Title: The Wholeness of You
Part Five: Light Amongst the Clouds

Sirius paced his cell, the Dementors were involved in a new prisoner so he was free to move about in his human form. His mind traveled back to Halloween night. He had been at a party, he wasn't sure for who or what, but there had been alcohol. He hadn't had much to drink, he wanted to fly out to visit Harry and he hadn't thought Lily would approve of him showing up drunk.

It had been on his way there that the attack had occurred. He had seen it happen in the distance, light where there should have been none. Landing at the ruins of Godric's Hollow had been one of the most difficult things he had ever done. The once happy home was in ruins. He had thought for a moment that they were all dead. He'd been relieved when he saw Hagrid holding Harry Harry was alive.

He'd gone to Hagrid, asked if he could take Harry, he was Harry's godfather after all. It was after Hagrid refused to give the baby up that everything had sunk in. Lily and James were dead. The only person who could have betrayed them was their secret keeper, Peter Pettigrew. Sirius had come to this conclusion in a second, and knew that there was only one course left for him. He had to confront Peter, even if it meant giving up his life.

That was why he had given Hagrid his bike, the only thing that mattered at that point was finding and killing Peter. If he survived that confrontation there would be time enough to collect Harry and make sure the boy lived the life his parents would have wanted for him.

When Sirius had finally cornered Peter in London it became obvious that Peter had been expecting just that. He had started yelling about how Sirius had betrayed Lily and James. He'd had the final punch too when he appareted himself out of the alley and killed all those Muggles. The Auror's who had arrested Sirius hadn't believed him that Peter was still alive. The chances of anyone ever believing him about that were slimmer than the moon when it was new.

The person who Sirius had expected to believe him... the one person who shouldn't have doubted him... hadn't. Remus believed that Sirius had betrayed their friends. Even after all they'd been through, Remus hadn't believed that Sirius could have been framed. This belief in his guilt had been apparent when the werewolf had visited him in Azkaban.

Sirius changed into his Animagus form as the Dementors tired of their new today and began to spread around the prison. He curled up in a corner and wondered about his mother's reaction to the letter he had written. He half hoped that she would send Remus back to see him, back to him. Even in his desire he realized that seeing Remus might be much much worse on him.


Remus inhaled the scent of Sirius off the letter. He hadn't read it, scared of what horrors it might hold for him, but the scent lingered. Azkaban had been as bad as he had feared. He was going to tell Mrs. Black that there was no way he was going to go again. It was too much, seeing Sirius there, even though he was guilty, was too much. Too painful, no one should live in that place, no matter what crimes they had committed.

He approached the Black House from the same place he had before. This time he was much better dressed, and better fed to boot. Leaving Mrs. Black's employ would change that again, but he couldn't, wouldn't go back to Azkaban.

The door was opened by the same House Elf Remus had seen previously. The Elf didn't eye him with quite the same suspicion, though he still waited until Remus produced the card summoning him before he stepped back and allowed the werewolf across the threshold.

Remus was lead back to the same parlor he had visited before, though when he was bid to enter Mrs. Black didn't wait for him to go through the pleasantries as he had before.

"You've seen my son," She stated. "I take it you bear a letter?"

"I do My Lady," Remus gave her a short bow before sitting down and handing her the letter. He was strangely reluctant to part with it.

Mrs. Black gave him a look that said she noticed his presumption in sitting down. "Wait for a reply if necessary."

Mrs. Black flipped the letter open and had barely read it before crumpling it. "That ungrateful mongrel!" She yelled.

Kreacher appeared in the room and gave Remus a reproving look. Remus merely shook his head, it hadn't been he who had upset the Mistress of the House.

"Kreacher!" Mrs. Black said narrowing her eyes at her House Elf. "Go and ready my writing desk for me!"

Kreacher gulped but disappeared to do has he was bid.

"You," Mrs. Black ground out as she turned on Remus. "You, will stay here until I have readied my reply to that man who was my son."

Remus stood up. "Actually," he drew in a breath. "I wanted to tell you that I won't go to Azkaban again."

Mrs. Black regarded him. "I can't make you go," she said simply. "However, you have all those household expenses that will pile up if you make the trip to Azkaban yourself."

"I just told you I wouldn't be making it anymore." Remus's brow creased.

"Don't you think that the Ministry would find it suspicious that one of Sirius Black's good friends is not only a werewolf, but the only person to visit him?" Mrs. Black drawled. "Not even his family has done that much."

"You asked me to go to him." Remus stressed.

"True," Mrs. Black smiled. "But who will the Ministry believe? You? A Werewolf? Or me? An upstanding member of the community."

Mrs. Black stood up and gave him a look. "You sit and have a little think about this, while I go write that letter."

Remus sat and watched her leave the room. He couldn't believe that he hadn't stood up more for himself. It was something that Sirius was always telling him to do. 'No,' he thought. 'It's something Sirius always told me to do.'

Remus looked around the room, hoping something would catch his interest and not make the waiting into a trip down memory lane. His gaze fell on the crumpled letter that still lay on the floor, marring the perfect neatness of the house.

He didn't want to go back to Azkaban, he shouldn't have too. Mrs. Black was right though, Dumbledore talked a good talk, but Mrs. Black had been the only one to hire him knowing fully what he was. She was an upstanding member of the Wizarding community, she donated the right amounts to the right charities. She attended the right parties, knew the right people. Her word would be golden next to his.

Remus stood and crossed to Sirius's note. He leaned down and picked it up, he held it so that the smell of Sirius could reach his nose. Calmed by this familiar scent he returned to his seat. He played with the letter, tossing it from hand to hand. Just handling it, holding something of Sirius's. He supposed he should find out what happened to Sirius's stuff. Remus was pretty sure that Harry was Sirius's heir, but what did the Ministry do in cases such as Sirius's.

'Not my watch,' Remus decided. The people to talk care of Harry's estate were Dumbledore and McGonagall. Dumbledore had decided where to place the boy, and had erected the protections currently in place. He had denied Remus the right to see Harry, telling him that it was for the best.

Remus uncrumpled the letter in his hand unconsciously. He looked down briefly, his eyes not really focusing on the note. A word came away in his mind though as he moved his gaze to the window on the other side of the parlor. This word made him lower his eyes again and pay more attention to the note.

The handwriting was poor, but then Remus would have expected that having seen the means Sirius's was reduced too. The sentiments were clear though, Sirius rejected whatever Mrs. Black had offered in her letter. The word that had caught Remus's eye was the word ashamed. It referred not to Sirius's own shame, but to the shame that Mrs. Black should be feeling at having misjudged her son. In a letter, a private letter to his mother, who would only applaud his deception, Sirius Black insisted on his innocence.


End Notes:

I guess my meaning in my last End Note was somewhat mistaken when read. No, I am not saying that I am callously ending the story there, at the last chapter, or indeed at this chapter. Nor was I saying that my treatment of the characters was overly abusive. I was merely saying that I should not have let this story lie fallow for so long. My apologies.

Please Review.