He could feel nothing at all. Lately, he could stare into her eyes, try to look into her heart, but it didn't work out.
He still whispered the words at night. He told her when she snuggled up to him that he loved her, stroked her hair when she asked him to, and explained things to her, but it never really felt like it used to. Is it possible to fall OUT of love with a person? He shook the thought away, pushed it away, almost as if by ignoring the possibility it would fall from existence. The light danced across his face, the black of his haircontrasted by his white skin. The paper in front of him was blotched with ink and scribbles, but the only thing that he had figured out was that nothing was going to add up for him.
Raven looked around the place she had to call home, the only place she had ever called home. The couch she was sitting on was nothing more than a dark mass in the shadows, the tv staring at her with the reflected light. Her own violet eyes caught the light of the moon, the moon reflected wildly, almost with a beauty Raven was unaware she had. She caught her expression: Mysterious and scared. What are you doing up anyway? She snapped at herself. You should be sleeping.
At once, she didn't understand why she had that thought. Sleep was impossable for her most nights, and she knew it. There's more to it than that, she told herself. I just don't know what yet. She decided that reasoning things out was pointless for her and she reclined her head, the cup still in her hand, which had already been burned. Raven never felt it happen.
Robin headed down the spiral staircase, all alone. He sat down on the couch, unaware that the room was not empty. He felt something, a need for comfort, the kind he used to turn to Starfire for, but he knew he could not find comfort in her demanding idea of a relationship. Instead, he relaxed on the corner of the couch, uneasiness creeping into him: He had the feeling that he was being watched. All confidence momentaraly gone, he thought about how everything was spinning in circles, never making sense to him. And for some reason, Raven popped into his head and wouldn't go away. "Raven," he whispered aloud, unable to explain why the word had come to him.
Raven looked up out of her own dark thoughts. "Who said my name?" She was disugusted with the edge of fear in her voice. Suck it up, you big baby, she told herself. Hating thinking, hating not thinking, she looked around the dark room.
Robin sat straight, banging his head off the back of the couch as he looked in the direction of the whiper. The lamplike eyes that stared at him were reconisable even in the dark at a distance: They belonged to Raven. He gulped, glad he had said nothing more than her name, and tried to think up a clever lie. "What are you doing up at this hour?" Lame, he told himself as the words left his lips. He found himself worried about what she thought of him, but tried to brush it off. She doesn't care, she's just a teammate...
Raven looked over at him. "The same thing I'm assuming you are. Inability to sleep isn't a crime, now is it?" Her voice was back to it's cold monotone, which she used to her advantage, quite happy Robin couldn't hear the fear and slight anger behind it. Just don't think, don't feel...
Why do you let everything pass you up? He asked himself furiously. Now she probably thinks I'm a complete idiot, or she's mad at me... At the thought of Raven being mad, he cringed, although unsure of why. Raven noticed his cringe but said nothing, figuring it was unimportant but still wishing she knew what he was thinking. "No, it's not a crime. I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing you or anything, I just didn't see you..." Once again, lame, he told himself. Do you think she's really going to belive that?
I don't belive that for a second, she told herself. I wish he'd be honest with me. "Something's wrong with you," she said slowly. "It wouldn't hurt you that much to talk about it."
What would she know? Since when does she talk about her life, about her? I want to know, he thought, them withdrew from that thought as if it had bit him. It's just Raven, just Raven looking very, very pretty... He slapped himself, mentaly and hard. "I dunno... It just seems like the world runs unfairly, like nothing makes sense. I mean, life, death, hurt, blood, pain... Does it all mean something? And what about love?" Then ending question made him want to punch something. Why the hell did you say that to her? Just tell her about Starfire while you're at it, he told himself coldly.
"What of it? Robin, this is the real world, no fantasy. I'm not going to lie to you. Nothing is ever quite what it seems, and everything is always wrong. We're fighting, this team, for what we belive in. But even that could be wrong. What I'm trying to say is no matter how many times you fail to fly, no matter how often you fight, you're going nowhere again and again." The stare she gave him was full of emotion, something he had never seen there: Hurt and anger and what might have been sadness were apparent.
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside.
Somewhere we live inside.
We were meant to live for so much more.
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside.
"So what are you saying? That I shouldn't even try? I haven't lost myself that much, you know." He challenged her due to anger at the truth, the truth she was speaking and the truth in his head: He loved her. He continued to attempt to shake that feeling, but to no avail.
Raven was about to respond, to tell him something about herself, to make him understand, when the gem at her throat began to flash. She knew what that meant: The city was under attack. Anything she had meant to say to Robin would have to wait. They were meant to live for more than running at the sound of the alarm, but for now that was how it would have to be. The rest of the team came running down the stairs, all ready, and, without another word, the group ran out into the night.
"Slade!" Robin yelled. Raven looked over at him, his face tight, his body pained. This is what he thinks is worth fighting for, she thought. She looked over, eyes glued on Slade, trying to show him some support, trying to mirror his fury. That's impossible and you know it, she said to herself, then felt a deep sense of love, hate, and overall anger at the world, a feeling she knew her calm outerface was hiding, and was pretty much sick of only being able to hide it.
"You'd like me to answer that. You'd like to play superhero, wouldn't you, Robin?" The eyes, barely visable through the mask, stared straight at him, unblinking and cold. "You'd like to think you're a man who can have the ladies, the car, the power..." Slade was knocked down by Cyborg.
"Yo, watch your mouth," he warned. He looked over at Robin, who was rigid with fury. Raven put her hand on his shoulder, not sure why she felt the need to give him comfort. He smiled at her. "Raven..." He started hurriedly, wanting to tell her in front of Starfire, his way of telling her they were through.
At that moment, Slade got back up and jumped straight for them. The two of them, so wrapped up in each other, did not see the pole, and did not notice Slade until the metal cracked against Raven's skull. She fell, limp, in Robin's arms.
Dreaming about Providence.
And whether mice or men have second tries.
Maybe we've been living with our eyes half open.
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken.
"RAVEN!" The blood came, fast, but also fell unnoticed. Robin was concerned only with her shut eyes, her dark hair. "Raven! Wake up! Wake up!" He heard Slade, heard him laughing, and then there was nothing. The silence of him, of his teammates, of time itself, was crushing.
"Come ON!" Now he was irritated, furious. He had never felt this way about anyone before, and he needed to know if she felt the same way, if she COULD feel the same way. Everyone else stared, beyond feeling, pity, or help, in the musty building and watched Robin cling to Raven. Starfire watched with horror, horror at Raven's blood and at Robin. Is it possible that Raven and he were meant for each other and not him and I? The question ran in her head.
"Robin?" The girl in his arms said, squinting, raising one hand to his shoulder, trying to pull herself up, away from him, trying and failing to stand. She coughed, more blood falling. Her head went down and she could do nothing else.
"It's me, Robin, and we're going to get you out of here, you're going to be okay," he said quickly, fearing any other possiblity, fearing what might come out of failure. No, I won't lose her! He told himself. "I love you and you're going to be okay."
She eyed him up, wide-eyed. "I love you too. But don't waste your time on... me, please. I'm gone, a bird with broken wings. No second chances here... Go get Slade. He's the one you want to...kill. Don't watch...me... die. Get him..." Her voice trailed off completly, the opticals struggling to stay open. Her purple eyes reflected the moon beautify, with the intensity of life and death, of forever or just a few minutes, the mysterious allure giving way only to love.
"He's gone." Beast Boy stared at the two of them, then at Starfire, who's mouth was open and wide, tears running down her cheeks.
"Robin, I had no idea..." She began, then dropped off at the sight of his tears, his mutterings, and floated a few feet off the floor, doing nothing, saying nothing, in complete denial.
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside.
We were meant to live for so much more.
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside.
"You KNOW you have to live. You mean something! You were meant to live for something! Raven, we talked about meaning. You give me meaning. If you leave, it's gone. I just found you, just finally found you, don't leave me, please don't leave me..." Everyone else was lost to him. Gone forever. The only thing he cared about was forcing herself not to fade.
"I don't want to... leave you. Ever..."
"And you're not going to. You're staying right here." And he hugged her, lightly, almost as if afraid to touch her. She hugged back with what little strength she possessed. And the tears continued to fall, as heavy as the forgotten rain outside, heavy as the broken promises between them: As heavy as all tears are.
The rest of the team was pulling back. Cyborg ran outside, trying to bring his car up to the entrance so they could get Raven somewhere, Beast Boy numbed by the whole experence, and Starfire just hovering, still in denail, the shock too great, her body unable to handle it.
Robin ran with Raven's body to the car. "It's going to be okay," he hissed, over and over, chantlike.
We want more than this world's got to offer.
We want more than this world's got to offer.
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah
"You and I need to live for everything, Raven. Everything. You and I are bent for more than arguments, bent for more than failed attempts, bent for more than everything. Please!" He hugged tighter, against her squeal of protest. "Raven..."
She used the minority of her power to force his hands back. "Robin... Just remember me as I was, as we were, in the living room. I'm dying. This is all I can make myself say." She stopped, knowing she was hurting him but unable to stop.
"You will not! You will not!" Everyone kept their heads turned, lost in their own grief, afraid of this angry, love-losing person Robin was becoming. Raven lay against him, helpless to stop him, and did something she had never thought she would do: Cried. The windows on Cyborg's car exploded around them, the flying glass black, the cracks obvious. No one spoke, Robin pulling her tightly to him. "You will not," he said in a whisper. "You can't."
"Robin, I don't have a choice. You, you were meant to keep living without me. You need to live, Robin, and remember that I love you." Her lips pressed his, softly as a butterfly, and Robin knew it would be their only kiss. He kissed back, ignoring Starfire, his whole being focused on Raven. Suddenly, she fell back, fell away. She was dead, and Robin knew it. His own tears came again as Cyborg studied the damage. Man, I think there's more damage done then ever before, and not just in terms of my car. He pulled over, waiting for the feeling to fade, waiting to be able to drive again, knowing somewhere inside him that it would never fade: He had lost Raven and Robin in one blow, and Starfire seemed to be slipping away.
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside.
We were meant to live for so much more.
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside.
Robin stood at her graveside, finally able to come after two long, painful years of being kept away. He saw the bird etched into the headstone, thought of her final words, fought the urge to join her in the ground, but it didn't work. The overdose of pills he had taken was kicking in. He sank to her grave. "I was meant to live," he whispered to the headstone, "But not without you." Feeling as if he had lost himself to the hole inside his heart, he lay down next to her headstone and felt the world ebbing away. His eyes came to rest silently on the blackness inside.
It was Starfire to find his body, quite on accident, bringingflowersas she so often did to the little grave with the angel Robin had insisted be etched in there, death's oxi moron for the daughter of the devil who had knownfrom the day she was born she belonged in hell.Starfire's eyes burned as she read the note: Love is once, love is forever. Love leaves me here. "This is not right..." Starfire whispered.
Robin was buried next to Raven the next day
