Xander didn't go back to sleep. He listened to her get dressed in the bathroom after showering and he listened to her grab her jacket and he listened to her leave. He hated that sound worse than anything, yet she forced him to hear it so often. He hated having to sit back passively and listen to that faint click of the door closing behind her.
He forced himself to sit in bed for at least another hour and then got dressed himself. He was found himself pacing around her bedroom, and even going through some of her bag, for hours. He wanted to go out and get something to eat but he was worried that she'd get back and he wouldn't be here. He wanted her to come back. That was another thing that he hated, yet she forced him to deal with it so often. She always held that idea over his head – the idea that he never could be completely sure that she would be coming back. For so long she had been forced to feel that doubt, and now she had an undying urge to inflict it on others.
Xander laughed to himself as he remembered when Faith and him were joking and she said her next tattoo was going to be 'Warning: If you're male, I have an undying urge to be mean to you' right across her forehead.
"So you do crack yourself up, huh?" Faith asked nonchalantly as she walked back into the room. He looked up, and like every other time that she came back, he couldn't help but take a little relief in it. But once that small fragment of a moment passed, he couldn't help but notice the constant questioning that ran through her eyes. She didn't trust him… but could he blame her? He didn't trust her, did he? He looked over at her – she stood there, looking as strong as ever, and he couldn't tell whether he trusted her or if he had just figured her out a little bit better.
She walked towards him and he sat down on the edge of the bed. Being more forward than usual, she sat on his lap facing him and began kissing him as she ground her hips into him.
"I don't know why you bothered putting all those clothes back on," she added as she began pulling his shirt out from the waist of his jeans. She pulled it over his head, her hips still rhythmically pulsing against him. As soon as his shirt was over his head her lips were right back against his. He grabbed her waist and ran his hands up and down her sides. He'd touched her a lot, but it shocked him when he heard the whimpers and moans so easily escape her lips. He pulled away from her lips but she instantly attached them to his neck.
"Faith," he said, gripping her waist and pulling her back.
"What?" she asked with a fake smile.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she answered, unbuttoning his jeans. "Now fuck me."
"Faith, I-" She ran her tongue from his jaw up the side of his face to his forehead. She grabbed his hands and brought them to her ass just before she pushed him forcefully backwards, so he was now lying down on the bed rather than sitting.
Xander understood that sex with Faith could leave bruises… he understood that that happened sometimes. She tended to get very into it all, and occasionally that led to bruises, which he was fine with. There was nothing better than sex with Faith when she was that into it. He loved when she got that into it – it was amazing, but he had a line. He was allowed to have a line – Faith had almost killed him in contexts way too similar to that of 'just some rough sex'. He was okay with her getting into it and maybe getting a little out of hand, but he wasn't alright with her starting out that way.
"Hey," he said pushing her stomach. The only reason he had been alright with their 'pattern' was because she was commendably responsive to him not being alright with something. Usually a little nudge, or even him taking a short, uncomfortable breath, she was getting up off of him and willing to apologize… okay, realistically, she'd just walk into the other room pretending to be pissed off, but she was apologetic because otherwise she wouldn't have stopped.
But this time it was different. He had given a nudge and said something, and she just shook her head and continued kissing him and trying to find his arms to hold. He turned his face to the side and pushed his arm in between his stomach and hers that was pressed against him.
"Fuck you," he finally sputtered as he was able to push her off of him. He rolled her onto her back and grabbed her wrists and slammed them down onto the bed above her head. He held them down as he hovered over her angrily. She looked into his face smiling devilishly and answered,
"Yes please." He gripped her wrists in his hands and for a moment he wasn't sure what he wanted to do more – literally fuck her all day and all night or… yeah, he was stupid enough to go for his other idea.
"What's the matter?" he asked as he looked down into her eyes.
"What's the matter is that that dick you have isn't being used to its full potential," she answered smugly. She arched her back and brought her lips up towards his but he held her wrists tightly so she fell short by several inches. "Oh, come on…" she whined. He let go of her wrists and got off of the bed. "Xander, come on," she whined again, but she stayed lying on the bed.
"You need to fucking chill out," he warned angrily.
"Fine," she answered putting her arms out on the bed as she laid there, "I'm chilled out. Can we fuck now?"
"No." He buttoned his jeans again and added, "We have a job to do. Let's go."
"It's done," she answered, now resolved to the fact that she wasn't going to get any right now. She laid on the bed trying to pretend to be alright with that fact.
"What are you talking about? It's done? What's done? Faith, it's not like we came here to take a Polaroid or to touch a button. We came here to take in a troubled girl who doesn't understand her calling. That's not just a two hour type of deal!"
"It's done," she repeated, only strangely, this time she said it more quietly.
"What the fuck is going on? Did you find her?"
"Yeah," she answered shortly, turning over onto her side and pulling the pillow under her head.
"Faith!" he yelled, finally losing his patience. She sat up angrily and threw the pillow down.
"She's dead. We're done." Her voice was firm and forced to be blank. Xander looked at her quizzically for a moment and then asked with forced levity,
"Did you kill her?"
"No!" she snapped.
"Hey, I didn't think you did," he defended, "you'd be in a better mood." He wiped the smirk from his face seeing her literally laying brick down around her, layer after layer, by the second. "Faith, what do you mean, dead?"
"She hung herself," she answered. She looked over at him for the first time since he was hovering over her and he swore he could see tears pooling in her eyes. "Now will you do me?" Xander walked back over to the bed knowing how upset she was, even if she did display it in a strange way. He sat down next to her and asked,
"Did someone tell you or did you… did you walk in… did you see her?" She didn't answer him, she just leaned forward and kissed him. It shattered his heart to feel her lips trembling against his, despite how hard she was trying to keep them steady. Xander kissed her back, needing to chant in his head that he didn't love her, in some desperate attempt to convince himself.
Faith relaxed – at least a little – and laid down on her back, bringing him down with her. He kissed her lovingly, moving from her lips to her jaw to her neck until she whimpered,
"Xander, make love to me." She turned her head to catch his lips again. She kissed him and then murmured, "make it all disappear."
