The sun shone down from a ridiculously clear blue sky. It was peaceful; far too peaceful. Children played on the sidewalk and ducks swam in the lake. Somewhere, a radio played a cheerful pop song. People went about their business, and a sneaking suit-clad stealth operative of the highest order went unseen amongst them.

Mostly because no one so much as batted an eye at the large man with the gun walking down the middle of the street.

This is officially the most ridiculous mission I've ever been on, thought Snake. I haven't seen a sign of this supposed "giant ball" all morning.

He paused to "liberate" a takoyaki from a street vendor, and nibbled on it as he continued the search. According to Otacon, this area was due to be attacked by some kind of giant ball made of smaller objects. Ridiculous. There was nothing around here like that, except for the tiny ball that just ran into his ankle.

Wait...what was that?

Snake looked down just in time to see a studded ball encrusted with dropped cookies and bits of chalk. It was being pushed by what appeared to be a tiny little green man.

The mercenary paused, blinked a few times, then ran off after the ball.

∗∗∗

Otacon heard the beep of an incoming codec call, and brushed a stack of empty soda cans aside to answer. "How's it going, Snake?"

"Otacon, we've got a problem. I found your giant ball, but it's-"

"That's great, Snake! I'll scramble the stealth bombers, and we'll bring that sucker in!"

There was a pause at the other end of the line. "...We have stealth bombers?"

Otacon blushed. "Well, no. I've just always wanted to say that. Anyway, is the ball small enough to capture? I'd like to have a chance to study it up close."

"Well...uh...no."

∗∗∗

Snake cursed silently. The ball had rolled away from him too quickly, and when he caught sight of it again it was large enough to devour street signs. It was mesmerizing, really. The thing just kept absorbing everything in its' path. He couldn't think of a single way to stop it. Otacon would want to study this thing. Too bad I couldn't bring anything more damaging than a handgun. Wait, I do have something that might work...

Snake tugged a grenade off his belt, ripped the pin out, and lobbed it at the ball, sticking. A few seconds later, it blew off a few smaller items, which were quickly rolled back up again.

I guess not.

Snake retreated into an alley to plan his next move, not noticing that the ball was hot on his trail.

"ARGH!"

∗∗∗

Bonsai Display...Flower Girl...Solid Snake...Copy Machine...

Mentally, the Prince tallied the items in his precious katamari. It was now nearly large enough to become a star. His father would be pleased, and the Prince would be one step closer to finishing his task. Yes, everything was turning out alright.

∗∗∗

The young, pretty girl trapped beside him flailed her limbs wildly. Snake snuck a peek down her shirt. Not bad at all. I'd be more angry about being stuck on a giant ball of crap if there wasn't a hot girl so close to my...

A jolt interrupted Snake's train of thought. The ball was much more awkward than it appeared. It kept bumping into buildings and things that it wasn't large enough to pick up. Every little rattle shook the soldier's entire body and everything he carried. He tried to lift an arm and activate his codec again, but every part of him was as stuck as though he were a piece of iron on the mother of all magnets.

Snake sighed. Every time the ball rolled over he was crushed a little bit closer to the attractive flower girl.

Can't do anything about this situation...can't get off the ball, either. What the hell do I do

Just then there was a great commotion. The ball had apparently become lodged in between a truck and the wall of a tunnel. Items were flying off right and left, and Snake flew with them. He lay, battered, on the pavement, but didn't feel as though anything serious was injured. To Snake's utter relief, the ball rolled off in the opposite direction, not bothering to reclaim him.

Snake sent out a call to Otacon. "Otacon! I'm coming home. There's nothing I can do here. If you hadn't wasted our weapons budget on video games, maybe I'd have something that could destroy that ball."

"But Snake! It's not my fault that they finally released-" Otacon rattled off a stream of acronyms that Snake could never keep straight.

"Look, just get to have me out of here."

He glanced at the unconscious flower girl lying beside him. Looking around, he scooped her into his arms.

"And I'll have company."

"Gotcha. See you in a few hours, Snake."

On the other side of the Pacific, Otacon alt-tabbed out of the game he'd been playing and began to arrange for some transport.

Carrying the girl, Snake walked off to the agreed-upon pickup point. Somewhere in the distance, a giant gray hand reached out of the sky and grabbed the ball of stuff. Snake shook his head. He never would have believed it had he not already seen enough odd things today.

∗∗∗

The Prince of All Cosmos hung his tiny head in shame. He had not performed to his royal father's exacting standards, and would now pay the price.

"Oh, dear. Oh dear dear dear, this will not do at all." Chilling sheets of rain poured down as the King squealed his displeasure. "Such a tiny katamari. Such a puny little thing. What are We to do with such a worthless katamari?"

The Prince shivered. His father's words were always harsh when he failed at what should have been a simple task.

"Fortunately, " continued the King, "We are merciful, yes We are! We shall send you to this city, New York, and there you will roll for Us a bigger, better, more beautiful katamari!"

The Prince rejoiced! His father was giving him another chance!

"Well then, off you go."

The Prince grabbed a new katamari and prepared to descend to Earth.

"...And We are most pleased that you succeeded at the other task We gave you."