It feels like an eternity...
7 years ago I died along with her...
Now only a hollow shell of me remains.
I still have dreams of you being safe and sound.
In dreams...I'm really happy, but life plays a cruel trick when I wake and you aren't there to hold me tight...
I've thought about what would happen if Duelist Kingdom went according to plan. What if I truly did revive you? More important; what if you found out how I revived you. Oh I know you'd see me as a monster. I'm not the man you knew 7 years ago. All those paintings of you...they all stare at me, but they don't exactly see me. I still have your room just the way you left it. I still have the bed preserved...the bed that we were both to share when we were to make love...
But that never happen, did it!
No...fate had to step in and remind us who's boss. I was foolish to even think that I was to be happy. Some people don't have any sunshine at all. I'm one of those people, Cecilia. I'm not the superhero you may think I am. I once was a painter of 17 that had the love of his life. I was so in love...We were about to be married. Just you and I against the entire world. Now I'm just a hopeless drunk clinging onto a memory like it was my source of life...
Technically that's true...
I don't know what to do next. I've failed you and our future. Who could fathom that the gods sent down the only thing that could stand in my way? Hell why am I surprised. They did it to us 7 years ago. Why not now? It's their delight to see me suffer. I'm their plaything. I'm wandering a maze that has no beginning or end. The cruelist thing they do to me is give me those beautiful dreams. I'm like a hamster running on one of those wheels. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm using up all of my energy.
I've thought about ending my life so many times. I can vision it now, darling. I would draw a nice hot bath. My robe to pool off my body like a snake shedding its skin, and ease myself into the tub. At my disposal would be a sharp razor. The door would be locked tight so I couldn't be disturbed. Loud Classical music would be playing. I would take a deep, cleansing breath and attack my wrists with that razor. My blood would cover those marble walls, and I would have taken the next step to see you again. My body slumps into the water. My arms give way and become lead weights. The blood smothers me. Ironic isn't it? The one thing that kills me is the one thing that gives me life.
That bath is almost ready, Cecilia. The question is...will I actually attempt it? I've tried before. Only to succomb to tears, and more liquor. We'll find out in a few minutes...
Until next time...
