Break was unusually uneventful. Normally there were at least four major magical mishaps and, for the last six years, numerous practical jokes. But the hallways of Hogwarts were eerily quiet. I suppose I could take credit for some of the monotony. Every time I passed the Weasley Twins, I could feel my face screw into a scowl. They must have sensed their well-being was in jeopardy if they stayed in my presence more than a few seconds, and they always scampered away. I knew that they were responsible for Montague's condition, and they knew I knew. What they didn't know was why they hadn't been hauled into Umbridge's office and unceremoniously booted out of Hogwarts, something I would have given a great deal of time and money to see. Montague's condition had worsened and Mrs. Montague's letters had become increasingly demanding.
While the Weasley Twins were acting like model students, it was my own Slytherins who were giving me a headache this break. The Inquisitorial Squad was taken aback by Montague's fate, and had begun a relentless crack down on the school. A first year Ravenclaw was docked one hundred points for "facial expressions unbecoming of a Hogwarts student". The Squad had gone so far as to ignore an unspoken rule in Slytherin, turning Nott in for an obscene drawing on one of the suits of armor. With Umbridge flitting about, I couldn't even shout at them for a lack of house loyalty. I consoled myself with the thought that at least Nott had some defense against Umbridge's blood curdling detention.
I would have almost welcomed some form of magical mischief. At least I could do something about misbehaving students and magic gone wrong. I spent most of the break grading homework papers and researching potential cures for Montague, an occupation that gave me too much time to contemplate my overriding headache, Potter: Or more precisely Occlumency and Potter, and my inability to successfully combine the two. Minerva even noticed that I seemed a bit off.
"Severus, I know that the Slytherin Quiddich team's chances have just been destroyed, but seriously, you must stop moping."
"Excuse me, but I believe after Umbridge culled the undesirable from the Gryffindor team, Filch was called in to replace your office door. Repeatedly. Something about it being slammed…". Flitch had complained at length about the number of doors Minerva was going through.
"Well pull your self together. Dolores is distracted by Montague, now's the perfect time to give Potter a few more lessons. Dumbledore's quite worried about sending him to his family this summer. The ward around his aunt's house should protect him, but if he has to leave the house…". Minerva stopped mid sentence as a group of students rounded the corner, and waited until they were well out of sight before whispering, "If you need Umbridge distracted, I'm sure I can arrange something."
It was tempting to give the lessons another go, simply to watch Minerva "distract" Umbridge, who had looked a bit pale the last time I had seen her.
Nine days is a long time to stew over something, and by the time that Potter's first potion lesson rolled around I was still stewing, with no solution for my efforts. By pretending that Potter didn't exist I managed to get through the lesson without a repeat of our last Occlumency lesson, but the one time I started over to correct him, I found myself light headed, and realized that I was holding my breath in an attempt to control my temper. When retreated to my desk and forced my self to breathe, I found that my fingernails were drawing blood, and I came to the realization that no matter how hard I tried, my feelings were going to get the better of me with Potter. Potter choose that moment to walk up with his completed potion, which he carefully set in only empty rack on my desk, smirking the entire way.
Oh, hell, I was already going to be in the shits with Dumbledore, might as well make a through job of it. I felt quite satisfied when the rack crashed to the floor after my arm "accidentally" brushed it too hard, and returned Potter's furious look with a smirk of my own.
"Whoops, another zero then, Potter."
I was still contemplating the reasons that I couldn't teach Potter Occlumency for when I stepped into muck that was up to my knee later that afternoon. Flailing for my wand and my footing, I could hear two students talking behind me.
"Should we stun him?"
"He's in the Order, Fred. You can't go attacking someone who's in the Order."
"Shhh. Not so loud. We're not going to attack him, simply get him out of the way so that we may complete our mayhem in peace." I redoubled my efforts to reach my wand, a tantalizing fingerlength away.
"Maybe we should abandon our plan. I could intercept…"
"No, absolutely not! We're almost finished; we're more likely to get caught if we stop now. I can get him from here." I had just managed to get my fingers over my wand when darkness overtook me.
I woke up several hours later in a supply closet with a stiff neck, wet robe, and a strong desire to murder the Weasley Twins. I stepped out of the supply closet and sunk, up to my neck, in smelly muck. Unfortunately, my startled yelp brought unwanted help.
"Let me give you a hand there, Professor Snape."
I had known Flitch for twenty-four years, during which he had seen me covered in a variety of different substances, from perfume (courtesy of Potter and Black) to blood. No matter what the substance or situation, his reply was always the same.
"You could use a bath, Professor Snape." Flitch held out a hand and helped me into a small raft.
"What happened?"
"Those Weasley Twins happened. Made a swamp. Umbridge gave me permission to whip 'em but they flew off on their brooms before I got the chance."
The curse used to knock me out must had addled my wits a bit, as nothing Flitch was saying made sense. "They're gone? On their brooms? I thought the brooms were locked in her office."
"They summoned them. Came flying through her door and almost hit me in the head."
My brain finally caught up with his words. "She gave you permission to whip them? I thought that corporal punishment had been banned?"
"I've got permission in extreme cases" Filch fingered the whip fondly, "Those little brats will be sorry they crossed me."
Evidently Flitch had missed my spectacular argument with Minerva, my blowout with Professor Moody, and several shouting matches with various parents, because he was looking at me like I was an ally in his quest to beat the students senseless.
"Flitch, you use that thing on any Slytherin student, and I will personally hex you, and laugh all the way to Azkaban."
"It's not illegal to hex someone."
"The hexes I'll use are."
"Come on Severus, you have to admit they'res a few students who could do with becoming better acquainted with the lessons that only a good piece of leather can teach. That Potter snot could do with a few lashes, eh. That'd take the strut out of his stride."
"Flitch, I catch you using that on any Slytherin student, actually any student at all, including Potter, and, well, let's just say that it's a big forest out there, and if they can't find your body they'll have a hard time pinning it on me."
Flitch seemed to get it through his thick skull that I was most definitely not on his side, sighed dramatically, and asked, "You wouldn't know a way of getting rid of this swamp? It's going to make a huge amount of work for me. Professor Flitwick and Professor McGonagall already tried, but they said it was beyond their abilities. I don't know if I believe them, but that's the story."
I didn't either. I could think of half a dozen ways of removing the swamp, and I'm sure Flitwick knew several hundred. It was tempting to get rid of the Weasley's final monument of misbehavior, if simply to make life easier for an old friend. Then I caught Flitch gently stroking the edge of his whip. I theatrically waved my wand and muttered a few nonsense spells, frowned thoughtfully, and said, "Evidently beyond mine as well. Let me sleep on it, it can't be too complex if those dunderheads put it together."
Between Flitch, the Weasley Twins, and my own stiff neck, I was in a thoroughly fowl mood by the time I reached my quarters. Unfortunately, Minerva was fretting in front of them. Evidently I had missed the staff meeting.
"Where have you been? I was ready to send out an alert that you were missing. And what have you been swimming in?"
It didn't matter that I was close to forty, Minerva's colleague, and most certainly not in the wrong. Suddenly I was fourteen being chastened for lateness. Minerva wasn't quite fretting. She looked a bit woebegone. Well, two of her students had just fragrantly destroyed their futures. I could understand her distress. We stood in silence for a minute.
"I suppose you heard."
I was still annoyed about the Weasley Twins. "More like saw. And stepped in. And then knocked out. You really should keep better tabs on your students."
The power of Minerva's glare was reduced by her short laugh. "I take it you found the Weasley Twins' creation."
"Pity they managed to escape before Flitch got to them." There was a long pause in which I started to open the doors to my quarters.
"I'm on probation. The Headmistress", and Minerva looked like simply saying the word pained her, "announced it at the staff meeting."
"Because two of your former students are unbelievable brats who deserve to be strung up by their little toes?"
"Because I told Potter that he had some chance of becoming an Auror."
"Because you're delusional. Potions is a requirement for admission into Auror training and there is no way that he is going to be in my N.E.W.T. class."
"I believed I promised Potter that I would coach him nightly to achieve his goals."
"Thank goodness that as I recall, potions isn't your strong point."
"I know nothing about potions. Which was why I was wondering if Potter were to get less than an O…"
"Absolutely not!"
"I haven't even finished!" Minerva had at least gone from woebegone to furious.
"If he gets anything less than an O, he can't join my N.E.W.T. class, Minerva, we've had this discussion before!" N.E.W.T Potions was one of the most dangerous classes taught at Hogwarts. Potter was not going to be exploding potions in the only classes I enjoyed teaching.
Minerva didn't look defeated, but decided to let the subject drop.
"Did they really knock you out? Fred and George, two untrained students, managed to outdraw a former duelist? I think Dumbledore might be able to make use of that in the Order."
I'd forgotten. The only thing keeping the Twins from the order had been their enrollment in Hogwarts. Soon I would be working with them as…colleagues.
"Yes. I'd better go." I said shortly.
5
