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Not mine!
A/N: This is so awesome! My PM list is approaching a
page! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. I would give you
all candy, but alas this is the internet. You'll have to settle for
an update.
Chapter 4 - Rats, and Pets, and Jack, oh my!
At four o'clock on a Sunday afternoon Sydney and Nadia were sitting on their kitchen counter with their legs crossed. Sydney was wielding a spatula, and Nadia had chosen a pair of tongs as her method of defense.
"Okay."
"Okay." Nadia looked over at her sister. "Do we have a plan?"
"Don't touch the floor under any conditions. He may come after us." Sydney glared at the refrigerator across from them in warning.
"What if it crawls up the walls?" Nadia looked horrified. "What if it sneaks behind the toaster and the microwave, and comes behind us and we don't notice!"
"Don't panic." Sydney said, trying desperately to stay calm. "I'll try and hit it with the spatula. You try and grab it with the tongs."
"Trade you spatula for tongs."
"Hell no."
"Chicken."
"Yes."
"Oh come on," Nadia excaimed. "We're spies. We face evil every day. We should be able to deal with a rat."
"Human evil. Not disgusting, flea bitten, disease carrying, radioactively huge rodent evil." Sydney shuddered. Then something moved between the fridge and the counter. "What was that? Did you see that?"
"Uh-huh." Nadia whimpered. "I think it's the rat."
"Well, we're safe here. Mostly."
"I think we should call the exterminator now."
Sydney glanced at the phone, a good five feet of floor between them. "Go ahead."
"I don't know the number."
"You'll have to look it up. The phone book's on top of the fridge." She glanced at the offending appliance. "I suggest using the tongs."
"We can wait for a bit." Nadia tilted her head to try and get a look between the fridge and the counter. "Maybe it'll go to sleep after dark." She added hopefully.
"Rats are nocturnal."
"Then why the hell isn't it sleeping now?"
"It probably doesn't have to sleep, you know, cause of the radiation." Sydney pulled as far back against as the cabinets behind her would allow.
"Wonderful. How are we going to survive? All the food is on the other side of the kitchen."
"Call the exterminator."
"If you get the phonebook." Just then the doorbell rang. The two women looked at each other in panic.
"Shotgun not getting it!" Sydney and Nadia yelled at the same time.
"Who is it?" Sydney yelled from the counter.
"Weiss." Came the muffled reply.
"Come in!" Nadia shouted. "And grab the phonebook of the top of the fridge!"
He came in with a puzzled expression on his face, and crossed over to where the girls were sitting in the kitchen. "Why are you on the counter?"
"There's a rat behind the fridge," Nadia replied. "Get the phonebook please."
"A WHAT?" Weiss lept onto the counter beside his girlfriend. "Where? Where is it?" He glanced at the spatula and tongs that the two women had. "I want a weapon too."
Sydney reached into the drawer beneath her and pulled out a wooden spoon. "Here. It's under the fridge."
"What is a spoon going to do? I want something sharp!"
"No!" Nadia cried. "You can't kill it!"
Weiss gave her a disbelieving expression. "You can't be serious. It's a rat. Not a freaking kitten!"
"She's right." Sydney said. "We need to trap it, and let it go somewhere else. Like a farm in the country. Can you get the phonebook please?"
"No! It'll attack me if I invade its territory!" He paused, and then leaned out to speak to Sydney. "I'm sorry about blowing your story to Sloane by the way. You might mention that to Vaughn, so that he doesn't, you know, kill me."
"Don't worry about it. We got out of it okay. Told him you'd called us boring, and that we'd made up a story about going to Nice. He bought it, I think. My Dad backed us up again anyway. But Vaughn is going to make you suffer."
"Damn." Just then the rat moved again. All three agents screamed.
"The situation is getting dire," Nadia noted. "Eventually we're going to have to go to the bathroom." There was a knock on the door, and then Vaughn entered.
He saw Weiss. "I am going to make you suffer." He started towards the group, a vengeful expression on his face.
"That's nice honey, but could you grab the phonebook off the top of the fridge first please?" Sydney asked sweetly.
"Sure. Why do you- AHHH!" At that moment the rat had chosen to dart out from the left side of the fridge, and around to the right. This act had caused Vaughn to drop the phonebook on the floor and leap onto the counter between Sydney and Nadia. "What the hell was that?"
"That was a rat." Sydney replied. "Probably a radioactive one."
"Was it really necessary to drop the phonebook?" inquired Nadia.
"Why is there a rat? How did it get in? How did it get so big?" Vaughn glanced at his girlfriend with a panicked expression. "How long has it been here?"
"I don't know, I don't know, probably radiation, and about an hour." She replied succinctly. "Could you get the phonebook please? And grab the phone while you're at it?"
"No!"
Sydney and Nadia sighed. "Guess we're going to be here for a while."
"Can I have a weapon too?" Vaughn asked.
Sydney looked in the drawer. "Pizza cutter or pastry brush?"
"Pizza cutter. Why do I get the crappy weapon?"
"Because you dropped the phonebook." Weiss replied.
"You better be damn glad I'm not sitting next to you. If I was, I'd feed you to that rat in pieces. What part of 'don't tell Sloane' confused you?"
"I'm sorry! I was surprised. And a little bit afraid of Jack. Besides, you got out of it okay."
"Barely. I will get even you know. When you least expect it. Probably in a very embarassing way." The doorbell rang again.
"Who is it?" Sydney called
"It's me."
"Daddy!" She smiled. "Come in. And get the phonebook off the kitchen floor please."
Jack entered, a puzzled expression on his face. "Why do I need to get the phonebook?" He stared at the four agents crowded on the counter, wielding various kitchen utensils like shields. "What are you doing?"
"There's a rat behind the fridge." Sydney told him.
Jack eyed their weapons. "Which you intend to cook to death?" He crouched down and grabbed the phonebook, handing it to his daughter. "I suppose you'll want the phone as well." He took it off the hook and passed it to Vaughn. "Which side of the fridge?"
"Right." Sydney replied, looking through the yellow pages for exterminators. "There's counter space still if you want some. And a pastry brush."
He glanced over his shoulder from where he had been looking behind the fridge. "I think I can handle one rat."
"We think it might be radioactive." Nadia added doubtfully.
Jack raised an eyebrow and turned back to the fridge. "Do you have a flashlight handy?"
Nadia reached into the drawer under Vaughn and pulled out a bright pink Barbie camping flashlight. "Here." Jack eyed it distastefully, but took it.
"Hi? Hello? Is this 'Xcellent Xtermination'?" Sydney asked into the phone. "Yes. We have a pest problem. There's a rat behind my fridge." There was a pause. "Yes I'm sure. I've seen it." She gave them her address. "How long will you be? 45 minutes! But you're only ten minutes away! Okay, fine. Bye."
Nadia looked at her "45 minutes? I have to go to the washroom!"
"They said that all their vans are out. 45 minutes is the earliest."
Jack spoke up. "I think I've solved your problem." He stood up, shaking his head. "It wasn't a rat." He turned around, and all four shrank back in fear. He had the rat in his hand. "You let in a stray kitten."
"Awww." Sydney and Nadia hopped off the counter. Nadia ran for the bathroom.
Jack handed the kitten to his daughter, still shaking his head. "Be careful. It scratches." He went over to the sink to wash mud off his hands. "It's also extremely dirty. Probably diseased."
"But it's so cute." Weiss slid off the counter to come and pet it. The kitten swiped at him with its claws. "And apparently likes Sydney best."
Vaughn tentatively reached out a hand. The kitten sniffed it, and then indicated approval by a slight not, and then withdrew back into Sydney's cupped hands. "It's so small." He touched a paw with one finger. "Are there any tags? Or a collar?"
Sydney checked, and then shook her head. "Nope. Probably a stray."
Jack joined the group. "Are you going to keep it?"
"I don't know." Nadia came back, looking relieved. Sydney looked up at her. "Should be keep him? Her?" Sydney turned the kitten over on it's back and checked the sex. "Her."
Nadia petted the kitten's stomach. "I think we should. She's a stray. She has no home."
"Aww." The two girls and Weiss commenced to speak baby talk to the kitten for several minutes. Jack rolled his eyes, and Vaughn simply petted the cat every so often.
"You need to bathe it, and take it to the vet for shots you know," said Jack. "I also suggest getting it tags. And a litter box, and food." Sydney nodded, and smiled in response. "When you have a minute, can I talk to you?"
Sydney passed the cat over to Nadia. "I'll be right back."
Jack led her outside to his car. "When you and Vaughn were in Russia, I contacted your mother's old handler for information on Liberty Village, as well as to provide an extraction if necessary." Jack paused. "In exchange, he wanted the books that the KGB had used to contact your mother while she was married to me. As you'll recall you had given them to the NSA for analysis."
Sydney cringed inwardly. She had done that when she had believed her father was a traitor.
"The NSA gave them to me. However, I was curious as to what your mother's handler wanted to know, so I had Marshall analyze them. He found what it was that the SVR was looking for, so I gave fjdkslfj the book he needed. The rest, I thought you and Nadia might want." He opened his trunk and pulled out a box, handing it to Sydney. Her eyes filled with tears.
"Dad. . . thank you." She set the box down and gave him a hug. Jack reciprocated awkwardly.
"I should get going. I have work to do." He turned to get into his car.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay? I think the kitten likes you."
He gave his daughter a tight smile. "No. You have work to do if you're going to keep that thing."
"Thanks for the help." Sydney turned to go, then turned back. "What did Mom's handler want to know?"
Jack paused for a moment, considering a dozen easy lies. "It's best you don't know for now."
Sydney nodded her acceptance and picked up the box. "Thanks. For everything. For being honest."
"You're welcome."
Hope you liked! I should probably study for biology, but I think I might write another chapter instead. We'll see.
