Chapter 7: El Burro
Claude drove his newly acquired Patriot, and drove to Misty's apartment in Hepburn Heights. The payphone there is El Burro's contact point. Claude had heard a lot about El Burro: he's an actor turned gang leader. His excellent charisma skills mean that he could hire many men and purchase and modify his own gang car. El Burro is not known to backstab his workers, so he was safe, for the time being.
Claude picked up the phone, and El Burro greeted him. "This is El Burro of the Diablos." He said. "You're new in Liberty, but you're gaining a reputation on the streets. There's a street race by the old school hall near Callahan Bridge. Get yourself some wheels and first through all the checkpoints wins the price." Seems like El Burro has challenged Claude to a street race. Claude loves street races, with his personal favorite being the one he raced some black dude from the West Coast with Catalina, back in those times when she didn't betray him yet. But the Patriot he drove here wasn't the perfect vehicle to race. He was in luck. Some careless Diablo gangster left his custom Stallion parked without switching on the car alarm. Claude took the chance to get into the car, and drove off to the Callahan Bridge.
At the starting, 3 other racers were already waiting for their mystery partner. One of them spoke to Claude. "So, you're the new guy around here." He said with a Mexican accent. "Let's see what you got. Race around Portland Island and the winner takes the prize money." Another Diablo started the countdown, and they were off! Claude started off in the last place, but he didn't mind. Seems like the other Diablo racers were relentless about winning. They kept ramming each other, hoping to turn their opponents' cars into twisted metal. Claude kept his speed, but raced fast to try and catch up with them. They drove by Trenton, but Claude still couldn't take the lead. The race took them to Saint Mark's and the racers were still trying to eliminate the competition, but one of them was successful. A Diablo racer got his Stallion wrecked so badly, he had to abandon it before it blows. Claude saw the chance, and overtook him. The race then headed towards Hepburn Heights, and another racer got eliminated. It was down to 2 racers, Claude and another Diablo. Turns out that the opposing driver was the one who spoke to Claude earlier, and he was determined to win the prize. Both racers were very close to edging each other out, but it wasn't until they reach the finish line at the Callahan Bridge that Claude finally managed to edge his opponent by a nose, and claim the prize, $10,000! The other racer said nothing, and then went up and congratulated Claude on a good race. He also instructed Claude to visit the payphone if he had the time. El Burro had been informed of his victory, and he feels that Claude is the man to take care of some business for him. Claude said nothing, and shook hands with the other racer, and drove to Hepburn Heights. Sure enough, El Burro was waiting for him with another job.
"I started my exotic entertainment business with nothing but the sizable contents of my leather pants. A gang of no-goods have threatened to remove my starring member if I don't pay them a cut." El Burro complained to Claude. "They threatened the wrong man, amigo. They have a weakness for the ice cream. Pick up the bomb I've hidden in Harwood, hijack the regular ice cream van on its rounds, and lure the fools to their doom with the jingle-jingle. They hide in a warehouse in Atlantic Quay." Claude hung up the phone, and headed to Harwood, a short drive from here. Sure enough, there was a bomb stuffed in a briefcase near the fire station. He picked up the briefcase, and went to find the ice cream van. It was doing its rounds alright. Claude quickly pulled the driver out, and drove the van himself. He hid the bomb carefully, and drove to Atlantic Quays. He drove carefully towards the cones nearby, sounded the ice cream jingle, and quickly left the vehicle. The jingle attracted a nearby gang. Ah-ha! It's the Forelli gang behind this. Both Joey and El Burro would be proud to see this, Claude thought to himself. The Forellis gathered around, and was surprised to find that the ice cream van had no driver. They didn't care, and went inside the van to get some ice cream. Claude took the chance, and detonated the bomb inside. BOOM! The ice cream van went up in flames, and it took the Forelli gang with it. Mission successful, Claude thought to himself. Now it's time to collect the pay from El Burro for the dirty job.
Claude returned to the payphone at Hepburn Heights. It was still ringing, and El Burro had left his payment near the phone. El Burro had another score to settle, this time with the Triads. "Some insolent Triads stole my beautiful car last night, wrecked it and left it burning." El Burro said emotionally on the phone. "Some of my most precious donkey memorabilia was in the trunk – real collectibles that are irreplaceable, my friend. I've hidden a throbbing weapon on the edge of Chinatown. Take it and teach the Triad vandals to fear El Burro's wrath. Arriba!" El Burro means business with the Triads when he said that. Claude wasted no time to jack the nearest car, and drove it to Chinatown. Sure enough, El Burro had left a flame thrower with plenty of ammo in it. There was also a note, left by El Burro near the phone. It said to use the flame thrower and torch 30 Triads into ashes. Claude saw his chance. Some Triads have spotted him, and are coming to get him, mainly as payback for the destruction of their beloved Fish Factory.
Claude saw his chance, and started lighting the Triads one by one. After about 5 Triad goons were toasted, the cowardly ones started running, but running wasn't enough to get them killed too. Claude went to the nearby basketball court, and started torching the Triads there. By then, he had torched about 20 Triads. He needs 10 more to get his payment. His luck came when a greenish Belly-Up Triad van drove up, and dropped off 10 more Triads, all armed with Uzis. The silly Triads' Uzis were no match for the flame thrower he had. The attackers were all burnt to toast, while the driver of the van had fled. Another job well done. Claude returned to the payphone at Hepburn Heights for his assignment and his payment. He answered the phone after collecting his $10,000. El Burro had one final job for him to do.
"A thieving opportunist has stolen a van of my latest publication hot off the press." El Burro said. "But that SPANKED-up idiot has left the rear doors open and now tastefully photographed adult literature is being dropped all over Liberty. Take the van, and follow that trail of Donkey Does Dallas volumes 1, 2, 3 collecting it as you go. When you've followed the trail to that thieving SPANK-head, waste him. Then deliver my donkey derby to XXX Magazines in the Red Light District." Claude hung up, and safely placed his payment inside his wallet. Then, he headed to the van El Burro had provided for him. He jumped in, and he could see the entire trail of strewn magazines on the main road. El Burro instructed him to pick them up, and Claude did so. He hurried to get on the trial, as because XXX Magazines closes in another hour, and they don't like waiting. Claude followed the trial from Hepburn Heights to Saint Mark's. Traffic was heavy, but Claude didn't care, and neither did the police. The trial picked up from Saint Mark's to Chinatown. Despite a minor Triad roadblock, Claude still managed to keep on collecting the magazines, and followed the trial to the Red Light District. The trial later went by the Callahan Bridge, Callahan Point, Joey's Garage in Trenton, and it finally ends at Portland Harbor. And there was the thief who stole El Burro's collection of magazines. Claude charged towards the thief, and rammed him into the ground. Then, he had to race against the clock again: XXX Magazines closes in 30 minutes! He quickly drove the vehicle out of the Harbor and headed to XXX Magazines.
As he arrived, the store manager was a little cross, but pleased that his stocks arrived. "So, El Burro sent you, eh?" he asked Claude. He just nodded, and delivered him his goods. The store manager took all the magazines, and started selling them. Outside, many males awaited the latest El Burro magazines, among the men waiting are cops, Triads, businessmen, almost every male citizen in Portland had flocked to XXX to get the latest magazines. 30 minutes later, the store manager, having sold his entire stock, handed Claude his payment for the delivery, a whooping $20,000. Claude counted his money, and was pleased to know that he had enough cash to finally see 8-Ball again. Once again, he flagged a Cabbie, yanked the driver out, and drove to Harwood.
