Friends meets John Munch

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Monica Bing worked in her emacuate kitchen, cooking up a new dish for dinner. She imagined her husband would be home soon to their small New York apartment. Her two best friends, Rachel and Phoebe sat in the living room, Rachel was surrounded by fashion catalogues and Phoebe strummed a tune on her guitar.

"Smelly cat, Smelly cat, why are you sitting here!" Phoebe crooned as she played the instrument.

"Pheebs, please, can't you sing a different song? I can't concentrate on the new fall lineup for Bloomindales!" Rachel complained.

"How 'bout we stop singing all together, before you cause my souflee to fall!" Monica chided.

"Fine," Phoebe pouted as she threw her feet over the armrest of the chair she was sitting in. Monica just cringed.

"I hope Chandler gets here soon, or dinner will be ruined!" Monica worried.

Just then a knock on the door startled all three woman. "Who could that be?" Monica asked.

"Nobody we know, they don't knock, they just come in!" Rachel said.

Monica walked around and opened the door. An older man with attractive gray hair dressed almost all in black and wearing tinted glasses indoors stood there. "Hi, I'm Detective Munch of the NYPD, Special Victims Unit. I don't mean to alarm you, but there was an attack on one of your neighbors two floors down last night, and we were wondering if any of you heard or saw anything?" the older man flashed his badge.

"I didn't hear anything, but please come in. Maybe one of my friends hear something," she waved the detective inside. "Rachel, Pheebs, this is Detective Munch, someone was attacked last night, were either of you here?" Monica asked.

"Attacked? How?" Rachel questioned.

"I'm with the Special Victims Unit, we deal with sexually based offenses," Munch explained.

"Oh my god!" cried Rachel. "Here? But how? Are we safe, should we bolt the door? We should buy a dog."

"Calm down, maam. There's nothing to worry about," Munch explained as Rachel dragged him to the couch, bombarding him with questions. Phoebe looked the detective up and down and then walked over to the kitchen were Monica was.

"Isn't he hot?" she asked.

"Who?" replied Monica.

"Detective Munch!" said Phoebe.

"What? Are you crazy?"

"No! He's tall, dark and hansom, and I want him."

"Isn't he a bit, oh I don't know, snarky?" Monica asked.

"Snarky is sexy!" explained Phoebe. She smiled at Monica and put on her best 'sexy face' and walked back to where Rachel and Munch sat.

"Oh detective, I was hear last night," Phoebe said as she sat next to Munch. She leaned in and pressed against Munch's chest. "Will you protect me?"

Munch was obviously taken aback. "Did you see anything?"

"I'm seeing something now," Phoebe replied.

"Phoebe!" Rachel scolded. "You were playing Central Perk last night!"

"Oh, right," Phoebe sat up and pouted.

"O-Kay then, well I'm just going to go," Munch stood up. "If you do hear anything, here's my card."

"Wait! I have more questions!" cried Rachel.

"And I think you're sexy!" cried Phoebe.

"Phoebe!" Rachel and Monica cried together.

Just then Chandler walked through the door. "Hi honey, I'm home!" he called to the three women.

Munch turned to the new man, "Where were you last night?"

"The hockey game with Joey and Ross," Chandler replied.

"Good," said Munch and quickly exited the apartment.

"Wait!" cried Phoebe, trying to get across the room to stop Munch.

"Woah! Who let in the Jewish Mafia?" Chandler joked.

Monica just glared. "The hockey game? You told me you had to work late!"

"Uh oh," said Chandler.

Phoebe picked up her guitar and wrote a new song.

"Munchkin!

You came kin,

There was a break in.

You came a talkin'

I wasn't fakin'

I looove you!

MUNCHKIN!"

XXX

Das Ende!

XXX

Author's notes: I know what you're thinking! 'Why, oh, why is she writing this horrible drivel?' Because I'm a silly git, that's why. This is probably a combo of 'too many Friends reruns' and the urge to use 'Jewish Mafia' and 'Snarky is Sexy' in a fanfiction. I hope it made you laugh; I was smiling when I wrote it. And yes I know it has no plot. But the point of the MCC is to get Munch into as many TV shows as possible. So some will have plots and some will be mindless drivel. Either way, I'd love to hear what you think! Thanks a bunch for reading!

NEXT UP: STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE