Sunrise over the tango factory A/N: Howdy guys! I've just had my haircut…and am wondering if 3 inches long is a bit too radical…opinions? Here's another chapter. Rage and me are going to have some great fun with this story; we're introducing a load of wacky characters you only find in the music/fashion/film industry…we hope you enjoy!
Sunny

Raging Tree Trunk's A/N: (Liz has left me to do this, so i'm going to have a guess at what she'd say) Hello there you beautiful people. I've been snowed under recently with science coursework, history coursework and yet...somehow I still have time to write some story...it's a gift! We hope you enjoy this chapter and please review...or I shall chase after you with a large lamenated book of dreams! (Billy Bailey, the new God of standup!)
Peace, love, prosperity and peas!
Rage


Lister woke to the shrill ringing of the telephone. He was slumped behind his front door and after glancing at the clock realized he must have been sat there most of the night, as it was now 3am in the morning.

Who the hell would be calling him at that time?

He could think of only one person.

Jerry.

"Fucking sod- fucking calling-" Lister paused, his hand hovering over the phone debating whether to oblige the idiot and pick up.

The phone decided for him and his answer phone began its monotone message once finished, Lister waited for Jerry's unholy screeches to wail through his apartment but instead came through someone else.

"HE'S FUCKING DONE IT AGAIN DAVE" A female sob rang clear.

Lister placed the voice straight away.

"What's he done now, Cally?"

"Only been shaggin' some more blonde bitches" sobbed Callidora.

Callidora Major, or Cally as she nicknamed by her friends, was a renowned female DJ, she was versatile and totally unpredictable. She was adored by some critics and condemned to hell by others. Her and Lister had met at some dreary celebrity function several years back and they'd remained friends ever since as this meant they each had a reliable shoulder to cry on…only Cally seemed to do a hell of a lot more crying then Lister.

"Not again" sympathised Lister, "the guys a complete bastard!"

Being Irish, Cally had a very specific sense of fun…and that was alcohol. It was nearly always her and Lister still standing, albeit lopsidedly, at the end of the party. She often intimidated people with her forward attitude but deep down she was very sensitive and easily hurt.

No matter which country Cally was in, she'd find the biggest 'heart breaker' there and devote all her affections to him. Countless times she had happily given her heart to a man who took her for a ride and then left her torn apart by grief. It was then up to Lister to pick up the pieces and get Cally back on her feet. This usually involved getting pissed. One of Lister's and Cally's 'I hate life' drinking sessions could last nearly a week.

"I came home, and found him in my bed, bonking away like some sex starved rabbit! And then when I begin to beat the crap out of him he asks 'what's the problem?'" there was a pause as Cally took a swig of an unknown drink...but Lister could guess it was probably alcoholic. "He had three of 'em Lister!" she wailed miserably "THREE! I could understand two, but what's the third one gonna do…offer morale? Provide a commentary?" she gave a little whimper "I want to kill myself!"

Lister was anything but worried by Cally's announcements of suicide; he'd heard her say those five words so many times before that they now had no effect. She was just being over dramatic as per usual, but it was to be expected of her she was an Aries.

"You want my advice, Cally." said Lister softly, "leave the adulterous git to stew for a while, let him think about what he's done. Once he realises how stupid he's been, he'll come crawling back. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing that he's hurt you!"

Cally sniffed "okay…I'll pretend I'm cool with him shaggin' the brains out of Barbies!"

Lister laughed, "There's a good girl"

Cally sighed "Lister, you're so good at making me feel better…in fact you're so good at it, you should be gay…you're not gay are you?"

"No" said Lister forcefully, as this was often a topic that Cally brought up.

"Shame because I know this gay guy, he's my yoga teacher. Blonde, tanned, great six pack, perfect teeth…you'd make such a sweet couple"

"Cally, no."

"Please" begged the Irishwoman "his names Kyle, and he's absolutely gorgeous…if he was straight I'd date him…in fact sod dating…I'd shag him!"

"Your words are so poetic" teased Lister,

"seriously Lister, he can turn the straightest guy gay!"

"I don't care; it's still a no! I have no interest whatever in this…Kyle!"

"You say that now, wait till you meet him…" giggled Cally, her suicidal mood apparently over.

"Callidora, I suggest you stop trying to swing my sexuality to suit your matchmaking obsession right now, or else I won't tell you about the girl I met…." Said Lister. He could practically hear Cally's ears prick up.

"A girl? Where, when, how, weather, come-on Lister I need detail!"

Lister twisted his face into a sly grin, "hmmm, to tell or not to tell..."

Lister could practically see Cally's eyes widening into puppy dog eyes.

"Davey, you- you wouldn't deprive me- lil old me of a little, wee miniscule, tiny, iddy biddy bit of detail- would you?"

Lister pretended to think a moment, "Yes."

Cally grumbled, "Whhhhyyyy? Davey, why?"

"Because you're the biggest gossip this side of the galaxy...I wouldn't mind but you have your own radio show!"

He could hear Cally's grin, "Weeeelll, your lil fans wanna know, and who am I to deprive them of the facts- none of this tabloid bull! Just the full frontal truth of who you bump and grind genitals with darling. Nothing more, nothing less…"

Lister began breathing down the phone heavily and covered the receiver, "sorry Hun what was that, oh can't hear you!" Lister began shouting down the phone, "I CANT HEAR YOU LOVE, SPEAK UP. WHATS THAT? CAN'T HEAR YOU- OH WELL- LATERS"

Lister ended the call and tossed the phone across the room, for it only to begin ringing again. He let it roll onto his message again.

No doubt Cally calling him back, maybe even Jerry. Whichever it was he didn't want to speak to them.

His message ended and the sweetest voice rang through his apartment.

Eerin

"Hi Lister" there was a pause "or should I call you Dave...yeah I'll call you Dave...oh shit i'm on an answering machine...oh double shit...I sound like a complete and total div"

Lister began laughing. It was evident that Eerin was becoming flustered

"Dave, it's me...Eerin...if you hadn't already guessed...we met at the art gallery earlier today...but I bet you already knew that...unless you've suddenly contracted amnesia...which I hope you haven't... but if you have that'll be good because then you'll forgot you'll ever listened to this stupid message which makes me appear thicker with each passing word..."

Lister by this point was in silent hysterics; he couldn't get over some of what Eerin was saying.

"Errrrm, I bet you're wondering why I called you...oh fuck...I hope I've got the right number... well i'm phoning to see if you wanted to like...go...out...sometime...like together...only if you wanted to though...erm...okay...i'm going to go now...before I somehow find a way to embarrass myself even more...if that's possible...bye...love Eerin...oh fuck... I just said love in an answering message...fuck!"

Lister played the tape over and over again, allowing himself to be drawn in by Eerin's sweet voice. He then pressed the 'call back' button...


When Eerin awoke the next morning, she noticed the little red light flashing on her answering machine; the horrific memories of last night came flooding back.

What the hell had come over her?

One minute she was debating what she was going to say, the next she was blabbering away about complete and total crap…to Dave Lister even…the shame!

She reluctantly walked over to the machine "probably telling me what time to be in court...he's probably charging me for stalking...oh crap..." she took a deep breath and pressed the 'play' button.

"How's Friday at 8, my place?"