Disclaimer: I don't own anything OC related.
AN: One-shot immediately following
The Rainy Day Women.


"...it spins...
I ain't too proud to beg sweet darlin
don't you leave me baby don't you go
I ain't too proud to beg sweet darlin
don't you leave me..."
-7 Mary 3

He didn't want to think tonight. He wanted to turn his brain off and not have the image of another woman that he cared about walking away from him.

The rain was helping. He'd been wet so long that he didn't think he'd ever be able to get the water out of his bones. He was soaking up the cold water. He was going to be cold forever.

He wasn't enough for anyone to stay. Not his mother, not Lindsay. No one.

Marissa had stopped by, long enough to remind him how he'd left her. It was karma. He was paying for every one of his sins. He'd left Marissa for Teresa and now Lindsay was leaving him.

Chicago. Fucking Chicago.

He didn't know how long he'd been walking. He'd chained his bike to a rack down by the pier, it wasn't fun pedaling with his wet clothes. Walking was better.

And as the Cohen house came into sight, he recognized Summer's car parked in the driveway. Sandy and Kirsten weren't home. He didn't want to have to walk in and see Summer and Seth in all their melodramatic bliss right now. He needed to brood.

But as soon as he walked into the poolhouse, he knew that he couldn't stay here. He was suffocating. He needed to brood and he couldn't brood here. It was only a matter of time before Seth or Sandy or Kirsten came out to inquire about him.

He needed to get out of here. He needed to not think tonight. He changed clothes, leaving his soggy jeans and shirt in a heap by the closet. He'd clean up later. He pulled on a fresh set of jeans, boots and clean socks and topped it off with his long-sleeved black shirt. He pulled on a sweatshirt with a hood to soak up the rain before leaving the poolhouse again with his wallet and trusty fake id.

He had to revert back to Chino thinking. He had to make himself hard again. He'd gotten soft here. He wouldn't have dated a girl like Lindsay in Chino, she was out of his league. The Newport girls were too high-maintenance.

He needed to get out of his head for a while. He needed to be someone else again.


The bar closed at two a.m. and he walked out 200 dollars richer from a game of pool and with a girl twice his age on his arm. He'd fucked her in the back of her minivan, on top of discarded boxes of animal crackers and junk food. He didn't ask her name or the names of the kids on her keychain, he'd simply asked if he was hurting her before he started pounding into her.

After he was done, she'd offered to drive him home, but he didn't want to take the chance of her being a friend of Sandy or Kirsten's so he'd refused, watching her taillights drive away as he started the walk home.

He felt better. Drunk, sure, but better. Newport was just a farce, the people here were just as dirty and 'sinful' as the people in Chino, they just had the money to dress up their vices. Even in the little bar he'd been to tonight, it was just an upper class imitation of the bars he'd been to in Chino. People selling coke in the booths instead of crack. Driving beamers instead of wrecks.

It took him a while to make his way home and Summer's car was still in the driveway. Seth's parents still weren't home so he knew that he was safe to go to bed. He didn't think he'd go to school tomorrow. He was already thinking of how he could get out of it.

Lindsay's last day at Harbor. He didn't want to be there. He'd held her and rubbed her back and told her that everything would be okay. He didn't have anything else to offer her. He didn't want to see her at school. As far as he was concerned, she was already gone.

He slammed the door to the poolhouse and flipped on the light.

"Damn, man, where the hell have you been?" Seth asked from his bed. Summer was asleep beside him, settled onto his pillow.

"Out. You waiting up?" Ryan asked. His bed was wet from where Seth and Summer had sat on it after walking through the rain.

"I was a little worried about you. Everything all right?"

"Fine. Things look better for you considering she's here and not Italy," Ryan remarked.

Seth smiled widely. "Tonight turned out to be an awesome night…"

"Why don't you take her inside and you can tell me all about it tomorrow. I'm sort of tired…" Ryan said.

Seth stood up and approached him. "Dude. What's wrong with you?" His eyes examined him. "You're drunk?"

"A little."

"And…Ryan, you don't drink. Everything okay?"

"Everything is fine. I just need to crash and your 'girlfriend' is on my bed," Ryan muttered.

"Okay, man. But you'll tell me everything, right?" Seth asked, shaking Summer awake.

"Sure. Sure, Seth. Later."


Seth woke up with a post-it on his forehead. He sat up before pulling it off and examining it.

Seth-had some things to take care of. Cover for me and I'll call you later. –Ryan.

He crumpled up the note and sighed. Something was going on with his brother. He'd been elated to get back together with Summer last night, but he'd known that something was bothering Ryan when he didn't come home until after three am. Drunk.

Ryan Atwood did not drink.

Seth would cover for him, though. The parentals had been going through some drama lately and he wasn't going to throw this at them yet. He didn't even know if they were home yet. Ryan and Seth had made a pact a few weeks back to stay out of their way. They'd been signing each other's permission slips and stuff so they didn't have to bother the parents. He hated seeing the tension between his mom and dad but he had faith that they'd work it out.

Just like he'd worked things out with Summer. True love always found a way and he knew that his parents loved each other.

He got dressed and hurried down to the kitchen. His parents were nowhere to be found so he snagged a bagel and started his walk to school. Summer was going to meet him in the parking lot. They had a lot to discuss. He figured he'd see Ryan at school.

It didn't take him long to walk so he sat down on the stairs leading toward the school to wait.

"Seth?" Lindsay's voice startled him from his daydream.

"Hey, Lindsay. I hear you're a bona-fide family member now. Welcome to the craziness," Seth said with a smile.

"Thanks. Did you see Ryan last night?"

"He got home pretty late. Everything okay?" Seth asked. Ryan wasn't here to give him details so Lindsay was the next best thing.

"Well, today's my last day. I was hoping to spend some time with Ryan…"

"Your last day? Where are you going?"

"Chicago. My mom has family there and I'm going with her. I…I thought a lot about it and I don't really want to leave my mother for Caleb. It's not really fair to her when she's been around for sixteen years and Caleb's only been around for a few weeks. And…I love my mom, you know?"

Seth's mind was working a mile a minute. Lindsay was moving to Chicago. Ryan was being abandoned all over again after he'd put a lot of time and emotion into their relationship. And even though he understood Lindsay needing to go with her mother, he couldn't stop himself from hating her for hurting Ryan again.

"Seth?"

"Sorry. I don't know if Ryan's here yet or not, he left before I did this morning," Seth said honestly.

"I…I know you don't believe me…but I didn't mean to hurt him. I really care about him…"

"You don't have to tell me, Lindsay. It's between you and Ryan," he said, trying to be diplomatic. "You and I, we're related now so it doesn't really matter what I think."

"Seth…do you think he's upset?"

"What do you think, Lindsay?" Seth scoffed. "I mean, really. Do you think all the times he chased after you and talked to you on the phone and kissed you that it meant nothing to him? Did you even know him?"

Lindsay's eyes filled with tears and she hurried up the stairs toward the school.

"Damn, Cohen, what'd you say to her?"

"Nothing. Let's go inside," Seth said before planting a deep kiss on her lips.


Ryan found his bike chained to the same rack and was pleased to see it intact. He'd just dropped to his knees to start unchaining it when he heard his name.

"Ryan?"

The sun was bright in his eyes and he didn't recognize Alex until she stepped over him to block the sun.

"Alex, hey…"

"You're cutting school? What are you doing here? Isn't your dad's office right over there?"

Ryan hadn't seen Sandy's new office, he'd only heard about it in passing. He didn't even know where it was. He shrugged in response.

"Marissa said she saw you out pretty late last night. Everything all right?"

Ryan didn't want to question Alex's concern, they'd never had any reason to communicate. He shrugged.

"I'm only asking because you really look like hell. And from what I've heard, cutting class isn't really your thing."

"Thanks, Alex, I'm fine," Ryan said, finally getting his bike unlocked and standing up.

"Okay. What are you going to do the rest of the day? Marissa actually went to school for once and I'm bored," Alex said.

Ryan glanced at her for a split second. "Why are you being nice to me?"

"Why not?" Alex shrugged. "You're Marissa's friend, we should be friends, too."

"Sizing up the ex?" Ryan asked.

Alex smiled. "Exactly. Now, come on, it's almost lunchtime, and I'm feigning for a smoke."

"Smoke?" Ryan asked.

"Don't ask questions. Just walk," Alex grinned.


Marissa opened the door to her shared apartment with Alex and immediately started to choke from the smoke. Nicotine and marijuana assaulted her and she recognized Alex's giggle from the living room.

"Alex?" She was startled to see Alex and Ryan sitting on the couch surrounded by a haze of smoke.

"Hey, Marissa. School out already?" Alex flushed.

"Yeah, it's almost five," Marissa replied.

"Five? Oh shit, I have to go…" Ryan said suddenly, sitting up.

"What are you guys doing? Have you been here all day?" Marissa asked.

"We had a little smoke-out, Ryan here, is a weed connoisseur, and even though he swears he's reformed, he can roll a joint like the best of them," Alex laughed.

"Your girlfriend really knows how to cheer a guy up," Ryan smiled as he got to his feet.

"Yeah?" Marissa was studying Ryan carefully. She'd never known him to act like this. He even seemed relaxed.

"Thanks for today, Alex. I'll see you guys around," Ryan said, hurrying out of the apartment before Marissa could even offer him any Visine.

"Oh, don't look so worried. The boy needed to cut loose. He was wound tighter than a drum when I brought him over," Alex said.

"It's just not like Ryan to cut school and get high all day. What did you guys talk about?" Marissa asked, sitting down beside her.

"Nothing, really. We joked around, traded some delinquent stories, did you know he was in juvie? That's rough, my parents never let me go to juvie," Alex snorted. "He never did tell me what was bothering him, but I know you were worried about him so I decided to take him in for the day."

"Take him in for the day? Alex, something's obviously bothering him but you decided that instead of talking about it, you'd just get him high?"

"Why are you mad?" Alex snorted.

"Because…"

"What's good enough for you isn't good enough for Ryan?" Alex snapped. "You don't want me corrupting your little white knight?"

"No, Alex, I'm just worried about him. I'm the one who drinks away her problems, not Ryan. This is way out of character for him," Marissa protested.

"Well, from what I saw today, it isn't too far out of character. You can take the boy out of Chino…"

"Shut up. It's not funny. I better call Seth…" Marissa said.

"Don't get him busted. He's a big boy, Marissa. I think he knows what he's doing," Alex said, leaning over and capturing her lips for a kiss.


Ryan was grateful to see that the driveway was empty. Seth was probably out with Summer and the Cohens were off doing whatever they did after work. He was too stoned to really deal with them.

He still respected Sandy and Kirsten for taking him in and giving him a home, but he had to admit that he hated talking to them these days. They seemed to be going through the motions, asking the proper questions, but not really processing his answers. They had a lot on their minds but he hated the way that he'd fallen into such an unfeeling routine with them. It reminded him of his mother and the way he'd go out of his way to avoid a conversation with her.

He dropped the bike by the poolhouse and walked inside with a sigh. He needed to shower, to get the smell of smoke off him.

"Hey. I missed you today," Lindsay's voice startled him.

"Lindsay. Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked immediately.

"I've been waiting for you. I wanted to say goodbye and you didn't come to school today," she whispered. She was sitting nervously on the end of his bed.

"Sorry. I had some things to take care of…" he stammered.

"More important things than me, I guess," she sniffled, wiping tears from her face.

"No, Lindsay…" he started. He hated seeing girls cry but he seemed to be an expert at making them cry.

"I'm sorry that I'm leaving you, Ryan. I…I wish it was different, I wish that all of this was different…" Lindsay said suddenly, standing up and walking over to him. "I've never felt the way I feel about you and…this is really hard for me."

"I know, I know, Lindsay…" he responded, putting his arms around her automatically.

"I really don't want you to hate me…" she whispered, linking her hands behind him.

"I don't hate you…"

"Well, I'm leaving in a couple of hours…I was thinking that maybe we could…be together?" she whispered.

Ryan closed his eyes. A week ago, he'd have been fucking overjoyed. But not today.

"Kind of like our last hurrah?" Lindsay asked.

"I don't think so, Lindsay…" he replied. She pulled away.

"What?"

"I don't think we should," he admitted.

"But…neither one of us are virgins and I really want to…"

"You really want to," he stated flatly. "Now, the day that you're leaving, you want to have sex with me. No, Lindsay. No."

"Ryan…"

"No. We've had months together, Lindsay. Months. I'm not taking your pity fuck. I'm sorry. Excuse me," Ryan said coldly, pushing past her and going into the bathroom.

He splashed cold water on his face. His stupid hands were shaking. Lindsay fucking showing up here and saying that she wanted to spend time with him…dammit. Couldn't she see that he was already moving on? He had to forget about her, not drag out her exit.

He steadied himself and stepped out into the poolhouse again. Lindsay hadn't moved.

"I'm sorry," he said. He was sorry.

"No, you're right. It was a bad idea. Can you at least give me a hug before I leave?" Lindsay whispered.

He walked over and put his arms around her. Her hair smelled good. She smelled good. He missed her already.

"Bye. Maybe…maybe I'll email you?"

"Okay, Lindsay," he replied. "Have a safe trip."

She pulled out of his arms and left in a rush before he had to watch her cry again.


Seth walked in and found his parents in the same room for the first time in weeks. "Hi, guys. What's the special occasion?"

"Special occasion?" His mom asked.

"You and Dad, in the same room, not glaring at each other," Seth waved his hand. "You guys are even sitting within touching distance, I'm so proud," he teased.

"It hasn't been that bad," his Dad replied.

"So, is Ryan in here?" Seth asked.

"No, he left a little while ago. Must have a hot date with Lindsay," his father answered.

Seth opened his mouth to protest but stopped himself. "Have you seen Lindsay since the test results came back?"

"No. Why, is she upset?" Kirsten asked.

"No reason," Seth shrugged. "I'll be upstairs. But this whole getting along thing, it looks good on you."

They beamed at him as he hurried up the stairs. Clueless. His parents were clueless.

Ryan hadn't called him. He'd written on the note that he would call Seth and he hadn't called.

Seth was worried. He needed to find Ryan. Time for his personal life to go on the backburner for once. His brother needed him.

Now the question was, where would Ryan be? He needed to investigate. He changed quickly and went to the poolhouse, telling his parents that he'd forgotten something and needed the car.

He searched the poolhouse and finally found Ryan's jeans from the night before. He turned the pockets out and found a wet matchbook. The bar was only a few miles away and Ryan's bike was gone.

Seth Cohen had a place to start.


Ryan was on his fourth beer and sixth shot of tequila when someone sat down across from him in the booth.

"So. Anything you want to talk to me about?"

Seth's face was blurry and Ryan straightened up, trying to focus. He should have eaten more than cheetos at Alex's.

"Can I take you home?"

"Don't want to go home."

"Okay. How about I take you to the diner for coffee? And you can not talk to me there, what about that?" Seth asked.

"I'm fine here, Seth."

"No. You're not fine. And you know it. This isn't you…"

"Who am I, Seth? Because I really couldn't tell you anymore," he snapped. Damn, the alcohol was getting to him, he never snapped at Seth.

"Remember how shitty you felt dragging Marissa around? Are you really going to fight me on this?" Seth asked.

Ryan sighed. He finished his beer and his shot and gave Seth a nod. He didn't want Seth to have to baby-sit him. He wouldn't have come out if he'd known that Seth would be looking for him.

"Okay, man. I already put your bike in the Rover. Let's go…" Seth acted like he was going to put an arm around Ryan, but Ryan was steady. He didn't waver as he walked out of the bar into the parking lot.

Seth unlocked the passenger side door and Ryan obediently climbed in. Seth started the car moments later.

"So. What's with the drinking?" Seth asked.

"I just needed to clear my head."

"Okay. So, what's with the drinking? It doesn't exactly bring the clarity," Seth remarked.

Seth was right. And it wasn't making him forget about the mess in his life. It wasn't doing anything except making him more miserable.

"Ryan?"

"Sorry. It was stupid…"

"No, man, you have to give me more than that…" Seth lowered his voice. "I know that you don't drink so when I saw you last night, I should have known that you were upset. And then finding you at that shitty bar…I'm really worried about you, Ryan."

"I'm sorry. I…I'm over it. It won't happen again."

"Dude. What's going on?" Seth asked, urgently, as he parked the Rover in front of the diner.

"I can't just sum it up in twenty words or less, Seth…" Ryan sighed.

"I know. But will you try?" Seth asked.

"Let's go in. Did you tell your parents?" Ryan asked.

"No, man, I've got your back as long as this isn't a habit or anything. Where were you all day? You cut school, you're drunk for the second night in a row…and you didn't even tell me that Lindsay was moving to Chicago…"

"She was at the house tonight," Ryan said quietly.

"Yeah?" Seth asked, waving at the waitress to bring two coffees.

"Said she was sorry. Wanted a goodbye fuck…"

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. But I told her no. I don't want a goodbye fuck…"

"I'm sorry, man. I know…I know you really cared about her," Seth said.

"So, I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of ripping myself into pieces trying to please these girls, I'm tired of being the only one getting ditched…I'm tired of trying to have relationships and only getting screwed when they're leaving me…" Ryan said slowly.

"You went to bat with Grandpa for her…"

"I'm ready to go back to what I know. Where sex with someone doesn't mean that I'll ever have to see them again. Where throwing back a couple of beers doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic. Where cutting school doesn't mean I'm violating my probation…"

"Ah, the easy days of Chino," Seth scoffed. "What the hell are you even talking about?"

"Seth…"

"No, you're not reverting back to that, Ryan, I won't let you. You have such a good chance here, your grades are outrageous, you're on your way to a full scholarship and you…I know you're upset about Teresa, but you dodged a serious bullet. Why are you having this crisis of faith right now? Because of Lindsay?"

"I really liked her, Seth…she wasn't like Marissa…Marissa was the girl that I knew I could never have, she was beautiful and perfect…but Lindsay…she was smart and beautiful and…she liked me. She didn't date me because it made her mom angry, she didn't date me because I'm the bad boy from Chino, she dated me because she liked me. She thought I was smart and special and she didn't give a fuck about my past…but it's never enough, Seth. I'm never enough to make them stay…"

Ryan knew he'd said too much because of the stricken expression on Seth's face.

"I'm here for you, man. Anything you need. But I don't want you to flip out, okay? I couldn't handle it. We're a team. Now, drink your coffee. We have to get you sober before curfew."

"Curfew? You think your folks will be home?" Ryan asked, surprised.

"They seem to have reconciled."

"Thank god…I hung out with Alex today."

"What?" Seth asked, startled.

"She found me on the pier, invited me home. We spent the day getting wasted…"

"You were drinking all day?" Seth asked.

"Not exactly drinking…but it was nice to cut loose. She seems really nice. Not your type, though…" Ryan smiled slightly.

"What about Marissa's type?" Seth smirked.

"I don't know about all that," Ryan sighed.

"And last night…what did you do last night?"

"I hooked up with this woman down at the bar. You saw me when I got home," Ryan confessed.

"So, one-night stands and tequila shots are now a part of your repertoire?" Seth asked.

"No. You're right. I have too much to risk…"

"Ryan. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go home and sleep. I'm going to go to school tomorrow and turn in my homework. I'm going to take it one thing at a time," Ryan said slowly.

"Sounds like a plan. You ready?"

"Sure. Let's go."