To Be Needed
Part 12
Leon, for once, was the first one up, aside from Ashby. He couldn't sleep much so he decided to get something to eat. He walked into the kitchen and saw Ashby making tea.
"Morning Ash," he greeted as he walked over and kissed her cheek.
"Hey Leon," she replied softly.
He sat at the table and watched her for a moment. "What was her name?" He asked after a brief silence.
Ashby looked up startled, but then relaxed a bit. "Rosa."
Leon smiled, sadly. "I'm sorry, Ash."
Ashby nodded. "It's okay Leon. It's not your fault."
Leon tilted his head to one side, still looking at her. "Just so you know, Ash. You don't have to tell us. We don't expect you to tell us anything you don't want us to know. I don't want you to think that just because we know about Rosa you gotta tell us what happened. Whenever you want to talk about it, I'm here for you Ash. We'll all be here. Even if you're never ready, we'll still be here for you. It's like Dom says: We're a team. We're there for each other no matter what." Leon told her, honestly.
Ashby looked down at him. She didn't know what to say. "When did you get so smart?" She asked surprised.
Leon looked away and blushed slightly. "Learned it from you, but it's the just the truth. You've been there for us. No way we're not gonna be there for you."
"If you're so smart now cause you're learnin from me, how come you're still messin with those two dollar hoes?" She asked in innocent curiosity.
Leon's face turned a deep red. "Old habits die hard. I was hopin to make something go away, but it didn't work. Besides I haven't been with a women in a while." He protested.
Ashby laughed as she rolled her eyes. "Leon, sweetie. Considering what those girls are, you've never actually been with a real woman."
Leon looked at her, pretending to be hurt. "Oh that was low, Ash."
Vince stood outside the kitchen. He had come downstairs because he figured it was where Ashby would be. When he heard her and Leon talking he stopped. It was good that she was talking with Leon.
His eyes widened when he heard Ashby laughed. Then he smiled. He would have to talk to Leon later and thank him for cheering Ashby up.
"Hey, V help me out. Ash is naggin about the women I date." Leon pleaded half jokingly.
Ashby saw Vince and immediately shut down. She sat at the table and refused to look at him.
Vince noticed her smile was gone. He wanted it back. He hated seeing her unhappy. "Leon, you know that those girls at the races aren't real women. Not like Ashby here, isn't that right Ash?" Vince asked her.
Ashby just nodded.
Vince stared at her bowed head silently. He did this to her. He may not have done what Mr. Johnson did, but she certainly wasn't jumpin for joy to see him.
"I'm gonna go take a shower before anyone else gets up." Leon stated and left the kitchen quickly.
Ashby looked around the room frantically. She didn't want to be left alone with Vince. She didn't want to talk to him anymore. She hated herself for rejecting him every time he tried to ask her out. Ashby knew his feelings for her were getting deeper and deeper. She was trying to stop it, she just hoped there was still time.
Every time he ties to bring her closer to him Ashby has to deny him. Vince gets this look in his eyes. A look that cuts deeper than Ashby wished it would. She would not get involved with Vince no matter what. Ashby knew she couldn't survive another heartbreak. She wasn't falling for Vince. She wouldn't let herself. She knew that if she and Vince did get together and it didn't work, Ashby wouldn't be able to move on. It would kill her. Emotionally Ashby knew if she were to get involved with Vince it would end bad.
"Ash, I need to talk to you." Vince told her quietly.
Ashby stared at the table in front of her. She didn't want to look at him. She didn't want to see the pity in his eyes, not from him.
"Ash. Look at me." He requested when she didn't respond to him.
Ashby shook her head no.
Vince frowned. "Why not?"
Ashby just shrugged, refusing to look at him.
Vince stepped closer to her and raised her chin so she was forced to look at him.
"I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean any of it. I saw him with you and I was mad. I can't stand the thought that you would be with someone else." He explained.
Tears filled Ashby's eyes once more. "I know I'm sorry I'm hurting you too, but I can't be with anyone. If I could I swear to god, V, I would want to be with you too." Ashby said, and then ran up to her room.
In Shock, Vince watched her go. He wanted to go after her, force her to talk to him, but he couldn't.
It had to be something really painful for her to keep it from him and the rest of the team. He didn't want to cause her more misery. All he could do for her is just be there. She's done so much for the team, the least Vince could do is be her friend.
Maybe I oughta start payin attention to Jesse. He seems to be better at being a friend than me. Vince thought, condescendingly.
He never felt so ashamed of himself before. Vince realized he had a major problem. He needed to find out why Ashby can't be with anyone and he needed to find out soon. He hated be apart from her, especially since they were together everyday.
Vince knew deep in his soul, there was no denying it or trying to hide it anymore. He loved her. All he needed was a chance to show her that they could be together. He just needed one chance to prove that his love was strong enough to overcome whatever demons that were in her past.
Ashby ran up to her room in tears. She didn't notice Jesse when she ran past him and into her room, locking the door behind her. She collapsed on her bed, curling into a ball.
Deep in her heart she knew loving Vince was wrong. She tried to prevent it, but she couldn't. All Ashby had to do was look into his big brown eyes and she was lost in their depth.
Ashby regretted letting Vince sleep in her bed every night. She had only accomplished in making it harder for both of them when she leaves the team.
Ashby froze when she heard her door creak open she knew she locked it.
She glanced up and saw Jesse walking in, locking the door behind her. He walked over and sat on her bed.
He looked at her sadly.
"You okay, Ash?"
Ashby wrapped her arms around his middle, in much the same fashion as Vince had done to her. She held on tight as more tears flowed from her eyes.
Jesse held her, rubbing her back soothingly. "Ash, promise me something. Promise me you won't ever leave without saying goodbye." Jesse requested after her cries quieted down.
Ashby looked up at him. She understood now. He was afraid she was gonna take off like Letty did to them. "I will never abandon you Jesse. None of you. When I leave you all will know, I promise you that."
Jesse frowned. When she leaves?
Ashby saw the look on his face and she realized her slip.
"You're leaving," Jesse accused. He looked at her like she had lied to him. He looked so hurt.
Ashby sighed. "Jesse, my living here was never permanent. Mia asked me to stay only to help you guys out for a while, until things got back to normal. She didn't know how a baby would affect all of your lives. Mia's doing better now, and you've all adjusted to having Maria around. Pretty soon the team won't need me anymore. When that happens that will be my time to go." She explained as gently as she could.
Ashby was surprised to see tears in Jesse's eyes.
"But I still need you. You can't leave me Ash, please don't leave me." Jesse begged her. His arms held Ashby tighter to him; as if he let her go she would somehow disappear.
Jesse couldn't lose her. She was the only one who understood him. Sure Vince and the rest of the team were more loving now, but he liked the way Ashby took care of him. She didn't need him for anything; she took care of him because she cared. Not because he was the mad scientist and she needed him for something. Jesse's come to think of her as a sister. If Ashby left, Jesse honestly didn't think he would let her go alone. He would go with her, even if it meant leaving the team.
"Jess, hon. I won't take off in the middle of the night. I'm not gonna disappear without saying good-bye. Besides it's not like I'm going far. I'm just moving out of the house, not to another state." She tried to rationalize.
There was nothing he could do to change her mind. That much he knew.
"All right, Ash."
Ashby frowned. "All right?"
Jesse smiled. "Yeah. I don't have to like it, but all right."
Ashby was secretly relieved. She was so afraid Jesse wouldn't accept her leaving. What if himself off from everyone? Ashby didn't want that. Although he's become a brother to her, Ashby knew she was going to have to push him away.
She didn't know what she was going to do without having the team to take care of. Sure she would still baby-sit Maria, but it wasn't the same.
It wasn't like being part of a family. Slowly Ashby would become an outsider once more. The friendship she's spent the last year building would begin to fade.
The team would remember how life was before Ashby was there. Eventually they would begin to live life without her and then realize that they would never need her again.
Ashby would miss them, but she knew it was better this way. They didn't need her. She wasn't apart of their team. She could never fit in, not like Letty. Ashby wasn't apart of the racing world. Nor did she really want to be.
She didn't want the team to feel like they had to try and make room for her in it.
She didn't belong. Ashby knew she never would.
