Goodluck and God speed

Part 6


Coldness is what I feel it surrounds me and I begin to shiver.

Why was I so cold?

I tried to open my eyes but the light was too bright. Where were my shades? Okay O'Neill where are you?

I hear voices. It was Daniel's and the other was T.

So I'm with my team that's a good thing. Don't have to worry I'm not in any danger.

Who was holding my hand? It was warm it felt good and it calms me down. It makes me feel safe.

My mind is trying to wake from the fog it is under. I start to put sentences together in my brain to make my body cooperate.

Okay O'Neill rise and shine time to get up and find out where you are and why you're freezing your mikta off.

I take a deep breath and opened my eyes again. This time the light wasn't as harsh I tried to focus. I turned to my side and see a familiar face.

Carter.

She's smiling at me. She picks up my hand and kisses it lightly.

"Jack you're awake," she whispers as she caresses my cheek.

Jack? Excuse me she called me Jack. My brain is screaming this over and over and I have to tell it to shut up.

Okay definitely dreaming here. She wouldn't do that in real life. She comes close and speaks again.

"Take it easy you're still feeling the effects of the stasis. I can't believe you're back, I'm so happy. If the guys weren't here I'd climb into that bed with you and show you how happy I am. I missed you so much."

She was still caressing my cheek I was speechless and my brain was going into overdrive.

I closed my eyes. Something was wrong. Carter wants to jump into bed with me. Yep something was definitely wrong.

The answer was simple. I was not in my reality.

The Major Samantha Carter in my reality was seeing another man dating, kissing, and not even going there.

She had moved on but still held my heart in her hands. So why was she telling me something I've wanted to hear for years and why was she holding my hand and why was she calling me Jack and did she say she missed me and was happy I was back?

She continues to talk to me and explains that we were back at the SGC that the trip from the Antarctica was uneventful and that I had slept most of the way.

I open my mouth but shut it again. Okay when did I go to the Antarctica? And why would I go to the Antarctica? Since I swore I'd never go back there as my last unforgettable visit was anything but pleasant.

Why was I in the infirmary and why hadn't someone turned up the heat in here?

I shivered and she apologizes and grabbed another blanket and tucks me in.

I could so get use to this Carter but the rules and regulations would frown upon two officers fraternizing blah blah blah. I had to get a grip I needed answers.

She calls Daniel and Teal'c over. They are both smiling.

Daniel takes my hand.

"Jack its good to see you back among the defrosted. Things haven't been the same since you've been gone look Teal'c grew hair he was so worried."

I looked at Teal'c and was taken aback. He indeed had a head of hair.

"O'Neill it is good to have you back. Your absence was felt not only at StarGate Command but also with the Jaffa Rebels. Bray'tac sends his gratitude and wishes to see you as soon as you are able."

They started to all speak at once but I still had no answers. I was about to yell when I heard an unfamiliar voice.

"Colonel O'Neill what a wonderful surprise I'm glad you are finally out of stasis. So how are you feeling?"

A woman that I had never met had just asked me a question.

I must have looked like I didn't recognize her because she smiled.

"My name is Dr. Elizabeth Weir, I had taken over the SGC for a brief period of time and I met you at the base. Do you remember meeting me?"

I nodded my head no.

Sam gasped and let go of my hand.

I turned to look at her and she had lost all of her color. Okay the moment of truth. I cleared my throat and heard a sound. Good first step and started with my questions.

"Can somebody tell me what's going on? Am I in my reality because for one thing I don't know where I am, two I'm freezing my ass off can someone turn up the heat and three what the hell is going on here?"

They were all dumbstruck. I looked at each one of them and they had not said a word. I closed my eyes and muttered, "oh for crying out loud."

Daniel jolted himself out of his stupor and spoke, "Jack what is the last thing you remember?"

I looked at all of them and tried to remember.

What was the last thing I remembered? The cross word puzzle a mission briefing and….

I was starting to remember and then I winced.

"We found another ancient repository and me sticking my head in it and us destroying it so Anubis couldn't get it and that's about it. So guys what did I miss?"

Carter whispered no and started to move back but bumped into Teal'c.

Why was Carter upset? What was wrong with her? I was at the end of my rope and snapped.

"No? No what Carter? We did go to px whatever and I stopped Danny from taking the download, being fired on by Anubis troops and us getting back in one piece and waking up now."

She looked ill and gripped a chair to sit down in.

I turned to Daniel for some answers.

"What the hell's going on here? Daniel tell me what have I missed."

Daniel looked at everyone and they nodded.

He went into detail what had happen after the download.

He told me about the time at my house, General Hammond's arrival and his announcement of being relieved of command, Dr. Weir taking over the SGC, Master Bra'tac warning that Anubis was on his way to Earth. He continued and spoke of Kinsey's surprise visit to the SGC, finding the address to Taonos and the location to the lost city. He described how I started to let the knowledge over take me and made the ship faster. He finished by telling how I finally succumbed to the ancient knowledge and us finding the lost city, which was back on Earth. He told me about the battle in Antarctica and the defeat of Anubis and the super soldiers. He then told me I had been in stasis for months and I had been revived and brought back to the living by Carter.

I was going to thank Carter for saving my butt again. I turned to her. But she was looking away not being able to look at me. She looked so lost. Did I do something to cause her this pain?

I was trying to wrap my mind on what Daniel had just said but nothing was clear in my mind. How long had I been a Popsicle?

Okay it wasn't going to be easy to remember but I would. I looked at Dr. Weir and extended my hand.

"Hey Doc I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill and I'm pleased to meet you again."

Dr. Weir smiled and said the pleasure was all hers and that she wanted to thank me for my bravery.

I shrugged and said it was nothing.

"No sir it is something. What all of you do and what you sacrifice here is beyond words. I've been working at the Antarctica with the other members of the SGC to find a solution to get you back. You are an important part of this program and just the dedication of your team and the people here show me what type of a man you are. So please accept my thanks in saving the world once again."

I didn't know what to say. So just nodded and looked at my team. They looked like they had not slept or ate in weeks. I felt guilty.

General Hammond walked in.

"Jack it's good to see you again. How are you son? It's been too quiet here and I'm glad to see my prayers have been answered."

"It's good to be back sir. Just hard to grasp that I've been asleep for so long and to think I missed all The Simpson's new episodes. So sir are you back? Not to say Dr. Weir didn't do a great job I'm sure she did right? Well…"

General Hammond chuckled as did Dr. Weir.

"Dr. Weir has taken over the Antarctica project there is much to learn there and I'm sure she will be happy to have your assistance. I'm here temporarily till a replacement can be found. Oh and let me give you some good news. Vice President Kinsey is no longer Vice President he had an illness that has forced him to not take the job."

I smiled at him and said, "sweet."

The doctor and nurse came over and said they needed to run some test.

I blurted out no needles and the nursed rolled her eyes and whispered, "he's back".

General Hammond chuckled as did Dr. Weir.

General Hammond asked the nurse to give us a minute so I was saved for a bit.

I tried to get off the subject and asked when I could get out of the infirmary back home and back to work. I joked that my refrigerator must be growing penicillin and I had been asleep for months so I really didn't need any rest.

General Hammond looked at me and said, "Jack you left a letter with me claiming you would retire yourself once you felt you were not competent to complete your duties. You gave your command over to Major Carter and that has been stated on the mission report. I know it's just a technicality but it is on report so I need to talk to the President. So I take it you want to come back for the third time."

I nodded yes and said I was sorry that I didn't remember retiring again.

He left saying he needed to get back to the President to let him know my status. Dr. Weir said she was happy I was back and needed to get back to the Antarctica to figure out where the lost city was.

"Colonel O'Neill uh umm Jack, I'm glad to know my prayers were answered. It is wonderful to have you back and I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way. Your team has worked day and night to bring you back and now I understand the true bond you 4 have. Your motto rings true. No one gets left behind. I would love for you to come to the Antarctic to see where you had been the human Popsicle these last couple of months."

She took my hand and squeezed it and I was speechless as she left.

Teal'c came up to embrace me saying he was please I had returned and would let Master Bra'tac and the rest of his brothers know that I would again fight by their side.

He said he would be back later and left.

Carter got up came close and said she was happy I was back and that she needed to check her lab since everything had been put on hold. She was about to bolt when I grabbed her hand.

I looked at her face and saw a tangle of emotions. She winced when I squeezed her hand and she tried to hide the tears that were threatening to fall.

I needed to say something but what? I didn't know why she was acting this way and I didn't want to have an audience when I found out what crap I had pulled with her. My mind was searching to see if I had done something inappropriate with her but nothing came to mind. I was at a loss.

"Carter, thanks again for getting me out of this mess. You have a knack of saving my butt. I really appreciate it."

I squeezed her hand and she yanked it free. She said it was nothing and asked to be excused. She bumped into Daniel in her rush to get away from me.

I looked at Daniel and asked what I did.

Daniel was at a loss for words. He knew something.

"Okay Danny spill. What did I do? Did I hurt Carter? Did I forget something? Ah hell, give me something here."

Daniel told me what he had witnessed at the house. He said he felt he was intruding when he and Teal'c had showed up. He said that she had come to me when I was in the middle of redesigning the warp drive on Bra'tac's ship and her look of despair when I was frozen.

"She's been working night and day to find a solution she's been back and forth to the site as we all have been Jack. It's hard to see your friend in stasis and not be able to help. We contacted all our allies and no one came. She was pissed even at the Tok'ra and we haven't heard from Thor in a long time. We grew apart Jack each blaming each of ourselves for not doing more. She shut us out but…"

"But what Daniel? What happened?"

He was about to answer when the doors burst open to the infirmary with Teal'c holding Carter in his arms.

"I am in need of medical attention for Major Carter. She collapsed in her lab and has sustained an injury to her head."

The doctor and nurse rushed over to tend to Sam.

He laid her down and she was bleeding from a gash to the side of her head.

Daniel rushed over to her and stopped in his tracks.

"Sam, no not now we just got him back. Come on please be alright."

The doctor pushed Daniel and Teal'c away and started ordering test and equipment to be set up.

I sit up but can't see what's going on. I can tell it's not good. They pull the curtain to hide what they are doing to her and I feel helpless.

Why do I feel like I'm responsible?

I start to get out of the bed. I needed to be there for her I was about to step on the floor when I realized my legs had no strength and I almost fell face first to the floor. I knocked the tray over and made a huge mess but stopped myself from crashing to the floor.

The nurse rushed over with Daniel and says I needed to stay in bed.

I grab Daniel's hand.

"What's wrong with Carter Daniel? Tell me what has been going on now!"

Daniel was about to tell me when we heard Teal'c roar.

This was a first. We both looked to the curtain. Teal'c had never raised his voice only in battle or against one of our enemies.

"I will not be responsible for my actions if you do not cease your complaining. You claim to be a healer? But all you have done is point fingers as to who is responsible for Major Carter's collapse? You can do this after Major Carter is stable. Tend to her now or feel the full fury of my anger. Do I make myself perfectly clear doctor?"

The doctor backed up and pulled the curtain open. He had just pissed off a Jaffa and that was not a good thing. He sensed this and wanted as many people around him when he starting his ranting again.

"I told you people she was on the edge and you over ruled me and went against my orders. She was not fit to go to the Antarctica but no one listened. Well I hope you are all happy her vitals are low she hasn't had a decent nights sleep for months and if she loses any more weight she will be only skin and bones. No I will not be responsible for her deterioration. If my warnings had been heeded this would not have happened. Nurse call General Hammond down here and call security I want him out of my infirmary."

Daniel asked me to stay put but I wouldn't.

"Help me get out of this bed and over to Carter. If you don't I'll do it on my own. Now what the hell is he talking about? Why did she put her life on the line for me?"

Teal'c refused to move from Sam's side she was still unconscious and had been put into a hospital gown and was hooked up to all types of machines. The gash on her head had stopped bleeding and the nurse was putting on the finishing touches to the stitches.

Daniel went to appease the doctor and I made my second attempt to get to Sam's side.

I needed her to know I was here for her. She had sacrificed herself to get me back and was now paying the price. I swallowed my pride and asked for a wheelchair. I didn't want chancing me falling onto her and causing more damage.

I pushed myself next to her and really got to look at her. I took her hand and bit my lip. She was so pale that the dark circles under her eyes were evident as was the hollow cheeks of the weight she had lost.

I sigh and whispered, "Why did you put your self through hell again Carter? Look at yourself the only person that suffers in this is you. If you did it for me then you wasted your time. I wasn't worthy of your effort when I was stuck on Edora and I'm still not worthy of that beautiful mind of yours trying to always save my ass. When will you ever learn, I'm expendable you're not."

Teal'c had heard what I had said and placed his hand on my shoulder.

He then went into detail on what Daniel was going to tell me.

I was shocked how could this happen? And why couldn't I remember anything?

"She talked to me Teal'c how? Did she tell you how we communicated? What did I say to get me out of stasis? God, I wish I could remember. I know this is important but for the life of me I can't figure out what I did or tell her."

I pulled her hand to my face and cradled it next to my cheek.

Teal'c said she had spoken to me and pleaded my case to General Hammond and the doctor to let her and the guys go to Antarctica to bring me back home.

"She was excited to have found out the solution of saving you and did not worry if we believed her or not. What she spoke was the truth and she would not falter till she convinced us all. She did not have to convince me O'Neill you came to me while I meditated I felt your presences and knew you heard my offering to bring you back to us. You and Major Carter connected in your minds and hearts. This I am sure of. You both have a strong bond and that is the reason you chose her to communicate with."

It started to make sense why she was hurt and why she nearly bolted out of the infirmary when I told them I didn't remember anything from the time I downloaded the repository.

She had thought I would remember me speaking to her. This confirmed to me that something else had happened between us.

I didn't recall and it hurt me to know that I had been the one that had caused her this pain. Something happened and the only one that could enlighten me was lying in a bed unconscious from lack of sleep and food thanks to me.

"How am I going to fix this Teal'c? We can't lose her. It would be my fault. God why didn't you guys just leave me in deep freeze? She would be safe with Pepe, he would have made her happy and you guys would have learned to live without me, everything would have been okay. Why don't you all see that I'm expendable?"

Daniel came up to us and rolled his eyes hearing what I had said.

"You are an important part of our team and this base. You had everyone here looking for ways to get you back home safely so this rubbish that you're expendable is just that. You are not expendable. I for one missed you I'm not kidding it was too quiet and I understand what you and everyone else felt while I was gone. It's not a happy memory Jack. I need my family and you are a big part of it. I'm happy you came back but not as much as Sam. She over extended herself, yes she did but she wouldn't rest till you were home. I haven't spent a night at my house for over 4 months and Sam said she felt guilty that she was here and you weren't. That she thought you were cold and alone and only wanted to be there for you. No Jack no one is expendable in our family."

I turned back to her and closed my eyes. Her hand was so cold I blew on it to try and warm it up.

Listening to Daniel admit that he missed me was touching but it still didn't change anything.

When I didn't respond he went on.

"Things have not been happy at home for her even though she says everything is fine. She thinks we don't know but we do."

I turned and asked what was he talking about.

"It's Pete. He has been nothing but a pain in her side. She doesn't go home any more since he moved in and even though she would not admit it to us she's miserable. She can't bring herself to admit she's failed to find a life she said she wanted."

"Your wrong Daniel, she deserves to be happy and he's just reacting to her being away trying to save my butt. He should be angry at me not her."

He threw up his hands and said, "Cassie has moved out and in with me because it was becoming unbearable for her to stay and hear him complain about everything Sam does wrong and she takes it and says nothing. It's like she's punishing herself for having a life off base. Top that with the stress here. It finally took its toll. We all failed her Jack and I feel double responsible because I was here to prevent it and did nothing but wallow in my self-pity of not being able to save you. So if you want to blame someone for this blame me."

Daniel wiped the tears from his face and Teal'c pulled him closer to Sam and me.

"O'Neill we are stronger together then apart. She needs us now so we must help our friend out of this darkness and bring her back to the light."

Teal'c was right we would not fail her again. I would do everything in my power to bring back the Carter I knew and loved and would find the courage to ask her what had happened between us during my time with her. I needed to know so that I could fix what I had broke.

General Hammond had walked into the infirmary and I told Daniel to push me over so I could talk to him and try to get Teal'c out of trouble with the doctor.

After assuring the doctor that Teal'c meant no harm and listening to what Daniel had revealed, the general agreed that we would help Sam recover.

"Jack please come back."

My heart stopped. It was Carter crying out I turned around and came to her side she was thrashing in her sleep and drenched in sweat. I took her hand and whispered that she was safe and I was here. She was whimpering and tears started to flow down her face.

I knew what I had to do.

"Sir, about that paperwork it hasn't been sent in yet?"

"Jack are you having second thoughts?"

"I need to do something and I can't do it while I'm still on active duty. So can you delay this for a couple of days please?"

I still had Carter's hand in mine and I turned to look at the general and he understood why I wanted time.

"I will delay the paperwork till you are ready to return Jack. I'll go and stop Sgt. Davis from sending it out and I will see you later."

He walked out of the room and I let go of Sam's hand and turned to tell Daniel and Teal'c my plan.

Daniel was hesitant in agreeing but Teal'c said it would work. I would pretend to remember what had happened to get Carter better.

Carter started to thrash in her bed again.

We came close and Daniel took her hand and tried to talk to her. The doctor heard the commotion and came with a syringe and was about to inject her. I grabbed his arm and said no.

"Colonel we need to calm her down before she hurts herself. Nurse get the restraints she wont lay still and she might harm herself."

I grabbed his hand and said, "NO! You will not restrain her she doesn't like to be restrained if you would have read her file then you would know that. No drugs either she needs to be clear headed. We will help her get better but if you interfere you will have to answer to me and if you thought Teal'c was protective you haven't messed with me. So back off! "

The doctor mumbled something under his breath and put the syringe away saying he washed his hands of her care and would be talking to Hammond about asking for a re assignment.

Daniel came next to me and I asked him for his help.

"Daniel help me into the bed."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and Daniel started to stutter.

"Oh for crying out loud why do you think I delayed my re-instatement. I couldn't do what I need to do to help her if I was still her commanding officer so Daniel a hand here."

Teal'c stepped forward and helped me into Carter's bed.

I tried to get comfortable but she was still thrashing around.

"Sam, it's me stop it you're hurting yourself, and you're pulling the IV out and then Doctor Killjoy will come back and we don't want that. I need you to listen I'm here I won't leave ever again. Okay come on Sam open your eyes."

Her eyes flew open and she tried to focus. I smiled at her and whispered she was safe and I was here.

She burst into tears and clung to me and cried. She whispered over and over that she missed me and to never leave her side again.

I soothed her by rubbing her arms and back and kissing her forehead and whispering I would never leave her again. She started to relax but still gripped my hospital gown. She nodded off and settled into my side.

Teal'c and Daniel had witnessed the whole exchange and I waited to see what they would say.

I hope they would understand and hopefully my feelings for Sam would not be evident to them. I hope they would think I was just being her friend.

Teal'c said he would keep watch outside of the room so that we would not be disturbed. He came to the bed and squeezed Sam's hand and bowed to me and left. Daniel pulled up a chair and sat.

He was looking at Sam and wiped the tear that fell down his face. She started to whimper again and I whispered to her to sleep she gripped my gown and nestled onto my chest and settled in.

Daniel whispered, "Jack I think this is the way to get her to eat and cooperate. She's responding to you but what happens afterwards when we tell her you don't remember. Come on Jack there has to be some flashes of what you said to her or how she figured out how to get you out."

I wish I could tell Daniel what I remembered but I was as much in the dark as he was.

"We can't worry about that now Daniel. First thing is to get her stable and back to us. She's not Carter, she's the shell of the person that was bright beautiful and a top notch soldier and it's my fault. I won't fail her Daniel."

I yawned and Daniel stood up and said he'd let us sleep and would be in the next bed if I needed him, I nodded and before he disappeared behind the curtain I told him thanks.

"For what?" he looked puzzled when he responded to my thanks.

"For everything I want to remember Daniel. It's like everything has been reset but I know deep down in my gut something happened but I can't grasp what went down. It's killing me Danny I have to find out. For her sake and my sanity."

"Sam won't tell you I could bet every thing I have that she wont spill. But we won't push. Okay how about you getting some sleep since I'm about to pass out myself. Good night Jack and welcome home."

Daniel left me to ponder what he had said and what I was feeling. She was in my arms and it felt right. I moved a little to adjust her and she gripped my gown and I grabbed her hand, unclenched it and intertwined my hand with hers. She gave my hand a squeeze and sighed and went back to sleep.

I pulled her close and could hear her breathing and the beat of her heart.

"Sam I won't fail you. You saved me and I will save you if it's the last thing I do. You are the best thing in my life and it's killing me not knowing what happened between us. I'll be here for you always. This is one thing I will never forget. We'll get through this I know we will."

I kissed her softly and closed my eyes and tried to get some rest. Sam would need me tomorrow and I would not disappoint her.