Disclaimer: Again, I do not own any of the X-Men characters or the rights to the song 'Iris', I'm just a big fan of both. I hope ya'll have enjoyed it so far and I hope that you like the rest.
Logan stayed in my room with me every night for the next two weeks. I didn't have a nightmare the entire time; it was the longest I had ever gone without having one. So I decided I would be okay to sleep in my room by myself for one night. But I was wrong. I had the nightmare that night, and I woke up screaming once again. I was crying too, and my room was shaking worse than it had the first time. It wasn't very long before Logan, Scott and Ororo were making their way into my room. I was shaking so badly that Logan and Scott both had to hold me so that I would stop.
"Was it the same dream?" Storm asked once I had settled down quite a bit and wasn't crying or shaking anymore. She handed me a blanket and Logan wrapped it around me.
"Yeah, it was the same one," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"I wonder why you didn't have one while Logan was here with you." She said.
"I don't know,"
"Well, why does it keep getting worse every time you wake up?" Scott asked. He had moved to the edge of my bed along with Storm.
"I'm having them longer, that might have something to do with it, I really don't know."
"I think you need to talk to the Professor in the morning," Ororo said.
"No, I'll be okay," I protested.
"Anna, you've got to see him, this is getting out of hand. I felt my room shake tonight when you woke up, it's going to keep getting worse." Scott said.
"It might not; this could be the worst of it. I'm just going to have to push myself to wake up sooner."
"It's not going to get better," Scott told me, matter-of-factly.
"How do you know?" I asked, wanting desperately to look into his eyes.
"Because Jean's nightmares were the same, she had to talk to the Professor. I don't know what he said to her, but it helped her out."
"All right, I'll talk to him tomorrow."
I didn't sleep very well for the rest of the night, even though Logan was with me. I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but I couldn't.
"Are you awake?" I asked Logan.
"Yeah,"
"Me too," I said with a loud sigh. "Do you want to lay down with me?"
"Yeah," he said.
I placed one of my pillows on the empty side of the bed and moved over as he lied down beside me. I curled up beside him and wrapped my arm around his bare stomach. He wrapped his arm around my waist as I laid my head on his chest.
"Do you remember anything about your life before you lost your memory?" I asked.
"No, not much," he said, playing with my hair.
"Do you remember anything about your family?"
"No,"
"Do you want to?"
"I don't know. I want to remember but there are things that I do remember…and it makes me think that I wasn't that great of a guy before."
"People don't change Logan and you're a great person now, how could you think that?"
"It doesn't matter now," he said, sighing deeply.
My breathing soon fell into rhythm with his and his heart beats next to my ear helped me drift off to sleep.
I woke up the next morning slightly disoriented. What was I lying on and was making the loud noise? The answer to both was Logan; he was snoring. I laid there with him until he woke up.
"Hi," I said smiling up at him.
"Hi," he said back, groggily, "how did ya sleep?"
"Good, you?"
"Better than I have in a long time,"
"I'm glad,"
"So, are you gonna go see the Professor today?"
"I guess so, yeah."
"I think he really might know what's going on, Anna, more than the rest of us at least.
"I don't want to make a big deal out of it; I just want them to stop."
"Maybe he can help you,"
"Yeah, maybe," I said, snuggling back up to Logan. I have never felt so comfortable with anyone before him. I took in his smell, the constant smell of cigars and whiskey, which almost felt intoxicating in its own right. I ran my hand over his muscular stomach.
He pulled the blankets up over me more, "You feel cold," he said.
We laid in bed together, just talking, for over and hour. That's when I looked over at my alarm clock and saw that it was nearly ten o'clock. It was a Saturday so I didn't have any classes and neither did the Professor.
"I should probably get up at some point," I said lazily, sitting up in bed.
"Do you want me to go with ya?" He asked, sitting up beside me.
"No, I should be okay by myself."
"Are you sure?" He asked, taking my hand and kissing it.
"Yeah,"
"I'll let you get ready then," he said, kissing my forehead and climbing out of my bed. I followed him and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and rested my head on his back.
"Thank you…for everything."
He turned around and faced me. "Don't…just let me take care of you."
It was nearly noon before I had gotten ready and went to see the Professor. I knocked lightly on his office door.
"Come in," he said. I pushed his door open, walking inside. "I've been expecting you, Anna, please have a seat." He pointed to the chair in front of his desk, which he was behind. I sat down quietly.
"I need to ask you some questions,"
"About your dreams,"
"Yes, what can I do to stop them?"
"You have to finish them."
"What do you mean; I thought I had finished them."
"No, you're waking yourself up, in order for the dream to pass you, you must finish it. There is a reason for why you are having them."
"What's the reason then?"
"I don't know. But, when you had your dream about Logan, when he was being attacked, you knew the reason when you woke up, did you not?"
I nodded my head yes. Logan's dream was why I told him that I needed him, because I knew he felt the same way. Maybe my dreams was to tell me that Jean was okay, that she didn't suffer and that she wasn't scared. I ran my fingers through my curly brown hair.
"It's just so scary having to see what I see. It's not like I'm watching someone die, I'm dying and I know that that's what Jean was feeling. The feeling of everything being pushed against me physically, and I'm scared….I'm so scared, I don't want to have to go through that one more time…but I guess I have to."
"It will be much better, I promise."
"Why wasn't I having them while Logan was with me?"
"I don't know,"
"All right, that's all I wanted," I said standing up.
"I hope you have a good rest of the day, Anna,"
"You too, Professor," I said, leaving his office and shutting the door behind me.
"What did he say?" I heard from behind. I turned to see Scott stand there.
"He said that I have to finish the dream." I said. "I'm really sorry about all of this; I know it's been rough on you."
"No, it's worse for you; those dreams have really been hard on you."
"I'll be fine,"
"Anna, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, anything,"
"What's up with you and Logan?"
"We're…seeing each other," I said for the lack of better words.
"He's not dependable; I wouldn't really count on him to stick around through all of this,"
"Scott, I really appreciate your concern, but we're fine,"
"I'm just trying to look out for you,"
"I know, you always have, but he's not that bad. He's really good to me and I'm happy with him. I've not been happy in a long time and it would mean a lot to me if you could just please try and understand that and accept it."
"I just don't think he's good for you,"
"I know you don't, but he is," I said, "he means a lot to me, so do you. I just hope that you can see that and be okay with it, at the least."
"Just be careful, okay? I don't trust him all that much."
"I know, and it means a lot to me. Thank you, you know I love you." I said, reaching out to give him a hug.
"I love you, too," he said hugging me back, "you're all I have now that Jean's gone and I don't want to see you get hurt."
"I need to go through some papers for Monday so I'm going to go," I said, letting go of him.
"Okay,"
I turned around and left, and went to my room. I needed some time by myself. Once I arrived I walked to my window and pulled back the curtains and let the sunny winter light fill my room. I pulled my chair over to my window and sat starting out, looking up at the sky for over an hour. During that time my thoughts turned to Jean and the task I had ahead of me that night.
"Jean," I said, thinking, hoping, that some way she could hear me, "please let me have your dream one more time. I want to know what you're trying to tell me, so just let me have one more chance and I'll try to figure it out. I just need one more time,"
"Come in," I said as I heard a knock on my door.
"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" Logan asked, walking into my room.
"No, I need to be alone or I don't think I'll have the dream," I said, putting my clean laundry in my closet. It was nearly ten o'clock at night. "But thank you, that was very sweet." I walked over to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.
"Are you sure?" Logan asked, once I pulled my lips away from his.
"Yeah,"
He took a deep breath. "All right, I'll let you go to sleep then. If you need me you can come get me, or if I hear you I'll come and get you." He said, running his hands through my hair.
"Okay, goodnight, I love you."
"Night, love you, too." He said, kissing me one last time before leaving and closing the door behind him.
I quickly put away the rest of my laundry and changed into my pajamas before I finally climbed into bed. Although I had mixed feelings about finishing the dream, I was happy that I could be rid of it.
Sleep was kind and found me soon. That's when I saw a familiar grayness that I noticed that night, for the first time, as one of the walls in the dam. I saw its cracks, I could hear it crumbling, and before my eyes, clearer than it had ever been, I saw it break. I used my powers to hold back the water while I lifted the jet up off of the ground, giving it all the power that I could so that everyone would be safe. I held it for as long as I could, and then sent the jet flying. The water rushed at me, sweeping me away at first, and then pushing me to the bottom of its flood. I fought to try and stay afloat, but I couldn't. I didn't know if I was going up or if I was going further down, and I one point I wondered if I was even moving. Thoughts of Scott flashed before me, how much I loved him and cared for him, the Professor and how much I looked up to him, Storm and how she had always been a friend. I thought of Logan I was filled with memories of flirting and how brave I thought he was when he saved me, and Rouge, and all of us. And Anna, my dear friend Anna, thoughts of how close we were and how much fun we always had when we were together played through my mind. I was starting to feel the cold and I knew it was getting dark. The part of me that knew that I was still Anna, and not Jean, wanted me to wake up, screaming. But, I let Jean take over. Thoughts flashed, with memories playing their way through my head. My mind stopped at one that happened the night before the flood; I was standing there underneath the jet talking to Logan, and he kissed me. 'Wake up! Don't look at this!' My Anna brain screamed at me, but I wouldn't, not when I was so close. I made him stop, I wouldn't do that to Scott, I couldn't. Then it wasn't so cold, the dark wasn't so deep, and I began to see a light. I watched through the eyes of Jean what happened to her when she made everyone leave without her, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The dream was done and I was given back my full mind, which woke me up, as I screamed like I had so many times. But, I wasn't scared.
Logan, Scott and Storm rushed in, almost as if they hadn't been sleeping but waiting for me to wake up. I stared at the three of them, bewildered by what I had seen. Was it true, could it be at all possible?
"Are you okay?" Scott asked.
I nodded my head yes, not able to find my voice once I had stopped screaming.
"What's wrong?" Storm asked, studying my face. I didn't know what to say, I was trying to put everything I had seen together. Logan kissing Jean, when he had told me that nothing had happened between them, how insecure she felt, and what I had always hoped and wished and prayed for since I had come there that early Fall.
I caught my breath, and feeling the words form in my mouth I said; "She's not dead, Jean's still alive."
The End
"You can't fight the tears that ain't comin',
Or the moment of truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.
And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,
When everything's made to be broken, I
Just want you to know who I am, I just
Want you to know who I am."
'Iris' Goo Goo Dolls
