Raventhedarkgoddess: I don't own Shards of Me by Evanesence... ((Rae/Cy))

Shards of Me

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.
Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.

Raven Roth was alone in her room, alone again with her legs crossed, her eyes closed, and a mirror. A single mirror was laying at her side, so different from the kind of mirror a normal girl might have kept at her side for the occasional reaplication of her make-up, so intricatly patterened, that at times she could hardly bring herself to do anything but stare, stare into it for hours, stare at herself and wonder. I wonder what kind of lies my face can tell me today.

Slowly, gradually, she heard the impulse in her head again. Pick it up, just one little look, just a little more time to understand things in your own head, an escape from the real world... Her eyes opened slightly and ran one finger over it, feeling the design, feeling the cold metal with her gray fingertips.

I've been looking in the mirror so much lately... Despite the thought, she picked it up anyway. Her reflection slowly came to face her, violet eyes full of longing, of long-controled emotions. The light caught her hair, showing just how pale she appered compared to it.

My soul is close to me, so close... One hand went to the surface, to the mirror, and held there, held against the glass of the girl in the mirror, the girl she knew and yet resented, the outward cold girl who no one could ever love.

Don't think that way, just don't think, you're a worthwhile person... But for some reason, the thought did not come as naturally as it should have been.

She could see the eyes on the other side, almost feel one of her sides coming forth. She considered retreating, considered falling into herself again, seeing her emotions, seeing the girls who she could be, the way she could be, emotional and unpredictable, not flat, montonus. I wish I could be someone else, someone who could love, who could be there, who could actually be loved... I wish I could care...

Raven felt herself falling throught the mirror against her will, yet also because it was her will, to be among her emotions.

"Heya, Rae!" One of her assorted sides called, and Raven knew without turning around that it was her happiness, the one thing she never dared to feel, had dared to feel only once, and it always was near it's twin, the two emotions that had escaped, had run free...

She turned slowly to find her happiness and her love, engaged in some childish game. She watched them running, running back and forth, and heard a laugh... Why do I come in here? Why? Why do I tourture myself for the life I could have had? Why do I want to think about being a normal girl, not a half-demon? The past is in place. I can't change this kind of thing... "Hello," she replyed quietly, seeing her more depressed self in the corner, who let out only a meek wave, as if afraid of everyone and everything around her.

Raven returned the meek wave and moved along, but the happiness was what stuck with her, the love... How could I have felt those things so freely, so... effortlessly? What is wrong with me now? Why don't I just stay here, where my soul is?

She could see her emotions, see how free they were. What wouldn't I give not to be me, but a shard of me, falling, falling, shattered but free, release... The thought was one of a suicidal person, but also that of a person who longed for freedom, who longed to be anywhere but where she stood...

Raven was suddenly back on her bed, one hand still on the mirror. Why can't I just be one person instead of these falling, failing peices, these peices of me, these shards of me?

Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together.
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

"Rae Rae, dinner's done," Cyborg said in a sing-song voice through her cold, heavy metal door. She stood, rising slowly, but took one last look at the mirror, at the last way she could hang onto being a normal girl. It contains a broken spirit, a spirit that is not only there, but inside of me, so cold, so very cold...

"Coming, Cyborg." She couldn't stand him, couldn't stand his voice, couldnt' take only being his friend. He had seen the sides of her that were love and happiness, and he had shattered them further. He made the peices too small to put back together, peices I thought were too small to matter...

If they didn't matter, she challenged herself cruely, then why do they cut you up? Why do you feel it, why, everyday, do you run, do you hide from him, do you like to look back on those times? You miss him, you know it. Just once, admit it, you were in love.

I was not in love, she insisted to herself, heading out of her room. "My emotions have always been under control," she lied to the darkness, and headed for the kitchen.

Dinner was nothing more than the usual confused mess: Beast Boy and Cyborg aruging, (meat, tofu, meat, tofu!) Starfire talking to Robin with adoration in her eyes, and Robin gazing at her adoringly. Lovingly...

Get a grip, Raven, she told herself, but it was no use. Her thoughts, her whole mind, was foucused, bringing itself back to the days when she had held onto Cyborg, held onto her life itself and clung, clung to happiness and the new meaning of hope as if she would not, could not let go.

"I'm going upstairs," she told her friends softly. Everyone, engadged in their activities, hardly noticed.

I just need one more look... Raven couldn't belive herself. I don't need that life. I never did. I...

I what? I just want to look again. No harm, no harm at all...

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me,
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
I just can't help but to wonder,
Which of us do you love?

Raven stood there, stood clad among her emotions as the only true person, and yet she felt as if they were the real ones, the ones that could be, the ones that could feel, that somehow, if it was within them to, made her feel alive, loved, allowed her to BE someone...

This is just like some diease, that's what it is... I wish I could just get better... I wish this would make sense... Her emotions, her sides, her broken memories... I can't take this anymore.

She found herself laying on her bed again, her head covered in sweat, tears she regreated falling from her eyes. She heard several books fall off the shelf, and although she didn't turn around to look, she knew what

Raven exited the mirror with a new purpose: A way around, a way to forget. What did he really love about me? He claimed I made him feel special... But as soon as I got myself back under control, stopped acting like a love-sick teenager and started acting like the person I have to be, the person he claimed was so important to him, he left me...

Who did he really love?

So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe now...
Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe,
I breatheI breathe-
I breathe no more.

"Rae?" Cyborg tried again, his hand connecting heavily, urgently, with the door. Why would she just come up to her room and leave us? Something is wrong here...

Failing to get further response, he opened the door, forced the door in, in time to see Raven laying across her bed, the blood dark around her ever-paling form, the hand shaking as she held the knife above herself, pulled from an open wound, her breath coming so, so slowly... "I'm sorry, Cyborg... Who did you really love, though, me or... her?..." She whispered, so quietly that had his senses not been painfully acute to the whole moment he might not have heard her.

"Rae... Rae, why would you... Who are you talking abo... What... happened?" He was stunned into speechlessness, standing in the doorway.

And suddenly, she breathed no more, hand fallen at her side, lips still open, full of those last few words. She was competly gone. Cyborg was left to stare after her, stare into the void that was now death.

Only when Robin forced him would he come away from her long enough for her to be buried. The funeral, private: No one needed to know how one of the Teen Titans had lost her life to herself.