Title: Numb

Rating: T

Warnings: Angst and Slash

Spoilers: Lost Son

A.N. Angsty little drabble. I was wondering why Eric never really reacted to Speed's death.

They wondered why Eric didn't cry, didn't scream, didn't grieve.

His friends said he was in shock, some said he was cold, most said he was heartless.

He could hear the whispers, they followed him everywhere.

"They were best friends, and he hasn't cried a tear"

"Do ya think he even noticed?"

It should have hurt, he knew that, but noting hurt anymore.

Nor did anything give him pleasure.

He was numb, empty.

He got up every morning, drank his coffee, had his shower, dressed and went to work.

He worked every day, collected, watched, analysed.

He went home every night, sat on the couch, staring blankly at the TV screen, ate and slept.

He did it all as before, except the things that made it worthwhile.

No longer did he nudge Tim awake in the morning, keeping a careful distance until he had downed his coffee.

No longer did he have Tim to smile at him on those bad days and remind him why he did this job.

No longer could he curl up to Tim as they watched TV and inevitably fell asleep on the couch.

No longer did he have his reason, his heart, his soul, because Tim took all those things with him when they placed him in the ground.

So now Eric did things on auto-pilot, he still made the two coffees in the morning, Tim's extra strong, he still made the two sandwiches for lunch, tuna salad for him and ham and salad for Tim, he still smiled, he still joked, he still lived.

But Eric knows that one day he won't be on auto-pilot, one day he won't get out of bed, he won't make Tim's coffee, he won't make two lunches, he won't smile, he won't joke, he won't live.

But that's okay with Eric, because when that day comes he'll be free and his Tim will be waiting for him.