Raventhedarkgoddess: No lyrics, just a poem between segments, which happens to be mine.((Rae/Rob))
If Heaven Were A Mile Away
Walking down the empty lane.
Eyes cast over and clouded with pain.
I know I should be locked up with the key thrown away,
but no one cares enough, and I'm alone today.
Robin didn't really understand everything that was going on in his head, or in his heart as he walked down the street, patroling it as if just by being there, he could keep it safe. Not that he really believed that he could. Guys like me don't keep anything or anyone safe, he thought sadly to himself. A nearby beer can seemed to be the ideal thing to vent his anger on, and he kicked it, listening to it clatter away into the night, the only sound to be heard for miles around: This was a night for silence.
The rooftops stretched out before him: An endless lane, a place for him to walk, alone in his solitude. He knew what he must look like: Every girl's dream, a gallent night in shining armor who cared not for his own life but for the lives of the people. One thing's true, he thought bitterlly. I don't care about my own life. The can clattered away from him off the rooftop and he watched it fall, moving slowly, closer and closer to all of the pavement, and then...
The aluminum made a mysterious noise as it fell, hitting the concrete wonder of a street with a soft thud. Robin ignored how it had fallen, falling quickly and quietly with no one to stop it, nothing to prevent it's fall. He thought not of himself but of Raven: If she was upset, he never knew. Maybe she was plunging too, not off of a building but in a less drastic way, into herself, into a locked room that was her soul from which she would never rise again. Robin hugged his arms around himself: Part of him did not want to believe he was out here, shivering and thinking about her, not so soon after his break-up with Starfire.
Give it up. He used the words as a harsh mental slap. Give it up. The words truly didn't do much for him: Instead, they seemed to dig deeper into his mind, imprinting the determination instead of erasing it. He couldn't help it, the thoughts were natural, as natural as drawing breath from the air, although sometimes he needed to remind himself to do that as well sometimes, especially now, with the world around him so bizzare, so different from everything he'd known before.
He couldn't believe himself, pathetic, looking around for someone to care about him. The mystery of what he was doing on the roof seemd solved, but really even he wasn't sure what he thought he was doing there. Instead,he looked up into the clouds, small and alone. Could anything really exist in a world as barron and forgotten as space? He didn't know why he thought about that, and honestly couldn't care less.
Maybe something up there could care about a person like me, he found himself thinking.
I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing here.
And I know there's something living up there in the sky.
But do I really want to go there with them.
Maybe someone would hold me if I were to cry.
Raven Roth was on patrol too, in her own part of the city, away from Robin, away from the Tower, his face burning into her mind to the point of being painful. His black hair had fallen around his face, and his eyes... Even though she couldn't see them, she knew he studied her. She had tried to force him from her mind, but he remained, lingered, his eyes on her as intently in her memory as in real life.
She looked to the clouds and removed her hood: A strange enchantress, a bizzare looking girl, almost a woman, really, purple hair blowing in the wind around her, whipping into her face in spite of it's lack of lenght. "Wonderful night," she whispered to herself, shielding her body with arms, protecting herself from the world around her. Her cloak wrapped itself around her legs in the wind,and she sighed softly, looking around before decending quietly to the street below.
The moon caught her violet eyes and she caught sight of her own reflection. Was that fear, pain, or some other long-forgotten emotion in her eyes? Calm down, no losing control, not now, not ever again... Never. The look disappered from her eyes, but she knew she would need to go home soon, to hide in the prision of her room and meditate. An activity that captivates and holds me in it's lie...
"What am I even doing here?" She continued to gaze in the mirror, until the peices suddenly became black, and her reflection disappered momentarilly. The glass shattered, and there was her own face: Or at least the shards of it, gazing back at her as if showing her the interior peices of her soul, such a hopeless puzzle of fragle fragments that it would never go back together. Meditation was her excuse, and she hid in her lie.
What am I doing here? She asked again, but silently, because even another word out loud could cause her more pain than ever. She flung her hood back up and made the slow, painful movements: Left foot, right foot, left foot again, moving slowly but carefully, avoiding moving fast or making any sudden movements. Anything to feel the motony of life.
She could feel eyes on her, in her back from a nearby window, and she jerked her hood back around her face, hiding her from whoever or whatever might watch her, might try to see why she was so upset. No one cares if I keep standing here or not, she thought to herself.
And no one would notice if I started to cry.
So now I run into someone I thought I knew.
The dark seems to take us both up and into the night.
And I don't know what I can't really understand.
I let the unknown take my hand to combat the fright.
Robin moved over the roofs, further and further into the heart of the dark city, his eyes burning as the wind hit them. This was a desolent part of the city: Here the roofs moved further and further away from each other, and he was forced to give a cat-like leap, hands out in front of him whilehis leg muscles stretched behind, landing in a sleth, ninja-like position.
A peice of glass forced itself into his hands and he looked over: The window was cracked perfectly, neatly, as if someone had done it in rage or fury, as if they had a reason for causing the kind of destruction they did. The graffiti seemed to show itself as another form of expression, an expression of sadness, and it was here in the slums that the emotional, the forgotten, would have felt together for the first time in years.
But I'm not like that. He stared at his reflection in the broken shards before shaking it off and moving on. I'll never be like that. I'm a good person, and I don't need anyone else... I'll never need anyone else. I just have a duty to the people of this city, that's all.
The dark around him danced with his thoughts, trying to prove him wrong, a broken streetlight nearby adding to the ominous air of the city. The mask pressed in on his face, but he hardly seemed to notice. His face was hiding something, or maybe everything, about him. I have a normal life. I am a normal person, despite being a hero... I'm not lonely. There she was again, Raven, looking at him in his mind.
I don't need Raven. I don't need Starfire. I don't need girls to make me happy. This was his chant, his own private chant in his head, the very thing that would keep him sane in the coming months, or so he thought. He was so preoccupied with the pain of his memory,the very memory of being dumped he was outside fighting against,that he didn't see the dark figure in a blue cloak until he slammed into her.
"Freeze!" It was not panic in her voice, but an order. "Stay put and don't mo... Robin!" The recongintion came into her voice suddenly, and she dropped her hand. "Are you okay?" The hood fell away from her face, and none other than Raven looked back at him, her eyes shining in the moonlight, fixing themselves on the glass behind him rather than on his face.
"Yeah... Sorry I ran into you." Suddenly, the darkness that had once scared him was for the better, because he could feel his own face growing hot. However, he noted she was still looking behind him. Do I really disinterest her that much? "Who do you think did that, anyway?"
Raven mumbled something quietly, and he had to move his head closer to hear her. She felt her nerves give a slight jump, but did her best to ignore it. Stay calm, always calm. "Could you repeat that?"
"I said... Me." She looked over at him, his face so close to hers, and now her eyes did not avert him, but stuck to his mask like glue. "I didn't mean to, so don't think that's how I am." Whatever had possessed her to say that, she began to wish she could learn to keep her mouth shut.
"I never thought you actually meant anything by it..." He stopped, sensing that she wanted nothing to do with him or his taunting, lowlife way of speaking. "I mean, it's just your mind, right? You were just thinking too hard, and..." He trailed off yet again, finding himself to be harsh and stupid once again. Here you are, your only moment with her, and you go and wreck it... She looks scared, and yet you can't even comfort her. Some hero. Some hero, he repeated to himself, noticing how she looked away from him, her eyes on the sky.
"You're not supposed to be out patroling," he said by way of having something else to say. This earned him a look straight in his eyes: Often enough he had wondered himself if Raven could see through his mask into the pain he wore so obviously behind it.She continued to move and he was forced to follow: Despite how unusual her position was, she was handling the way she was walking with unusual grace. Suddenly, watching her instead of his own two feet, he managed to trip and stagger forward.
Her body was forward in a flash, catching his, and his head fell against her chest neatly: She couldn't help wondering why she felt so happy to be holding him and tried to let go, but a part of her wanted to keep him there. His hand held hers to steady himself.
They stayed like that for a few moments, grey skin on green glove, both protecting hands with something to hide. Always something to hide, they both thought, although it was beyond their basic understanding why they would have the same thought, and then their eyes locked.
I'm asking you what it means to be here.
As time hangs through the stars around.
And every breath I take here is unreal.
Happiness with wings knows not the ground.
"Are you all right?" She asked him finally, quizically, and he backed away from her, embarressed with how long he had stood there, comfortable and warm, against her, his heart racing, hers a steady thump he had never expected to be able to hear. "I didn't mean to catch you quite like that, it just kind of happened..." She shifted uncomfortably, and only then did he notice that the hand that held his own bled slightly.
"How did you do that?" Before she could protest or move away, he held out her hand, seeing the glass shard in it. "Did you punch at the window or something?" Robin couldn't believe himself. She didn't go out for a walk tonight to be bothered by you, he reminded himself. "I just want to help you. I mean, if you're upset, we can talk..."
She jerked away from him. "It's nothing, Robin. Glass is glass. I'll remove it when we get home. Unless you have something you'd like to talk about with me first." Please say yes, please don't think I'm cold, I'm not like this, I promise... She blinked, hardly able to keep the pain from her own eyes. "After all, I've never run into you out here before."
"Uh... Yeah, let's talk." He took a seat on the edge of the sidewalk, it's cold edging digging into his back, and she followed suit, leaning against a cast-iron lamp post, which dug into her back slightly but was ignored. She looked majestic standing there, a queen with no kingdom, a solder or a magican of mideval lore who had lost their luster and shine, a servent to someone or something bigger and better than she thought she could ever be. He noticed how she studied the moon and stars. "Do you think there could really be something up there, like life?"
"Well, everything had to come from somewhere... Sometimes I wonder about space travel, you know, going beyond the stars, and if it's possible..." Her voice broke off again, as if this coversation were of no relevence to her. The truth was, she was feeling as if it were unreal, as if she was unreal and this conversation was nothing more than a realistic dream. However, with everything clinging to her body and the night air beating itself in time against her legs, she knew this was no dream, or at least not a dream she had experienced before.
"I always wanted to go up there someday, you know... I mean, don't you ever wonder if there are people or animals out there that don't feel hate or love, someplace like heaven only better?" His blackhair blew around his pale face and she gazed back at him, aprehsive all of a sudden, and straightened up, her back no longer leaning, her back no longer bent.
But if heaven where so close to us
that we were just a mile away.
Would we really want to touch it's depths?
And would there truly be another day?
"Even if a place like that were so close by, would you really want to go there?" She asked him suddenly, looking more alive than ever, yet somehow more dead, red gem awash with cold moonlight, making her face look more invigorated yet more dead, and everything he had ever felt toward her came forward. He suddenly felt relieved that he was not her: He probably would have lost his control over his emotions then.
"Well, assuming you were free from pain of your daily life, and you didn't have to deal with... Say, a broken heart, or maybe not being able to express anything... Wouldn't you?" Robin asked, looking at her to see why in the world she would say no.
"Think about it, though. You're beyond the stars, you're living forever, with no real sense of direction or... Anything else. I mean, would you want to live like that, with your broken heart still in you? I mean, wouldn't it just be numbed pain? And what if you couldn't leave, and every day was just a downward spiral... Wouldn't you want to get out and try to love?" Raven was shocked: What the hell am I doing, talking about what I can't feel? She sighed.
"No, when you put it like that... But, even straight out, if heaven were a mile away, I'm not sure I'd want to leave. But, you guys, my friends... I'd miss you more than anything else this pathetic earth has to offer for me." He stopped, pausing, and then the words burst from his lips anyway. "And you, Raven, more than anyone. You're always giving me more advice, and... Well..." He trailed off, blushing.
"Even if there were one more day left, and heaven were the last safe place, even considering what I told you, would you... Stay with me and the others, or leave?" A very tenitive question, and she was holding her breath, unknown to even her, as she half-spoke, half-whispered it.
"No," he whispered. "No. Never you. If heaven or whatever we're going to call it, is a mile away, I can't leave you behind. After all, you deserve to be there more than anyone else I know." Now his eyes burned behind his mask, and his arm slipped around her shoulder. "Raven... I don't really know what to say..." And so he continued to sit there, his arm laying against her, until he heard the glass shattter with the embaressment from her emotion, shining in front of and behind them.
"I love you..." He choked out, and she was beyond that, still lost in her emotions, shattering windows, yet burning with her true feelings through her eyes: Love. "Please, Raven, my heart is already broken, but please tell me the truth..."
"I... I love you... too..." She fell against him and tried to fight the pain of her emotions down, the true joy mixed in with the pain of having to tuck it away and never be seen again. A peice of her hair fell down onto his hand and he let it lay there. Suddenly, he felt different, more complete, more than with Starfire, more than with anyone before.
Raven...
But for now I'm wrapped up here beside him.
Saying words I never thought I knew.
And the truth is that it doesn't matter what I used to feel.
Because all that matters is heaven is here with you.
"I'm never going to leave you. Ever." She said finally, closing herself back up, appering as calm as ever. But both of them knew something was different, something only they could understand, truth flowing between them, justice forgotten for the sake of another. He just nodded, smiled, and tilted her chin up so that his face was level with hers, and thrust his lips toward hers.
She could not, once again, supress her own emotion, and she could feel the tears coming, but forced them away. "It's all going to be okay," he whispered, trying to ignore the loud noise of more shattering glass, like a gunshot. "I promise."
Suddenly they stood up, and she smiled at him quietly. "Do you still want to go to the sky, Robin?"
"No. Even if heaven were a mile from here, I could never go without you." His hand slid into hers again. He could tell this was going to be another long ride of hurt, mystery, and betrayal, but it didn't matter anymore.
He was completed, and, over time, she would be the same.
