Chapter Three
The Ghost of Birthdays Present
Jordan moaned and held put her hand to her head to help support it as she tried to sit up from her prone position on the couch. "God….and I haven't even had anything to drink tonight….I swear, I'll never eat cheap Mexican food for lunch again….these dreams are kickin'.." she murmured to herself as she sat up. "Oh…my head...Dr. Stiles….Ghost of Birthdays Past…" she chuckled to herself as she got up from the couch and ran right into…Nigel.
"Nigel?" she asked. At least she thought it was Nigel…it was hard to tell. He wore a huge coat that nearly seemed to swallow him whole.
"Aep…not Nigel tonight. The Ghost of …"
"Let me guess. The Ghost of Birthdays Present?"
"Or the Ghost of Birthday Presents, if you want to get creative, love."
Jordan crossed her arms. The last thing she felt like doing tonight was being creative…at least with Nigel. "So….Devan said you'd have a message for me?"
"Ah…Dr. McGuire…yes. I do have a message for you."
"Care to enlighten me?"
"Not here, love. Not here. Pick one," he said opening his huge coat up so she could see inside. On the inside were numerous birthday presents….all wrapped up with bows and ribbons.
"Does it matter which one?"
"That choice is totally up to you, love."
Jordan surveyed the packages with interest. She finally picked one wrapped up in pink paper….her favorite color … and tied up with a lavender bow. "That one," she said , pointing to the medium-sized present.
"What an interesting choice. Well, go ahead…unwrap it." He reached in his coat and handed it to Jordan.
Slowly, Jordan peeled the paper off the box and lifted the lid…and found herself back at the morgue. "This is a birthday present?" she asked. "This is work. This is my everyday life…hell, this is my everyday-all-the-time life."
"And it's the little moments during normal days that you can learn some of the biggest lessons in life. Just pay attention."
"But Nigel…"
"I told you I'm not Nigel…I'm the Ghost of Birthdays Present. Now quit talking and pay attention. Just remember, no one can see you or hear you…"
She watched herself come into her office. "That's me…." She whispered to Nigel.
"Just remember…this is like watching Crossing Jordan on TV. You can shout and scream…swear, even, and no one can hear you. So it's better just to sit quietly and take whatever NCCJFAN is dishing out. She's really pissed at you and Woody for Embraceable You."
"Doesn't she realize it's not us….it's the writers…."
"She knows…somewhere deep in her heart she knows…just pay attention now…okay?"
Jordan quietly watched herself come into her office…dressed in her scrubs and her hair up in a messy bun. "Jordan?" came a soft voice from her door.
"Yeah, Garret?"
"Could you help me with something?"
"Sure."
"Lily's off today…and I've got to make a notification to the family of a twelve year-old girl. I can't do it. Every time I try, I think about Abby, and I just can't…not without losing it."
She took the file that Garret handed her and looked through it. "I'll take care of it, Gar…go ahead and go to lunch or something."
From the sidelines, the real Jordan watched the vision of herself pick up the phone and dial the number. "Mrs. Thompson? Mrs. Thompson, this is Jordan Cavanaugh. I'm a medical examiner with the state of Massachusetts. I'm sorry….I have some bad news…." Jordan saw herself give Mrs. Thompson the notification with compassion…patiently answering all the woman's questions and then promising to be at the morgue in the morning when she came into positively identify her daughter. When she finally hung up the phone, Nigel noticed that the vision of Jordan was crying.
"Tears….you'd think by now you'd be used to doing this sort of thing, love."
"The day you get used to giving notifications about the death of a loved one to their family…without it affecting you in some way….that's the day you need to turn in your badge."
"Oh...really?"
"Really."
"So Jordan Cavanaugh is not as emotionally unfeeling as some people think?"
She hung her head. "No…not at all…"
"Then why don't you show it more? Let people know you're vulnerable just like them?"
"Because that's when you can get hurt. And I've been hurt enough."
"No doubt about that…but you don't open yourself up to just hurt. You also open yourself up to love, too."
"I know." She could feel the tears on her own face now.
"More tears? Why?"
"Because I know why I'm crying," she said gesturing to the other Jordan behind the desk.
"Then why?"
"She's wondering….if one day….she'll ever be a mother….it's my birthday…I'm getting older…and I don't have anyone to call my own."
"Maybe….if you'd just open yourself up…take a risk…that leap of faith….it could happen for you."
"Or I could land on my ass…"
"Or live mostly happily ever after…." Nigel watched the emotions chase each other across Jordan's face. After a minute, he opened his coat again. "Another present…pick another present."
"I don't want to…birthdays are supposed to be happy. I'm worse off now than ever. Can I just go back to my apartment and be depressed by myself….have a hot shower, a shot of tequila, and go to bed?"
"No…not yet. Pick a present." He urged her towards his coat.
Sighing, but figuring that the sooner she chose a present and got it over with, the sooner she could go to bed. "Okay…I'll pick that one." She reached for a smaller box wrapped in green paper.
"Good choice. Now unwrap it and see what you've got."
This time she found herself in an unfamiliar nursery….with only vaguely familiar people. "Where am I?" she whispered to the Ghost of Birthdays Present.
"Give it just a minute…"
"I'm so glad Dr. Cavanaugh talked Joey into signing those papers so we can keep the baby," the woman said, gently rocking her daughter.
"Yeah…it's hard to imagine life without the baby now," her husband replied, bringing in a bottle.
"I don't think I want to…we waited so long to have a child…and now that we do…It just all seems like a dream…I am so thankful."
The man nodded as he handed his wife the bottle to feed the baby with. "Me, too. Dr. Cavanaugh didn't have to talk to him…she could have stayed out of it…but Joey trusted her. I hope she is as happy as we are."
Jordan hung her head.
"What's wrong, love?" Nigel asked. "You should be proud…you've made this couple very ecstatic….they've wanted a child for years. Tried all kinds of fertility treatments…been on all the adoption lists. And when you talked Joey into signing over his parental rights….you made their dream come true. And gave the baby an excellent home. She will always be loved and will never want for anything. You did good, Jordan."
"I'm glad they're happy. It just seems that I can make others happy…but not myself."
"The capacity to bring happiness to others is a great gift indeed. And I think you know what would make you happy…you just lack the courage to follow through with it."
She sighed and nodded, turning back to Nigel. "I guess it's time to go back to my apartment?"
"No…not yet. You have time for one more present and this is one I must pick for you." Nigel reached in his coat and pulled out a small, shabbily wrapped box and placed it in Jordan's hand. It was just about the size of…
"No…I don't want to open this one. I'm afraid this one will hurt most of all…"
The Ghost of Christmas Present looked at her with sympathy in his big, brown eyes. "It probably will, but you need to see it. You need to be aware of how much your actions affect others…but remember, Jordan. You know what will make you happy. It's like Devan said….are you brave enough to do it? Now unwrap the package."
"I really don't want to… I don't think that is necessary…I understand now…"
"Unwrap the package, Jordan," Nigel said, his voice taking on a firm, authoritarian tone.
She swallowed hard and slowly untied the bow….and found herself in Woody's apartment…in his bedroom. "No…." she whispered, turning to Nigel. "I've hurt him…and I can't look at him."
Nigel took her by the elbow and turned her to face the detective. "No… you need to…you must."
Jordan watched as Woody pulled off his tie, and tossed it, his service revolver, and badge on a chair. Then he sat down on the side of his bed and pulled the ring box out of his pants pocket. He slowly opened the lid and looked at the diamonds twinkling at him in the dim light of the bedroom. She saw one tear slide down his cheek and then he slammed the lid of the box down and threw it against the wall. "Damn her," he said through clenched teeth. "Damn her, damn her, damn her. Friends…I can't be her friend any longer…it just hurts too bad. She hurts too bad." Jordan watched as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I need to get away…and stay away," she heard him mutter.
And observed with increasing horror as he pulled out a suitcase and began to throw some things in it. "They told me at Sunny D to call them if I ever got ready to make a move. Then I thought I'd never leave Boston…because she was here. And I never could picture me leaving her. Ha! A lot of good that thinking did me…"
"No, Nigel…he can't…he can't leave me…" She tried to turn back to Nigel and bury her head in his shoulder.
"No love…you need to see what happens…how your actions affect others …the rest of their lives and the rest of yours." He pushed her back to face Woody one more time.
She saw him pick up his phone and dial a number… heard him talk with someone in California….and set up an interview. Then he called an airline …he was leaving at midnight. She would never even get a chance to say goodbye…
"Woody, stop. Please. I tried to talk to you in my office, but you wouldn't listen…please, hear me out…"
"Jordan, he can't hear you," Nigel said, gently putting his arm around her. "These are just visions of things that are going on…they can't see you, hear you, or feel you."
Jordan took a deep breath. "Then…if these are just visions, does that mean I could have a chance to change them?"
Nigel shook his head. "I don't know. That's not my department. That's the Ghost…"
"of Birthdays Future," she finished. "Then take me back to my apartment. I'm ready to get on with the program….I have some questions for that spirit….but I'm not sure I'm going to like the answers."
