Some time passed, House didn't know how long and didn't particularly care past the fact that it wasn't time to leave yet. House was on the last two clues of the crossword, and this being The New York Times crossword, that would seem to indicate that some great time had passed since the start. However, when Wilson poked is head in through the door, the clock attested that it had only been half an hour since Foreman left. House glanced up from his crossword briefly to look at Wilson. Wilson stood in the doorway and waited. "Irritated, bored and bitter, nine letters." House stated with a grim smile. Wilson nodded and looked down at his hands.
"Greg House." Answered Wilson. House pushed the crossword away and looked up at Wilson.
"Finished and still bored."
"Are you sure you got all the answers right?" Asked Wilson, although he knew better. So did House.
"Please." Scoffed House. He glanced at the empty chair in front of his desk. "You're not sitting down, what's up?"
"There's someone here to see you."
"Tell them I died…of boredom." House twirled his chair around once and came to face Wilson again. Wilson smiled.
"Somehow I don't think that would go over well." Answered Wilson. "She might cry. I think you should see her."
"Oh come on now, who is it, my mother?" Snapped House sarcastically. Wilson looked at House levelly and House looked back. Wilson's mouth twisted into a small lopsided grin and House coughed a small laugh. "You have got to be kidding…my mother?" Wilson shrugged and looked over his shoulder into the empty hallway. "Why the hell didn't she call me first?"
"She did call. Eight times, she said. She was starting to get worried."
"What the hell…" Then House looked through the glass doors into the conference room at a certain sniffling, giggling idiot. "Oh God, Cameron." And he had given her TV privileges. House shook his head in disbelief, rolled his eyes and groaned, but smiled nonetheless. He couldn't help it, that Dr. Cameron was as good at interfering in personal lives as he was, and it was cute as hell.
"Greg…" Uh-oh, Wilson used the first name. House looked at him with a cocked eyebrow and Wilson shot him a warning glare. House held up his hands defensively and apologetically. "I assume that I should tell her to come in?"
"Just a minute." Said House as he settled his gaze on Wilson. "Did mom say hi to you?" Wilson laughed and smiled at the floor.
"Yes, she hugged me and kissed both sides of my face. Then she fixed my hair and said that I was too skinny." Answered Wilson. "Everyone around at the time assumed that she was my mother until she introduced herself as 'Greg's mom, Mrs. House'. Now everyone thinks you and I are a couple." Wilson shook his head at the floor and House laughed.
"Don't worry about that, Jimmy honey. Everyone thought we were a couple anyway." Said House jokingly. "Seriously though, they did."
"I know. Have you heard the rumor about the flamingo with the…"
"…and the coconut cream pie and the handcuffs…"
"…with the waiter at the Belagio." They finished together.
"Yeah." House.
"Yeah." Wilson. After a moment of silence they both shivered dramatically and went into a fit of laughter with pauses for 'yuck' and 'eww'. Right on cue Sylvia House walked into the room and broke up the boyish silliness.
"You two behave yourselves!" Demanded Sylvia. House and Wilson stopped their laughter but looked at each other in a way that told they were only a certain combination of words away from losing it again. Sylvia came around the desk and embraced House as only a concerned mother could. House complied reluctantly. "I was so worried! I called a million times, where were you?"
"I was right here mom." Said House soothingly, however Wilson detected the irritable undercurrent in his tone that no one else could notice. "I don't answer my phone, you know that."
"I left messages!" Cried Sylvia in a sarcastic and accusing way. Despite her impeccable manners and sickening sweetness, there could be no doubt that Sylvia was House's mother. At just the right moment a glimmer of sarcasm would come out in her that reminded one of her son. Inversely, at just the right moment a glimmer of sickening sweetness would come out in House, making one wonder where it had come from.
"I don't know what to tell you. The voicemail must not be working." House shrugged. Sylvia smiled and began to smooth out House's wrinkled shirt.
"Oh honey, you're too thin." She observed. Wilson turned away as he stifled a laugh and House shot him a warning glance.
"Mom, I am a doctor. If I were too thin, I'd know it." He spoke slowly and deliberately, clearly growing weary of the special attention he was receiving.
"You don't know! A mother knows. You need to eat more." She went back to smoothing the shirt. "And you need an iron…or someone to iron for you." At that time Cuddy entered through the glass doors absently. Wilson cleared his throat in a quiet warning. Cuddy stopped, glanced confusedly at Wilson, looked at the Kodak moment in front of her and turned to leave as quickly and silently as possible. "Oh! Lisa, honey!" Cuddy didn't even get as far as putting her hand on the door when she was halted by Sylvia's welcome. She paused, mustered a warm smile and turned around to receive a hug from Mother House.
"How are you, Mrs. House?" Asked Cuddy, though as she hugged Sylvia she directed a questioning look at House. He rolled his eyes and inclined his head towards the conference room. Cameron was the only one in there. Cuddy felt a twinge of irritation towards Cameron for setting this up, but of course she couldn't have known the trouble she'd caused. The look Cuddy gave House communicated as much and he nodded knowingly in return.
"I'm fine, dear. But you! Look at you Lisa, you're far too thin!" Cuddy smiled and nodded tolerantly, but House had turned to face the window and Wilson retreated father into the corner, both muffling their laughter. "Dear, whenever are you and Greg going to get it together and get married? I've always thought you two were perfect for each other." House started coughing loudly, trying desperately to disguise his outburst of laughter. Cuddy directed him a pleading glare, which House could feel burning into his back. House composed himself, turned around and took his mother gently by the arm.
"Mom, I'm a little bit busy just now. I'll call a cab and I'll see you when I get home, okay?"
"But Greg, I want to see the hospital."
"You've seen it before." Answered House, not masking his impatience. Sylvia gave House a penetrating glare, so much like those House often used. House glared back and Sylvia shook her head.
"You're worse than your father sometimes." She said affectionately. "Greg, I want to see what's new in the hospital." Despite first impressions Sylvia House was a very smart woman, once over her impossible maternal instincts. House sighed and looked at the floor. He had an idea, and he that if he executed this idea what it would kill him in more ways than one. House looked at Wilson and then at Cuddy, their eyes pleaded with him, both to do it and not to do it. House hesitated for another second. He would feel bad about doing, but it would appeal to his sense of humor, and it would at the very least relieve Cuddy and Wilson from the duties of a boy's best friends to his mother. So what if he died of guilt and laughter? He didn't hesitate much longer.
"Okay mom, I'll take you to see Dr. Chase and he'll take you around. He'll be so happy to see you again."
"Oh, dear Robert. He's such a nice boy, and very like you, Greg. He reminds me of that kid from that Australian show."
"Neighbors, mom. The show is called Neighbors." He said as if he'd told her a million times, and probably had. She probably knew what it was called too. She was definitely House's mother. "Lisa, Jimmy, say goodbye to mom." Each one hugged Sylvia in turn and said a short goodbye, knowing that they weren't rid of her yet. House and Sylvia headed towards the door, but before exiting Wilson stopped House with a firm hand around the arm.
"You're a cruel man, Dr. House." He said softly into his ear. House smiled wickedly.
"I would have stuck her with Foreman if I could have. I'll introduce them before she leaves…God, if she leaves! He can deal with her once a year." House caught up with his mom outside the door and they both disappeared down the hall. Wilson and Cuddy watched as they walked out of sight.
"Disgruntled Australian doctor, five letters." Said Wilson.
"Chase."
"You think maybe that we should start visiting her for Thanksgiving dinner again?" Asked Wilson jokingly.
"Maybe. If we did maybe we wouldn't be so thin!"
