Disclaimer: Not Mine! It doesn't belong to me! I own NOTHING! How many different ways can I say it? I count 42, which is the answer to all questions! (Read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy to understand that!)
A/N: Hallo my friends! I hope ur as excited about this chapter as I am! The big confrontation! Hehe, I'm starting to get an idea of how this story is going to go, but I don't know for sure so I still need ur input!
Thanks: To my lovely beta, Molly (GQSecondAct)! She is sooo supportive and kind! Luv ya, doll! And of course to my consistent reviewers!
Chapter 5: A New Voice
Jess sighed as he opened the door to the club and saw his daughter singing to a crowd of drunken losers. He really got creeped out when he heard a couple of them talking about how hot she was. Jess took a deep breath and mentally restrained himself from attacking the guys and beating them to death. He decided to focus on getting Lori home safely and pushed through the sea of people. Finally he made his way to the front just as Lori belted out in a voice that he didn't even know she had! It shocked him for a second, and he listened to his little girl sing about suffering and pain in her strange new voice. That scared him, because he knew she wrote her own songs.
When it was over, the band thanked the audience and Lori went backstage. Jess knew that was the time to go get her, but he was stopped by a security guard. He yelled at the guy, saying his daughter was back there, but the huge man wouldn't let him past. Sighing, clearly aggravated, he calmed down and attempted to explain the situation. The man still wouldn't budge, so Jess clenched his fist to fight. Luckily, Lane ran over before Jess could do something that he might regret.
"Sid, it's okay. He's with me," she told the gargoyle.
Saying nothing, he stepped aside and Jess hurried backstage to find his daughter. At first, he was afraid the asshole had made him be too late. Then, he looked in a corner and saw Lori sitting in a chair with her hands on her head. Her long hair hung in front of her face like a curtain and it shielded her from his view. He slowly made his way towards her; Jess was careful not to make a sound because he was afraid she might bolt. These days, he didn't know what she would do.
After Lori stepped off the stage her head started to swim. She figured it was because of the adrenaline rush. Performing was the only time anyone really listened to the way she felt. It was the only time her true feelings could shine through. Feelings of pain and anger at everyone for making her hate herself so much. Taking deep breaths she focused on calming down, but it wasn't doing any good. Suddenly, a wave of dizziness washed over her body, and she grabbed onto the wall next to her for support. Swaying, she closed her eyes and continued to breathe slow, deep breaths. Then, she cracked her eyes open and saw a chair only a few steps away. It could have been miles away, though. Moving at all seemed like too big of a task for her to accomplish, so she just stood there.
After a couple of minutes, she felt like she was going to fall. A shudder passed through her body and she reached for the chair as she fell. It felt like she was falling in slow motion, like the world stopped as she stumbled towards the chair with her hands outstretched and reaching. That was how she felt most of the time; like she was blindly reaching for something, but never actually got there. Then she grasped on to something as her body began to shake. With an unknown strength, she managed to pull herself onto the chair and she tried to focus on not passing out. That was the goal. Not to pass out. Then she heard his voice.
"Lori."
She inwardly cringed when she heard her name. Disappointment dripped from every syllable and she felt like she was about to throw up. Her dizziness had gotten worse, and now the room was spinning rapidly. She was breaking into a cold sweat, but she had no idea why. This was the worse she'd ever felt, and she wanted to fall into her Daddy's arms and cry until she had no more tears left to cry. Pushing that thought aside, she looked up at him and tried not to look like she felt.
Jess bit his lip when he saw her. She looked strange. It was like when he heard her singing. Not only did she have a new voice, but she had a new face, too. It was surreal, and he felt himself trying to swallow, only to find out his mouth was parched. Water. He needed water. Instead, he looked down at his little girl, who now looked like a woman and bit his lip.
"Let's go," he told her trying to sound parental, but failing miserably.
Without a protest, she heaved herself out of the chair, almost falling onto her butt as she did so. Again, her arms reached outwards, but she snapped them back down. She would not walk blindly anymore. She was Lorelai Gilmore Mariano, and she was going to walk with her head high if it killed her. Slowly, they trudged towards the car. Each step was heavy and weighted down, and not just by her steel toed boots. It was as if the floor had magnets in it, and it was keeping each foot locked in place. She used all of her might to lift her foot up, and began to breathe heavily as the journey stretched out before her.
Jess knew something wasn't right. Lori was acting weird, and not "Gilmore weird," but a different kind. His heart ached as they slowly walked to the car, and every bone in his body told him there was something else wrong with Lori. She was hiding something, and it wasn't anything good. He could hear her labored breaths, and when he glanced back her face looked pale. It could be that she was just scared, but the pesky little voice in his head told him it was something else. It was something big.
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Luke and Lorelai drove in the pitch-black night to the Mariano's apartment. Nate opted to stay at home, since it did seem to be more of an adult matter. They drove in silence, each wrapped up in their own thoughts and fighting their own personal demons. No one had to say a word to break the quiet of the cool night air. They both knew what the other was thinking...well, thought they knew what the other was thinking. Lorelai had no idea that Lori had an eating disorder.
Luke struggled to decide whether or not to tell Lorelai, or to wait and confront Lori alone about it. On one hand, Lorelai could tell him that he was being ridiculous and he had no real proof about it. That seemed most likely. He loved his wife dearly, but she could force herself into denial about the ones she loved. But, on another hand, Lorelai could listen to him and agree with what he said. Then, they could figure this thing out together. That's what he wished would happen. On another hand, he could hold off and just tell everyone at once about her eating disorder and wait for Lori's response. On another...Luke stopped right there when he realized he already had three hands and just shook all bad thoughts from his head.
Meanwhile, Lorelai was wrapped in her own thoughts about what could have made Lori so angry. She was always such a sweet girl and she loved to visit her grandparents. Lorelai smiled when she thought about all the fun that they used to have at the Dragonfly when she was little, and how she used to help Luke out at the diner, and he would pay her in coffee. Now, she was different, and Lorelai didn't know how, when, or why it happened! Wrapped up in her own thoughts, she almost didn't hear Luke. "Lorelai?"
When she didn't respond he tried again, "Lorelai?"
"Huh," she replied, absently.
"I have something to tell you, but you can't freak out."
"O...kay," she replied slowly.
Taking a deep breath he began, "Uh, Lori has an eating disorder."
Lorelai froze when he said that. She ran every moment Lori had stayed with them through her mind in fast forward. She searched for some proof that he was lying. But all she came up with was the fact that Lori picked at her food the first few days, and then she started eating well but disappeared after every meal. Also, there was her mysterious weight loss from the last time she visited. A shudder went through Lorelai when she realized he was right.
"Oh my God, how did I not see it?"
Luke didn't reply, but just took her hand in his as they pulled into the parking lot and got ready to face Lori.
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Lori inhaled deeply as she began the impossible task of climbing the stairs to their apartment. She passed Grandpa Luke's truck on her way to the stairway, and the image blurred into her mind. Her thoughts jumbled as she grabbed onto the handrail to ascend to the top. She felt like she was dying, but she pretended to be fine so her Dad wouldn't find out. Not that there was anything to find out. Lori knew she was fine. There was nothing wrong. Everything would be okay, as long as she didn't fall down the stairs- an undertaking that was getting harder and harder to do.
Jess walked behind Lori, and noticed how slow she was walking. Each one of her steps was labored and seemed difficult to make. Granted she had huge boots, but he'd never seen her have this much trouble before. She was starting to freak him out a little, especially when she stopped halfway up and seemed to sway towards the handrail. He was about to lunge forward and catch her, but she continued to climb. After what seemed to be an eternity for both of them, they made it to the top. Jess opened the door, and ushered her inside.
Rory sat on a couch with a glass of milk in her hand. Luke and Lorelai sat next to her, and their faces reminded her of a stone statue. Those were just fleeting thoughts to her, though and she slowly slogged towards her mother and grandparents. Jess joined them, and she sat on a chair across from all four of them. Her mother wouldn't look her in the eye, and continued to nurse the glass of milk. Behind the four of them, Lori looked at the painting they had hanging on the wall. The painting was about a poem; she couldn't remember the title but she did remember the general story line.
It was about a girl who was locked in a tower of a castle and a mirror was given to her, so she could look into the outside world. A spell was cast over her, and if she ever left the castle she would die. Lori recalled when she looked into the mirror one day; she saw a young prince or duke in it. She fell in love with him, and decided that she would rather see him than live in her tower forever. So, she left the tower and got into her canoe and began to go towards her love's castle. But, before she got there she died from the curse. As she drifted, the nobleman came across her canoe and looked at the dead girl. He said she had a pretty face.
Lori didn't know why she was thinking about this, but as she stared at the painting she felt like the girl. She loved Josh with all her heart, and she was dying without him. Tears threatened to fall, but she held them at bay for now. Then, her mother spoke and she came partially out of her trance.
"Lori, why did you leave Stars Hollow? What's going on with you?"
Lori sighed, and her voice cracked as she spoke, "Nothing. I wanted to play, so I left with my boys. I was going to be back before Grandpa Luke woke up."
"That's not the point!" Rory yelled. "God, I can't talk to you right now!"
She stopped talking and continued to drink her milk, trying to calm her stomach. Grandpa Luke and Grandma Lorelai kept looking each other, and doing the creepy thing where they talk to each other without talking. Lori could feel reality slipping away and she began to feel clostrophobic; her breathing was becoming labored again. Suddenly she felt very cold, and she tried to speak but couldn't.
"I actually have something to say," Luke finally spoke up. "Lori, sweetie, I love you, but you need help."
Lori found her voice after that. "What? I don't need help! I'm fine!"
Jess and Rory looked at him, clearly confused.
"What are you talking about, exactly?" Jess asked, with a sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.
"Lori has an eating disorder," Luke said. "That's why she's lost so much weight." Rory and Jess stared at him in disbelief. Suddenly, everything made sense, though. Her extreme mood swings, rapid weight loss, and sudden loss of appetite. Rory thought she was going to be sick as she looked at her baby girl and realized that she needed help. Jess lapsed into silence and stared blankly at Lori. Meanwhile, Lori began to feel her world slipping from her grasp. Her breathing became more erratic and she started losing logical thoughts as she looked at her family. They betrayed her.
She stared at them all and began feeling like everyone was against her. That's what this was. They were all doing this to tell her that she wasn't worthy of being in their family. There was no problem. She had no problem with food. Not wanting to be fat doesn't mean she has a disorder. She stood up quickly, but immediately regretted the decision. What the hell was wrong with her? She could barely even talk! It was them! They did this to her! They drove her to this! To what? There was nothing wrong!
"What the hell are you talking about?!" she screeched. "Nothing is wrong with me! I don't have an eating disorder! That's insane."
"Lori, honey, I've been watching you. Stop lying to yourself," Luke said and reached for her.
Lori began to shake her head, as she tried to clear the haze that was starting to overcome her. She began feeling the dizziness returning and she tried to make the room stop spinning. Her damn arms instinctively went out again. Reaching for something. Anything really. She hated doing that: her arms trying to grasp for something just out of reach. She wanted it all to stop. She wanted this all to be over with, so they wouldn't be against her. Everyone was against her.
Jess watched Lori grabbing at some invisible piece of furniture as her eyes began to blink quickly. He saw his little girl, who wasn't a little girl anymore, fall to the floor. It was shocking to watch her just fall forward, and he rushed to her side after only a moment's hesitation. Someone went to call 911, but he just held his little girl thinking about how he could have missed something of this magnitude. Then he knew.
It was because he never listened to her new voice.
A/N: Did u like it? Did u hate it? Tell me what u think... pleez! ur reviews mean everything to me and I enjoy reading them!
A/N: Hallo my friends! I hope ur as excited about this chapter as I am! The big confrontation! Hehe, I'm starting to get an idea of how this story is going to go, but I don't know for sure so I still need ur input!
Thanks: To my lovely beta, Molly (GQSecondAct)! She is sooo supportive and kind! Luv ya, doll! And of course to my consistent reviewers!
Chapter 5: A New Voice
Jess sighed as he opened the door to the club and saw his daughter singing to a crowd of drunken losers. He really got creeped out when he heard a couple of them talking about how hot she was. Jess took a deep breath and mentally restrained himself from attacking the guys and beating them to death. He decided to focus on getting Lori home safely and pushed through the sea of people. Finally he made his way to the front just as Lori belted out in a voice that he didn't even know she had! It shocked him for a second, and he listened to his little girl sing about suffering and pain in her strange new voice. That scared him, because he knew she wrote her own songs.
When it was over, the band thanked the audience and Lori went backstage. Jess knew that was the time to go get her, but he was stopped by a security guard. He yelled at the guy, saying his daughter was back there, but the huge man wouldn't let him past. Sighing, clearly aggravated, he calmed down and attempted to explain the situation. The man still wouldn't budge, so Jess clenched his fist to fight. Luckily, Lane ran over before Jess could do something that he might regret.
"Sid, it's okay. He's with me," she told the gargoyle.
Saying nothing, he stepped aside and Jess hurried backstage to find his daughter. At first, he was afraid the asshole had made him be too late. Then, he looked in a corner and saw Lori sitting in a chair with her hands on her head. Her long hair hung in front of her face like a curtain and it shielded her from his view. He slowly made his way towards her; Jess was careful not to make a sound because he was afraid she might bolt. These days, he didn't know what she would do.
After Lori stepped off the stage her head started to swim. She figured it was because of the adrenaline rush. Performing was the only time anyone really listened to the way she felt. It was the only time her true feelings could shine through. Feelings of pain and anger at everyone for making her hate herself so much. Taking deep breaths she focused on calming down, but it wasn't doing any good. Suddenly, a wave of dizziness washed over her body, and she grabbed onto the wall next to her for support. Swaying, she closed her eyes and continued to breathe slow, deep breaths. Then, she cracked her eyes open and saw a chair only a few steps away. It could have been miles away, though. Moving at all seemed like too big of a task for her to accomplish, so she just stood there.
After a couple of minutes, she felt like she was going to fall. A shudder passed through her body and she reached for the chair as she fell. It felt like she was falling in slow motion, like the world stopped as she stumbled towards the chair with her hands outstretched and reaching. That was how she felt most of the time; like she was blindly reaching for something, but never actually got there. Then she grasped on to something as her body began to shake. With an unknown strength, she managed to pull herself onto the chair and she tried to focus on not passing out. That was the goal. Not to pass out. Then she heard his voice.
"Lori."
She inwardly cringed when she heard her name. Disappointment dripped from every syllable and she felt like she was about to throw up. Her dizziness had gotten worse, and now the room was spinning rapidly. She was breaking into a cold sweat, but she had no idea why. This was the worse she'd ever felt, and she wanted to fall into her Daddy's arms and cry until she had no more tears left to cry. Pushing that thought aside, she looked up at him and tried not to look like she felt.
Jess bit his lip when he saw her. She looked strange. It was like when he heard her singing. Not only did she have a new voice, but she had a new face, too. It was surreal, and he felt himself trying to swallow, only to find out his mouth was parched. Water. He needed water. Instead, he looked down at his little girl, who now looked like a woman and bit his lip.
"Let's go," he told her trying to sound parental, but failing miserably.
Without a protest, she heaved herself out of the chair, almost falling onto her butt as she did so. Again, her arms reached outwards, but she snapped them back down. She would not walk blindly anymore. She was Lorelai Gilmore Mariano, and she was going to walk with her head high if it killed her. Slowly, they trudged towards the car. Each step was heavy and weighted down, and not just by her steel toed boots. It was as if the floor had magnets in it, and it was keeping each foot locked in place. She used all of her might to lift her foot up, and began to breathe heavily as the journey stretched out before her.
Jess knew something wasn't right. Lori was acting weird, and not "Gilmore weird," but a different kind. His heart ached as they slowly walked to the car, and every bone in his body told him there was something else wrong with Lori. She was hiding something, and it wasn't anything good. He could hear her labored breaths, and when he glanced back her face looked pale. It could be that she was just scared, but the pesky little voice in his head told him it was something else. It was something big.
--------
Luke and Lorelai drove in the pitch-black night to the Mariano's apartment. Nate opted to stay at home, since it did seem to be more of an adult matter. They drove in silence, each wrapped up in their own thoughts and fighting their own personal demons. No one had to say a word to break the quiet of the cool night air. They both knew what the other was thinking...well, thought they knew what the other was thinking. Lorelai had no idea that Lori had an eating disorder.
Luke struggled to decide whether or not to tell Lorelai, or to wait and confront Lori alone about it. On one hand, Lorelai could tell him that he was being ridiculous and he had no real proof about it. That seemed most likely. He loved his wife dearly, but she could force herself into denial about the ones she loved. But, on another hand, Lorelai could listen to him and agree with what he said. Then, they could figure this thing out together. That's what he wished would happen. On another hand, he could hold off and just tell everyone at once about her eating disorder and wait for Lori's response. On another...Luke stopped right there when he realized he already had three hands and just shook all bad thoughts from his head.
Meanwhile, Lorelai was wrapped in her own thoughts about what could have made Lori so angry. She was always such a sweet girl and she loved to visit her grandparents. Lorelai smiled when she thought about all the fun that they used to have at the Dragonfly when she was little, and how she used to help Luke out at the diner, and he would pay her in coffee. Now, she was different, and Lorelai didn't know how, when, or why it happened! Wrapped up in her own thoughts, she almost didn't hear Luke. "Lorelai?"
When she didn't respond he tried again, "Lorelai?"
"Huh," she replied, absently.
"I have something to tell you, but you can't freak out."
"O...kay," she replied slowly.
Taking a deep breath he began, "Uh, Lori has an eating disorder."
Lorelai froze when he said that. She ran every moment Lori had stayed with them through her mind in fast forward. She searched for some proof that he was lying. But all she came up with was the fact that Lori picked at her food the first few days, and then she started eating well but disappeared after every meal. Also, there was her mysterious weight loss from the last time she visited. A shudder went through Lorelai when she realized he was right.
"Oh my God, how did I not see it?"
Luke didn't reply, but just took her hand in his as they pulled into the parking lot and got ready to face Lori.
--------
Lori inhaled deeply as she began the impossible task of climbing the stairs to their apartment. She passed Grandpa Luke's truck on her way to the stairway, and the image blurred into her mind. Her thoughts jumbled as she grabbed onto the handrail to ascend to the top. She felt like she was dying, but she pretended to be fine so her Dad wouldn't find out. Not that there was anything to find out. Lori knew she was fine. There was nothing wrong. Everything would be okay, as long as she didn't fall down the stairs- an undertaking that was getting harder and harder to do.
Jess walked behind Lori, and noticed how slow she was walking. Each one of her steps was labored and seemed difficult to make. Granted she had huge boots, but he'd never seen her have this much trouble before. She was starting to freak him out a little, especially when she stopped halfway up and seemed to sway towards the handrail. He was about to lunge forward and catch her, but she continued to climb. After what seemed to be an eternity for both of them, they made it to the top. Jess opened the door, and ushered her inside.
Rory sat on a couch with a glass of milk in her hand. Luke and Lorelai sat next to her, and their faces reminded her of a stone statue. Those were just fleeting thoughts to her, though and she slowly slogged towards her mother and grandparents. Jess joined them, and she sat on a chair across from all four of them. Her mother wouldn't look her in the eye, and continued to nurse the glass of milk. Behind the four of them, Lori looked at the painting they had hanging on the wall. The painting was about a poem; she couldn't remember the title but she did remember the general story line.
It was about a girl who was locked in a tower of a castle and a mirror was given to her, so she could look into the outside world. A spell was cast over her, and if she ever left the castle she would die. Lori recalled when she looked into the mirror one day; she saw a young prince or duke in it. She fell in love with him, and decided that she would rather see him than live in her tower forever. So, she left the tower and got into her canoe and began to go towards her love's castle. But, before she got there she died from the curse. As she drifted, the nobleman came across her canoe and looked at the dead girl. He said she had a pretty face.
Lori didn't know why she was thinking about this, but as she stared at the painting she felt like the girl. She loved Josh with all her heart, and she was dying without him. Tears threatened to fall, but she held them at bay for now. Then, her mother spoke and she came partially out of her trance.
"Lori, why did you leave Stars Hollow? What's going on with you?"
Lori sighed, and her voice cracked as she spoke, "Nothing. I wanted to play, so I left with my boys. I was going to be back before Grandpa Luke woke up."
"That's not the point!" Rory yelled. "God, I can't talk to you right now!"
She stopped talking and continued to drink her milk, trying to calm her stomach. Grandpa Luke and Grandma Lorelai kept looking each other, and doing the creepy thing where they talk to each other without talking. Lori could feel reality slipping away and she began to feel clostrophobic; her breathing was becoming labored again. Suddenly she felt very cold, and she tried to speak but couldn't.
"I actually have something to say," Luke finally spoke up. "Lori, sweetie, I love you, but you need help."
Lori found her voice after that. "What? I don't need help! I'm fine!"
Jess and Rory looked at him, clearly confused.
"What are you talking about, exactly?" Jess asked, with a sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.
"Lori has an eating disorder," Luke said. "That's why she's lost so much weight." Rory and Jess stared at him in disbelief. Suddenly, everything made sense, though. Her extreme mood swings, rapid weight loss, and sudden loss of appetite. Rory thought she was going to be sick as she looked at her baby girl and realized that she needed help. Jess lapsed into silence and stared blankly at Lori. Meanwhile, Lori began to feel her world slipping from her grasp. Her breathing became more erratic and she started losing logical thoughts as she looked at her family. They betrayed her.
She stared at them all and began feeling like everyone was against her. That's what this was. They were all doing this to tell her that she wasn't worthy of being in their family. There was no problem. She had no problem with food. Not wanting to be fat doesn't mean she has a disorder. She stood up quickly, but immediately regretted the decision. What the hell was wrong with her? She could barely even talk! It was them! They did this to her! They drove her to this! To what? There was nothing wrong!
"What the hell are you talking about?!" she screeched. "Nothing is wrong with me! I don't have an eating disorder! That's insane."
"Lori, honey, I've been watching you. Stop lying to yourself," Luke said and reached for her.
Lori began to shake her head, as she tried to clear the haze that was starting to overcome her. She began feeling the dizziness returning and she tried to make the room stop spinning. Her damn arms instinctively went out again. Reaching for something. Anything really. She hated doing that: her arms trying to grasp for something just out of reach. She wanted it all to stop. She wanted this all to be over with, so they wouldn't be against her. Everyone was against her.
Jess watched Lori grabbing at some invisible piece of furniture as her eyes began to blink quickly. He saw his little girl, who wasn't a little girl anymore, fall to the floor. It was shocking to watch her just fall forward, and he rushed to her side after only a moment's hesitation. Someone went to call 911, but he just held his little girl thinking about how he could have missed something of this magnitude. Then he knew.
It was because he never listened to her new voice.
A/N: Did u like it? Did u hate it? Tell me what u think... pleez! ur reviews mean everything to me and I enjoy reading them!
