A/N: you know the drill I don't own any of the characters

She' always been too good for me. I knew she was leaving I could feel it in my bones. That warm, happy, brownie's fresh out of the oven contentment that her presence use to wash over me is gone. I want so desperately to have it back but I am no longer a man to her I am a monster a horrible hurtful monster. Like any ADD kid worth their salt I live for breaking things and like everything else in my path I've broken her too. I guess she was broken long before I got to her but I don' think I helped. This girl is not my Paige that sniveling crying passive aggressive girl isn't the girl I fell in love with so I guess that's way I found it so easy to demolish the already cracked girl. She showed weakness a chink in her armor and I went in for the kill. I moved on before the blood turned red. She tries to pretend it doesn't phase her like she really is Barbie all plastic without emotion. She moved on to Mr. Oleander like she hadn't let go of the best thing in her life. I know she hadn't I wasn't what she needed .I was never what she needed but I need her completely and wholly. I can take everyone else's reticule and hatred but not hers as her gaze freeze me like the coldest wind I break at little more. I guess I am not the only one good at breaking things she broke me a little too. Every icy stare I get from her makes the crack a little bigger. It was her particularly cruel assessment of me today that has me drinking 151 by myself with my legs dangling from an extremely high bridge and every time I look down I think of another memory of her. It seems I can't go four feet without thinking of her or something related to her. Even as I sit here her voice rings through my head "why did I love you" I hear or "what did I see in you" or my personal favorite is "you never deserved me I was always too good" that one hurt the worst cause it was true. I think of her and happy cotton candy colored smiles and lilac scented memories are all that come to mind as much as I want to hate her like she hates me I can't she will always be the first girl that ever loved me back. Living without her seems less and less appealing. So I sit here and I drink to forget but all I am doing is remembering more and more of our lemonade, sunny, shiny days of love and music of smiles and laughter. Those days are gone now my days are filled with tart bitter taste of regret and shame of drinking to forget to stop hurting and in the end all I do is cause more pain and confusion. I can't forget and I can't bear to remember anymore. The drunker I get the less I can keep my balance I don't remember falling or hitting anything. All I remember does taste her strawberry tinted kiss on my lips and she's her smiling face with all her shiny pink and purple and yellows swirling around her face and then the red of pain then the black of sleep. Warm honey and strawberries brings hell on earth for me. And as I lay in this hospital bed hoping when I close my eyes she'll be there but she's not. She's off in all her glory not even thinking about me. My fall hurt less then her absence has inflicted but I guess you always hurt the ones you love and we must really love each other cause all we ever do is hurt each other.