Shattered Dreams
Kagome shook uncontrollably as her sobbing escalated. He refused her. For the first time, he absolutely refused her, and she hated the feeling of not being able to hate him for it. Stubbornly wiping her eyes, she tried to stop crying, which only made her cry harder and shake even more. Hanako turned and looked at her with worry, her dull eyes trying to ignite a fire meaning that she would survive.
"Aunt Gome. Why do you cry so?" Kagome shook her head and plastered a fake smile on her face.
"I'm . . . I'm ok Hanako. You shouldn't be up yet. You weren't supposed to awake until tomorrow."
"Mommy's sick. I woke up. Your sad. I woke up cause of that too. You and Uncle Yasha didn't break up did you?" Kagome tried to mask her pain. Shaking her head, she kissed Hanako's forehead. Upon pulling back, she saw her. The innocently perished from five hundred years ago, she stared back at her. Blinking a couple of times, Kagome shook her head and looked at the small child again. It was Hanako, but what did she just see? Was her eyes playing tricks on her? Or could it be that Hanako….
It wouldn't make sense. She didn't seem like the type to be reincarnated. So why does she look exactly like Kanna? Kagome didn't understand, and she was pretty sure Tsukiko didn't have much background on the young youkai that was born from the flesh of Naraku. Hanako coughed softly.
"Kagome . . .Uncle Yasha . . . Don't fight because of me. I'll get better. Just promise to stay together." She rasped out. Kagome managed a small laugh despite her tears.
"It's not your fault Hanako. We're just going through something right now. It'll be alright." Hanako shook her head.
"Mommy and Daddy sometimes have fights. And Mommy would leave. Me and Daichi were really little, but now, I don't remember them fighting. Daddy would always go and get her when we were sleep." Kagome smiled.
"Me and your Uncle just have to stay away from each other for a while." She explained. "It's just something that happens to everybody." Hanako looked like she wanted to argue, but was just too tired. Instead, she made a show of frowning and closed her eyes. Kagome turned stood up, leaving the room and walking into the room that she was to stay in. Sitting on the bed, she stared at the peach wall in front of her.
He was doing it for her. He was staying away from her because he almost raped her. She couldn't remember a time when he didn't push her away in order to protect her. She can't remember a time when he didn't nearly sacrifice his life just so that she could be safe. What happened that night, it was her fault, and now it's because of her he won't come home. Kagome wondered why things often happened to her. She wanted to return to how things originally were. They were so happy when they were in his era. What went wrong?
A thought came to mind. If it was Kikyou . . .he would go to see her. But when it came to Kagome, he couldn't even look at him without tearing his own eyes out. She knew that assumption was wrong, but it was the only thing that she could hold on to, something to explain to her how he just rejected her and pushed her away.
How could he not understand that he was killing her? She knew he could feel her pain, yet he deliberately ignored it, pushed it to the side. She didn't know what hurt more. Knowing that he didn't want her anymore, or the fact that he felt they needed to be separated without even talking to her. She thought it was a dumb thing, and she'd be damned before she let him go.
She knew her mother would not help. She always told Kagome that she wasn't always going to be there, and Kagome didn't want to run to her for help like a little girl, a crying mess with a cut on her finger that needed a little kiss that never worked. Trying to focus on something other than his scent that was driving her crazy, she walked out of her room and stalked the halls slowly to the kitchen.
InuYasha was fixing something. He hummed softly as he stirred the food into the pot, not even noticing her presence. Ignoring her better judgement, she ran over to him and caught him into an embrace from behind.
He didn't realize she had entered. He just knew the scent of her salty tears were playing havoc on him. How would he get himself out of this one? She had her claws in his chest. Any movement, and she would pierce his hear. What was wrong with her? Was she trying to kill him. He cleared his throat softly.
"Kagome . . . what are you doing?" She pushed her claws gently. Shaking her head, she laid it on his back, dampening his shirt as she began crying all over again. She couldn't let him see her. She was a mess, her hair was no longer straight, and her face was terribly swollen and puffy. But she didn't care. All she wanted was for him to hold her like he used to…not like outside, where he barely even wanted to touch her. But the way he held her to his heart, eyes burning with passion and heartbeat to the point of insanity.
She took a deep breath, took in the scent that was him, that soothed her, yet made her nerves twitch and her muscle begin to stir. Sighing, she tightened her arms around his sides, careful not to push her claws into him.
"I want you to come home."
"No-"
"Can't you see it's killing me?"
"It's killing me too Kagome!" He sighed. "I just can't risk it." She shook her head. Pushing her claws slightly, he grunted, but made no move.
"No!" She yelled. "You can risk everything else, but you can't risk this?" InuYasha shook his head.
"Everything else is not equal to you being harmed by me. That's not a risk I want to take." She laughed softly.
"Who said you had to want to do it? You wanted me to have a family with you. That's going to hurt me. But think of the result after you go through the pain InuYasha. The reward is something that you will always cherish."
"Kagome . . ." She shook her head and brought her claws out slightly. "It's not the same. I could have. . . I can't trust myself Kagome."
"I don't care. I give you permission to do it . . .I don't care just come home." InuYasha gasped. Was he more surprised at what she just said, or the effect her voice had on his senses? He didn't know, but she was toying with him, purposely, and he was falling for the bait like a little kid and some candy.
InuYasha wanted to look at her. He wanted to see her face, but trying to leave, he could never understand why she would kill him if he rejected her again. She should understand now that he never sends her away for his own reasons. When she was sent to go back, it was always for her own safety. Why didn't she understand that it was the same thing now?
"Kagome . . ." She let her hands drop and he quickly turned around and looked at her. Chin dropped and ears drooped, it looked like she wanted to turn and run but was frozen to the spot. He took his fingers and raised her chin to look at him. "What did you say?"
"I said. . ." She closed her eyes. "I said you can claim me! I don't care. I just want you to come home. . .Just come home InuYasha." She was giving herself to him, in order for him to come back to her. This was not the strong stubborn Kagome he knew. She would never give up like this, but maybe she just couldn't take anymore.
"You don't mean that." He said simply. She shook her head and dug her nails into her hands. "I'm sorry Kagome. . . but I'm not going to falter. I can't come back."
"You idiot!" She screamed. "Do you want me to die? Do you not care what happens to me? You keep pushing me away, pushing me away," She kept making gestures with her hands. "I don't think I can take much more InuYasha. If you do this, I swear to kami…I'll. . . I'll kill myself!" InuYasha's face simply softened more at her outburst as she burst into tears again. Digging her face in her bleeding hands, she turned to leave, but InuYasha began speaking.
"I do care Kagome." He said softly with a hint of sadness. "I don't want you to die, and please, don't hurt yourself. It's just that I won't be able to forgive myself if I hurt you. It's for the best. It's killing me too. I don't know what hurts more. The thought of pushing you away, or the fear hurting you. I –"
"Shut up!" She said as her hands dropped and she shook her head. "Just don't say anymore!" InuYasha reached for her, and she jerked back.
"Kagome, listen. . .I –"
"No, I've heard enough InuYasha. Everything is always about you. Never about me. You only care for yourself, and Kikyou InuYasha!" She was yelling now. "I gave myself to you! Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that what you was trying to take? Or am I too filthy for you know that's I'm a friggin mutt? I … I hate you InuYasha No Taisho!" And with that, she turned and bolted out the room.
Whew pup. You really fucked up. The youkai got no response. A fat tear strolled down the cheek of the stubborn hanyou.
I don't care. It's all over.
8:88:888:88:8
"The pup is gone. What am I to do?" She cried. She knew long before the baby was gone that she had lost it. And now, she mourned inwardly, wailing, and her heart shattering to pieces. Heartbreak swept over her as painful reminders that she was hated by all her family flashed through her head. She wanted nothing but to make Sesshomaru happy, but then ruined it. And she couldn't hate them, she couldn't make herself do it.
She shifted her gaze to glare at the nurse that walked into the room.Her tight white skimpy dress stuck to her like a second skin, and her long raven hair flowed behind her. Ruby eyes flashing with arrogance, she reminded Tsukiko of someone whom it hurt to recall. She bowed respectively before checking all her moniters. Looking around, the nurse even made a show of sniffing her before she wrinkled her nose and turned her head. "Do you feel any pain?" Tsukiko didn't answer her. She really wasn't in the mood to growl at the offending hanyou, and instead she absolutely refused to lock gazes with her. Snorting, the hanyou walked over to the other side of her, knowing she couldn't move her head but so fast.
"No. I'm fine." Tsukiko rasped once she realized she was defeated. The nurse nodded and proceeded to check her heart rate, as well as blood pressure and the little scar around her stomach. Frowning slightly, the nurse laid her hand on Tsukiko's stomach.
"I'm so sorry." She said sadly. Tsukiko stifled a gasp.
"Why? It's not your fault. I can just try again, it's not a big deal." The hanyou looked very offended by that, she she stiffly stood up. Without taking a look back, the burse walked to the door, before she broke down. Tsukiko could smell her tears from where she was laying.
"You shouldn't take advantage of your ability to conceive." The nurse said simply. "Some of us . . .we aren't able to conceive." Tsukiko gasped as she apologized. The nurse shook her head. "It's ok Mrs. Taisho." Tsukiko watched as she turned to leave.
"What's your name?" She blurted out. The hanyou turned around, and managed a weak smile.
"Kagura. My name is Kagura."
8:88:888:88:8
Kagome yelled as she made an attempt to calm herself down. Stomping back and forth over the rug of her room, she was making her palms bleed as she dug her nails into them in anger. It was what he wanted. She knew it was what he wanted, yet when she gave it to him, he refused it. She didn't understand the arrogant fool. She was in the right mind to strike him, but something washed over her, that deepened her infuriation, and instead she had an outburst and stomped away.
She winced slightly. Ok, maybe I did come off a little strong. But. . . he deserved it. BakaYasha. Rolling her eyes as she shook her head, she didn't relinquish from making a path in the rug pattern as she began to chew on her nails nervously. What was she going to do? Where was she going to go? Going him would drive her crazy with anguish, his scent was too strong, too alluring and calling. She never knew how he held her up for all those months, but she was pretty amazed out how he managed to do it.
The thought to leave ran over in her head. But she had something to do. Leaving would be selfish, and downright mean, and InuYasha would probably be so mad he'd kill her himself then kill Sesshomaru for Tenseiga to bring her back . . .just to kill her again. She winced. That sounds like exactly something he would do.
The feel of his lips against hers, his heartbeat pounding against her chest, and the low rumbling in his throat soothed her worked nerves, and made her feel at ease. She never wanted to let go. Caught in the middle of hating him and loving him even more, she was totally confused on how to handle herself in this situation. She glanced over at the window. InuYasha sat in the tree, sleeping peacefully, looking completely innocent and young. Kagome gritted her teeth together. Seeing him like that soothed her, as well as made her angry.
Why it made her angry? She would never know. Why it soothed her at the same time, that was another question to be determined. So why did she feel like this; like she didn't know anything anymore.
Maybe because you think nothing matters anymore.
She snorted. She felt silly for talking to herself, but she knew that it wasn't exactly her. Ignoring the voice inside her head, she crawled onto the bed. Curling her knees to her chest, she closed her eyes. Why did everything have to go wrong?
Kagome sat up in a rush. Snarling, she bared her fangs. She didn't have time to be sulking like this. She had things to do. Standing up, she dug in the nearby draw for a change of clothes, and stomped into the hallway. Heading towards the bathroom, she was glad to know that everyone was sleep except for Daichi. Letting him know that InuYasha was still outside, she walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
I always wanted to do this. She thought as she turned on the hot water. Smiling, she began undressing. Once her pants fell into a pool at her feet, she stepped out of them, and into the scolding hot water. Cringing and sighing at the same time, she pushed her head under, flattening her ears. Closing her eyes, she sighed again and wrapped her arms around herself. Even though she was in a hot shower, she felt cold, and unwanted. She never knew that she could fill this way. Like a cold chamber in her heart had been opened up once again.
He opened it and then closed it all over again. She was never really unhappy before she met him. She was just, incomplete as you may say. She had everything a girl wanted, except the love she had for him. And that was worth more than anything she had. Sighing as she released herself and reached for the unscented soap, she lathered up as she hummed to herself softly.
Running the clothe over her lean legs and fully grown chest, Kagome was secretly quite proud of all the 'growing' she did. And she was certain InuYasha noticed too. But him just turning it down less than ten minutes ago was a big stab to her ego, and she scowled as she rinsed off. Repeating the process two more times, she washed her hair and stepped out of the shower. Turning off the water, she wrapped a towel around her waist and head, opened the door, and stepped into the hallway.
Shuddering as a gust of cool air drifted onto her soaking body, she ran to her room as steam filled the hallway. Closing and locking the door behind her just as her towel fell to the floor. Blushing, she reached to pick it up. Baka. . . your in your own room. You don't have to pick it up. Nobody is going to see. Shaking her head at her own foolishness, she couldn't help but stand in front of the mirror and stare at herself.
Frowning at the relflection, she grabbed a lock of silver hair and draped it over her shoulders so that it covered her breasts. Giggling as they tickled her, she wagged her tail softly, smiling at the cute fuzzy mass as he swished behind her. Putting a hand on her hip, she observed herself from all sides; striking poses, leaning over so that she had all her weight on one hip. Face bursting in embarrassed flames, she walked away from the mirror and looked at her clothes laid out on the bed. Shaking her head, she decided to pick out another outfit.
Choosing a short jean mini skirt that showed off the slimness of her legs, she chose a white spaghetti strap shirt that had 'heaven' in katakana in the front, in bold pink letters. Pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail, and smiled at herself as she walked over to the mirror. Looking around cautiously, she went against her better judgement and did something way out of character.
He won't notice anyway. I guess I'll just get me someone else then. She thought smugly as she tugged on her skirt, pulling it down slightly, and making it fit on her hips so that her navel and lower stomach showed. Slipping on her white flip-flops, she went and picked up the dirty clothes, and put them in the hamper.
She walked into the living room and told Daichi that she was going shopping, she wanted something other than what his parents had. After staring at her for a moment, he nodded as if in a daze, and watched as she left. Was that Aunt Gome? She went to the front door, and looking back into the hallway that led to the kitchen and back door, she sighed and turned back around, walking out the door. InuYasha No baka.
8:88:888:88:8
Usagi tossed her long white ears back over her shoulder as she sighed in irritation. Glancing back at her watch, she tapped her foot impatiently as she sniffed the air again. What's taking her so long? She closed her eyes and focused on her hearing ; nothing. They just weren't on their way. She didn't have time to be out here waiting. She had things to do. Important things to do than to be bossed around by a no show's cousin.
Dusting off her peach skirt with an incredulous skirt, she fiddled with the buttons going down the middle as she tugged at the ruffled bottom. She didn't know why she felt the need to better her appearance, but by now, she guessed it was habit. Tucking her crisp white shoulder-less shirt into her skirt, she tugged the matching peach jacket open slightly as a breeze blew one more time, forcing her to blow her ears out of her face once more.
Shifting from one foot to the other, she bent down and tugged off her shoes, letting them drop to the ground next to her. Then, she began tugging on her skirt once more. She didn't even want to be here. Personally, she didn't necessarily like this member of the Ayamamuras. But she was given the task to check up on their progress, and she knew better than to refuse. She swore under her breath after ten minutes of waiting, and bent down to pick up her shoes.
Rolling her eyes as she turned on her heels, she stopped suddenly and clucked her teeth. "You decide to show up when I decide to leave?" The other youkai snorted.
"I was here a long time ago. Your patience is very thin you know." Usagi crossed her arms, refusing to turn around and look at the female standing behind her. She could feel her cold yellow eyes raking over her back, could feel the slight irritation as she felt her gaze fall to her feet.
"Well? Did you complete your task?"
"Not exactly. It seems my younger sister doesn't take orders very well." Usagi tried to hide her growing irritation at how the female was toying with her. She hated being toyed with, and the fact that her boss would slaughter her was the only thing keeping her from turning around and striking the damned woman
"Well, teach her to follow rules or she's going to get you killed." Usagi growled.
"You know as well as I do the actions of my sister will do no such thing. However you should watch how you speak to me." The woman replied smugly. Clenching her teeth together, Usagi counted in her head before she spoke.
"So, she killed her?"
"Not her per se, but the unborn." Usagi ignored the knot in her throat. Swallowing hard, she flipped her ears over her shoulder again as the gentle breeze threw them in her face.
"Where's the others?" She asked tightly.
"Home. We have not decided when to strike."
Usagi made an attempt to hide her grin. It didn't work. "Don't. I shall talk to Sun about it." The woman scowled.
"What did you call her?"
"What is it to you?" Usagi let out a choked cry as she felt herself being slammed on the ground. Opening her eyes, she found herself laying on the ground, half propped on her elbows with a sword at her neck. Sweat slid down her temple as her breathing became labored, and cold fear began pumping through her veins. But stubborn pride, and an ego to match allowed her to gaze into those narrow yellow eyes that dared her to challenged the woman's authority one more time.
"Repeat that statement."
Usagi grinned idiotically. "I said what is it to—" Usagi coughed as the neko pushed the tip of the blade into her neck dangerously.
"Remember this." The woman growled. "Know your place. Respect what those greater than you have offered. A servant should act like one, or your time here is short." Usagi was speechless as the woman in front of her vanished. She was frozen on the spot. That gaze…those eyes…they changed into that of something different.
Usagi snorted as she stood up and dusted off her skirt. Wrinkling her nose, she began walking out of the empty field. Why do I feel that . . . she just tried to . . .wanted to. . . help me?
8:88:888:88:8
Trying to ignore the nagging in his brain to go and find Kagome and drag her back to the house by her tail, InuYasha dug his claws into the tree bark. He hadn't spoken to anybody since she left. He was in and out of the house, checking on Hanako, but he didn't speak to her, Rin, Daichi or Shippou. Damn runt slept all day. He growled.
It was all over. Everything he ever cherished with her went down the drain, all because of three little words.
"I. . .I hate you InuYasha No Taisho!"
InuYasha sighed. How had he managed to screw this one up? Usually, she called him a baka or a jerk and said the command, but never this. She never had an outburst like that, one that she knew could kill him. He felt his insides being torn apart. He winced as her expression flashed in his mind, the absolute hurt that flashed across her face plain as day when he refused her offer.
Kagome wasn't the type to give up. He knew she was stronger than that. But it amazed me how she changed after all they have been through, all because he can't trust himself to come home. He never wanted her to change. He wanted her to be strong and happy. InuYasha sighed again. She wasn't listening to his reasons, or surely she would understand. She told herself that he still cared about Kikyou . . .how that had anything to do with this, he would never know. Instead of chewing her head off, however, he just simply pretended she never said it, and he was sure this wasn't the only time her name would come up in their lives. Swinging his leg across the branch as the sun set, he wondered what she was doing right now. He wanted to know where she was, how she felt, what she was thinking about, and it killed him that for the better, instead of being with her, he had to stay away from her.
This is going to be a long night. He thought with a grimace as he took his claws out of the tree bark. Running them slightly up and down the branch, he gazed in the clearing in an attempt to get Kagome off his mind. It didn't work. Instead, he was greeted by Shippou, who looked sleepy as well as bored. He yawned, showing off his fangs as he hopped in the tree in front of InuYasha and took a seat. "I'm hungry."
"What are you nocturnal?" Shippou giggled.
"I think so baka. I am a fox."
InuYasha snorted. "It's not like you do any hunting either."
"Neither do you. Not in a while anyway." InuYasha cracked a smile as he grew silent. "You and Kagome had a fight didn't you?" He looked down to find that Shippou wasn't looking at him. "I remember Momma and Pappa didn't fight that much, but they had their moments. Pappa would always go hunting afterwards, and when he returned, they pretended like nothing else happened."
"Shippou. . . "
"I don't know why, but the more you two fight, the closer you get. Is she going to come back?" InuYasha pulled Shippou close to his chest.
"Shippou, let me tell you something. Me and Kagome . . .we'll never break up. Not only because of the bond that we share, but it would be the same thing even if we were human. You have nothing to worry about. So quit your whining." Shippou said nothing as he turned slightly to look at InuYasha.
"Promise me something."
"Sure. Shoot."
"That one day . . .we'll stay in the forest together. Like we used to. All of us." InuYasha was caught off guard by the question.
"Shippou. Let me ask you something. Did you like being with me?"
"Duh. I always got free protection."
"Runt." Shippou laughed softly.
"But really, yeah. You guys really cared for me, and I owed you for revenging my parents. Yeah me and you didn't come off on the right foot, but the past shouldn't matter anymore should it?" InuYasha smiled and ruffled Shippou's hair.
"Right pup. And I'll see what I can do about that promise alright?" This earned him a bright smile.
I know he knows that we're going through something. So how can he be so happy? I just don't get children.
8:88:888:88:8
A/N
:Sniffle. . .Sniffle: I cried in the making of this chapter. Sorry for the delay in updating. I decided that I'm not going to start the continuation of this story until I finish this one, and I can't tell you when that'll be because I'm not so sure myself. Enjoy!
