Fine Print: All of this really belongs to J.K. Rowling.

As aggravating as Minerva could be, she did try. She gathered Professor Flitwick and all three of us tried a several spells that should have been able to pinpoint Mr. Montague. Even Flitwick was perplexed, although he assured me that Montague was still alive. Still within this castle, even.

"I'm sure he's here somewhere." Professor Flitwick squeaked, looking a map of the castle much like Potter's, "Why don't we take a break for some food. Here, six o'clock?"

"Better make it eight o'clock, Filius, I have an appointment I can't miss after supper."

Disappointed, I stalked off to the Great Hall. Some food was a very good idea. I hadn't eaten a proper meal since I realized that Montague was missing. I was almost there when I heard a distinct hick-hick. For a delightful moment I wondered if Umbridge had finally succeeded in coughing her tonsils up. Unfortunately, the coughing was coming from the hallway on my left, not down the hallway that lead to our new Headmistress's office.

Pulling out my wand (fourteen years of teaching had taught me that it wasn't just the creatures in the forest that were dangerous), I walked quietly towards the crowd of snickering red and gold students gathered in the hall.

"What is going on here?"

I'm not sure why I asked. The situation spoke for itself. Two Gryffindor ex-beaters, wands out, and a Slytherin who looked like something Lockhart dreamed up. He had been turned a lurid shade of pink, from his hair all the way down to his shoes. He was gagging on his tongue, which had also turned a bright shade of pink and appeared to be twice its normal size.

"If your're not a Weasley or a Nott, I want you out of my sight." I hissed.

The crowd, which had turned deathly quiet the moment I had arrived, fled. So much for the greatly vaunted Gryffindor bravery. The Weasley Twins tried to flee as well but I effectively blocked their escape route.

"Mr. Nott, are you all right?"

Nott frantically nodded his head, his tongue flapping against his neck.

"Then take Mr. Weasley's cloak, pull it up over your head and go to the hospital wing. I will join you there shortly."

I watched as Nott made his way to the hospital wing, wondering if I should have escorted him. But even pink teenage boys have their pride. He was mobile. Better to let him get there on his own steam. Besides, it would be easier to deal the Weasley twins without an audience.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Weasley," I said smoothly, "Could I have a moment of your time?"

"Well, we're actually quite busy now."

"If you'd like to make an appointment with our secretary."

Minerva had warned me, years ago, that I could only frighten my students so far before they started retaliating. "You seem to be under the impression that the students HAVE to do your bidding. Young man, I was teaching when you where in nappies and I'm telling you that is not the case. The students do what you ask them because they chose to, and woe betide you should you every run into a student who simply refuses to be intimidated." I had run across several such students in my years of teaching. Somehow those students always seemed to come from Minerva's house. I sometimes wondered if she gave promising troublemakers pep talks in her office.

I seriously doubted if I truly had any authority over these two, or ever had. They seemed to be enjoying their trip down the merry path to expulsion. I would be happy to see them go. I felt, however, that I needed to say something. For my own sanity, if nothing else.

"You two seem to under the delusion that I'm making a request. It's not! My office. Now!" I must have looked sufficiently intimidating because they followed me into my office without another word.

"I'm sure you two have some glib explanation for what I saw in the hallway." I said, slamming the door behind me.

"Well, we just thought that green really wasn't Nott's color", said Fred.

"So we decided to smarten him up a bit." added George.

Ahh, they were really just helping the poor Slytherin. How very touching.

"And I'm sure you asked Mr. Nott's permission before. smartening him up?" I asked softly.

"Well, you know, anything had to be an improvement at that point."

"We really didn't think he'd mind."

Sometimes I could almost sympathize with Filch's desire to bring back the old punishments. Concentrating hard on a vision of the Weasley Twins swinging by their ankles allowed me to ponder more appropriate punishments.

"I see. Well, since you didn't think Nott would mind being turned pink, I'm sure you two won't mind me deducting 30 points each from Gryffindor. And I'm sure you won't mind helping me clean out the potion's storeroom. Detention, 8:00 sharp tomorrow evening."

I had my doubts that they would show up for a detention, and house points were worse than useless, considering the Inquisitorial Squad was quickly depleting Gryffindor's points. But I had to say it, for propriety's sake.

In a softer voice I added, "What do you two think you're going to accomplish with your little pranks?"

"Mischief is it's own reward."

I continued as if George hadn't just interrupted me. "No matter how ghastly you are, no matter what you do, at the end of the day Headmistress Umbridge will still be here. You, however, may not be."

"Like we care." muttered Fred.

"But I warn you." I said, more softly still, "If any of your little high jinks should cause harm to another Slytherin student, I shall be forced to speak to your mother the next time I see her. I will be compelled to express my sympathies. Isn't true that Percy's not speaking your family at all? What a shame. And he always seemed like the best of the lot. Oh well, my mother always said bad things come in threes. Hopefully your younger bother and sister will turn out better."

This caught their attention.

"You wouldn't!"

"Really? I would. I would probably take great pleasure out of it. Do you think I could make her cry?" I took great pleasure out of the looks of alarm on their faces.

"It was only a joke."

"A joke which landed another student in the hospital wing. If it truly had been a joke, Mr. Nott would have been laughing. I didn't hear laughter, Mr. Weasley. Choking, perhaps, but not laughter."

The twins were exchanging worried glances. A sudden inspiration hit me.

"You two wouldn't happen to know what happened to Montague, would you? Because if you have any knowledge of his whereabouts, I might be willing to forgoe certain discussions. " I held Fred's gaze.

"No idea"

"Why would you think such a thing?"

They weren't lying. I could sense that much. But they weren't telling the whole truth either.

I held the door open for them to leave. Fred, however, had one final parting shot before he left.

"You Slytherins take things way to seriously. I bet if You-Know-Who had a sense of humor, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place."

I had a sudden vision of the Dark Lord, laughing hysterically at my feeble attempts to rise after he had used the Cruatias curse on me. Personally, I don't think a sense of humor, or lack of, was really the contributing factor in the Dark Lord's rise.

I arrived in the hospital wing just in time for Nott to puke all over my shoes. Poor Nott. He looked a rather interesting shade of green now, rather then pink. Damn. The things not mentioned in my original job description; Students with no fear of death or detention, a Headmistress with the intelligence of a flobberworm, and students with the inability to keep down their dinner.

"Pomfrey. POMFREY!" I yelled as I went to find a bucket for Mr. Nott. His tongue was back to normal so she had obviously attended to him already.

"Oh there you are Professor Snape. I was wondering when you."

"Do you have a bucket?" I interrupted her.

"A what?"

"A bucket. A hollow cylinder with a bottom to contain various fluids. Mr. Nott is in need of one."

Mr. Nott proceeded to demonstrate his need. Pomfrey pulled out a small tray and handed it to Nott.

"There, there, the heaves should stop in several hours. Unfortunate side effect of the counter-charm."

Madam Pomfry fussed over Nott for a few more minutes. Now that the heaves had stopped, Nott looked like he wanted to sink through the floor. I decided it would be kindest to distract Madam Pomfry from expressing her maternal instincts.

"Will Mr. Nott need to spend the evening here?"

"Tonight and probably most of tomorrow. A good nights rest should set him right"

Nott had been struggling under the O.W.L. workload, and several detentions with Umbridge for drawing inappropriate pictures during class had not helped him to catch up. He most definitely could not afford a day off. "Mr. Nott, I shall send a prefect by with your books and homework. I expect you to accomplish some studying this evening. Do I make myself clear?" I fixed the boy with a powerful stare.

He looked up from his tray to meet it. "Yes, Professor Snape."

Pomfrey was looking like she would like to empty the contents of Mr. Nott's tray over my cold hearted head. Nott might need a good nights sleep but he also needed to pass his O.W.L.s. He could rest over the summer.