To specific people:
Thanks, Stacey, for reviewing so often. I appreciate the updates a whole lot. Ditto for SilverRider and Atomos. You guys rock!
And special thanks, again, to RavenChild.
Plus…Thanks to all who have encouraged me to write this. I will have to say, this story is really helping me hone my writing skills and I love the fact that so many of you are enjoying the story.
This one, due to being set during their twenties, will have a few more adult scenes to it, so be forewarned. Not NC-17 or anything, but come on, a bunch of twenty-somethings definitely won't be stuck in the holding hands stage…just FYI!
Justifying the Means
"Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil."
-Niccolo Machiavelli
"The end justifies the means."
-Niccolo Machiavelli
Chapter 8"How's Eleanor doing?"
Jeannette hesitated. "She's baking."
Simon frowned. "Baking?"
Jeannette nodded from beside him in bed. The alarm clock next to the bed said 11:02 and the house was silent. Jeannette had gotten home only a short time ago, despite their earlier intentions to reunite sooner, and this was the first chance they had gotten to talk. Jeannette had gotten the chance to say goodnight to Alvin before he bedded down on the sofa bed, but hadn't seen Theodore…and from what Simon had just described his brother's behavior as, was glad for that. "Not just baking…baking baking."
"I still don't get it." Simon said. They sat apart in the bed, each propped up against their pillows, and he turned to her now. "What does baking have to do with anything?"
Jeannette sighed. "Ever since we were little, when Eleanor would get upset, she would bake something while she thought it over. You know how logical-minded she can be. It was her way of focusing on something in order to allow herself to look at a problem more clinically. She almost never ate what she would make, so you could tell how bad the problem was by how many pies or muffins or whatever would suddenly come out of the kitchen."
"And she's baking now?"
"According to Brittany, she's been baking nonstop for two weeks. She's started to donate pies to the local food shelters because none of the neighbors will take anything more from her. Brittany's in a panic because she's gained five pounds in the last two weeks and now she's worried she won't fit into her wedding dress, but she just can't say no to Eleanor. If something doesn't happen soon, Hollywood is going to be flooded with blackberry pies and blueberry muffins."
"Oh." Simon seemed a little nonplussed, but to Jeannette her sister's behavior was just as worrisome to her as Theodore's earlier behavior had been to him. Eleanor had barely said two words to her, other than "Do we have any more real vanilla? I don't like using the imitation." Brittany had filled her in on the situation with Eleanor and Theodore, but Eleanor had refused to speak of it to her. Her only words on the subject had been. "I'm working it out, Jeannette, now could you please pass me the butter?"
"I just can't believe that this happened." Jeannette said now, shaking her head. "I would have never guessed it in a million years."
"Me, neither." Simon said. There was a moment of silence, and Jeannette snuggled against him, suddenly feeling the need to be close. "I think I might have figured out why it happened, though."
Jeannette looked up quickly from his chest. "You have? Why?"
"I asked Alvin if Theodore had said anything to him after Brittany and he got home that day. You know me…I need all the data I can get my hands on before analyzing a problem, and this is definitely a problem."
"No argument here." Jeannette agreed.
"Well, most of their conversations the last few weeks have either been very short or very angry, and not of much use…but that day, when Brittany asked him why he had done it, he had yelled at her and said 'Does it matter? She's free, now.'"
"She's free now?" Jeannette repeated.
Simon nodded. "That, combined with this sudden anger and bitterness over his condition, makes sense only if you come to one conclusion."
Jeannette saw it right away. "He did it because he thought he was saving her."
"That's what I think." Simon shook his head. "I've been so tied up in what was happening with us that I didn't see how it was affecting everyone else. According to Brittany – now this is filtered through Alvin, so hopefully its accurate – Eleanor's been worried about the future lately a lot…about how she and Theodore were going to handle the same things we are – marriage, children…sex… with the difficulties they would have that we wouldn't. She didn't want to leave Theodore, she just needed time to work stuff out."
"That's exactly how Eleanor is." Jeannette said. "She does need to work things out in her head herself before she'll involve others. She can be very single-minded that way."
"Well, Theodore isn't." Simon reminded her. "Theodore almost always thinks with his heart, not his head."
Jeannette looked at him doubtfully. "But don't you think by now he would have known how she deals with things?"
Simon shook his head. "Remember what I just said? His heart, not his head. And I don't think that this newfound hatred for his wheelchair or his paralyzation is entirely new. He's always been so…strong about it…at least, that's what I thought. He never went through much of the self-pitying stage. Most people who have disabilities like his go through classic stages…disbelief, depression, self-pity and self-hatred, anger, and eventually acceptance. He seemed to accept things right away. I think now he's never really dealt with his anger over what happened to him." Simon raised his hands helplessly. "I don't know why he never did, but he didn't."
"I know why." Jeannette said. "Eleanor. Eleanor's been there from the beginning, and she's never before wavered in her affections for him. She's never treated him any differently, either. I'm not a doctor, or a psychotherapist – I'm a chemist, for crying out loud – but I think she might have been the anchor that's been holding him all these years."
"I think you're right, Jeannette." It was giving a lot of credit to Eleanor for him to say that. "Maybe he feels like he just gave up his last chance to have a normal life…to make sure that Eleanor could have one."
"The question is, what are we going to do about it?" Jeannette asked. "We can't just leave things this way. They're both miserable. And if our theory's correct, then no matter what we do or say Theodore isn't going to change his mind. He only would have done what he did if he felt there was no other choice."
The silence that greeted her was heavy, and Jeannette knew Simon well enough to know that there was something he wasn't telling her. "Simon?"
"I…I already did something. Nothing that will fix this right away, but…" He trailed off.
"Simon, what did you do?" Jeannette sat up, pushing away from him. He wasn't normally so evasive.
"I called the hospital today." Simon said slowly.
"Why?" Jeannette furrowed her brow. "I thought you had two more days before you had to go back."
"I still do." Simon assured her. "But…I called Dr. Pryce."
Jeannette felt her heart sink. "Oh, Simon, you didn't accept that research position, did you?" His silence was answer enough. "Simon, I thought we had decided-"
"I know, Jeannette." Simon interrupted her guiltily. "But seeing Theodore today…Dr. Pryce is actually working on techniques that could help him walk again someday. What if my ideas can help that along? What if I can somehow be able to help Theodore have that normal life he thinks is impossible for him?"
"That's putting an awful lot of responsibility on your shoulders for what could be a pipe dream." Jeannette told him.
"Thanks for your confidence in me." Simon said sourly.
"That's not what I meant and you know it." Jeannette scolded. "Dr. Pryce might be working on ways that could help Theodore, but there's no guarantee that it'll ever come to fruition, and I'm afraid…" she didn't finish right away.
"Afraid of what?"
"Dr. Pryce nearly lost his license not too long ago." Jeannette reminded him. "Do you want to risk losing yours?"
"I know you don't like the man, Jeannette, but the charges were dropped. Malpractice suits are common nowadays – everyone is sue-happy when things don't go their way." He kissed her gently on the forehead to soften his words. "And besides, if there were something going on that I had moral or ethical problems with, don't you think I would leave in a second?"
Not if you thought it might help Theodore. The thought came unbidden into Jeannette's mind, but she banished it quickly. She wasn't going to start doubting her husband so soon. "Of course you would…but that doesn't make me like the man any more."
"You don't have to like him." Simon said. "You just have to accept that I'll be working with him…and I'm still mentoring under Dr. Thomas half the time." He grimaced a little. "I'll be working more hours, but I really need to do this."
"If you feel so strongly about it, I'll support you." Jeannette offered. "But we already see each other so little…"
"We'll just have to make the time we have count…all the time." Simon looked at his new wife and pulled her to him. "We knew this was going to be rough during my residency. It always is, for any resident doctor. But we'll make it through."
"I know." Jeannette said, looking up at her husband and recognizing the look in his eyes. She'd seen it every night since their wedding night. "We will, won't we."
He kissed her, long and gentle. "Speaking of making time count…" He grinned at her, and Jeannette tried to put their former conversations out of her head. She grinned back.
"I suppose if you're going back to work in two days, we really should think about…making that time count."
"I'm glad you agree." Simon smiled, and flipped off the light.
OoooOoooO
Theodore squirmed irritably in his chair. "Do I really have to sit through the fitting? My size hasn't changed since Simon's wedding. Can't they just use those measurements?"
Alvin sighed next to him. "It'll be quick, I promise, Theodore. But the tux style is different from what Simon used. They need to redo the measurements. I'm sorry."
"At least they could hurry things up a little." Theodore grumbled under his breath. They had been waiting in the formal shop for over an hour. He had tried to keep his spirits up as they continued to prepare for Alvin's wedding, which was rapidly approaching, but when he had heard that Brittany and her sisters were in the bridal shop two doors down at the same time he had found it hard to do so. He just wanted to get home.
No one said anything to his comment. In fact, no one had said much to him at all today. Gavin had tried to offer his condolences over his break up earlier, since this was the first time they had seen each other for weeks, but when Theodore had told him in no uncertain terms that that particular subject was none of his business the dark-haired chipmunk had retreated and not said anything else to him since.
"Simon…Simon! Wake up!" Beside him, his older brother jerked his eyes awake. Alvin grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the waiting chair. "It's your turn."
"Oh, sorry." Simon said, following Alvin. "Must have dozed off."
That wasn't surprising. Simon and Jeannette were due to move out tomorrow – finally – but Theodore knew from the last week and a half that Simon had been working ridiculously long hours. Apparently he had accepted some research position to append his residency, and the already grueling schedule he previously followed had been brought to new extremes. In addition to that, the day before had been his first solo surgery – something Simon had said was minor and that Dr. Thomas had praised him about, but had left his older brother exhausted. Theodore was a little worried about him.
But Simon would deal with it. He always did.
"Alvin." Theodore called as his red-clad brother led Simon out the door. "How much longer until they need me?"
Theodore could tell that Alvin was trying to control his frustration. "I don't know, Theodore. When they get to you."
"I'm going to go and get a soda, then. I'm thirsty." He wheeled himself out of the shop into the mall without waiting for an answer. This was ridiculous. How long could measurements take? No one followed him, or even acknowledged his leaving.
There was a Burger King not too far down, and he wheeled himself to the counter. "Hi, could I order a large Coke, please?"
"Anything else?" The girl asked, her eyes bored.
"No. Just the soda."
"That'll be $1.47." Theodore handed her two dollars out of his wallet and she handed him back the change and the drink. "Thank you for coming to Burger King." She droned automatically.
"You're so welcome." Theodore said sarcastically, almost before realizing he was going to speak. He sighed to himself, and took a sip of his soda. He still wasn't used to the lack of control he seemed to have lately over his actions – or his emotions. Sometimes he lay awake at night, alone in his room, and would feel the guilt that was so familiar to him by now because of his angry attitude towards those he loved. But during the day, or when they were interacting with him, it was all he could do not to scream in jealousy, or hide away where he could be alone with his thoughts. He hated preparing for Alvin's wedding. Whether Alvin believed it or not, Theodore was trying hard to be positive about the 'blessed event', but it was almost impossible for him to control the envious anger he would feel every time he thought about the opulent wedding that Alvin and Brittany were planning. It always reminded him of the fact that he would never actually get to have that experience.
Theodore backed up his chair quickly, wanting to return to the formal shop just in case they were finally ready for him. Usually he was a little more aware of where his chair was headed, but he was preoccupied and felt the wheel crash into something hard. The Coke splashed over the side of the cup but luckily didn't spill too much.
"Crap!" He grumbled, putting the soda between his worthless legs and trying to move his chair forward. It was stuck on something…apparently, the brake on the back wheel was wedged between the slats on the wooden bench he had just backed into. He reached behind him, trying to disengage the brake, but he couldn't contort himself into that position. He pushed his wheels forward harder, not caring if he broke the brake, just wanting to get himself released from the bench. It didn't work. He felt tears gathering unbidden in his eyes…he didn't want to have to call someone for help…not for something as silly as getting stuck to a mall bench.
"Here, let me help you." A familiar voice said from behind him. He felt the brake release and suddenly he could move again. He spun his chair around to see Eleanor standing there, her face unreadable. He wiped the tears quickly from his eyes.
"Thanks." He said dumbly. Seeing her again for the first time since that fateful day made his tongue tie up uselessly.
"No problem." Eleanor said. She glanced toward the bridal shop not far down. "They're taking forever with the fittings. I just came out to get a soda."
"Me, too." Theodore said, holding up his Coke. "You'd think that it wouldn't take so long to take a few measurements."
"Yeah." Eleanor agreed. "Actually, Brittany and Belle are still fighting about the color of her hair, so that's causing a problem with us. Brittany refuses to budge on the fact that she doesn't want Belle's hair to clash with the red bridesmaid dress, and Belle insists she's not going to change for anyone. It's getting to be quite the catfight in there."
Despite himself, Theodore felt himself laugh – the first real laugh he had laughed in a long while. "That sure sounds like the two of them."
Eleanor smiled back at him. "It sure is. In fact, I was in such a hurry to get out of the middle of it I forgot my purse." She sighed. "But I guess I'll have to go back in to get my money." She shuddered. "I don't know if I'm that thirsty, though."
Theodore offered his cup up automatically, without realizing the unconscious instinct to assist Eleanor. "Here, have mine. I'm not that thirsty anymore, anyways."
"You sure?" For some reason, Eleanor blushed. Theodore felt himself do so in return.
"Yeah. I know Brittany and Belle…it'll probably get worse before it gets better." He said, holding the soda up to her. She hesitated, and then took the cup.
"Thanks." She said shyly.
Theodore felt almost as if they were speaking together for the first time. "No problem."
Eleanor stared at the soda for a moment. "Is this regular Coke?'
"Yeah."
"Okay, good." Eleanor shuddered. "Brittany's been buying nothing but diet soda lately, and I can't stand diet soda."
Theodore wrinkled his nose. "I know, me neither."
They were quiet for a moment. "I should be getting back." Theodore finally said. "Hopefully they'll be getting me in for my fitting soon."
"Okay."
Neither of them moved. "Bye, then." Eleanor said finally.
"Bye." Theodore sat in his chair, watching her walk off towards the bridal shop. Warring emotions fought within him. It had felt so good to talk to her again, however awkward and silly the conversation had been…but it also reminded him that this was something that wasn't really a part of his life anymore. He couldn't just have these random conversations about nothing with his girlfriend anymore…he didn't have a girlfriend anymore, period. Rage filled him again, suddenly, and he rolled off towards the formal shop angrily. It was easier to feel anger than to feel the despondency that always threatened to replace it.
They had better be ready to get him in, or he was going to leave. Theodore was tired of waiting.
He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice that Gavin had followed him out of the shop, and had seen the whole exchange with Eleanor. Theodore didn't even notice the look on his friend's face – a look of determination and a subtle cunning.
If Theodore had noticed, he might have remembered how much like Alvin Gavin could be…and how many schemes his friend could come up with.
He also might have remembered that Gavin's girlfriend, Isabelle, was just as bad.
But he didn't notice.
And he didn't know how glad Gavin was that he hadn't.
End of part 8Please review…I am a review junkie!!!
